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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I rememeber having to beg and plead with my mom to buy me "what the hell happened to me" when I was in like 4th grade because it had the parental advisory sticker on it. Listened to the shit out of that cd.

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Didn't figure that would stop you.
That's a fair point. It's my first rotation, I need some time to get my feet under me before I start throwing out poorly constructed references to now-obscure comedy tapes.
could really go for some mustard drizzle right about now, but I'm a little short on money...
It's free!
You guys've still got it.
got a date tonight.
Sounds awful.
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So...what are you wearing?
solid blue j crew button down. tan j crew shorts. blue new balance classics.
Sounds awful.
yeah i'd really rather not. best case scenario i get inside her and she leaves very dissapointed.
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me no likey the mustard.
What the **** is wrong with you?
solid blue j crew button down. tan j crew shorts. blue new balance classics.
This can't possibly be a good look.
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got a date tonight. she asked me in a text. i'm that attractive.
woohoo! I'm number 1 again!
solid blue j crew button down. tan j crew shorts. blue new balance classics.
shit. back in second.
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solid blue j crew button down. tan j crew shorts. blue new balance classics.yeah i'd really rather not. best case scenario i get inside her and she leaves very dissapointed.
Are you in a frat?
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taking from the silence that you're already knee deep. well done my man, well done.just watched a comedy special from russell brand. that guy is not funny.

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just watched a comedy special from russell brand. that guy is not funny.
Well, he is funny, but he's not a comedian. So I agree that his special wasn't funny, but I disagree that he isn't a funny person.
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solid blue j crew button down. tan j crew shorts. blue new balance classics.
good god. Don't be that guy. Wear something nice. Pants, a classy shoe. Dress for the girl you wanna bang, not the one you are banging. Or somethingShake, walked on the beach tonight, back to our hotel. Awesome area. If any of you fcks come to South FL, I suggest Deerfield Beach
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The involvement of a hot dog-ish thing doesn't necessarily make it phallic, you know.
"hot dog-ish thing" isn't nearly as funny. And, either way it's disgusting.Even with the free mustard drizzle.
good god. Don't be that guy. Wear something nice. Pants, a classy show. Dress for the girl you wanna bang, not the one you are banging. Or something
Concur. No wonder none of you singletons ever get laid.What is "mustard drizzle" anyway? Is that like the watery, yellowish, piss looking stuff that comes out of the squeeze bottle if you don't shakeit first? I hate when that happens.
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Well I've been back from Vegas just a couple days and I'm already jonesin for some action. Gambling of course. Ok, drinking as well. Can't slip nothin past you guys...Anyhoo... I'm hitting my new favorite track tomorrow under the guise of picking up some siding along the way. Unbelievably, I am actually getting some siding and it is along the way. The wife will be amazedAnyhooo-hoo... Post time is around twelve thirty central time. Probably six am sal time. Anyhoo de hoo hoo ha... I figure you guys can assist in the wagering since my selections either break a leg or have exactly one more than I do. So here's what we'll do. Ten or so minutes before post time for each race I'll tweet a pic of the selections. First responder to pick one and give the reason why gets my hard earned cash plopped down on the wager. I keep all winnings. You have the choice of reimbursing aboved mentioned cash on future glue factory choices. Nah... Just kidding. I'll eat them. The wagers, not the horses.Not until supper that night anyway Feel free to shoot the moon. Exactas, trifectas, quinellas, whatever...I fully expect to be overwhelmed with participants. Triple digits is my suspicion. I hope we don't crash twitter or something...and for the love of god please don't stay up all night in anticipation of the event. Turn in early and be fresh tomorrow. Limit yourselves to waking up just two neighbors with the news.

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Get off my nuts, Shake. I was quoting the Goz.
nobody knows who that is bro so I mean come on get bitches
Shake, walked on the beach tonight, back to our hotel. Awesome area. If any of you fcks come to South FL, I suggest Deerfield Beach
I could assume, but assuming never gets me anywhere, so I'll just go ahead and ask: hand holding?
I fully expect to be overwhelmed with participants. Triple digits is my suspicion. I hope we don't crash twitter or something
hope you didn't send this out to all the KC casino questionnaire recipients. internet couldn't take it.girl I know on facebook just posted a picture of herself that was so hot that I would fuck her. I know she has herpes, and I would still fuck her after this picture. it was a good picture.
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hope you didn't send this out to all the KC casino questionnaire recipients. internet couldn't take it.girl I know on facebook just posted a picture of herself that was so hot that I would fuck her. I know she has herpes, and I would still fuck her after this picture. it was a good picture.
No kidding...I've gotten several calls from the Travelocity gnome for info about casinos up there. Room accommodations, bottles of stuff in the bathrooms, slot hold percentages, drink service speed, etcI'm now considered an expert for testimony in Jackson county courts. Have to appear there next month for a dice sliding caseAll you need now is five more girls and a blindfold...Much better than a gun for Russian rouletteBy the way... They use double zero roulette wheels in the KC area
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The ol lady been out of town for the week. I have drank every night. I would most likely be an alcoholic if I were not married.That last sentence confused beans.Suited. Get some Son! What?

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This can't possibly be a good look.
oh yeah, well her tan skirt and navy blouse matched my outfit and she said i looked nice. so deal with my success. DEAL WITH IT.
good god. Don't be that guy. Wear something nice. Pants, a classy shoe. Dress for the girl you wanna bang, not the one you are banging. Or something
shoulda worn pants, i do admit.
Suited. Get some Son! What?
SHE TOUCHED IT.
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