I Called In Sick Today

[ShakeZuma 586]

boy we sure do love talking about RAPE!

[speedz99 145]

The best part was we had a strong buy as the recommendation (based on his formula, which he never shared btw) and now that stock is worth almost nothing. I hope he lost a ton on it.

So maybe you did deserve a B?

She hasn't thought that all the way through.She probably made eye contact with some great looking guy in some random place, he reciprocated 'subtle interest cues' then they parted ways... She thinks to herself "Man, I wish I lived back when men bent over any woman they wanted, right on the spot..." without bothering to consider the 400 pound dude she wasn't paying any attention to might have been the one to grab her first... and yeah, she'll get impregnated all right but first, he wants his asshole licked.

Yeah, but after the surgery you'll be down to half that much!

[hank213 1,824]

holy shit hank you're 39 years old?!?! jesus christ man!

ouch.

haha, hank's an old bastard.

GET OFF MY LAWN

Before you know it he will be proposing to a stripper while flashing a wad of Benjamins ...or at least wrap a Ben around a wad a singles during the negotiations

done and done

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

She hasn't thought that all the way through.She probably made eye contact with some great looking guy in some random place, he reciprocated 'subtle interest cues' then they parted ways... She thinks to herself "Man, I wish I lived back when men bent over any woman they wanted, right on the spot..." without bothering to consider the 400 pound dude she wasn't paying any attention to might have been the one to grab her first... and yeah, she'll get impregnated all right but first, he wants his asshole licked.

ordinarily I'd agree but with Bree I'm not so sure.

[brvheart 1,768]

Mark Cuban narrates a bunch of pictures Deadspin found on his Google+ account that he didn't know were public.

[AmScray 354]

Yeah, 400 pount men are like velociraptors. It's not the one 400 pound man you should be worried about, it's the two from the side that you didn't even know were there.

[ShakeZuma 586]

so I just cut down a tree with my truck and my canoe straps. out-redneck THAT shit beans!

[Roll the Bones 74]

Yeah, 400 pount men are like velociraptors. It's not the one 400 pound man you should be worried about, it's the two from the side that you didn't even know were there.

Now that, that was good.Oh hell. I'm bored. So the step-daughter has become a lazy broke no account loser since graduating from nursing school a couple weeks ago. No job and sleeps all day and the sounds of her mother not being to happy about it can be heard a few states away at times. So K at the urging of her mother was going to cut grass for me. To do so, she had to put gas in it, but unfortunately of the two possible openings to fill it she chose the one that say OIL. FCK ME.So I drained the oil and gas and let it sit, then refilled it and eventually got it running but it sounded pretty bad. I honestly have been doing so many other things I didn't want to mess with it, though I figured it simply needed a filter so I took it to a local ACE/Moe's equipent joint up the road. Nice newer place been open about a year but I'd never set foot in it. I rolled in at 8:30 in the morning to drop it off. How long would you expect it to take to drop a mower off for service when you are the only customer in the store? 10 Minutes? 15? 20? Try 40 goddam minutes. It was nuts. Half dozen employees moseying around doing nothing, which I can appreciate, but C'mon! The service manager grabs some new kid to check me in and I tell ya, the job was way above him. He was having trouble with things like "numbers" and "the computer" and after fiddling with it endlessly admitted he didn't know how to "print". I finally had to kindly tell him to figure it out or get someone because I was late for work. So he gets it printed and I have to go now to the cashier to pay for half or something. This is where I learned that no one knows how to work the computers apparently. So, as I am about ready to blow a gasket they figure it out and I'm on my way. Four hours later I get a cal that it's ready. Cool.So, the next morning I leave really early to go pick it up knowing how computer challenged everyone is there. I hand the service guy my slip and he only fumbles for about 5 minutes before he figured it out and went off intot he back in search of mower. About ten minutes later after gawking at all the Made for TV items (junk) that would be great in a BeansInfoStore I figured I better start heading to the front to deal with the checkout line, of which I am the only customer again. Old guy fumbles and fumbles and can't find it in the system despite the bill being in front of him so he calls for a manager who helps him out. Oh, when I checked the lawnmower in and explained the situation to the service manager he suggested the $95 (special) that would tune-up, adjust the power drive (cable), balance and sharpen the blade and give me a blow job for ONE LOW PRICE! Total rippoff but whatever, do it. So I left a $60 deposit and had a $50 bill stretched out to pay when guy says, it's One hundred and ten dollars and 85 cents. "Ummm, no, you didn't take the $60 deposit off". Calls manager, more time goes by, and they inspect it all and come back and assure me the bill is correct. WTF? I ask to see the manager and they tell me he left. There is no one else that can do anything so I paid and left. For now. I asked them to have him call me and he didn't. I called the next morning and got a hold of him but though he couldn't figure out why they charged me that amount, he was sorry, the service manager said it was correct. As I was getting upset he apologized and basically hung up on me. You guys know this isn't going to end well.So the next evening on the way home from work I stopped in with bill in hand and got in the checkout line. When it got to me I asked the old guy cashier to give me $60 telling him they overcharged me. He got one of those "* *" looks and said I'd have to talk to the manager and step to the side and he'd page him. I informed him that I knew of that trick and would kindly wait where I was. He told me he had other customers and I told him I was there first. He could simply give me my money and solve the issue. (We've been down this road before!)Manager finally came and I explained the total dissatisfaction I was having with his store, there computer illiterate lazy help and was mostly wanting to get my $60 and wash my hands of the place and him. I did this kindly with a big ol' smile as well. He kept insisting I come out of the line so others could pay and I kept saying, okay, first give me my $60 that you overcharged. (haha). He leaves and gets the service manager to come talk to me and another person to open a line to let the half dozen antsy onlookers get out of the store, then dissapears. This prompted me to menton loudly to alot of customers to be careful what you buy, because if you have a problem the manager hides from you and won't help you. He only wants your money. Oh, and be careful because they will randomly overcharge you $60 with no explanation.The service manager apparently understands the bill, because the store manager couldn't. "We musta done some other stuff to it". Orly? I explained the problem to you personally and agreed to pay you $95 to change the filter and sharpen the blade, and even if it did need something else, it's only a year old and took you under an hour to do, you should have called and asked me because I would have said no. No where on the bill is there a $95 service special listed or any explanation of what the labor amount was for? You can't even explain to me why you are charging me all this money but expect me to pay it? And I only brought it here because I didn't have the time to mess with it, but FORTY MINUTES to drop it off, FORTY MINUTES tpick it up, and another HALF HOUR so far to get the money you overcharged me. I am getting pretty loud and snotty at this point and he told me to calm down or he would.... I said, "I am the nicest guy you'll ever meet. It takes an extreme amount of incompetence to piss me off. If I was like Angry Steve he'd have blown a gasket and beans would have initiated an entire "Destroy Moe's business" counter insurgency model by now but I just want my Goddam $60 bucks, so I can leave and never come back! eye contact ! double eye contact !! and so you know I tip $20 for terrible service so if this experience was remotely near that good I would tell you to keep the damn money! He closes the line, tells the cashier to go away and walks away from me. Really.I go get in the other line. "I want to see the owner".Manager and service manager come up and the manager grabs sixty bucks and thrusts it at me and tells me to leave. I take it, but tell him I've changed my mind. I want the whole amount back since they have all been jerks to me and an apology from the owner. I want to see Moe! hahahahaIt kind got kind of ugly but I eventually left after making quite the scene. On retrospect I wish I had thrown a twenty at the manager and told him to buy a clue but oh well. I can still leave messages for Moe every day.

[Dawson Leery 12]

Mark Cuban narrates a bunch of pictures Deadspin found on his Google+ account that he didn't know were public.

He must have gone to a fun school

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

He must have gone to a fun school

He was going to go to law school but then a bunch of ruggers convinced him to go to a rugby school instead.

[AmScray 354]

He was going to go to law school but then a bunch of ruggers convinced him to go to a rugby school instead.

What kind of school does one wind up in if they're convinced to attend by Riggers?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

What kind of school does one wind up in if they're convinced to attend by Riggers?

Starford

[brvheart 1,768]

[speedz99 145]

Boob grab during MLB broadcast.Clearly the best part of this is the play-by-play guy sounding extremely strained while trying to stay serious, while the color guy is giggling in the background. They've been a team for a long time and call a great game.

[Theraflu 1,047]

Boob grab during MLB broadcast.Clearly the best part of this is the play-by-play guy sounding extremely strained while trying to stay serious, while the color guy is giggling in the background. They've been a team for a long time and call a great game.

I think they suck and I hate the giggling more than almost anything in any other baseball broadcast.

[speedz99 145]

I think they suck and I hate the giggling more than almost anything in any other baseball broadcast.

Oh, I like to be entertained during the most boring sport to watch on tv.

[ShakeZuma 586]

I gots me a sunburn. sexy, sexy sunburn.

[timwakefield 69]

I think they suck and I hate the giggling more than almost anything in any other baseball broadcast.

You think Remy and Orsillo suck? How is that even possible? Remy is one of the best color commentators I've ever heard, always coming with the insightful and pertinent facts and ideas.Also, thanks for the video speedz. Remy does always laugh like a 12 year old at anything slightly rude or dirty, but it's endearing and entertaining. And fairly rare.

[brvheart 1,768]

Boob grab during MLB broadcast.Clearly the best part of this is the play-by-play guy sounding extremely strained while trying to stay serious, while the color guy is giggling in the background. They've been a team for a long time and call a great game.

I love how long the video is, it was very funny the whole time.

[Theraflu 1,047]

You think Remy and Orsillo suck? How is that even possible? Remy is one of the best color commentators I've ever heard, always coming with the insightful and pertinent facts and ideas.Also, thanks for the video speedz. Remy does always laugh like a 12 year old at anything slightly rude or dirty, but it's endearing and entertaining. And fairly rare.

I dislike them quite a bit. Are they capable of doing a good job? Certainly. But they spend a quarter of every broadcast talking about inane things and giggling like children over them. In the case of the boob-grabbing, its warranted. When its some asinine off-topic comment about Wally that gets Jerry onto one of his cigarette-addled wheezing coughs for minutes at a time while D.O. stifles chortles through terrible play-by-play because he can't think straight at the moment, I hate it.That fucking air-guitar really sent me past the edge last year.

[SBriand 4]

I shook hands and had a small conversation with Josh Lyman on Saturday night in Ann Arbor. It was cool.

[Dawson Leery 12]

I shook hands and had a small conversation with Josh Lyman on Saturday night in Ann Arbor. It was cool.

Did you refer to him as Josh Lyman?That would be pretty cool - I'm pretty jealous.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Im going to bed now since Ive been asked to participate in a parade tomorrow morning....WHAT?

Yep.

Oh, I like to be entertained during the most boring sport to watch on tv.

I think baseball announcers should spend very little time actually talking about what's happening in the game. Just tell stories or talk about whatever the hot topics in baseball/sports/society are. The boob grab clip was funny.

[SBriand 4]

Did you refer to him as Josh Lyman?That would be pretty cool - I'm pretty jealous.

Yes, I did. Crosspost!

Liz and I went to Ann Arbor for dinner at Zimmerman's (awesome deli) and then to a friends house for desert on Saturday. As we were waiting in line to place our order Liz elbows me and I look up and Bradley Whitford, aka Josh Lyman from West Wing, is walking past us. Liz looooooooooves Bradley. Not 3 weeks ago she said that we needed to find out where he was shooting his new movie so she could meet him. Well here was her chance.So we place our order and head to the register to pay and he in front of us at the register. He turns around and I pretend to do a double take and then we have the following conversation:Me: Whoa, Josh Lyman! Bradley: Heh, how are you doing.Me: Sorry, sorry, just a huge fan Mr. Whitford.Bradley: ahh thanks (holds out hand to shake)Me: (Shaking his hand) Are you shooting something out here?Bradley: In Detroit actually. You get a lot of movie shoots out here in Ann Arbor?Me: (stupidly) I have no idea, I am from Detroit and pretty much came up here for a sandwich. :facepalm:Bradley's GF: Do you know where *some store* is?This whole time Liz has just sat there staring at Bradley completely star struck. I go to pay my bill and she responds to his gf's question and gives her directions. So through all of that she never said a word to one of her favorite actors. Hilarious.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

Yes, I did. Crosspost!

Did he get the chips?