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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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does this embassy suites have an omelet bar at the free breakfast? becuase i stayed at an embassy suites when i was a kid and you could get whatever you wanted in an omelet. i think my dad cried when we left.

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omg yes. free breakfast bar and Im at the free managers happy hour now. free beer. FANCY HOTEL SEE
Man, what I wouldn't give for free happy hour and free breakfast bar. I hope you don't have to actually work hard during the day.
they all are to me bud
Gold.
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how long is this #(insert anything) thing going to last? is there any hope i won't be driven beyond insanity by this for the next ten years. every single douchebag in the world and a lot of people who arent are using this goddamn thing. someone even busted it out in the middle of a facebook chat. this is not good for anyone. it's almost as bad as "LOL" -- #annoyed.

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how long is this #(insert anything) thing going to last? is there any hope i won't be driven beyond insanity by this for the next ten years. every single douchebag in the world and a lot of people who arent are using this goddamn thing. someone even busted it out in the middle of a facebook chat. this is not good for anyone. it's almost as bad as "LOL" -- #annoyed.
I don't know. #TwitterRTB#MustacheClub
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Hey, did this happen?

If there's a work stoppage in the NFL because the owners and players can't agree on how to split up their billions of dollars, are you going to stop watching football?
Yep.
Or does it not count because there were no games missed?
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how long is this #(insert anything) thing going to last? is there any hope i won't be driven beyond insanity by this for the next ten years. every single douchebag in the world and a lot of people who arent are using this goddamn thing. someone even busted it out in the middle of a facebook chat. this is not good for anyone. it's almost as bad as "LOL" -- #annoyed.
#ThatTimeOfTheMonth
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Stare at the + for about 20 seconds.97302_v2.gif<------------------------------------>What day is Christmas?What number comes between 10 and 12?What kind of meat is hamburger?Which side of the road do you drive on in England?Now QUICK! Think of a color and a tool!Red Hammer

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Oh. I mean, is that just because it's the first tool most people would come up with under any circumstances?
Yeah, most people will say red if you ask them for a color and hammer if you ask for a tool. But it has to be quick, first thing that pops in your head. It's similar to the Denmark/Kangaroo/Orange trick.
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