I Called In Sick Today

[Randy Reed 0]

You did alright yourself, sir. Great job.Mine came in the mail yesterday, although I'm not sure who it's from.Thanks, I should be able to get beer thrown on me again if I visit Yankee Stadium next year.

hahaha, nice!

Hey Speedz.....shut up.In key west. 79 and sunny. Having myself a daiquiri at the pool. Figuredout how to post by iPhone. Hopeall you suckers in the cold are surviving somehow. Randy, I would make sure to get down hereeventually for Xmas/new years. Justamazing.Heading to Mallory square in an hourto watch the sunset then gettingwasted at capt. Tony's. Then, friedshrimp and crab legs on the water.

Got the pics covered.

Happy holidays sickies!Religion!

haha, I've been wondering where you were.

[Randy Reed 0]

my little sister was the one in the family who got Christmas envy so we always sent her to some friends to help decorate the tree and participate in Christmas. Now, she is dating a Southern Baptist. You HAVE to be careful.

Being a parent myself I can relate to yours. We always want the best for our kids but they don't always turn out like you hope. I mean a Southern Babtist and a LAWYER! Yikes!

[vbnautilus 48]

What flavor?

Kind of its own flavor -- St. Thomas himself visited Kerala and started a bunch of groups that most of of the modern christian groups are descended from, and then it was mixed with Syrian immigrant churches at some point. I think about 20% of Kerala is christian now. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrian_Malabar_NasraniKerala is an interesting place...they have a democratic government which currently has elected a communist party into power. I think this is the only place in the world where that has happened.Oh, and they have elephants. Supposedly these things roam around in the jungle where her family lives. We were supposed to visit this winter but had to cancel for various reasons. I like elephants.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Aw thanks. It's nice to know someone out there cares enough to type.Shit. I should've known it wasn't for me. Think I'll go for a walk in the snow through the big maze out back.

Ohhhh, no. It was for you. I just didn't want to call you out.

I just survived Christmas at the in-laws for the first time. Got some stories, but this is probably the best one: The wife's family is south Indian and they speak with heavy accents, when they do speak English. I was looking forward to the annual game of irivuda-ette (twenty-eight) which I have heard is a raucous time. Not long after coming in one of the Indian adults pulls me aside and asks me what I think is "are you going to play on the <unintelligible>?", to which I answer enthusiastically, "I SURE AM!!!". After these words come out of my mouth I realize what he really said, which was "are you going to pray on the food?". Ooooops. Soon the whole family gathers around the food in the dining room and when things get silent, this guys announces that I am going to do the prayer. What a terrible moment. I hem and haw, and eventually my wife steps in and saves me. I had warned her that I think I accidentally agreed to do some public praying. After some protesting, the guy gave the prayer instead of me. I have no idea what he said, it wasn't in English, but when he was done he decided that since I hadn't given the prayer, I should sing. Jesus F. Christ. I had to refuse again, extending the juicy awkwardness even longer. I do get a kick out of how psyched I must have seemed to want to pray.

this is fantastic.

[Randy Reed 0]

Ohhhh, no. It was for you. I just didn't want to call you out.this is fantastic.

Yeah, but he missed an awesome opportunity to break out into Kumbaya

[Sickinfo2 291]

Well, the Icewaters Christmas O-nine is officially in the books... I just slammed the door shut behind the last of the leechatives a few minutes agoThe fussing, bitching, griping, complaining, and threatening is over for another year. Its a good thing, too.... I was getting tired of listening to myselfNow many of you are fortunate enough to be single without children, and have no idea of the misery and stress that inlaws are capable of dealing. I would try and explain it but its sorta like telling someone what hell is like. You just have to experience it, I guessAnyway, our family was blessed with a spectacular white Christmas this year (my Obama and Jackson jokes about rejecting that phrase didnt go over very well, ever after the nineteenth time. The gal at the QuickMart did jiggle a bit) and it did add a little brightness to the otherwise miserable holiday experience....Most would imagine sitting by the fire with a stiff drink, watching the snow accumulate out the window by the beautifully decorated tree while happy children open their gifts with gleeAt the Icewaters household, it was a little different....(two fifteen in the morning)"ZACH! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.... GARY IS GONNA MEET US IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!"Wife: "Beans....whats going on?""Nuthin.... sorry....go back to bed""Whats wrong with Gary?""Uh...hes stuck in the ditch""Is it snowing?""Little bit""Whats he doing out at this hour?""Uh... I dunno....gotta go"Fifteen minutes later five of my friends gathered together about a mile or so away at a subdivision for a little racing. It was too cold for ATVs so vehicles had to be substituted. We had two rules... four wheel drive could not be engaged and a shot or beer had to be chugged after each lap. The kids riding along enforced the second rule. Other drivers kept a close eye on the front tires of the trucks for the firstGary did end up in the ditch

[Sickinfo2 291]

Tough crowd tonight...I was just wading around in generalSomeone should ask DN in the Ivey thread if he ever made hole seven from his back deck... I dunno why, maybe it would creep him out or somethingBOTTOMS UP!

[Randy Reed 0]

Nice ending and it's great with the AC/DC. I've been listening to them alot lately and never fail to have visions of beans dancing through my head anymore.

[Sal Paradise 57]

while I was driving back from the beach yesterday I passed a girl driving a car with indiana plates and I immediately thought "dawson probably stuffed her."also I think it's about time we get to working on a beans camp sort of thing. I would pay a pretty large sum to do it I know that much.

[El Guapo 8]

also I think it's about time we get to working on a beans camp sort of thing. I would pay a pretty large sum to do it I know that much.

I'm pretty sure $50 is not going to be enough for Beans to consider this.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

You did alright yourself, sir. Great job.Mine came in the mail yesterday, although I'm not sure who it's from.Thanks, I should be able to get beer thrown on me again if I visit Yankee Stadium next year.

It was as tad bothersome to purchase that shirt for a Sox fan, but then I comforted myself in a World Series Pennant from 2009.Enjoy, I hope it's close enough in size. Happy Holidays and pretend I wrote some kind words.

[CaneBrain 95]

Wang,easiest way for me to pay youis on full tilt. I do not have a Starsacct sorry. I tried to PM you but your inbox is full. Let me know ifTilt works. Good season.Oh and go **** yourself Dolphins.The first half counts too.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Wang,easiest way for me to pay youis on full tilt. I do not have a Starsacct sorry. I tried to PM you but your inbox is full. Let me know ifTilt works. Good season.Oh and go **** yourself Dolphins.The first half counts too.

I am not that concerned. I'll either have you ship it to me on Tilt, or I'll force you to hold onto it and use you as a payment service later. What is it going to end up as? Like 25-35 bucks?

[CaneBrain 95]

I am not that concerned. I'll either have you ship it to me on Tilt, or I'll force you to hold onto it and use you as a payment service later. What is it going to end up as? Like 25-35 bucks?

yeah something like that. Depends on whatAustin does

[speedz99 145]

Ok, picture time for LG. And whoever else cares...maybe strat?Here's one of Cheeto coming to say hi, not realizing that Dewey is about to take a running leap at her.Cheeto's standard position when she's trying to get attention while the kitten is sleeping. Actually, her real standard position is with her paws on my chest, looking at my expectantly, but that's hard to take a picture of.I'm not sure if I shared this one before. They got pretty desperate towards the end of finals season.Generic cute picture of them sleeping together:And now: humans!I got my nephew an animal hospital toy. He likes playing with the syringe...we'll see how that turns out.

[strategy 4]

.

[Sickinfo2 291]

never fail to have visions of beans dancing through my head

You poor soul...staggering would be the correct term, though

also I think it's about time we get to working on a beans camp sort of thing. I would pay a pretty large sum to do it I know that much.

Tonights lesson would have been... "How to make a complete ass of yourself"Now that I think about it, all of them would bePart three...The next day, my accomplice and I bunched up around a corner table inside the buffet for a little breakfast, which was the usual grease and gristle found at every cheap buffet in Nevada. Sometime during the meal, the realization of the task at hand hit us both at the same time..."Hey Shane.... you know how far Tulsa is?""Uh.... long ways, huh?""Yeah""I think we've made a mistake""More than likely""Can we just go back?""Well.... not without a really good excuse""You're good at that shit.... come up with something""Ive been pondering it all night.... nothins hit me yet""Well you'd better hurry....my phone had nineteen missed calls this morning""Yeah....thats twenty less than mine""Fuck"After about an hour, we eased out out the parking lot and entered the GMC truck, which unfortunately was still where we parked it the day before. No theft excuses so far. The self commencer spun the big block three sixty six over a few times and a few minutes later we were merging onto I forty, headed toward the mass expanses of Arizona(three hours later)"Hey Shane.... its your turn to drive""Humph""No shit.... get your ass over here""Humph""I need to piss""Just open the door a little and piss on the door panel....it goes right out""Is that why youve been opening the door so often?""Humph""Gimme a beer"After a few stops for gas and beer we breached the New Mexico state line without mishap. It was about that time that we mustered enough courage to turn out cell phones back on. Fifteen seconds later the first call came in..."Yeah""Where are you guys at?""Uh.... next to a red Toyota""In Nevada?""Nooooo.... somewhere in New Mexi""REALLY?""Yep""Hows the truck running?""Pretty good.....somethings leaking from the passenger side door, though""What is it?""Shane""Ill check in later"Several hours later, Shane took over driving duties while I rested in the passenger seat, which at this point was covered in Ding Dong wrappers and had a slight odor of urine. Eventually, I was able to ignore the sound of the empty beer cans rolling around under my feet and drifted off to sleep. For reasons to follow, that was the last time I have ever been able to sleep in a moving vehicle again"BEANS!"(peels cheek from side glass)"yeah""WAKE UP""what....what is it?'"Cop wants to talk to ya"'uh....I didnt do it""WAKE UP!"When I opened my eyes, they were looking directly at the chest of a state trooper. His badge and name tag was framed in the center of the side window, blurred slightly by an imprint of my profile in sweat and saliva....(rolls window down)"Evenin officer""License please""How fast was I snoring?""License""K"After a quick glance at my document, the trooper ordered us both out of the vehicle and over to the side of the road. The dim light of daybreak glowed gently across the barren landscape, giving my sleep impaired brain a hint of our position....the Texas panhandle"You fellows from Nevada, huh?""Yeah""Where ya headed?""Okiehoma""What fer?""Takin some furniture and stuff to a warehouse""Who for?""Denny""Denny?""Yep""You got a manifest?""I dunno.... probably""What do you mean, probably?""Maybe""What do you mean, maybe?""Probably""..."It was at this point that things began to get ugly. Stay tuned for part four, which teaches us all a valuable lesson...Know when to keep your mouth shut

[LadyGrey 6]

thanks for that, speedzI got this email from LG today:"A Mojo complements all situations. She's proven to be fun and charming. Nine out of ten cats agree. "

THAT WAS A PRIVATE EMAILCheeto was one of those cats that agreed. Also there is a TV show in the UK called "9 out of 10 cats" so I totally ripped that off and now everyone knows it, damn it.

[leftygolfer 7]

Why Doc Rivers has grown on me as a head coach (From Rotoworld):Glen Davis (broken thumb) could be activated for Friday's game against the Magic.Coach Doc Rivers said Davis "went through the whole practice [Thursday]. He sucked but he didn't injure himself, so that's good."

Saw his kid ( Austin) on Wed night playing on ESPNU. He's a beast.

The leg is the best part. Just saying.

F'd

If JJJ put as much effort into work as he does the internet, he could probably be CFO of a fortune 500 company.

...and smart enough not to get thrown in jail.Tip o' the visor boys on the Beans SS gift.

I just survived Christmas at the in-laws for the first time. Got some stories,

this is a reality show I would watch

What flavor?

गरम मसालाPretty good few days off. Watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall with the wife and son last night. Was funny, however the scene where Peter starts jerking it on top of Sarah was a little over the top. That Mila Kunis is a hottie.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

(hands me a large, already-opened envelope from JJJ inc)"I figgered it was fer me...sorry bout that!""Was it ticking or anything?""Not thisin....some sorta book in there"(gives me funny look)"Uh.... (peeks inside)....its a movie script""LOOKS LIKA GOODIN!"

Is this like a less tragic version of Wang's girlfriend finding his gift?Also, you're welcome. I had a lot of fun putting it together.

Wow, that is very mpressive. I want a copy, oh hell we all do. We need a website to sell them so that we can all buy them. Hey, wait how about Joey Jo Jo? The guy the does the shirts? We could tie it in with the invite.

I have an extra hard copy and was thinking about doing a Beans Protege contest to hand the book out as the prize (with beans' permission and possibly cooperation).

Got some stories, but this is probably the best one:

Probably? I'd love to hear the other potential best stories because that one was fantastic.

[Randy Reed 0]

I have a great story from the weekend when I get time. I'm still giggling inside. It's kinda long so I'll have to work on it as I get time.

[gobears 0]

My Christmas Story:My younger brother just bought a house with his girlfriend and invited my family and my Dad/Step-Mom over on Christmas Eve for dinner at their new place. A few days before Thursday, my Dad calls me and tells me that they went over to the new place and saw some Buddhas in the house. They did not feel that they could go over since they are very fundamental Christians and this being Christmas Eve and all and wanted us to go over to their place on Chrismas Eve instead.Me: So this is ok with my brother and his GF?Dad: Well, could you talk to them?Me: The song "Stuck in the Middle with you" running thru my head..... "Dad, We've already accepted their invitation and I think that it would be rude to try to change plans at this late stage"Dad: Well, we're going to have a meal at our place on Christmas Eve, can you come?Me: Can you make it a lunch? We can then go to bothDad: Ok, I'll check with Mom.Later on in the day:Dad: Ok, How about 7:30 p.m.?Me: ...Me: I don't think that will work, "just remembered a parable that my Dad told me when I was 4 years old"Me: Dad, you remember the story about the willow and the oak tree you told me when I was young, during a heavy storm, the willow bent during the fury of the storm while the oak tree fell to the ground?Dad: Chuckles..yesMe: How about we come over on Christmas Day for dinner?Dad: That can work.

[strategy 4]

.

[El Guapo 8]

Andre please expand. The presence of a Buddha statue prohibited your parents from having a Christmas Even dinner with their son?Is your brother or his wife Buddhist? Could they possibly have just been decoration? Is there something about Buddhism that is anti-Christian?Obviously your bother is wanting to recognize some sort of Christmas tradition, also it was Christmas eve and not Christmas day. Will this prohibit your parents from visiting on other days?

[JoeyJoJo 18]

What I took from the story was that gobears speaks in parables.