I Called In Sick Today

[El Guapo 8]

This is a great start and I am giddy with anticipation of where this may go, but can you let us know why you are stashing him in your basement with a Turkmenistanian rapper? And where do you get yourself a Turkmenistanian rapper?

[Napa_Don 688]

Oh, I've never met Turbo.I was talking about how when Wando was talking about her bf fixing your heater or something and him coming home and saying that guys must be doing very well for yourselves because you have a live in Asian butler.Apparently, Turbo works at a gas station where you have to wear a white shirt/tie to work and he was dressed for work and got this guy at the door and let him in.Edit: Idk if it was Turbo, but it was definitely one of the basement dwellers.

[jeff_536 3]

This is a great start and I am giddy with anticipation of where this may go, but can you let us know why you are stashing him in your basement with a Turkmenistanian rapper? And where do you get yourself a Turkmenistanian rapper?

www.mailorderturkmenistanianrappers.com

[vbnautilus 48]

How on earth did this not come out until now. I mean, brvheart has like a full circus going on in his basement? It's just too good to be true.

[Sickinfo2 291]

brvheart has like a full circus going on in his basement?

He certainly has the clown footwear covered...

size 17 shoes

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

[brvheart 1,752]

Oh, I've never met Turbo.I was talking about how when Wando was talking about her bf fixing your heater or something and him coming home and saying that guys must be doing very well for yourselves because you have a live in Asian butler.Apparently, Turbo works at a gas station where you have to wear a white shirt/tie to work and he was dressed for work and got this guy at the door and let him in.Edit: Idk if it was Turbo, but it was definitely one of the basement dwellers.

Ah yes... that was Turbo. circa 1992.His Facebook profile. If you call him Turbo, even though he'll have no clue who you are, he'll think that you've been best friends for years. Anyone that calls him Alex... is either family, or people that don't know him. Every place that he's worked, since our McDonald's days, has put "Turbo" on his name tag. But his family didn't ever like it, and always called him Alex. I think it was last year at his birthday dinner that I heard his dad call him Turbo for the first time. It was glorious.

[vbnautilus 48]

how often do you let him out of the basement?

[Tactical Bear 3]

I... have no Earthly idea what is going on right now. Just no fucking clue.I was struggling to keep up when everyone was discussing the mustache, then Braveheart, and... can we please leave People Under the Stairs out of this? I don't think I can handle this right now. Also, I don't think I mentioned it, but I am no longer a bookie. Turns out one of my clients was a murderous felon, and decided to stiff me out of about 2,000. I had to shut it down, because it meant people would take shots at me if I weren't willing to go to the mattresses to collect. Believe it or not, getting jacked out of 2,000 saved me, based on some guesswork and conservative calculations, about 15,000. That's called: running hot.

[leftygolfer 7]

Who are you?

One of my favorite songs.Daltrey and Townshend have aged well....Entwistle got a sex change and Keith Moon is bleck?

Real life is too funny.I should tell you guys about Turbo someday.(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

Delta Tau Chis House ?

Just watched V. It wasn't bad, but honestly, I wish there was a "future wiki" page outlining how it all ends. I hate shows like this that seem like they should be building to a definite ending, but in trying to stretch things out will take horrible turns and then get cancelled before coming to a logical conclusion.

The wife had it on. Looked like Independance Day to me. She liked it.

[leftygolfer 7]

Hey Gramps, Looks like you're gonna have a casino close real soon. Ohio casino's

[Nikki_N 17]

I... have no Earthly idea what is going on right now. Just no fucking clue.I was struggling to keep up when everyone was discussing the mustache, then Braveheart, and... can we please leave People Under the Stairs out of this? I don't think I can handle this right now. Also, I don't think I mentioned it, but I am no longer a bookie. Turns out one of my clients was a murderous felon, and decided to stiff me out of about 2,000. I had to shut it down, because it meant people would take shots at me if I weren't willing to go to the mattresses to collect. Believe it or not, getting jacked out of 2,000 saved me, based on some guesswork and conservative calculations, about 15,000. That's called: running hot.

That's really scary! I haven't caught up. How's the new room going? Lots of players?sidenote: I want to learn more about this Turkemenian rapper.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Let's do some clean-up first:

It'd be like a sitcom! brvheart:

All of that was great, but I (obviously) especially liked this one.

me2: I was going to do a tale of the tape here

I enjoyed the tale of the tape stuff.

Also, I don't think I mentioned it, but I am no longer a bookie. Turns out one of my clients was a murderous felon, and decided to stiff me out of about 2,000. I had to shut it down, because it meant people would take shots at me if I weren't willing to go to the mattresses to collect. Believe it or not, getting jacked out of 2,000 saved me, based on some guesswork and conservative calculations, about 15,000. That's called: running hot.

Pussy.How did you find out he was a murderous felon? Did you ask around after he wouldn't pay you?Ok, now the real reason why we're here...

That being said... I may as well do a little background, and then when I think about something you guys will know what I'm talking about.I went to Iowa State originally in fall 1992. I had jobs everywhere, usually working around 50 hours a week. (I put myself through school.) Anyway... one of my jobs was a McDonald's manager and Turbo was a oriental dude with 'mental heath issues' hired through the McJOBS program for retards and droolers. Anyway, I kind of took him under my wing and we've been friends ever since. Whenever we worked together, I was basically shouting at the other employees various things that were obviously sarcastic to everyone but Turbo... which worked really nicely for the sake of general employee happiness.Things like:"What the hell is wrong with you guys, Turbo is SMOKIN' you idiots."after waiting 5 minutes for a sandwich:"Dammit... if you're not the best employee ever Turbo... NICE WORK! You other idiots need to pay attention to the Squinty Eyed Ninja Master!"...and what not. As long as you're telling him how he is awesome is some way, he's your best friend. It doesn't matter at all how sarcastically you say it. Which is wonderful.Anyway, basically Turbo is awesome. If you ask him why his name is Turbo, he will always say... "cause I'm the fastest detassler this side of the Mississippi." in a heavy asian accent. He's lived here since he was nine, but still has a terrible accent. Anyway... he LOVES nicknames. If you spend any more than 5 hours or so with him, you will get a nickname. Everyone in our store had a nickname... and Turbo ONLY refers to people by their nickname... ever. I'm fairly certain that Turbo hasn't called me John since 1992. I think that my brain might actually have some sort of weird 'event' if he did. My nickname is T-Rex. (probably due to my 6'6" frame and size 17 shoes) I have only been called T-Rex, Rex, Rexal, etc... for the last 15+ years. If I make him mad or piss him off somehow, then he pulls out the BIG GUNS... and calls me Rex-Lax. (sick burn!) The awesome thing about the nicknames, is that once Turbo gives someone a nickname, even if this person was only in his life for one summer in 1995, he will only refer to them by their nickname, which is impossible for anyone else to remember. So he'll randomly start laughing or something, some night and say:Turbo: Hey remember when Gridiron went with us to Worlds of Fun?Turbo: [insert an Asian chuckle/giggle and then he starts coughing.] brv: No Turbo... I have no fricking clue who Gridiron is.Turbo: You know! Gridiron! He's the one who got puked on by that kid!brv: Oh... Lawrence. ok.. yeah, that was awesomeTurbo: [Asian giggling, followed by more coughing]Another thing that Turbo prides himself on is being South Korean. The only problem is... he's Chinese. His adoptive parents had a blood/body workup done when he was young and it came back as Chinese heritage. He was picked up on the streets of Inchon, South Korea when he was 9 and shipped to Missouri. The adoption agency just assumed he was Chinese because Inchon is a port city and since Chinese fisherman can only have one kid, they want to make sure it's a normal male. (Girls and retards get dropped off in Korea.) Anyway, the fact that he's actually Chinese is a major point of contention and something he simply doesn't accept... so whenever I'm picking on him, trying to annoy him or whatever, I'll call him Chinese.... and then Sling Blade rears his ugly head. "I'm KOREAN... dude!" It's prrrrettty awesome.-------- Break time.

This is probably the greatest story you've ever posted and in the running for greatest thread story period. It's inconceivable (inconceivable!) that this has never come up before. The Sling Blade mention reminds me that I never finished watching that movie. I saw about half of it with my girlfriend when it first came out on DVD, but we got, you know, distracted. I have very fond memories of that movie even though I remember nothing about it.

[mrdannyg 274]

I am in somewhat surprised no one has started posting under the name Turbo yet.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Dear Tactical Bear,Would you care to join in on this debate?Canary is actually doing a pretty good job of outlining his position, but I feel like you could spice it up with some good insults.Sincerely,JoeyJoJoCharter Member of the Sports Gambling 201 threadI'm not even sure when I first posted in that thread, so it might be a little presumptuous of me to say I'm a charter member, but I can't imagine how that can possibly matter.

[mrdannyg 274]

Dear Tactical Bear,Would you care to join in on this debate?Canary is actually doing a pretty good job of outlining his position, but I feel like you could spice it up with some good insults.Sincerely,JoeyJoJoCharter Member of the Sports Gambling 201 threadI'm not even sure when I first posted in that thread, so it might be a little presumptuous of me to say I'm a charter member, but I can't imagine how that can possibly matter.

Your single post said as much that was helpful and/or relevant as any others. Including the half-dozen of mine.I'm still about 96% sure that Mr Bear's thread where he suggested the same thing (and ended up being 5 pages long) was just a giant joke.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Your single post said as much that was helpful and/or relevant as any others. Including the half-dozen of mine.I'm still about 96% sure that Mr Bear's thread where he suggested the same thing (and ended up being 5 pages long) was just a giant joke.

I'm still not sure what you're trying to say.I was talking specifically about the debate whether the books want even action on everything.Several people have stated that the books want that, but nobody has offered any evidence of this.Why do you think contrarian betting is a giant joke? What specifically do you disagree with?

[Tactical Bear 3]

Why do you think contrarian betting is a giant joke?

He's probably referring to this abortion of an NFL season. I'm gonna go smoke. I'll have more to say -- about lots of stuff -- when I get back. I just casually referred to the CFO of General Motors as "Bitch Tits." In a class of 30 people. During a conversation with a guest-speaker. Who is a Global Director for General Motors.

[mrdannyg 274]

I'm still not sure what you're trying to say.I was talking specifically about the debate whether the books want even action on everything.Several people have stated that the books want that, but nobody has offered any evidence of this.Why do you think contrarian betting is a giant joke? What specifically do you disagree with?

I was trying to say that you are great and most of us suck. Nothing clever like Bear Tits suggested.I think Wang's long post, where he suggests books try to take a side, was a joke.I also respect that you've been making an effort to try to converse with me recently. I know you find it difficult, since we really just don't seem to mesh conversationally. I kind of feel like the fat chick, but I only mean this in reference to you, since I know I'm pretty much God to everyone else.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I feel like you could spice it up with some good insults.

Begin masturbating angrily while looking in a mirror, then start crying, then use your tears as lubrication while you masturbate if you're out of your depth and just totally making shit up. (Pivvy2001 begins masturbating angrily while looking in a mirror, then starts crying, then uses his tears as lubrication while he masturbates.)

Thanks.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Thanks.

(wink and the gun)

[speedz99 145]

1. He's kind-of like family... and making fun of a retard is kind-of like kicking a kitten in the nuts.

Hopefully you know us well enough to know that we wouldn't be making fun of him. I'm almost positive we all think that this is awesome in a totally non-ironic way.This really is one of the greatest things to happen in the sick thread for a long time, perhaps ever. I've requested him as a facebook friend...I've never done that before (I'm far too cool to ask people to be my friend).

Anyway, basically Turbo is awesome. If you ask him why his name is Turbo, he will always say... "cause I'm the fastest detassler this side of the Mississippi." in a heavy asian accent. He's lived here since he was nine, but still has a terrible accent. Anyway... he LOVES nicknames. If you spend any more than 5 hours or so with him, you will get a nickname. Everyone in our store had a nickname... and Turbo ONLY refers to people by their nickname... ever. I'm fairly certain that Turbo hasn't called me John since 1992. I think that my brain might actually have some sort of weird 'event' if he did. My nickname is T-Rex. (probably due to my 6'6" frame and size 17 shoes) I have only been called T-Rex, Rex, Rexal, etc... for the last 15+ years. If I make him mad or piss him off somehow, then he pulls out the BIG GUNS... and calls me Rex-Lax. (sick burn!) The awesome thing about the nicknames, is that once Turbo gives someone a nickname, even if this person was only in his life for one summer in 1995, he will only refer to them by their nickname, which is impossible for anyone else to remember. Another thing that Turbo prides himself on is being South Korean. The only problem is... he's Chinese. His adoptive parents had a blood/body workup done when he was young and it came back as Chinese heritage. He was picked up on the streets of Inchon, South Korea when he was 9 and shipped to Missouri. The adoption agency just assumed he was Chinese because Inchon is a port city and since Chinese fisherman can only have one kid, they want to make sure it's a normal male. (Girls and retards get dropped off in Korea.) Anyway, the fact that he's actually Chinese is a major point of contention and something he simply doesn't accept... so whenever I'm picking on him, trying to annoy him or whatever, I'll call him Chinese.... and then Sling Blade rears his ugly head. "I'm KOREAN... dude!" It's prrrrettty awesome.

I just...these two paragraphs...they made my day.

Also, I don't think I mentioned it, but I am no longer a bookie. Turns out one of my clients was a murderous felon, and decided to stiff me out of about 2,000. I had to shut it down, because it meant people would take shots at me if I weren't willing to go to the mattresses to collect. Believe it or not, getting jacked out of 2,000 saved me, based on some guesswork and conservative calculations, about 15,000. That's called: running hot.

It had to happen eventually...nice that it happened at a good time. Is there a good story about the murderous felon, or are you going to just leave it at that? I'd kind of like to hear about his threats and your reaction to them.

I am in somewhat surprised no one has started posting under the name Turbo yet.

Now that misterb is gone (and has been for a long time) there are no longer any horrible fake accounts being created around here.

[Cheeto(h) 0]

Now that misterb is gone (and has been for a long time) there are no longer any horrible fake accounts being created around here.

Agreed.... I mean... MEEEEOOOWW.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

he said HORRIBLE.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Agreed.... I mean... MEEEEOOOWW.

Heh.Besides, Turbo already posted in here. (Although I could probably be convinced it's not the Turbo.)