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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Hey, wait, didn't someone here recently find and possibly adopt a dog? How's that going?I hope it wasn't brv. That'd be awkward.
It was me. We found the little guy on the highway and brought him home to feed him and care for him. I put up found signs all over the place. Found the owner through my Craigslist ad and returned him about a week later.
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Well he can't say "my god", or someone would have to give him a talking to. And then a spanking.
Times I've said "Oh my God" or "Jesus Christ" in a flippant manner in my entire life? Less than 3 times, both by accident, followed by sadness.And I don't even think it's a huge deal. In fact, I think a Biblical scholar could make a great case that it's not sinful at all, since it's never mentioned in the New Testament.It's probably like a Texan with the whole "Yes, sir" "Yes, ma'am" thing. Engrained respect at an early age.
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i say 'jesus ****ing christ' all the goddamn time. and i do it in front of people who hate it - simply to annoy them.
One of my best friends in the entire world does this all the time. I laugh every single time. I'm fairly confident that he never says it if I'm not around, which makes it even funnier.
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damn is that all you've people got? nothing else to say? sa, are you a lawyer yet or what? beans, are you still alive? I didn't really understand the last story but I appreciate it anyways. yorke, you still like science and stuff? brv, how's jesus?

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damn is that all you've people got? nothing else to say? sa, are you a lawyer yet or what? beans, are you still alive? I didn't really understand the last story but I appreciate it anyways. yorke, you still like science and stuff? brv, how's jesus?
Come on, Man. You're from Virginia, you know how he is.
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Well he can't say "my god", or someone would have to give him a talking to. And then a spanking.
And then, the.....
You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
... goddammit, I hate that I'm not around during the day to be timely with this shit.
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beans, are you still alive? I didn't really understand the last story but I appreciate it anyways.
Yeah, present and accounted for...Its been a busy month or three. Im much like our friend mex... not much to add but feel obligated to ramble once in a while.The camping trip commences in the morning so stick close to twitter for the exciting details on that. Gonna be below Beaver lake dam close to eureka springs spending a few days poaching some trout and floating empties down river. My brotherinlaw is in and we plan on drinking, fishing, eating, and farting the entire time. Should be fun for us, not so much for the wivesMy idea of camping differs than most these days.... twin forty two inch lcds with diret tv satellite, fridge, microwave, full bath, etc. I stole another motor home last year and have been slowly adding more and more extras as time goes by. All I need now is a driver and itll be just like I never left homeIm just praying that a strong 3g signal is around as well...Keep the phone charged and refresh twitter often for the next several days. Youll be glad sorry ya did
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Come on, Man. You're from Virginia, you know how he is.
well from all the evidence I have he's busy checking facebook status updates to make sure people are reposting statuses about him.
The camping trip commences in the morning so stick close to twitter for the exciting details on that.
I am extremely envious. I haven't been camping in over a year, and instead of doing anything even resembling fun this weekend, I'll be sitting at home not eating because of that stupid re-test health check. add to that that it's going to be one of the nicest weekends all year, and one of my friends is having a birthday cookout party on saturday that I won't be able to attend, plus I've got to cut grass yet again, I'm going to be a sad panda. so I'm saying that I'm highly depending on the tweets.hmm, that reminds me, I got one of those jalopeno popper cooking tray things for christmas. damn, this weekend would have been a good time to try it out. god damn it. maybe I should stop buying so many pairs of shoes and just save my money for liposuction. this shit is bananas.
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And then, the........ goddammit, I hate that I'm not around during the day to be timely with this shit.
Hmm, jumping right to your line would've been better. That's why something something sickie awards.
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well from all the evidence I have he's busy checking facebook status updates to make sure people are reposting statuses about him.I am extremely envious. I haven't been camping in over a year, and instead of doing anything even resembling fun this weekend, I'll be sitting at home not eating because of that stupid re-test health check. add to that that it's going to be one of the nicest weekends all year, and one of my friends is having a birthday cookout party on saturday that I won't be able to attend, plus I've got to cut grass yet again, I'm going to be a sad panda. so I'm saying that I'm highly depending on the tweets.hmm, that reminds me, I got one of those jalopeno popper cooking tray things for christmas. damn, this weekend would have been a good time to try it out. god damn it. maybe I should stop buying so many pairs of shoes and just save my money for liposuction. this shit is bananas.
You used to be a tough and rugged camper, drove a big truck, drank beer, lived amongst the wild (inside and out). What happened? Now you drive a mamsy pansy car, shop at jcrew, afraid of spiders and women, won't go to a friends bbq because you are afraid of gaining a couple ounces.I think it's reevaluation time my friend.
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well I still have the truck, still drink beer, and my house certainly hasn't gotten any more enclosed, but yeah, I'm a much bigger pussy than I used to be. if it makes me look any better, you should know that I broke down this morning and ate a delicious muffin with my coffee. felt guilty ever since but it was good at the time.

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