I Called In Sick Today

[El Guapo 8]

ranthemover

[Tactical Bear 3]

A while back someone I know killed himself and it ****ed me up pretty badly. I've been a walking disaster for a while, now, and I have pretty much refused to talk about it with anyone. Last night my best friend's kid brother walked into his mom's kitchen and stabbed himself in the chest four times. I was one of the first people one the scene. We sedated his mother, then spent the rest of the night cleaning up blood (to spare his mother) and putting together the fragments of kid's last few hours/days (to satisfy his brother's curiosity). Torn up lists, calenders, schedules. Since my friend killed himself earlier this year, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that scene from the Royal Tenenbaums. All the time. I'd never told anyone that. Then last night... I mean, he stabbed himself in the ****ing chest. Are you kidding me? I just needed to talk to someone, but it was late and I didn't want to wake anyone up. Right now, I'm going to eat a subway sandwich, drink a bottle of vodka, and think of something to say on Wednesday when I see all of his friends, and how I'm going to persuade KissyFace that it's not his fault. I mean, Oh God, his little brother.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I honestly didn't even anticipate anyone reading that stuff I wrote. I just had to say something to someone and I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't close my eyes.

[speedz99 145]

I guess there's not much to say. I'm pretty sure I can speak for all, ok, most (hi mdg), of us when I say that, although we don't get to "see" you anymore, we still love you as much as one can love an online forum friend. Try to keep your head up.

[ShakeZuma 585]

and I was gonna complain that my foot is kinda sore from running

[vbnautilus 48]

On the bright side, seems like you're not in prison. Speedz hit the nail on the head. Hang in there.

[speedz99 145]

and I was gonna complain that my foot is kinda sore from running

This still counts as complaining about that. I see right through your "was gonna" bullshit.

[brvheart 1,752]

Love you, Wang.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I guess there's not much to say. I'm pretty sure I can speak for all, ok, most (hi mdg), of us when I say that, although we don't get to "see" you anymore, we still love you as much as one can love an online forum friend. Try to keep your head up.

Thanks guys. I love you, too, in a kinda no-homo-but-actually-come-on-totally-homo way. And I specifically ordered my brother to single out Tim Wakefield and MDG when I told him to pop in here. I see he failed to mention the latter. Doubt not, MDG, my hatred for you still burns bright.

and I was gonna complain that my foot is kinda sore from running

Oh yeah well my SOUL IS FALLING APART. Sorry, I meant sole. I've been running a lot, too.

On the bright side, seems like you're not in prison.

Not currently, but soon. I snagged the Jalen Rose judge, and it's looking like that biatch is going to make me do 30 days. But, on a brighter note, it did my heart good to see you quote me in the Polling Place thread.

Love you, Wang.

(heart)I have no doubt that many of you would go to ridiculous lengths to help me if I asked, and that makes a difference in and of itself. Thanks, fools.Heart,Shimmering Wang

[Napa_Don 688]

The Jew nailed it, except I "love" you more than Shake does, but probably not as much as brv.

[Theraflu 1,035]

A while back someone I know killed himself and it ****ed me up pretty badly. I've been a walking disaster for a while, now, and I have pretty much refused to talk about it with anyone. Last night my best friend's kid brother walked into his mom's kitchen and stabbed himself in the chest four times. I was one of the first people one the scene. We sedated his mother, then spent the rest of the night cleaning up blood (to spare his mother) and putting together the fragments of kid's last few hours/days (to satisfy his brother's curiosity). Torn up lists, calenders, schedules. Since my friend killed himself earlier this year, I haven't been able to stop thinking about that scene from the Royal Tenenbaums. All the time. I'd never told anyone that. Then last night... I mean, he stabbed himself in the ****ing chest. Are you kidding me? I just needed to talk to someone, but it was late and I didn't want to wake anyone up. Right now, I'm going to eat a subway sandwich, drink a bottle of vodka, and think of something to say on Wednesday when I see all of his friends, and how I'm going to persuade KissyFace that it's not his fault. I mean, Oh God, his little brother.

Nope.howdoilemonjuicesomethingnotmean?

[speedz99 145]

Not currently, but soon. I snagged the Jalen Rose judge, and it's looking like that biatch is going to make me do 30 days.

Wait, what? I thought the "Wang going to jail" thing was just a bit. Like beans being an alcoholic or shake being destined to die alone.Ohhhh.

I have no doubt that many of you would go to ridiculous lengths to help me if I asked, and that makes a difference in and of itself. Thanks, fools.

I absolutely would. It's unfortunate that I'm totally busy that day with a prior engagement.

[Tiltinagain 973]

I'm not sure what one is supposed to say to someone that's been through what you have lately other than, I'm sorry.One of my daughters friends, who lived across the street from us until getting married a year before, killed herself last year. Almost sliced her head clean off with a butcher knife. I will never understand what must be going on in someone's head to think that killing themselves is the only way out. It is very sad to see the pain, guilt and confusion of the friends and family left behind.Again, I'm sorry for what you're going through. But it's good to "see" you again.All the best.(sorry brv)

[speedz99 145]

One of our professors, a soft tissue surgeon, killed herself last semester, two days before the final exam for her class (that she shared with a few other faculty members). It's interesting to see how people react to a suicide. Two somewhat funny and extremely awkward things happened in the aftermath:1. The professor who shared the class with her administered the final to us. He had gone fishing that weekend (the exam was on Monday), and when he put the powerpoint together the previous week (for the visual questions), he decided to add some sound effects in between slides to ease the exam-related tension. Unfortunately, due to the fishing trip, he decided to use the sound of the bell on a buoy (a "sea gong"), which sounded like the bells tolling for our late professor's death. The look on his face when he realized the honest mistake was priceless.2. For our next exam, a student put a jar on the table at the front of the class in order for us to give donations to a charity in our late professor's name. That class's professor arrived late, and upon seeing the jar with some cash, asked the class if that was a tip jar for him. The look on his face when someone whispered...holy shit, my dog just farted and it smells like hot rusty metal. Gross.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

We're here for ya, bro. And this is coming from the "featured member of the month," so you know it's gotta be sincere.

[speedz99 145]

We're here for ya, bro. And this is coming from the "featured member of the month," so you know it's gotta be sincere.

Fuck that shit. You know I'm sincere because I turned down being "featured member". I ain't no sellout.

[runthemover 39]

I don't even acknowledge months of the year

[Tactical Bear 3]

I can not believe I have never been a featured member. I remember thinking about that a long time ago, and deciding something like: "Well, I only post in OT-General. I'll make the occasional music or sports post, and I used to talk strategy a lot, but anything of value I've ever contributed has likely gone unread by 95+% of the FCP population, and half of the other 5% are people I accuse of crying truth-tears or being ultra-gay, self-fellating cowboy fans." Then I was over it.But now... (sad face. really sad. like, abouttocrybutnotyetcryingandobviouslytryingnottocry)

[Tactical Bear 3]

I'm currently in self-imposed quarantine, and when that ends early Wednesday, I likely won't be back for a while, but here's a thing:I recently spent two months developing a

. It's pretty good. Somebody showed me "Mark Whalberg Talks to Animals" a few days ago, so I'm working on that, now. The goal: By Halloween, go as Wahlberg-doing-Walken or Walken-being-Wahlberg.

[brvheart 1,752]

one

Oh, I almost forgot: you made a grammatical error, Idiot.

[brvheart 1,752]

I will never understand what must be going on in someone's head to think that killing themselves is the only way out. (sorry brv)

1. Depression2. I hate you.3. Re-Jeepstered.

[speedz99 145]

I recently spent two months developing a

. It's pretty good. Somebody showed me "Mark Whalberg Talks to Animals" a few days ago, so I'm working on that, now.

There was a whole thing with Wahlberg getting mad about the impression, or pretending to get mad about it, or something. He went on a latenight talk show and mentioned that he wanted to break Samberg's "big fucking nose", and mentioned the nose multiple times, which prompted awkward talk of anti-semitism in the entertainment press. Then there was a horribly unfunny SNL sketch with the two of them together.What I'm saying is...I guess just that I'm surprised you'd never seen it before. I happen to love the original sketch, and thought the aftermath was annoying.Good news: I have nothing going on tomorrow. So if you're really around until Wednesday morning, we can rock this place like it's 2007.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I feel like beig supportive but due to being an emotional black hole, and also being on my iPhone due to my normal internet being out of service, I'm just going to say, I'm possibly going to turn down a job at the equivalent of the Overlook hotel, complete with being isolated in the mountains while the hotel is closed for 6 months and living onsite with my family. No word if they have a boiler problem or a topiary. Also, I don't have a drinking problem, but if I don't get a job (and associated paycheque) soon, I may.

[Tactical Bear 3]

There was a whole thing with Wahlberg getting mad about the impression, or pretending to get mad about it, or something. He went on a latenight talk show and mentioned that he wanted to break Samberg's "big fucking nose", and mentioned the nose multiple times, which prompted awkward talk of anti-semitism in the entertainment press. Then there was a horribly unfunny SNL sketch with the two of them together.What I'm saying is...I guess just that I'm surprised you'd never seen it before. I happen to love the original sketch, and thought the aftermath was annoying.Good news: I have nothing going on tomorrow. So if you're really around until Wednesday morning, we can rock this place like it's 2007.

I was totally clueless at the time. A friend of mine said, "Hey chicken howsithangin? A lottapeoplewannaeatyoubut I just wannatalktoyou okay?" I've since seen the Wahlberg-SNL-backstage-skit shit, but I never saw the aforementioned WahlbergRampage. I just -- and I mean just, like, within the last few weeks -- started watching Community and Parks and Recreation. Both shows are good, but I'm years late. I was just going through some of my old FCP posts, trying to decide on what I'd consider using if I ever write a book, and I really, really struggled. Oddly, the things I like are usually small things, like when I told all those cowboys fans that I'd tell them so, then proceeded to tell them so; or, my personal favorite, the Kurt sucks his own penis thread. There were a few things I said to Wakefield I thought were worthy of reading, but I forgot where they were. I have started writing again, and I want to put some stuff together, so if any of you can think of anything -- posts, threads, whatever -- you think I should remember and use, I'd love to rediscover them.Anyway. Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

[Tiltinagain 973]

1. Depression2. I hate you.3. Re-Jeepstered.

This absolutely made my day!