I Called In Sick Today

[El Guapo 8]

Speaking of Wang's tomfoolery, there seems to be some very large gaps in his relationship (well at least from what he has shared). Can someone please buy him a computer?

[CaneBrain 95]

Edit: Oh yeah, Cane, you lost that argument. It's ok to admit it; it wasn't an argument about anything substantive.

What should I do? Should I admit I lost the argument? Should I suggest that maybe I lost but you didn't really win? Should I never admit anything? Should I point out that we were right about indefinite and what it means? Should I stop ripping off South Park? What should I do?

[speedz99 145]

VB you never told me Speedz was at your wedding.

What can I say; I'm a friend to all races, colors, and creeds.

I would totally do it if I knew how. And it was a good story. But the whole time I was thinking: dance-offs? Much like everything in Wang's life, I didn't know that actually happened for reals.

Oh, they happen. In my experience they're done somewhat ironically (although I hate the way people call everything "ironic" these days...it's very hipster), but people still get pretty into it.

Speaking of Wang's tomfoolery, there seems to be some very large gaps in his relationship (well at least from what he has shared). Can someone please buy him a computer?

He doesn't write about relationships when they're going well. It's understandable...very few legitimately funny stories come out of that kind of thing.

[El Guapo 8]

If I were at a party with your buddy, I would start the dance off by doing the Dougie, then maybe a little tootsie roll, mixed in with some Humpty Dance, and once I had earned his respect we would simultaneously go into a perfect kid n play kick-step, followed by both jumping over our hands holding our feet. Then we would get the whole audience to do the Thriller Dance with us.

[LadyGrey 6]

It's the guy on the right and his shocked/joyfull face that really slays me. I was wondering if someone could do me a huge favor, and I of course can try to return said favor in some way now or in the future. I'd love to have some photoshopped pictures of the guy on the right at famous events...I'm not feeling creative at the moment, but you probably know what I'm going for. Him in the famous picture of Ali standing over Foreman, him at the falling of the Berlin wall, etc. And, I guess, maybe a few photoshops of the guy on the left looking miserable at other famous events. I really should be more specific here, but again, I'm really fucking hung over and my brain isn't working so well. I just feel like there's some really good potential for humor here.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

I liked the 2nd one.

[speedz99 145]

inappropriate pictures

Awesome, thank you. I don't recognize the second one, what's it of?Edit: Unfortunately, I don't think I can use the third. He's from NYC, and...you know.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

I have 500 pages of student writing to grade. That is to say, the length of an epic book, the quality of freshman writing. Must finish by Monday.So I really needed to catch up on the last five or six pages -- laughs, wtfs, praetors, general brilliance, etc.Thanks, guys.Count me in for the secret santa. Who's taking info for that again?

[speedz99 145]

Count me in for the secret santa. Who's taking info for that again?

The most jubilant and lanky of all us lads.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Speedz, have LG put TOO SOON across it in big, red letters. Probably bottom left corner to top right. That'll take the edge off.

[LadyGrey 6]

Awesome, thank you. I don't recognize the second one, what's it of?Edit: Unfortunately, I don't think I can use the third. He's from NYC, and...you know.

Just a good old execution. Serbs vs Austrians or something, I forget now. I googled execution, I think.The NYC one was my tribute to Turd.I just looked up some lynching pictures to replace the 9/11 but couldn't do it. Couldn't do Holocaust either.

Speedz, have LG put TOO SOON across it in big, red letters. Probably bottom left corner to top right. That'll take the edge off.

You know how to do that, lazy.

[speedz99 145]

It'd be funny if the "TOO SOON" looked like it was stamped on the pictures. You know, block lettering with a box around it. What do you think, maybe?

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

You know how to do that, lazy.

I can't make it go diagonal.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

It'd be funny if the "TOO SOON" looked like it was stamped on the pictures. You know, block lettering with a box around it. What do you think, maybe?

Yeah, exactly.I can't do that either though. You know, because of the diagonal.

[ShakeZuma 585]

So was my take on the subject so comprehensive that nobody wants to argue with me? Because I was hoping someone would want to argue with me. Sometimes being right all the time has its* downside.

oh no, you were completely wrong, I just wasn't around yet. it's wave pool, by a huge margin. secret grotto would be cool but I'd drown trying to swim to it all drunk within the first couple of tries.

*it's? I get confused with that...seems like a possessive thing, but I'm also pretty sure that the contraction is incorrect. Help?

and I was going to call you a MORAN for not knowing this, but...

But isn't it a possessive thing? Like, you know, "Shake's baby mamma" or "Shakey's rotting house" or "ShakeZuma's giant dong"? Is "its" the exception to that rule?

a shout-out is always appreciated.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-zucker...i_b_780668.html

looks good to me!

Jenny's ex-boyfriend has nude photographs, and a full-length home-made pornographic video of the two of them. I just found this out. I went to meet with the buddy I gambooled with last night, and he suggested Jenny's restaurant for lunch. I said "Uh, no, I kinda... I can't really go in there." He responded with "Yeah, I just like going there because this guy I know dated one of the bartenders. You've been there, right? Really hot?" Apparently he's seen the video. Which is just.... no. Death die for die-die.

th... that's that!

I really want to watch this but it's loading about as quickly as it uploaded for you. I'm sure it'll be great!I appreciated lg's inappropriate pictures.

[timwakefield 68]

Don't get caught reading this.

I do not expect to have sex with the dolphins every time I visit them; I am not that sort of person.

Oh no, you're not that sort of person. You're the other sort of person - the sort who repeatedly breaks in to dolphin enclosures at night and tries to seduce the lady dolphins.

I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit.

Oh totally man, I love when they do thhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghghhhhhhhhhhhhh [sound of horrible vomiting].

[speedz99 145]

Just a good old execution. Serbs vs Austrians or something, I forget now. I googled execution, I think.The NYC one was my tribute to Turd.

Would it take too much effort to explain to me how you do this photoshopping? Or is it possible for you to post or email me the cutout of my friend, which I would then be able to paste into pictures myself, if that's even how you do it?

[Voldemort 0]

[Sickinfo2 291]

Id like to see that group go through security behind me at McCarran...

I assume that all maintenance/animal care is going to be done by someone else

The only concern I have is who skims the beer bottles from the bottom every morning...

I watched the whole thing, and I can honestly say that was more entertaining that 90% of television shows.

Im just hoping the majority dont make it to the crotch shot...

MY PROTEGE HAS EXCELLED ME!great job....I really did come up with that joke before I read yours

I really want to watch this but it's loading about as quickly as it uploaded for you. I'm sure it'll be great!

Its not like youve never witness it in person or anything....Im still waiting for the "Hey Beans...how on earth did you put the glasses on the dog while holding a camera and a beer and keep the car so centered on the road while completely intoxicated" question....Just in case, thoughSKILL!

[Southern Buddhist 1]

My cat does this periodically, too, falling off the old (non-flat) computer monitor my husband still uses. It's nothing deadly, is it, Speedz?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Speedz, have LG put TOO SOON across it in big, red letters. Probably bottom left corner to top right. That'll take the edge off.

Maybe add a big "NO OFFENSE" too

[Tactical Bear 3]

When life hands you lemons -- dirty, filthy, ohmigod you've seen the girl I'm split with but was previously optimistic about reconciling because, sure, I love her, having sex and so, apparently, have a number of people -- you make... well, you hope for a sign. Tonight, I received that sign in the form of a surprise encounter with an exgirlfriend. And not just any ex-girlfriend. The perfect, I'm-pretty-depressed-and-you-make-me-feel-carefree-and-happy ex-girlfriend. Wang: "So, what do you want?"Jess: "Hmmm... I think I'll have... the chicken. Gobble Gobble!"Apparently she's been in the area for a while, but we kinda lost touch. She walked into my bar tonight to surprise me. Perfect timing. Just perfect.

[brvheart 1,752]

sonofabitch

[LadyGrey 6]

Would it take too much effort to explain to me how you do this photoshopping? Or is it possible for you to post or email me the cutout of my friend, which I would then be able to paste into pictures myself, if that's even how you do it?

Yeah I do it with photoshop so I have the cutout as a .psd file.

MY PROTEGE HAS EXCELLED ME!

Holla!

When life hands you lemons -- dirty, filthy, ohmigod you've seen the girl I'm split with but was previously optimistic about reconciling because, sure, I love her, having sex and so, apparently, have a number of people -- you make... well, you hope for a sign.

So tell me about this split, I don't remember hearing of it.Also not getting why it bothers you so much that she did nudie photos/films with her ex... it reflects poorly on him that he show and telled it, but all she did was demonstrate a lack of foresight when she was in a relationship a while back. I'd bet she isn't the only one of your exs who has done this sort of thing. She just wanted to give her boyfriend a good time, she didn't think anyone else would see it.

[ShakeZuma 585]

it probably bothers him because it means she's a dirty trampy whore and he would have, you know, liked to have known that ahead of time.if I were in a relationship with a girl (ha!), even a long term one, and I found out she had a sex tape, it would most definitely be over. nope. not doing it."so you've been anally ravaged by four black men on more than one occasion? huh. nah, I'm cool with that.""oh, you taped it? FUCK OFF SKIZZANK."