I Called In Sick Today

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Sounds like somebody needs to be told to take it to the Dear Nikki thread.(LadyGrey)

[ShakeZuma 585]

oh I forgot to mention that yesterday I was cruising down the BEACH road in my new accord with the windows down listening to toro y moi and smelling like abercrombie cologne. SWAG

[brvheart 1,759]

I bet brvheart did all KINDS of jesusy stuff today

Actually, I kind-of skipped church on Sunday. I think it's the first time I've missed since December.

Hey, you know what I found out today? Apparently all of JC's lectures and miracles and crap were done before he died, and when he (allegedly) came back to life he was only seen by his inner circle and maybe a few stragglers before heading up into heaven. I guess I always assumed that he was all over the map after he was resurrected, because, I mean, who would believe the story beyond a shadow of a doubt if it was only coming from his best friends, who clearly had the most to gain from him being considered a god. And yet, this seems to be the case. It's only a step away from the Joseph Smith thing. Faith is funny.

This is only partially true, but it was somewhat by design. He appeared to around 500 people according to I Corinthians 15, but the fact that he was only on Earth 40 days after the resurrection is common knowledge. Apparently he used the time to train the disciples/apostles. Also, the real issue that needs to be looked at is how the "rumor" that Jesus was resurrected in the first place got started. The Jews [the leadership] were very worried that the disciples would steal Jesus' body, and then claim that he was resurrected, since it was common knowledge that Jesus claimed he would rise from the dead. So they convinced Rome to post soldiers at the tomb to ensure it didn't happen. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a few lookouts also, and yet the body was gone on Sunday morning. If they had been able to secure Jesus in the tomb, Christianity would have died a quick death. And the establishment knew that.

[brvheart 1,759]

oh I forgot to mention that yesterday I was cruising down the BEACH road in my new accord with the windows down listening to toro y moi and smelling like abercrombie cologne. SWAG

I'm sad that there isn't a beach within 1,500 miles of me.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

I'm sad that there isn't a beach within 1,500 miles of me.

Move to a real city you piece of shit.

[ShakeZuma 585]

I'm sad that there isn't a beach within 1,500 miles of me.

I was thinking about this on the way back. I just cannot comprehend how people could live in the midwest. I mean there aren't any beaches, mountains, fuck, there isn't ANYTHING any closer than 12 hours away. nothing but medium sized cities and corn. that would just suck so, so hard.

[speedz99 145]

This is only partially true, but it was somewhat by design. He appeared to around 500 people according to I Corinthians 15, but the fact that he was only on Earth 40 days after the resurrection is common knowledge. Apparently he used the time to train the disciples/apostles. Also, the real issue that needs to be looked at is how the "rumor" that Jesus was resurrected in the first place got started. The Jews [the leadership] were very worried that the disciples would steal Jesus' body, and then claim that he was resurrected, since it was common knowledge that Jesus claimed he would rise from the dead. So they convinced Rome to post soldiers at the tomb to ensure it didn't happen. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a few lookouts also, and yet the body was gone on Sunday morning. If they had been able to secure Jesus in the tomb, Christianity would have died a quick death. And the establishment knew that.

I suppose that if you believe that everything in the accounts written by his closest followers is 100% historical fact, this is accurate, so I won't bother arguing about it.

I was thinking about this on the way back. I just cannot comprehend how people could live in the midwest. I mean there aren't any beaches, mountains, fuck, there isn't ANYTHING any closer than 12 hours away. nothing but medium sized cities and corn. that would just suck so, so hard.

Yeah, but corn is, like, super awesome. Think of how much stuff you make with it!

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

I suppose that if you believe that everything in the accounts written by his closest followers is 100% historical fact, this is accurate, so I won't bother arguing about it.

So then I guess it wouldn't have mattered if the Bible said that it was witnessed by a million people.

[speedz99 145]

So then I guess it wouldn't have mattered if the Bible said that it was witnessed by a million people.

Not if none of those million people (who, unlike the apostles (or whatever they're called), would have had no incentive to lie or stretch the truth) wrote an account of it, no.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Not if none of those million people (who, unlike the apostles (or whatever they're called), would have had no incentive to lie or stretch the truth) wrote an account of it, no.

I'm not even sure what exactly we're talking about.In my defense, I saw a woman brushing her teeth for no less than 10 minutes in her car on the freeway this morning and I'm still a little flustered.

[speedz99 145]

I'm not even sure what exactly we're talking about.

You were asking me how many people seeing Jesus would make me believe he was resurrected. I'm saying that (for me) the number is, in the end, irrelevant, if none of them wrote about it besides his close lieutenants. I originally brought it up because I was (incorrectly) told that the bible says only a few people saw him after he came back, which I found funny. Now that I know that's not true, it's not funny anymore. To me.

In my defense, I saw a woman brushing her teeth for no less than 10 minutes in her car on the freeway this morning and I'm still a little flustered.

That's bad for your gums. Or, her gums.

[brvheart 1,759]

I suppose that if you believe that everything in the accounts written by his closest followers is 100% historical fact, this is accurate, so I won't bother arguing about it.

I wasn't at all trying to argue it with you, just explaining what had you perplexed. (probably not the correct word)I agree that I am definitely giving you the answer from the Bible, which is circular, but I'm not trying to argue the historical reason it's true based on the Bible. I'm just explaining what the Bible said about it.Also, just for the record, the Bible makes pretty much all of the important players look really really bad, except for Jesus. AdamMosesDavidSolomonPeterJohnLukeMatthewetc etcall make terrible decisions and question things all the time. Even to God himself, in the case of Moses. It's very interesting that these guys would write this stuff about themselves, when someone like Joseph Smith, who was just making everything up, did the exact opposite.History of the Mormon Church, volume 6, page 409-410:"Come on! ye prosecutors! ye false swearers! All Hell, boil over! Ye burning mountains, roll down your lava! for I will come out on the top at last. I have more to boast of than any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, no Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet."

In my defense, I saw a woman brushing her teeth for no less than 10 minutes in her car on the freeway this morning and I'm still a little flustered.

With toothpaste?

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

With toothpaste?

Obviously I'm not 100% sure on this, but it looked like a dry run to me.

[brvheart 1,759]

I was (incorrectly) told that the bible says only a few people saw him after he came back, which I found funny.

Well, 500 is still relatively few, so it could still be funny for you.

[speedz99 145]

I wasn't at all trying to argue it with you, just explain what had you perplexed. (probably not the correct word)I agree that I am definitely giving you the answer from the Bible, which is circular, but I'm not trying to argue the historical reason it's true based on the Bible. I just explaining what the Bible said about it.

Yup, which is why I'm good with your answer.

Also, just for the record, the Bible makes pretty much all of the important players look really really bad, except for Jesus. all make terrible decisions and question things all the time. Even to God himself, in the case of Moses. It's very interesting that these guys would write this stuff about themselves

Heh, I'm not quite sure that "really bad" is an accurate way to describe how most of the major players come across. How about "mildly flawed just enough to deserve some form of punishment"?Edit: But yes, it's nice they didn't try to portray themselves as perfect (for the ones who chronicled the...yada yada yada).

, when someone like Joseph Smith, who was just making everything up, did the exact opposite."Come on! ye prosecutors! ye false swearers! All Hell, boil over! Ye burning mountains, roll down your lava! for I will come out on the top at last. I have more to boast of than any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, no Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet."

Heh. It's kind of sad...the guy had a legitimate mental illness (I'd assume), and yet people still love the shit out of him. Funny stuff.

Obviously I'm not 100% sure on this, but it looked like a dry run to me.

That's disturbing...how was her form? Was she going in circles like you're supposed to? Inquiring minds want to know.

[speedz99 145]

Well, 500 is still relatively few, so it could still be funny for you.

Nah, it's only funny if it's basically an admission that only the top dudes got to see him (like only Joseph Smith got to see the tablets). The claim that a lot of others saw him as well ruins it for me. Thanks though.

[Roll the Bones 74]

I'll try to email him less.

haha

oh I forgot to mention that yesterday I was cruising down the BEACH road in my new accord with the windows down listening to toro y moi and smelling like abercrombie cologne. SWAG

Damn, now if you only had a girlfriend that you could ignore while playing with your iphone you would really be the shiznit!

[LadyGrey 6]

Sounds like somebody needs to be told to take it to the Dear Nikki thread.(LadyGrey)

All right, I won't share any more.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

That's disturbing...how was her form? Was she going in circles like you're supposed to? Inquiring minds want to know.

I'm not sure, but she was periodically checking her teeth in the rearview mirror. It was rush hour traffic and she was in the lane next to me, so I would pass her and then a couple minutes later she would pass me, etc., and every time we passed each other she was brushing her teeth.

All right, I won't share any more.

I was obviously just teasing and would never discourage such sharing.

[vbnautilus 48]

If they had been able to secure Jesus in the tomb, Christianity would have died a quick death. And the establishment knew that.

You vastly underestimate how hard it is to kill a conspiracy theory. Even if the body was still there, people would have claimed it was gone. So really, the current state of rumor is indistinguishable from the one in which jesus's body sat there rotting for several weeks. If you watch as much Law and Order as I do, you know that people have a hard time giving consistent testimony on what happened two weeks ago in broad daylight. There is simply no way anyone knows what happened thousands of years ago based on eyewitness testimony. There are some really great psychology experiments on how unreliable eyewitnesses are. People are very confident in what they saw, even though everyone saw something different.

[qyayqi 11]

I'm not sure, but she was periodically checking her teeth in the rearview mirror. It was rush hour traffic and she was in the lane next to me, so I would pass her and then a couple minutes later she would pass me, etc., and every time we passed each other she was brushing her teeth.

semen is notoriously difficult to get out from between one's teeth.

[ajs510 122]

semen is notoriously difficult to get out from between one's teeth.

Sigworthy, imo.

[speedz99 145]

semen is notoriously difficult to get out from between one's teeth.

Excellent.

[Roll the Bones 74]

Nah, it's only funny if it's basically an admission that only the top dudes got to see him (like only Joseph Smith got to see the tablets). The claim that a lot of others saw him as well ruins it for me. Thanks though.

This calls for an Easter Quiz! :offtoreligonforumtostartthreadface:

[Dawson Leery 12]

I was thinking about this on the way back. I just cannot comprehend how people could live in the midwest. I mean there aren't any beaches, mountains, fuck, there isn't ANYTHING any closer than 12 hours away. nothing but medium sized cities and corn. that would just suck so, so hard.

Chicago doesn't have any beaches at all.BTW the long white building that looks like a boat right on the beach is a bar. On Saturdays in the summer it's better than spring break.