Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 268k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico

    19414

  • speedz99

    16304

  • Napa Lite

    7767

  • ShakeZuma

    7517

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

really? chicago twice?
I mean, I guess I do get it, but even with the sarcastic laugh, that’s still a really bad joke, right?I think I needed an even more over the top sarcastic laugh to cover that one up.
Link to post
Share on other sites
No, you don't understand. This was about baseball teams. In Chicago, there are two teams, the Cubs and the White Sox. So he had to seed the city twice.
well I'll be damned.
Nope.
this man knows humor.
I mean, I guess I do get it, but even with the sarcastic laugh, that’s still a really bad joke, right?I think I needed an even more over the top sarcastic laugh to cover that one up.
while you, sir, do NOT.
Link to post
Share on other sites
this man knows humor.while you, sir, do NOT.
But...isn't an unassisted triple play a bad thing?If not, can't we all just follow the prescribed guidelines for rating posts?Let's have some order in here!
Link to post
Share on other sites
But...isn't an unassisted triple play a bad thing?If not, can't we all just follow the prescribed guidelines for rating posts?Let's have some order in here!
oh I don't know, is it? it sounded good to me. I hate baseball though, so maybe I'm wrong. still gonna consider it good though.AND I STILL DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR NON-APPRECIATION JOSEPH
Link to post
Share on other sites
But...isn't an unassisted triple play a bad thing?
Dammit...I totally skimmed and misunderstood that one. My bad, Quacker.
unnecessary. no one's going to kill a wee pig like that for his bacon.
What are you, high? Veal. Lamb. MICRO PIGLET. It's like the most ultimate of all tender baby-meats.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you ever burped so loud that you knew, like, for sure, that your neighbors heard you? Me neither.Cheeto is the best cat ever. She got along with the kittens right away...I swear she has this mothering instinct for every other cat in the world. Dewey, the constant pain in my ass (who is the best cat ever in a different way), has been hissing at them and at the moment I'm forced to keep them separated. Thus, my bedroom smells like kitten poo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Went to lunch today, and after I make my order, I hand over a ten dollar bill. The woman behind the cashier says "Out of ten?" as she punches in the numbers on the cashier. Is this really a question? Should I answer it? It really isn't clear whether they are actually asking me something or not, but it does pretty much sound like a question. Sometimes I end up saying "yeah", but screw that I am not answering this any more. If they need to say the amount to themselves to remember it, they should just phrase it as a statement.When I was done eating I went next door to get a coffee. "Out of five?"

Link to post
Share on other sites
my bedroom smells like kitten poo.
Yeah....looks like things are still just the way I left them around hereMe?Tolerable....fair to midlin....purty good....alright I guess... thanks for askingA few highlights...Reno was fun...fishing good/gambling so-soEmergency trip to the Rotten Apple... no fancy cigars or drinks in Times Square with MrB...maybe next timeLost a big toe nail in Vegas....no, not a fancy term for money or anything. An actual toe nailFined two hundred and fifty bucks for doing a burnout in front of a McDonalds...near miss on a DWIFiled several more grievances against various alcohol manufacturers Now, for the best part of all...A few weeks ago I gave the kid orders to construct a hidden camera in my baseball hat to document just what happens around me on a daily basis. Ive viewed several minutes of the footage and can personally guarantee that each and everyone of you that views it will, without a doubt, think much less of me afterward than you do at this point. No doubt about it. The casino parts are now my personal favorite but the TSA goons at the airport are pretty close. Dont expect to see much drinking and driving, though...Yeah rightWell, I gotta go back on the road again for a while...Frankly, Im quite tired of it. LOL!
Link to post
Share on other sites
"Out of five?"
And what's the deal with the black box?
A few weeks ago I gave the kid orders to construct a hidden camera in my baseball hat to document just what happens around me on a daily basis. Ive viewed several minutes of the footage and can personally guarantee that each and everyone of you that views it will, without a doubt, think much less of me afterward than you do at this point. No doubt about it.
Mm hmm. Just like we were going to love the footage of you accepting that award from those guys at the place that time.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mm hmm
You have my word as a gentle.......men club patron, sirJust to make sure you dont get stiffed again, I vow to never post again....under any of the fifty or so accounts available to me.... until it is premiered. :pinkieswearface: Trust me...Im not wearing the thing for my own enjoyment. Not much, anyway. Plus the folks over on FerrariChat dont appreciate my style of humor according to the death threats Ive received in the past. Something of this magnitude would surely push them over the edge
Link to post
Share on other sites
Got my new foster kittens.
This is a serious question. When did pounds stop killing unwanted cats? It really surprises me that there is a foster cat program in existence. (I love cats... I'm just surprised. Please don't yell at me.)
Went to lunch today, and after I make my order, I hand over a ten dollar bill. The woman behind the cashier says "Out of ten?" as she punches in the numbers on the cashier. Is this really a question? Should I answer it? It really isn't clear whether they are actually asking me something or not, but it does pretty much sound like a question. Sometimes I end up saying "yeah", but screw that I am not answering this any more. If they need to say the amount to themselves to remember it, they should just phrase it as a statement.When I was done eating I went next door to get a coffee. "Out of five?"
FYI... they are taught to do that to prevent theft via bill switching. If they say it out loud... you can't claim that you gave them a $20 later. But if you actually gave them a $20, and they said $10, then you would immediately mention it.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements


×
×
  • Create New...