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I Called In Sick Today


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On the drive home this evening I heard Hell's Bells on the radio. The first thought I had was "Hmm, I wonder what the BCC is?" Then I immediately modified it to "Hmm, I wonder what the BSNC is?"Jeebus, I need a life.

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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at least the motorists will be able to see you crossing the street better - nice of you to help them get max points for distance.
What? I mean it is cool, right?I wouldn't be caught dead in those shorts lol
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Mom update: She is doing well. Lost all her hair again. She popped in my office for a minute this morning after going to the Dr. Next round is on Friday.
I thought it said she pooped in your office the first time through.
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I just remember him going from "mildly interesting" to "the worst" in a pretty short span. Somebody posted a picture of a girl who was like 15 pounds overweight and then he flipped out. Is that Danny? Or is that someone else?
I was very afraid this was me. I did go from 'horrific' to 'mildly interesting' to 'something else.' Glad to hear it wasn't me who fell that far.
haha, that was Timdog. He posted pics of his ex and current wives and Ron remarked that his ex was hot and the new one not quite so...people are ribbing danny for being a wus and leaving after finally got the nookie. In fairness, alot of guys succomb to this let alone a guy that waiteda quarter of a century to get the vag. I also think he had a huge fear that she would discover what he wrote about her in here and well, the midget porn, that too.In reality we all like him, but it's nearly impossible not to bring it up when he rarely pops in anymore. Not ragging on him would be immoral on our part as devout sickies.
This is accurate, except perhaps the "we all like him" part.
well personally, being an accountant and part asian of some sort, I still very much like danny.
Being Jewish, and working at a bank, I like you too.
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I don't give a shit who stole it from where, that is brilliant.The real reason I stopped posting here can be exemplified in the last 24 hours.Yesterday, I was reading it at work. My office is semi-private. Just semi. There was a large picture of breasts on the page. I cannot risk opening a page that contains that at work.This morning, I am reading it before I leave for work. I am now 20 minutes late to jump in the shower, and will likely miss my bus or skip breakfast.So you all have my sincere thanks for causing me to risk my job, go hungry, and smell like ass. : heart :
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So I had some sex last night. I probably clock in around the 50th percentile as a sexual performer. I don't have any real go-to moves, but I'm familiar enough with the anatomy and can pick up on the cues, so as long as I manage expectations ("yeah, I've got really small hands for a guy my size, and I only wear a size 10 shoe"; "I smoke a pack a day, so I don't exactly have much in the way of cardiovascular stamina anymore... actually, I don't have much of ANY kind of stamina"), most women only end up mildly disappointed.The new girl, however, is... it's like a dream come true. This is a brag post, but not in the "check out how awesome I am" style , but instead in the fashion of "check out how incredibly lucky I got tracking down this one." She had 7 orgasms during our first encounter. SEVEN. Perhaps she faked 7 orgasms, but before things got too heavy, she pulled away and said, "Hey, don't freak out, but I'm really sensitive." What are you talking about? "You'll see." Well, holy crap. I mean, I'm accustomed to working my ass off to get to one, and she was popping off like a bag of Orville Redenbacher. Wang: "What was that? Was that... I mean, my ego isn't so fragile you have to, like, pretend I'm some kind of super-stud."Her: (embarrassed) "I'm... I told you I was... you know."Holy. Fucking. Crap. I mean, this is my dream come true. I don't even have to do anything.Furthermore, before we were going to sleep, I was goofing around on my laptop, and somehow we got to talking about Monte Carlo simulations. She asked me to walk her through one, so I obliged. When I started explaining the way I handled net present value and DeadCapital time, she jumped me, and there were five more orgasms. (I asked her specifically, and she gave me the count.)Wang: "Where did that come from?"Her: "I'm really turned on by nerdiness." Alright, what is going on. Did one of you, as a brilliantly-executed practical joke, find a girl and give her a dossier on me or something? After the sex, we started talking about nerdy books we've read. Her: "I like graphic novels. Watchmen is probably the best, but my absolute favorite is..."Wang: "Hold up. This might be awesome. I'm going to go to my junk drawer and pull out a graphic novel, and if it's your favorite of all time you're going to be soooo impressed."Her: "Okay...."Wang: (has book behind back) "Okay. Tell me."Her: "Y: The Last Man. You've probably never even heard of it."Wang: (pulls Y: The Last Man out from behind his back) "That's right."Her: "???"Wang: "I'm fucking psychic."I'm fucking psychic.

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Alright, what is going on. Did one of you, as a brilliantly-executed practical joke, find a girl and give her a dossier on me or something?
I got the idea from True Romance.
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I had sex during that movie last night, which is where I got the idea.
I’m watching Office Space right now, which is where I got the idea of having an idea that actually came from a movie.
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Furthermore, before we were going to sleep, I was goofing around on my laptop, and somehow we got to talking about Monte Carlo simulations. She asked me to walk her through one, so I obliged. When I started explaining the way I handled net present value and DeadCapital time, she jumped me, and there were five more orgasms. (I asked her specifically, and she gave me the count.)
It was at this point that I began to reread, looking for a clue as to when the Monte Carlo sim turned into a game of blackjack. It's possible that I spend too much time thinking about gambling.
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I got the idea from True Romance.
I had sex during that movie last night, which is where I got the idea.
I’m watching Office Space right now, which is where I got the idea of having an idea that actually came from a movie.
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Hmmm. I can't remember what I was going to say. I clicked Add Reply, then walked away and did some office type things.I guess I could have just backed out and not done anything.It was probably something about Wang finding his soul mate and the irony of her being a black midget.I am not fully sure if it is ironic, but I am assuming it is.

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Great catchup after a few days with the ladyfriend, who, as written in Wang's thread, may now be the girlfriend. I'm not sure.

Wang: "I said NICK-er."
Even I doubt the veracity of this story, but I still laughed.
Don't tell everyone else, but you are the actual reason I decided to read the thread. Your kitty tales have a je ne sais quoi I cannot get anywhere else.
Hey thanks, I'm glad to hear you got a couple. Names?So Dewey and Cheeto are getting along extraordinarily well...maybe too well. And now, a short internal monologue: Hey guys! Well, at least it looks like you haven't killed each other yet. Aw, Cheeto, are you grooming him? What, do you think he's one of your kittens? Too cute. What...Dewey...what's that sound? Why are you...dude! Stop sucking my Cheeto's nips!They're somewhere between best buds, a couple, and mom & son. It's slightly odd.
At least half of the people here don't give a fuck about cats.
The half that my computer simulation has created as adversaries.
I just remember him going from "mildly interesting" to "the worst" in a pretty short span. Somebody posted a picture of a girl who was like 15 pounds overweight and then he flipped out. Is that Danny? Or is that someone else?
Oh, TimDog. We hardly knew ye. You know who I miss? Tyfgine.
Whoa whoa whoa, let's not go saying things we can't take back.
This reminds me, it's been too long since one of us has seriously offended an Army member. Just saying.
Megan called her sister to let her know her mom was having a really bad case of vertigo.
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Her: "I'm really turned on by nerdiness."
I need a girl that has multiple orgasms due to nerdiness. We watched some Millionairre the other night and I was killing it. KILLING it. I think she was more annoyed than anything. We have kind of a running joke about me being competitive, but it's wearing thin as I destroy her at pretty much everything we do. It's not my fault I'm slightly above average at everything and she's a girl (and therefore slightly below average at everything by definition).
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Great catchup after a few days with the ladyfriend, who, as written in Wang's thread, may now be the girlfriend. I'm not sure.
Neither is she, speedz, neither is she.
I need a girl that has multiple orgasms due to nerdiness.
Don't we all, speedz, don't we all?
This reminds me, it's been too long since one of us has seriously offended an Army member. Just saying.
These things gotta happen every five years or so, ten years. Helps to get rid of the bad blood. Been ten years since the last one. You know, you gotta stop them at the beginning.
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