I Called In Sick Today

[GrinderMJ 0]

Name the cat "General Cornwallace" or the general for short. it worked out really well with our last catedit: until it disappeared one day and never came back, sad day

[gobears 0]

I get laid as much as I please, but that's not interesting to you guys. Neither is my girl on girl action. I've got some fantastic girl on girl stories.

see boy on boy action and you would have gotten a hefty response

also, here's a question for everybody: why is over freaking half of the news stories on every god damn major news site in video form? is it that hard to write an article? is it that hard for the general public to read one? I fucking hate that. pisses me off every time. "oh hey! that sounds like an interesting story! wonder what it's about? OH. great. a fucking video. no thank you 30 seconds of load time, then some ridiculous commercial, then putting ear phones in, then waiting until the god damn end to figure out what the damn story is about."

Yes and it's getting worse, used to be just one icon and now it's a bunch

This is really annoying. There are times when I see that little video icon and instead of clicking the link I do a Google News search on the headline to get a regular version of the story.

I do this too

I was just checking the dates on this country music festival I'm going to in August and I noticed that Kellie Pickler is going to be there (as well as T Swift). SUCK ON THAT SAL.

Slide Show including Kellie Pickler shotsCounty Awards - I thought of Sal when I saw the Pickler shots

Story about scumbag advisor

I hope that you can nail this guy - I hate reading about scum like this

[jeff_536 3]

I don't even have spell check active on my laptop. You have no idea how terrifying it is for me every single time I click the "Add Reply" button. I would really love to figure out how to manipulate the settings on this board...

Compose all your replies in Word then paste them into the reply window.And you're just anal enough to be giving this a moment's too much consideration.

[Nikki_N 17]

I hope that you can nail this guy - I hate reading about scum like this

No kidding.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Compose all your replies in Word then paste them into the reply window.And you're just anal enough to be giving this a moment's too much consideration.

Maaaan, I seriously did. There was a large amount of space between the top and bottom of your post, so I read your first sentence before I scrolled down and saw the second. It worked out just like you planned...

Another I hate my industry sometimes rant: This ******* up the street from us, 6 months ago tied up 1.8 million in Variable Annuities with 8-9 year surrender periods with 8-9% surrender charges. What that means is, if they wanted to take out more than 10% in one year they would pay a minimum 8% penalty. To make things worse, they took non qualified money (non IRA dollars), about 650K worth and put in one of these, and then set that up to take out 35K a year to pay for a life insurance policy for estate tax purposes. They are in the highest tax bracket, so they are paying close to 40% taxes on that 35K a year they are pulling out of the Annuity. Where is if some was left liquid or in cash, then it would not be taxed at all. Besides all of that, the annuity is in the name of the trust instead of individually held, which cancels out the death benefit, since trusts don't die.90% of their ****ing asset locked up for 8+ years. This is one day after we find out some highly regarded firm out of the bay area has been lying to their clients and putting half of their assets in Managed Futures or CTA's (Commodity Traded Assets) MK knows how volatile those are. These are retiree's that are betting the farm, literally, on half of their retirement.

You wanna mentor a motherfucker? I am unstupid, haughty when it suits me, look good in a tie, and am surprisingly ethical. I know nothing about finance, and even less about investments/markets and shit.

[Theraflu 1,035]

I am looking forward to waking up with cigar-taste in my mouth tomorrow morning.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Then why am I wasting all this time talking to you?

this is good

Name the cat "General Cornwallace" or the general for short. it worked out really well with our last catedit: until it disappeared one day and never came back, sad day

yeah, he disappeared because he found someone that named him something simple like "Smokey"I did have something to add but I've since forgotten

[renaedawn 1]

Juneau.Say it outloud.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Juneau.Say it outloud.

So fetch

[Tactical Bear 3]

yeah, he disappeared because he found someone that named him something simple like "Smokey"

I think the name "Sherman Crunkington III" has potential. I always wanted to name an animal "The Duke of Crunkington." I have called two pets Crunkigton, but neither was mine, and neither was, you know, actually named Crunkington. Anyway, that is why he would have to be a III, since there were two before him. Duke would be a good name for short, except I would be concerned that people thought it was a reference to Marmaduke, which would be a disaster.

[El Guapo 8]

You wanna mentor a motherfucker? I am unstupid, haughty when it suits me, look good in a tie, and am surprisingly ethical. I know nothing about finance, and even less about investments/markets and shit.

You actually have all the qualities that would make a great advisor. You could do very very well in my world.One thing that I am unsure of, but is something you could work on, is changing your tone to match the person you are talking to. For all the fancy financial stuff we do on the back end, the most important things we do are psychological. We are more counselors and family advisors than anything. We truly get to know our clients lives inside and out. Which is rewarding, but also can be emotionally draining.BTW you already have a larger financial background than 90% of advisors, and as far as learning about the markets, it's more about aligning yourself with people who are smarter than you in those areas. We let people like MK make the day to day trades, then we go find firms that have a lot of MK's making our clients money.EDIT: Less than 30 minutes start to finish on the garbage disposal change out, including clean out. SUCK ON THAT!

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Loved seeing the cartoon again, Beansey. That's so awesome. I think I stared at it grinning stupidly for around 45 seconds. No exaggeration. Scout's honor.

Thank god the fifteen minutes of adding that necklace paid off.......although my five minutes of giggling was sorta worth it, too

I am looking forward to waking up with cigar-taste in my mouth tomorrow morning.

Yeah, Im really slipping around here....Several months ago this space wouldve been occupied with a Balloon Guy jokeI have several pending projects in store for the amusement detestation of everyone, but Im actually too busy these days to complete them.... My drinking schedule is completely out of whack, so thats iron clad proof right thereIf things get really bad in here we should organize a field trip to general again....

EDIT: Less than 30 minutes start to finish on the garbage disposal change out, including clean out. SUCK ON THAT!

Not bad for a ten minute project....

[speedz99 145]

So I just went to refill my cup of Sugar-Free Cherry Limeade and I finished off the pitcher. Normally I just make more right away. This time, the spout was dripping and instinctually, I licked it, to keep the red stuff from dripping on the floor. I said out loud, to no one, because I'm the only one home (besides the dog who was in the other room), "Great. Now I have to wash that." So, what would you do? Would you wash it? Or would you just make more sugar-free cherry limeade and put the pitcher back in the fridge? Or would you put the empty and saliva spouted pitcher in the fridge?

I don't even understand the question. Wash it? What are you, living at The Ritz?

hard to believe that girls aren't just throwing vag at you, really.

Seriously.

Name her Juneau.

...why?One of my female roommates wasn't crazy about the name 'Cheetoh'*. She went on a long rant about how all pets should have names that end in 'y'. So I asked her what name she would suggest. "Spaghetto." I mean...really? *I can't decide what to do about the 'h' situation at the end of the name.

You know, I think I am going to change my answer to this. You really haven't been as funny since you stopped being Shake. It's like changing accounts sapped you of your powers. I'll make you a deal: you start being funny/awesome (and/or go back to Shake), and I will acknowledge and praise you each and every time.

It's true. Sal Paradise is like ShakeZuma if he had a year long pity party for himself. Well, I guess he's not like that, he is that. Donna Martin graduates Bring back Shake!

I am curious. Not "Voldemort loses his job and when I learn about how/why, I think 'serves you right!' for like a half-second before I feel really guilty about that, because, come on, who lets his girlfriend open his mail?" curious, but curious nonetheless.

I enjoyed this.

Name the cat "General Cornwallace" or the general for short. it worked out really well with our last catedit: until it disappeared one day and never came back, sad day

I kind of like this name, but not for this specific cat. My friend recommended extending the name to 'Cheeto Von Cheetoh"...I'm considering it.

You wanna mentor a motherfucker? Sal's still looking for a job.

GET IT?!?

I think the name "Sherman Crunkington III" has potential. I always wanted to name an animal "The Duke of Crunkington." I have called two pets Crunkigton, but neither was mine, and neither was, you know, actually named Crunkington. Anyway, that is why he would have to be a III, since there were two before him. Duke would be a good name for short, except I would be concerned that people thought it was a reference to Marmaduke, which would be a disaster.

Well, she's a she, so these names aren't realistic. But I like where your head's at...I think. Possibly.

[speedz99 145]

EDIT: Less than 30 minutes start to finish on the garbage disposal change out, including clean out. SUCK ON THAT!

I wish I knew how to do stuff. And things too.My door doesn't close...the side above the knob is too high for the frame. I think I need to throw a shim (if that's the right word and/or thing) under the top hinge. Maybe I'll give it a shot. My mother scarred me for life when, in college, I was fixing things around our shitty frat house and building a booth for a charity carnival. I was telling her about it, including the power tools I was using, and what was her reaction? "Matthew, you're Jewish! You pay other people to do those things for you." It was right about then when I started truly loathing the culture I was born into.

[speedz99 145]

I have several pending projects in store for the amusement detestation of everyone, but Im actually too busy these days to complete them....

Go on...

If things get really bad in here we should organize a field trip to general again....

Well, interestingly enough, things have picked up since my pathetic moaning about the inactivity. We'll see if it lasts.

[speedz99 145]

This is my fourth post in a row.

[El Guapo 8]

We'll put and end to this nonsense.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Rage and Self Loathing at Retard UniversitySo in my Management Information Systems class, a healthy portion of our grade was determined by a group project. I have already detailed at length my... disagreements with some of my group members. I actually worked my ass off on this thing. Most teams put 5 hours of work in on this bitch, and I worked, Jesus, 60+ hours? It was supposed to be a simple simulation that took a few randomly generated variables and spit out a little risk analysis.I turned it into a comprehensive and flexible Decision System that could be quickly adjusted to handle a wide range of user-inputted parameters, including interest rates, tax rates, a discount rate (desired rate of return), dead-capital time, and a few other factors, deferred tax benefits from Net Operating Losses, as well as the capability to simulate economies of scale and improved efficiencies based on certain performance thresholds. It also allowed the user to specify different ranges for each variable, as well as a distribution pattern (normal, uniform, etc.). In short, it was absolutely effing sweet, and I was really proud of it. About 60 seconds into the presentation, my professor interrupted me.Professor Asian (aka, the Chinaman): "What is the problem?"Wang: "There's... excuse me? There's no problem. Everything's fine."Chinaman: "No no, the problem you solve. What is it?"Wang: "Well, it's an analysis of -- based on previously determined ranges for a handful of operations, growth, and financial variables -- the profitability of an investment project."Chinaman: "No."Wang: "Huh?"Chinaman: "It is about risk!"Wang: "Yeah, but... I mean, risk is just... it's meaningless in a vaccuum."Chinaman: "Ah, but risk is not profit or loss!"Wang: "..."Chinaman: "is it?"Wang: "Well, actually, that's kinda what risk is. To determine risk you've got to weight costs and benefits, and in our case costs are financial costs, and benefits are financial profits. Right? To understand the risks, we have to first understand the investment's expected return, and then decide whether that is, you know, outweighed by the potential worst-case scenarios."He did not like that answer, and finally I half-snapped, and asked him to wait until after I finished explaining "our" model if he had any questions. So I present this bitch-ass awesome model. It blows some motherfuckers away, and the entire class is awestruck by it's utter dominance. I open the floor for questions, answer a few, explain some stuff and show off the interactive features, and then Dr. Asia chimes in.Dr. Asia: "So, uh, how did you build this?"Wang: "I dunno. Basically googled Excel functions and finance terms, and thought of how I would answer the question if it were my money."Dr. Chink: "Yes but what software did you use?"Wang: "Huh? It's in... it's Excel."Dr. Dickface: "No, but what software did you use as a template?"Wang: "None."At this point, after a few more questions, I realized that Dr. Chinaman was straight-up accusing me of ripping the model off. I was kinda mad, because he didn't believe me. We had some back and forth, and he was becoming increasingly agitated as I tried to defend myself while shocked and half-laughing. Keep in mind, this is in front of a 40 person classroom.Wang: "Well, look here. Here, I can prove that it's my work and mine alone." (At this point, I had given up referring to it as "our" model, because it was obvious that nobody else had any idea what was going on. He wasn't even accusing them of cheating/theft. Just me.)Wang: "See? See the formula I used in this column? This is before I knew anything about how to use Excel, one of the first things I did. I didn't -- actually, I still don't -- know how to find an absolute value a normal way, so I used a MAX() func-"Dr. Hong Kong Fuck You-ey: "See me after class."I went to see him in his office, and continued my explanation. Wang: "...so I used a MAX() function to find the biggest number in the row, squared it, did the same for the MIN(), then used some if statements to compare the two, and return the MIN if MIN squared is bigger, and the MAX if MAX squared is bigger. Does that look 'professional' to you?"Dr. GOT YOUR ASS, BITCH: "..."Wang: "So you see? There's stuff like that all over. It's hacked together. No way this could be ripped off from somebody else."He huffed and hemmed and hawed for awhile, but finally seemed satisfied that the work was mine and mine alone. Dr. Asian: "Okay. Okay. Well, you should fix it up, commercialize it." (Shuts door in Wang's face.)Well fuck you too, motherfucker. No apology for accusing me of cheating/lying/stealing? and doing it in front of 40 of my peers? No? Okay then. Go fuck yourself. Not my fault you teach at Retard U. I have a plan, though. I am going to give him NO BETTER than a 4/5 on his student evaluation in any category. Most will even be lower than that. LOWER. 3s and 2s.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

My door doesn't close...the side above the knob is too high for the frame. I think I need to throw a shim (if that's the right word and/or thing) under the top hinge.

Interior doors are usually hung with the hinge side nailed tight to the framing cripple, and the striker side with a gap shimmed up, well, with wood shims....The wood screws that secure the hinges arent long enough to reach the framing, so to adjust it properly you need a few sheetrock screws about two and a half inches longSince the door is striking at the top/strike side, start by backing the screw off in the top hinge a couple turns....At the bottom hinge, remove the middle screw and replace it with a longer one....tighten it down enough to pull the hinge into the facing about an eighth of an inch. Close the door and check the gap all the way around. Continue removing and replacing the short screws/tightening the longer ones until the gap is acceptable, then gently tighten the rest without disturbing the alignmentIf its really bad, get as close as you can with the above method, then break out the Skil saw, scribe the door, and cut the shit outta it.... no, I didnt figure you would do that at all, either

Go on...

Well, Ive got several hours of video to edit for an upcoming segment and a WSOP trip report that will hit general forum (moved to off-topic two minutes later) this summerI also have several pics to organize and put to music for the "My Town" thing that Randy requested we participate inMy wicked smart biz team has been working around the clock on the first ever aroma post on a forum board, so I have to check on their progress as well

[Tactical Bear 3]

You actually have all the qualities that would make a great advisor. You could do very very well in my world.One thing that I am unsure of, but is something you could work on, is changing your tone to match the person you are talking to.

I would probably have to work on that, but I'm pretty solid with people, in general. I am at least a 7/10 on the charisma and shit scale. Whatever skills I'm lacking, I'm pretty confident I could learn.

Well, she's a she, so these names aren't realistic. But I like where your head's at...I think. Possibly.

Her Majesty the Duchess of Crunkington. Lady Crunkington II, Miss Crunkington if You're Nasty. (There was already a Lady Crunkington.) Reichmistress of Crunkville. You know, those are just templates.

[speedz99 145]

Rage and Self Loathing at Retard University

Those 60+ hours would have been better spent on...well, anything other than overdoing it on a project when I'm sure you knew that your professor probably wouldn't even understand where you were coming from. Learn a language or something.

Interior doors are usually hung with the hinge side nailed tight to the framing cripple, and the striker side with a gap shimmed up, well, with wood shims....The wood screws that secure the hinges arent long enough to reach the framing, so to adjust it properly you need a few sheetrock screws about two and a half inches longSince the door is striking at the top/strike side, start by backing the screw off in the top hinge a couple turns....At the bottom hinge, remove the middle screw and replace it with a longer one....tighten it down enough to pull the hinge into the facing about an eighth of an inch. Close the door and check the gap all the way around. Continue removing and replacing the short screws/tightening the longer ones until the gap is acceptable, then gently tighten the rest without disturbing the alignment

Ok...but it's a good 1/4'' that the door is above the frame on that side, so will I really be able to tighten the bottom hinge far enough to make it fit? I feel like there's only so far it can be tightened before I can't push it into the wood any farther. Further? Farther.

Her Majesty the Duchess of Crunkington. Lady Crunkington II, Miss Crunkington if You're Nasty. (There was already a Lady Crunkington.) Reichmistress of Crunkville. You know, those are just templates.

She's not a crunken cat. I might work with the template, but I'll need another starting point.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Those 60+ hours would have been better spent on...well, anything other than overdoing it on a project when I'm sure you knew that your professor probably wouldn't even understand where you were coming from. Learn a language or something.She's not a crunken cat. I might work with the template, but I'll need another starting point.

I did learn a language, Speedzie. I learned the language of business. I learned the language of simulation. Better yet, I became a chef, capable of taking raw ingredients, mixing them together, and creating something beautiful.The template was the Duke/Duchess, Her Majesty Lady () if you're nasty, Reichmistress, etc. Maybe something like Frau Sweetmittens. Frauke could be the diminutive nickname

[vbnautilus 48]

Wang: "See? See the formula I used in this column? This is before I knew anything about how to use Excel, one of the first things I did. I didn't -- actually, I still don't -- know how to find an absolute value a normal way, so I used a MAX() func-"

All that work and you never thought to try ABS()?

[Tactical Bear 3]

All that work and you never thought to try ABS()?

I am telling you, man, my command of Excel when this project began was almost non-existent. It's still not very good. I am still trying to get a handle on some of the regression stuff, and pretty much everything else in the analysis datapak add-on. Also: go fuck yourself.

[speedz99 145]

I did learn a language, Speedzie. I learned the language of business.

[pause for speedz to vomit and then eat his vomit, just because he knows it will make him continue to vomit, which feels necessary in order to make this night more about the vomiting than it is about the above post]I don't even care that you're kidding...this post mades me RAGE.

The template was the Duke/Duchess, Her Majesty Lady () if you're nasty, Reichmistress, etc. Maybe something like Frau Sweetmittens. Frauke could be the diminutive nickname

I have to be honest with you, Wang. You're horrible at helping people name their pets.