I Called In Sick Today

[mk 11]

Kind of like a vet is a real doctor.

ZING

[speedz99 145]

Wow...some excellently funny stuff.

I think it's really weird that belief in God = racist to you. would i be less of a racist if i had married my brunette ex-gf?

Are these two separate topics? I'll treat them as such."Belief in god" is not what I said. I said "christian"...really focusing on being religious in general. Most vehemently racist people are religious. Actually, I'd be willing to bet that virtually all of them are. And I'm not going to argue about "true religious" vs "bullshit religious" because it's a moot point, since the fact remains that religion is very obviously capable of fostering racism, sexism, homophobia, and some other stuff. It also fosters some wonderful things that are the complete opposite of the list I just mentioned, but that's not what we're talking about. So of course I don't think that being christian makes you racist, as I would think that most christians are not. But it does increase your odds of being racist over that of someone whose religious affiliation (or lack thereof) I am not privy to. Even more importantly, it's in the context of something that was 95% a joke, so you shouldn't think it's too weird that I think 5% of christians are racist (if you want to do some extrapolation in the serious:joke ratio), since that's a low estimate for any group of people. Even more importantly, Mary Poppins.Marrying a brunette would not make you less racist, it would just decrease the number of things I can make fun of you for in the context of calling you "maybe a closet racist".

Did you hear that it died? Did you mourn?

I forget what this was in reference to.

Full conversation:Me: All you made for dinner is salad? I had salad for lunch.Her: I didn't know. You don't need more than salad anyway. (chuckle)Me: I'm making tater tots later.Her: No you are not.Me: Yes I am.(CaneBrain starts tickling his wife)Her: You can have the tater tots if we have sex again tonight.Me: Did you just try to proposition me with tater tots?Her: (raises eyebrows)Me: Ok.

Well this certainly makes sense now that it's confirmed that you have a few pounds to lose. For some reason I thought you were in good shape and your "slightly overweight" thing was a shtick. Shtick? That's right, right?

Sorry. I just wanted to share a funny story about sex and potatoes and you guys shit all over it.

Heh.

Hooking up isnt limited to oral sex. And you dont hook up with your wife. You hook up with a random at a party. Or you hook up with a girl you know but have never been with before. Or you repeatedly hook up with a girl who you arent in a relationship with. But you certainly dont hook up with your wife.

This is my understanding of the phrase.

Speedy, pm me or Rando for some exercise advice...

Wakka wakka wakka!

woah, mike! what's that fat dude doing with your wife?

This has been hilarious every time I've read it. All two times.

[ShakeZuma 585]

damn cane, I'll come down to florida and train you for free if you let me banginate your wife a few times.and sleep on your couch.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

I sit on my ass 65-70 hours a week for my job and I have a ruptured disc in my back. Feel free to just say the exercise advice in the thread, I really would like to lose 20-30 lbs but it is proving difficult. I do weigh about 7 lbs less than I did when that picture was taken but it has been a struggle.The tater tots tonight probably did not help but man they were delicious.

I knew it would be me that dropped the bomb on all the funny in here...The comment was in no way a jab at your weight. It was actually intended to make myself look foolish by mistaking you for speedy....Ill drink more next time... speaking of losing weightIn other news, a sales rep for a new company came in the office yesterday. I guess those guys get together somewhere and discuss their clients and brainstorm about how to crowbar more money from them or something because he surfaced with five cases of beer, one on ice in a coolerI didnt have the heart to tell the guy that whoever told him to do so tried to make an ass of him...."Hello, Mr. Icewater!.... since its so hot outside, I brought you guys some cold refreshments!"(Beans looks at dolly full of MGD sixty four beer)"Uh.....ok""You guys ready for one?"(rep reaches into cooler and brings two handfulls out)"Are we on camera?"(dumb laugh)"Noooooo....nobodys gonna know that were drinking during work time except us!"(Beans downs the last three quarters of his Nevada while eyeballing Shane)"Hey Shane... get ya one of them""......k"As I watched Shanes face turn from curiosity to absolute disgust at the first sip, the chap forced one of the bottles in my hand. It would be the last one I would hold in my lifetime"Kinda weak, huh?""This shit has no alcohol in it....taste, either""It does have some taste....I just cant put a tongue on what it tastes like" "Shit""Thats it!"So Im sure that whoever "informed" this poor buffoon that we enjoyed a beer or two once in a while also threw in that I was watching my eating habits of late and maybe even suggested that he bring the shit flavored water with him to the shop as a way to derail any sales attempts in the present and future. Although the guy knew that we didnt particularly enjoy the fake beer....Shane went as far as adding a shot or two of tequila and a squirt of lime to his... we still ordered a few small items to salvage the otherwise decent attempt to get his foot in the door. Shane did give him a few pointers that might lead to a larger sale in the future, though...(Rep starts walking out office)"Hey""Yes, sir""You see this?(Holds Nevada up)"Next time leave the kindergarten shit at the house and bring the real stuff, ok?""Gotsha!""And make it Bigfoot"Honestly, there really should be some sort of law against beer like that. I googled it and its got like two point five percent good stuff in itIts the first time Ive ever lost a buzz while drinking....

[speedz99 145]

The comment was in no way a jab at your weight. It was actually intended to make myself look foolish by mistaking you for speedy....

Don't worry, I got it and was amused. But it was especially inaccurate at the moment because I'm doing P90X so I'm FUCKING RIPPED.

[Naked_Cowboy 0]

hey, is the vet trying to give my dog a bordatella vaccine every time he freaking gets groomed a scam? is he really going to get whatever the hell that is if he doesn't get a vaccine every 6 months and should I care?

[SBriand 4]

Don't worry, I got it and was amused. But it was especially inaccurate at the moment because I'm doing P90X so I'm FUCKING RIPPED.

Excuse my ignorance. What do you need equipment wise to do the P90x?I was thinking of trying it. I have been running 2-3 times a week but want to add some other stuff hoping it helps make me look human and maybe gives me better stamina.

[Roll the Bones 74]

Its the first time Ive ever lost a buzz while drinking....

ha, great line.Speedz- Quit being all defensive. We know you think everyone is racist. It's okay, one day you can join the hot blond wife club too.Cane, you could always try strat's diet, but if that don't work try not to eat cholesteral and fat. But really, who cares? You already bagged a hottie and good job. LIFE!Shake, my step daughter is still available, zimmy wouldn't buy her. She only has a half year till she gets her 2nd degree and a good job. She likes camping and has terrible taste in men. (reminders)In other news.. I lost my temper really bad yesterday; Throwin' twenties mad at my boss. Boss isn't really what he is though, actually the owner. His job description should read title clerk and bean counter. He's always been a jackwaggin' with a horrible temper but we've existed by me ignoring him for the last 4 years. When I got finished on my ten minute rant he got up and left and still hasn't come back, even today. It was all over his lazy ass, bad temper and my money. I did feel really good the rest of the day and even drank a couple brews last night to celebrate.

[speedz99 145]

hey, is the vet trying to give my dog a bordatella vaccine every time he freaking gets groomed a scam? is he really going to get whatever the hell that is if he doesn't get a vaccine every 6 months and should I care?

Bordatella can get very ugly (though not fatal) and is highly contagious...you definitely do not want your dog to get it. Any dog going to a groomer, daycare, etc., should be up to date on the vaccine, without exception. As for it being given every 6 months, that's a bit up for debate. If he gets it intranasally, 6 months is the way to go...it loses efficacy after that much time. You might be able to request that he has it done subcutaneously, which should be good for a year.So, the short answers are, "No, it's not a scam." And, "Yes, it's quite possible that he could get it if not vaccinated properly and you definitely should care."Sorry...I promise I'd tell you if it was just a waste of money. For example, my parents' vet sent out a letter saying that dogs should now be vaccinated for the doggie flu. That, I'm not so sure of.

[El Guapo 8]

Its the first time Ive ever lost a buzz while drinking....

Sounds like it's been a while since you have had Coors Light.In other news (this really doesn't apply because the above really wasn't news of any sort); I had to take my daughter to the ER last night because she sliced her ear open on a rose bush, pretty nasty cut for a two year old. She did really well until the whole needle in the ear without anesthesia thing.After the minor operation the following conversation took place with a Vietnamese Doctor who apparently lacks a sense of humor.Dr: Since the wound was from organic material we are going to get her some antibiotics in case of infectionWife: What about for the pain?Dr: Can she drink medicine? If so I will get her some Motrin before you leave.ELG: Hey Doc, I think she may need some Oxycontin or possibly some Dilaudid, you did give her THREE full stitches.Dr: (Pause and stares at me with his beady little eyes for what seemed like 2 minutes) What do you do for a living?ELG: Financial Advisor...why?Dr: Do you take that stuff?ELG: Um...no?Dr: Then why did you say that?ELG: To apparently make a very bad joke.Dr: (grunting noise and walks awayWife: :SMACK:ELG: :shrug:

[Roll the Bones 74]

Excuse my ignorance. What do you need equipment wise to do the P90x?I was thinking of trying it. I have been running 2-3 times a week but want to add some other stuff hoping it helps make me look human and maybe gives me better stamina.

You should really look into the Pose running book. It will teach you proper form to keep from getting injured while running and has a ton of exercises to go along with it. I have been feeling better than ever lately. No special equipment, lots of flexibility stuff and I still throw in some upper body and core workouts. The best part is jumping rope and skipping!I just lowered my 5k time by a full minute which is, trust me, a whole fucking lot.www.posetech.com

[speedz99 145]

Excuse my ignorance. What do you need equipment wise to do the P90x?

A good pull-up bar and dumbbells or resistance bands. Fair warning: don't even bother starting the program until you're capable of doing sets of at least 4-5 pull-ups, chin-ups, etc., and I'd say a number of sets of at least 20 push-ups. And some sit-ups. If you can't do that now, take a few weeks or a month of working on it 4 times per week to get yourself up to a good base. There's really not much point doing the program if a few pull-ups and push-ups will be difficult to bang out. There's a lot more to the program...that's only one of the handful of days...but it'll help with the other stuff too. Like, for example, the yoga, which you'd think would be easy, is fucking hard as hell and if your arms and legs aren't in solid shape it's near impossible, as goofy as that may sound.

Speedz- Quit being all defensive.

FINE.

[speedz99 145]

Dr: (Pause and stares at me with his beady little eyes for what seemed like 2 minutes) What do you do for a living?

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything.Some doctors just have no sense of humor...or sense of how fun pain meds can be.

You should really look into the Pose running book. It will teach you proper form to keep from getting injured while running and has a ton of exercises to go along with it. I have been feeling better than ever lately. No special equipment, lots of flexibility stuff and I still throw in some upper body and core workouts. The best part is jumping rope and skipping!

Countdown to Rando getting injured again? Followed by countdown to Rando finding another new theory as to how to never get injured?

[SBriand 4]

Thanks speedz and Rando. Yeah, I might need to work on some upper body strength for sure.

[Roll the Bones 74]

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything.Some doctors just have no sense of humor...or sense of how fun pain meds can be.Countdown to Rando getting injured again? Followed by countdown to Rando finding another new theory as to how to never get injured?

ha, who said I wasn't currently injured?

[El Guapo 8]

A good pull-up bar and dumbbells or resistance bands. Fair warning: don't even bother starting the program until you're capable of doing sets of at least 4-5 pull-ups, chin-ups, etc., and I'd say a number of sets of at least 20 push-ups. And some sit-ups. If you can't do that now, take a few weeks or a month of working on it 4 times per week to get yourself up to a good base. There's really not much point doing the program if a few pull-ups and push-ups will be difficult to bang out. There's a lot more to the program...that's only one of the handful of days...but it'll help with the other stuff too. Like, for example, the yoga, which you'd think would be easy, is fucking hard as hell and if your arms and legs aren't in solid shape it's near impossible, as goofy as that may sound.

I would agree with all of this except the pull-up/chin-ups. Especially if you are a little over weight. I am fairly strong, but because I weight about 210, it's hard to do more than a couple pull ups. You can use the resistance bands for these to help you along.Also, the Yoga day is the hardest workout I have had in my entire life.My favorite was the Plymoetrics where I was jumping around like an idiot like I was back in High School football doing footwork drills.Get a pull up bar ~$203 Different Strength resistance bands ~$30Interlocking Dumbbell system ~ $200 - $400 depending on how fancy. I got ones made by Gold's Gym for about $250, and they work pretty good.

[El Guapo 8]

I'm not sure what this has to do with anything.Some doctors just have no sense of humor...or sense of how fun pain meds can be.

I am guessing he wanted to know if I somehow worked in the medical field to be listing off those types of drugs. Oxycontin is well known, but I am pretty sure the average person has no idea what Dilaudid is.

[speedz99 145]

I would agree with all of this except the pull-up/chin-ups. Especially if you are a little over weight. I am fairly strong, but because I weight about 210, it's hard to do more than a couple pull ups. You can use the resistance bands for these to help you along.

Yeah, and you can also put one foot on a chair to help yourself up.

My favorite was the Plymoetrics where I was jumping around like an idiot like I was back in High School football doing footwork drills.

Yeah, that one's fun. But how about the ab one. I hate it...but I LOVE it!

Get a pull up bar ~$20

I think that's underestimating a bit...it shouldn't just be the standard straight bar.

[El Guapo 8]

I think that's underestimating a bit...it shouldn't just be the standard straight bar.

Well, where I was doing it before was in my bedroom at my old house, and I could only fit a regular bar. The other thing about P90X that is a little deceiving, is the time. You need to plan 90 minutes to 2 hours when you include set up, warm up/down, abs and cleaning up after because you will be sweating more than Cane's wife after some tater tots.

[ShakeZuma 585]

man where the hell is socal. what the hell do you people know about getting TOTALLY RIPPED I mean come on.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

What do you know about it? Sal Paradise would grind you up into a protein shake.Or something.

[Roll the Bones 74]

man where the hell is socal. what the hell do you people know about getting TOTALLY RIPPED I mean come on.

He got an apartment in Madrid or Spain or something.For beginner's all you need is a couple dumbells and a bench. I can exercise every muscle group with 2-20 lb dumbellls and a bench. If you want to splurge get a bosu for lower body and abs. Get cardio somehow, run, bike, have lots of sex (gross I know) or something. p90x is awesome and all, but pretty extreme. If you set aside a half hour in the morning for workout time you can get everything in you need. If you want to do more, have at it.

[El Guapo 8]

p90x is awesome and all, but pretty extreme.

What do you think the X is for Rando?

[CaneBrain 95]

Cane, you could always try strat's diet, but if that don't work try not to eat cholesteral and fat. But really, who cares? You already bagged a hottie and good job. LIFE!

My weakness is carbs particularly rice. I don't really really care but I do want to live past age 65 (though anything over 80 is overrated).I feel like the sick thread is all over the place lately.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Don't worry, I got it and was amused. But it was especially inaccurate at the moment because I'm doing P90X so I'm FUCKING RIPPED.

I may have to look into this whole P-ninety thing...I have a Ruger forty five with those numbers....that count?

Sounds like it's been a while since you have had Coors Light.After the minor operation the following conversation took place with a Vietnamese Doctor who apparently lacks a sense of humor.

The last Coors light and Pabst Blue Ribbon in my body was at a strip bar....thats all they offeredNo wonder the gals were so ugly in there...I just came back from the quacks office, myselfWhile reviewing my blood numbers, the following conversation took place..."Beans...this is just awesome!""Didnt think I could do it..huh?""Well, I knew you could if you applied yourself.... I was also concerned that with your family history and all that you might not be able to""Well, Im pretty pleased with the results""Hows the drinking thing coming along?""I still have a few once in a while""How many is a few?""Ten or twelve""...""But dont worry...I switched to MGD sixty four""Oh...yeah, Ive tried those""I figure that twelve of those is equal to three regular beers""Sounds about right"