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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Had lunch with my dad. He told me a hilarious story about some guy in some program at my brothers high school ignoring my dads email. So my dad calls up the school board president (who lives across the street from my dad) and tells him what's going on. Not surprisingly the guy emailed my dad back very quickly. That's how to swang the big dick fellas.

 

Napa get you some tonight. You deserve it.

 

That does sound hilarious!

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Holy shit you guys for real? That's what that means?!

 

I better make my bed when I get home then.

 

You joke now, but you'll regret it when she's telling a friend several months later that she was DTF, but you just wouldn't make a move.

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Are you adopted?

 

First off, what an ASS.

 

Secondly, don't talk to me like I'm adopted bro (entourage reference). It was just hard for me to act like my dad when he was busy acting like that. I more or less just stay quiet and do what he says. Hence law school and tax masters.

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It's napa the fatties hawk, cause he be puttin in work son.

 

I'd take a fatty right now. Napa you do what you wanna do and know that we love you. Know that we stand behind you. Know that we will make fun of you probably but only Ronny will be actually mean about it.

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Throw me a sports hypo.

 

You're 20 years old and haven't finished college. A magic genie tells you he can give you a 15 year professional sports career where you will make $100k each year (adjusted for inflation). No more, no less. After 15 years you're playing career is done. These are your options:

 

Professional surfer. Travel around the world to all the events. You're one of the best in the sport.

 

Some kind of X Games competitor. Same deal as the surfer.

 

Some kind of Olympic athlete. Your success is inversely proportionate to how popular the sport is. For example, if it's 100m dash, you're good enough to qualify for the finals, but will be finishing last. If it's a sport they show on MSNBC at 3 a.m. on tape delay, you'll get a gold.

 

Professional golfer or tennis player. You're good enough to earn $100k a year.

 

Major team sport player. You're the last guy on the bench.

 

 

First of all...would you take the deal? You'll be 35 when it's over without a college degree and probably not that much money saved up.

 

If you did, which would you choose?

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I take the deal, sit the bench on an nba team for 15 years, then go into broadcasting. Golf would be a good option but if I can't keep playing after the 15 years are up then it's out. Maybe I go into coaching after my nba days are up. Or a front office job. Assuming I'm still me, my intelligence will win our there despite no degree and I become the next dork Elvis. Boom.

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I don't see how you're parlaying a 12th man role into a broadcasting job.

 

But the front office thing is interesting. Since you know ahead of time that you'll always be just a 12th man, you can focus on learning as much as you can while you have inside access. At the very least, you can probably use your NBA resume to get a high school coaching gig somewhere.

 

I was kind of leaning toward being a surfer because that seems like it would be pretty awesome.

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surfer's a good one because I think 100k a year is a pretty high level surfer, especially if you last 15 years, so you're almost guaranteed a job with billabong or something afterwards. plus: pussy.

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surfer's a good one because I think 100k a year is a pretty high level surfer, especially if you last 15 years, so you're almost guaranteed a job with billabong or something afterwards. plus: pussy.

 

Yeah, I agree. And you're at a beach all the time.

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But once you stop surfing what kind of earning potential is there? I don't like that long term.

 

I hate when the boss is like I'm gonna swing by later and talk to you. Set up a time. Now I have to be at my desk all day and semi working. Can't go on espn because he will approach from the rear. Bad spot for me right now.

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Here's a fun hypothetical.

 

You're name is Shake and you work at Shakes job and live in his house and his life and you are shake and his stupid self. How long before you just give up and end it?

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