Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 268k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico

    19413

  • speedz99

    16304

  • Napa Lite

    7767

  • ShakeZuma

    7517

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

I had an interesting morning today. I woke up a bit late, jumped in the shower and rushed to get dressed, when I pulled my slacks out o f the closet I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It looked like something was staring back at me, my heart skipped a beat, I let out a sligh "eek" then started laughing hysterically. My wife and son ran into the room to see what was going on.There was about a foot long lizard on my pants:lizard.jpgI am guessing that lizard is the reason I don't have black widows on my clothes.As I was holding the pants up, my asshole cat walks right by, I yelled at her "Hey shithead, you're not doing a very good job"She must be too busy taking showers to do the only job she could possibly have:028.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites
Boo Boo
Ha, no.Stalker is a little strong, but she was definitely extremely persistent. Anyways, she was a pathological liar, seemingly, and eventually she made up some lie about having brain cancer and having to move for treatment (except she moved to a tiny town that was little more than a logging camp).Actually, lefty, you're almost right, now that I think of it. Jess's first memory of me is picking me up from a party - I called a friend to come rescue me because StalkerChick showed up and Jess by fluke came along for the ride.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Spent the majority of yesterday afternoon being interviewed by the authorities...As usual, I was totally innocent of all chargesIll run the facts by you guys before revealing the results of the incident......Guy I know owns a plot of land containing an unfinished subdivision...During poker game, Beans comes up with idea to cone off the entrance and exit and make a racetrack out of it for a day...Discussion are made about legalities and such...All involved determine since the local government has not inspected or approved the streets at this time, they are not owned or subject to local laws such as ones that are open to the public...No stops signs or other municipal markings are present on the property...Although large amounts of alcohol are to consumed during the "race", it is decided that each of us will have a designated driver to cart our asses home after the event...Lets also assume that a sixteen year old male was involved in bending the tire bead on an expensive Ford GT during the event and was witnessed by above mentioned authorities as they pulled upSo....What was the outcome?

Link to post
Share on other sites

After some quick talking referencing planning codes that the officers don't understand, they realize it would be more paperwork than it's worth to do anything, the begrudgingly tell you to get the hell out of thereor....They joined in on the racing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Um, it's October 15th and it's 96 degrees outside.
Fuck off, it's literally half-that here. Four weeks ago while I was immobilized on my couch, it was 80+ all god damn week.Edit: That hyphen feels awful.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Fuck off, it's literally half-that here. Four weeks ago while I was immobilized on my couch, it was 80+ all god damn week.Edit: That hyphen feels awful.
felt awful because it was awful
OMG that's very similar to my temperature!
you two should be friends!
Link to post
Share on other sites
you two should be friends!
Never gonna happen.Hey, nice website. I want a real domain name for my website (currently it is www.littl es asq uatch.etsy.com), preferably I want to get litt les asq ua tch.com (sure hope scram doesn't read this and gank it). Sadly I already spent all the money I've made in sales on the packaging materials I needed to ship the items, so I'm back in the red. Business is hard.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Never gonna happen.Hey, nice website. I want a real domain name for my website (currently it is www.littlesasquatch.etsy.com), preferably I want to get littlesasquatch.com (sure hope scram doesn't read this and gank it). Sadly I already spent all the money I've made in sales on the packaging materials I needed to ship the items, so I'm back in the red. Business is hard.
interesting name. my domain cost $10 to register for the year, $9.50 thereafter. used dynadot.com.WMS does everything for me tho, because he's a super nice guy and he got some referral bling with my registration
Link to post
Share on other sites

my internet has been out since wednesday so this week has been just HORRIBLE.

Just when all my male friends had convinced me that guys are never annoyed to be woken that way... you undo all their hard work. Well done.
haha
haha
Boo Boo
haha
There was about a foot long lizard on my pants:
oh yeah? well there's a foot long lizard IN my... no. I'm not going to do it.
Link to post
Share on other sites
interesting name. my domain cost $10 to register for the year, $9.50 thereafter. used dynadot.com.WMS does everything for me tho, because he's a super nice guy and he got some referral bling with my registration
Thanks. I enjoy sasquatches, and the smaller the better! Right?$10 isn't bad, unless you're a broke bum who is living off her ISA.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks. I enjoy sasquatches, and the smaller the better! Right?$10 isn't bad, unless you're a broke bum who is living off her ISA.
right!I am doing some work on the site, will be re-linking it when I'm done. you two will have to re-friend. I fought tooth and nail to preserve the old friendship, but wordpress ended up being the better option.
Link to post
Share on other sites

so I was just sitting here wondering what movies I had in from netflix now, and instead of getting up, walking into the living room, and, you know, looking at the movies, I clicked on netflix, went to my queue, and looked at the part where it tells me what I have at home. technology really does make my life easier. and more loathsome.

Link to post
Share on other sites

and speedz, good to see you enjoyed your "weekend in the life of shake." you almost looked like a man!and I had no idea you had a personal "in" with grizzly adams. pretty cool.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements


×
×
  • Create New...