I Called In Sick Today

[Theraflu 1,035]

I know most of you don't care about Celtics banter, but this is courtesy of Tommy Heinsohn and the home home broadcast, re: Rondo and his $55 million dollar contract, where he was starting behind Sebastian Telfair and Delonte West in 2006: "Rondo is a potential hall of famer, while Telfair is lucky to even be considered for a starting position, and West is having some problems."

[JoeyJoJo 18]

West is having some problems.

That article left out the best part: he was carrying some of the guns in a guitar case strapped to his back. He's El Mariachi.

[Theraflu 1,035]

That article left out the best part: he was carrying some of the guns in a guitar case strapped to his back. He's El Mariachi.

I just googled the latest D. West article; Deadspin had pictures of the "bike" he was carrying it on, and I will go find pictures now to emphasize the awesomeness of the point.

[Theraflu 1,035]

Supposedly, this:

[Napa_Don 688]

I love stories like Delonte West. "Famous" people doing rando stuff like that. Just awesome. I'm a big fan of Bill Simmon's Mike Tyson Zone, which for those of you not in the know, "He's officially a person who, if a friend said, "Did you hear that (fill in celebrity's name) just (fill in the insane behavior: urinated on a police officer, began breeding unicorns, etc.)?", I would have no problem believing it was true. I think this space is occupied by Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson, Courtney Love, and the late, great ODB.".

[speedz99 145]

guess it's time for me to start huffing glue.

You could move to Chicago with brv...move in with the family, be their nanny while you look for another job. It'd be like a sitcom! You:Napa:brvheart:Maybe getting an occasional drop-in from mk:Or lefty:

Don't forget the cat food and beer.

Maybe play some night crawlers?

[runthemover 39]

JJJ: I have a pretty clear memory of putting that mustache on there. Also, pretty clear memory of feeling proud that TB used it. Maybe I piggybacked off your original?JLL: maybe you did. you added the hat, it seems.me2: it's more complex than thatdave: more complex than that?speedz: I stick by my story

who's your counterpart on FCP?the ones i can think of so far (forgive me if you're offended):ron mexico & speedzcardwarfare & shimmering wanghblask & longliveyorkesimo8ball & budbundyzach & actuarynikki & renaebigdmcgee & dirty dutch

First off, odd. I've never really heard that before. If anything, CardWarfare is like my younger, significantly more Asian little brother. I guess it makes sense, as we're both pretty much giant douches, and he IS Asian, while my name kinda SOUNDS Asian. Is that it? The Asian thing?Also, I always think of LongLiveYorke and RodReynolds together. They're both... mathy.Wang

I think it's the ShimmeringWarfare thread that did it. I feel like if that never happened, the comparison would never have been made. Although neither of us really make any sense or say anything significant, and we both act like we're much better than the majority of humanity, so that could be it as well.

I always thought Shakezuma was more of a Wang. But, I dunno. I could be making that up.

Yeah, I feel a little connection with the ShakeMeister, but he's noticeably cooler than I am. It's an effortless kind of cool that one can't really hope to emulate.Wang

try putting a moustache on the duck

That's a good idea. I don't think I have the requisite MS PAINT skillz to do it, though.

too lazy to spend more than 5 minutes on this so there you go.

Joey: that's not the same thing at allme2: [/Joey: whoa whoa whoa

Actually he is many things, but he was Salem for 7 years so I think that trumps writing a football column. Also, it doesn't quench my wonderment over his potential renumeration (as Salem - not as a sportswriter).

Jesus, 7 years? Still, once you've read his column or seen him do his shtick, he loses lots of value. It's pretty disappointing.

me2: I was going to do a tale of the tape here but I'm hungry so let's pretend I did and we'll all go back to how it was back in '07 when we weren't Jeepstering that one guyEl G: you mean Jeepster?Joey: what does going back to '07 have to do with anything?me2: [/Joey:Joe:Jo:speedz: that's nothing like backing away slowly

[speedz99 145]

Who are you?

[Theraflu 1,035]

JJJ: I have a pretty clear memory of putting that mustache on there. Also, pretty clear memory of feeling proud that TB used it. Maybe I piggybacked off your original?JLL: maybe you did. you added the hat, it seems.me2: it's more complex than thatdave: more complex than that?speedz: I stick by my storyJoey: that's not the same thing at allme2: [/Joey: whoa whoa whoame2: I was going to do a tale of the tape here but I'm hungry so let's pretend I did and we'll all go back to how it was back in '07 when we weren't Jeepstering that one guyEl G: you mean Jeepster?Joey: what does going back to '07 have to do with anything?me2: [/Joey:Joe:Jo:speedz: that's nothing like backing away slowly

Who are you?

I don't know, but I made it in via an obscure tale-of-the-tape reference that LG won't get, so bravo.

[brvheart 1,752]

I got the ranch instead, which was a surprisingly adequate substitute.

no, no it wasn't.

better off having been aborted

runs in....

Did somebody say..... "aborted"?!

[Sickinfo2 291]

I mean, I guess somebody might believe that.

As long as this guy does...

We haveA professional DrinkerSaland Strategy

:Ivegotfriendsinlowplacesface:

guess it's time for me to start huffing glue.

Its not a bad program...I just mentioned this to Guap... back when the wife and I got married, I remodeled an airplane hangar into our first "home"I traded some work to the local cabinet guy for a custom set of hickory ones as a surprise to the ole lady. Since I didnt want her to see them until they were done we worked at night installing themWell, it was also winter, so the giant door that was the entire wall on one side had to be kept closed for the formica glue to properly set. The guy cautioned me that the fumes were pretty intense, but I figured he was just screwing with me and stayed right there beside him during the installFast forward two hours, I couldnt lay on the floor without holding on to something. The mixture of a six pack....I was a lightweight back then....with the fumes was a fantastic high for several hoursThe next morning I came close to hand propping the Cub in there with me and using it to behead myself. Terrrrrrrible hangoverOh, and she didnt like the cabinets much either...

You could move to Chicago with brv...move in with the family, be their nanny while you look for another job. It'd be like a sitcom!

All youre missing is a black guy...where Kers when ya need him?

[speedz99 145]

All youre missing is a black guy...where Kers when ya need him?

It's a sitcom about brvheart's house, you really think they'll allow minorities in there?

[Napa_Don 688]

It's a sitcom about brvheart's house, you really think they'll allow minorities in there?

He has minority servants in his house!

[brvheart 1,752]

It's a sitcom about brvheart's house, you really think they'll allow minorities in there?

Real life is too funny.I should tell you guys about Turbo someday.(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

[speedz99 145]

Just watched V. It wasn't bad, but honestly, I wish there was a "future wiki" page outlining how it all ends. I hate shows like this that seem like they should be building to a definite ending, but in trying to stretch things out will take horrible turns and then get cancelled before coming to a logical conclusion.

(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

I'm sorry, but how could you not have been telling us stories about them?

[El Guapo 8]

Real life is too funny.I should tell you guys about Turbo someday.(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

Have you missed the gist of this thread since you have been posting here regularly?How has this not been mentioned before and elaborated on in great detail?Clint, I blame you!

[Napa_Don 688]

Have you missed the gist of this thread since you have been posting here regularly?How has this not been mentioned before and elaborated on in great detail?Clint, I blame you!

There's a story about Turbo that is probably "had to be there" kind of thing that I just remembered, but didn't want to tell it without brv's permission. I'm assuming he knows what I'm talking about.

[strategy 4]

.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

guess it's time for me to start huffing glue.

Don't forget the cat food and beer.

awesome. i know it looks like he just does a lot of weird stuff, everyone, but there's a method to Sal's madness.

Real life is too funny.I should tell you guys about Turbo someday.(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

wtf

[Napa_Don 688]

I'm...dumb.

[strategy 4]

.

[brvheart 1,752]

I'm sorry, but how could you not have been telling us stories about them?

I've thought about it. I suppose I have some good stuff hidden somewhere up here. (taps on head)

Have you missed the gist of this thread since you have been posting here regularly?How has this not been mentioned before and elaborated on in great detail?Clint, I blame you!

LET'S GET HIM!

There's a story about Turbo that is probably "had to be there" kind of thing that I just remembered, but didn't want to tell it without brv's permission. I'm assuming he knows what I'm talking about.

I don't know what you're talking about... and I'm sure it's ok.

[Sickinfo2 291]

I should tell you guys about Turbo someday.(I have a rapper from Kazakhstan and a retarded South Korean, named Turbo, living in my basement.)

Here I am straining for material and resorting to posting pitiful stunts like driving intoxicated in the desert to crack a grimace outta the group, and you have a virtual gold mine of potentially hilarious ammunition right under your feet??I was about to upload a cat juggling video, for Gods sakes...Stuffed, of course:mopsforeheadface:Help me out here...

[Sickinfo2 291]

LOOK, my life may be completely miserable, and I may never have a job that pays much more than minimum wage, and I may never do anything close to what I even remotely want to do with my life, and I may for all intents and purposes be better of having been aborted, but I am NOT below freaking CANADIANS! jesus christ.

Good news, sal... you should petition to be placed above the drunkThis just hit the news feed:LITTLE ROCK, Ark. -- Gov. Mike Beebe said Arkansas now ranks 46th in per-capita personal income, up from 47th last year.It's the first time in 50 years that the state has ranked that high, Beebe said. The state now surpasses Kentucky, Utah, West Virginia and Mississippi, Beebe said Monday."This is the first time since they've been keeping records that we've got that many states below us," Beebe said.

[brvheart 1,752]

There are a couple reasons that I've never told you guys about Turbo.1. He's kind-of like family... and making fun of a retard is kind-of like kicking a kitten in the nuts.2. I don't have a great memory. For instance, Napa thinks I remember some story about him and Turbo, but I have no idea what he's talking about. When he tells the story, I'm sure I'll remember it like yesterday.3. I'm much more reserved and 'shy' online... which is the opposite of most people. I would WAY rather hang out with you guys in real life than here.That being said... I may as well do a little background, and then when I think about something you guys will know what I'm talking about.I went to Iowa State originally in fall 1992. I had jobs everywhere, usually working around 50 hours a week. (I put myself through school.) Anyway... one of my jobs was a McDonald's manager and Turbo was a oriental dude with 'mental heath issues' hired through the McJOBS program for retards and droolers. Anyway, I kind of took him under my wing and we've been friends ever since. Whenever we worked together, I was basically shouting at the other employees various things that were obviously sarcastic to everyone but Turbo... which worked really nicely for the sake of general employee morale.Things like:"What the hell is wrong with you guys, Turbo is SMOKIN' you idiots."after waiting 5 minutes for a sandwich:"Dammit... if you're not the best employee ever Turbo... NICE WORK! You other idiots need to pay attention to the Squinty Eyed Ninja Master!"...and what not. As long as you're telling him how awesome he is, in some way, he's your best friend. It doesn't matter at all how sarcastically you say it. Which is wonderful.Anyway, basically Turbo is awesome. If you ask him why his name is Turbo, he will always say... "cause I'm the fastest detassler this side of the Mississippi." in a heavy asian accent. He's lived here since he was nine, but still has a terrible accent. Anyway... he LOVES nicknames. If you spend any more than 5 hours or so with him, you will get a nickname. Everyone in our store had a nickname... and Turbo ONLY refers to people by their nickname... ever. I'm fairly certain that Turbo hasn't called me John since 1992. I think that my brain might actually have some sort of weird 'event' if he did. My nickname is T-Rex. (probably due to my 6'6" frame and size 17 shoes) I have only been called T-Rex, Rex, Rexal, etc... for the last 15+ years. If I make him mad or piss him off somehow, then he pulls out the BIG GUNS... and calls me Rex-Lax. (sick burn!) The awesome thing about the nicknames, is that once Turbo gives someone a nickname, even if this person was only in his life for one summer in 1995, he will only refer to them by their nickname, which is impossible for anyone else to remember. So he'll randomly start laughing or something, some night and say:Turbo: Hey remember when Gridiron went with us to Worlds of Fun?Turbo: [insert an Asian chuckle/giggle and then he starts coughing.] brv: No Turbo... I have no fricking clue who Gridiron is.Turbo: You know! Gridiron! He's the one who got puked on by that kid!brv: Oh... Lawrence. ok.. yeah, that was awesomeTurbo: [Asian giggling, followed by more coughing]Another thing that Turbo prides himself on is being South Korean. The only problem is... he's Chinese. His adoptive parents had a blood/body workup done when he was young and it came back as Chinese heritage. He was picked up on the streets of Inchon, South Korea when he was 9 and shipped to Missouri. The adoption agency just assumed he was Chinese because Inchon is a port city and since Chinese fisherman can only have one kid, they want to make sure it's a normal male. (Girls and retards get dropped off in Korea.) Anyway, the fact that he's actually Chinese is a major point of contention and something he simply doesn't accept... so whenever I'm picking on him, trying to annoy him or whatever, I'll call him Chinese.... and then Sling Blade rears his ugly head. "I'm KOREAN... dude!" It's prrrrettty awesome.-------- Break time.