I Called In Sick Today

[Tactical Bear 3]

If you missed the latest Gaffigan special on comedy central, he had a whole bit he did on how bacon makes everything better. It was pretty good overall.Random Bizzle psycho-analysis-I've been swimming since I was 8 years old, and every year the main part of my season has always ran from September to the middle of March. I always get postpartum really badly after whatever my last big meet in March is-it doesn't matter whether the season goes well or terribly, there's always a day or two period of just this pure sense of "I don't know what to do now" and I'm essentially inconsolable. Every year, the thing that drags me out of it is the NCAA tournament-I love the first 4 days of the tournament, and they've always been my favorite days of the year. I usually watch every game that is on TV (and lately, I fire up one or two other screens to get as many games going as I can) and just immerse myself in the tournament. And I can't even tell you how much I love One Shining Moment.However, after this season, I was waiting for the postpartum to kick in, and it never really came. Additionally, I didn't enjoy this year's tournament as much as years past, even skipping one of the Elite 8 games to watch Tiger win and a final 4 game to get a plate with friends. I'm curious as to whether or not that signifies a changing lack of interest in things, although I'm not sure why-last year, I had the same postpartum and I didn't even swim in a championship meet of any sort. I kind of worry whether not having the influence of the first emotion is going to restrict the enjoyment of the second.I still love One Shining Moment though-I really think it is the purest moment in sports that happens on a yearly basis.

It's because your enjoyment of this year's tournament was tainted by: my utter dominance of: you. I don't like bragging, but I feel as if I have no choice but to point out that my record against Bizzle is now:1) Last year's NCAA tournament- Winner = Derek, Bizzle = Runner Up 2) Fantasy Football- Winner = Derek, Bizzle = missed the playoffs3) Heads-up NCAA tournament- Winner = Derek, Bizzle = last placeThree events, three victories for Shimmering Wang. Bizzle? 3 losses. I am dominant. I will also out-sad you, anytime, anywhere. Bizzleface.

[El Guapo 8]

I let my son jump from the landing on the stairs to me at the bottom so he can play superman and pretend he is flying. Our stairs are situated like this:Before I took him to bed I said he could jump to me. He backed his butt up to the wall, takes two steps and instead of just jumping to me he decides to do a handspring flip type thing where he ended up flying feet first at me about 8 feet in the air.The dad in me had to put the shear amazement aside and punish him for dangerous activity, even though I was completely impressed.

[Sickinfo2 291]

For those of you involved in the great mustard debate of o nine, I picked up a jar of Sierra Nevada mustard at the Whole Foods store yesterday Yeah, same company that makes the beverage I enjoy....I highly recommend it

[strategy's_touch 0]

god damnit why did I start watching house again. ****ing show always gets me emotionally attached and exploits it for all it's worth.

[Sal Paradise 57]

And bacon can't be good on pizza

I mean I hate to keep piling on here but damn, this is the stupidest thing ever written, like since gutenberg and shit. I mean it's stupider than 911 conspiracy theories and the shamwow being discussed by a whole school of retards. damn ron.

One thing I don't and won't do is mixing salt and sweet. I had trail mix with the salted raising. Won't eat fruit with cooked meat, a la pineapple on ham

this one is more debatable, but I still vehemently disagree here. you ever had a Take 5 candy bar? fucking delicious. pretzels and chocolate. suuuuper.

If you missed the latest Gaffigan special on comedy central, he had a whole bit he did on how bacon makes everything better. It was pretty good overall.Random Bizzle psycho-analysis-I've been swimming since I was 8 years old, and every year the main part of my season has always ran from September to the middle of March. I always get postpartum really badly after whatever my last big meet in March is-it doesn't matter whether the season goes well or terribly, there's always a day or two period of just this pure sense of "I don't know what to do now" and I'm essentially inconsolable. Every year, the thing that drags me out of it is the NCAA tournament-I love the first 4 days of the tournament, and they've always been my favorite days of the year. I usually watch every game that is on TV (and lately, I fire up one or two other screens to get as many games going as I can) and just immerse myself in the tournament. And I can't even tell you how much I love One Shining Moment.However, after this season, I was waiting for the postpartum to kick in, and it never really came. Additionally, I didn't enjoy this year's tournament as much as years past, even skipping one of the Elite 8 games to watch Tiger win and a final 4 game to get a plate with friends. I'm curious as to whether or not that signifies a changing lack of interest in things, although I'm not sure why-last year, I had the same postpartum and I didn't even swim in a championship meet of any sort. I kind of worry whether not having the influence of the first emotion is going to restrict the enjoyment of the second.I still love One Shining Moment though-I really think it is the purest moment in sports that happens on a yearly basis.

wow bizzle, way to make being manly seem gay.

[Bizzle 0]

3) Heads-up NCAA tournament- Winner = Derek, Bizzle = last place

Yeah, I got nothin. I look forward to paying someone else your money.Above line was pretty damn funny though.

god damnit why did I start watching house again. ****ing show always gets me emotionally attached and exploits it for all it's worth.

Shit was intense, son.

wow bizzle, way to make being manly seem gay.

All the One Tree Hill talk was bringin me down, had to return the thread back to Sports.

[mk 11]

I let my son jump from the landing on the stairs to me at the bottom so he can play superman and pretend he is flying.

let me know where i can nominate you for parent of the year

[mk 11]

god i love baseballi had first pick in our big fantasy league this year, and hanley just immediately started taking dumps on people's chests. HYACHACHACHACHACHA

[Tactical Bear 3]

god i love baseballi had first pick in our big fantasy league this year, and hanley just immediately started taking dumps on people's chests. HYACHACHACHACHACHA

I am in a 10-team AL-only roto/auction league, and I pursued an interesting strategy this year. I usually put together a 25$ pitching staff and try to collect low-whip, low-era relievers who might get some saves. Everyone knows this, and I lose a lot of my leverage, so I bought the following pitching staff:Felix HernandezErik BedardJames ShieldsScott BakerDavid PriceCC SabathiaGil MecheBrandon MorrowKerry WoodBaker is Hurt. Sabathia looks hurt. The Rays decided they didn't want Price's arb-clock ticking, so they sent him down. Morrow has diabetes and is a faggot who refuses to start.My catchers are:Joe MauerMatt ClementMatt WietersMauer = hurtClement = minorsWieters = minorsAnd to top things off, Upton is all messed up and won't be playing for a wee bit. Should be a long year.

[speedz99 145]

My catchers are:Matt ClementClement = minors

You mean Jeff?

[mk 11]

The Rays decided they didn't want Price's arb-clock ticking, so they sent him down. Morrow has diabetes and is a faggot who refuses to start.

i also have the "DL or Minors only" pitching squad at the moment. i pulled morrow and price off the board with my 10th and 11th rd picks and thought i was a genius. i had morrow on my team last year, and he was pure beast; i was like, he's the greatest sleeper ace in this fcking draft, this league might as well be over right now....sighso i have: morrow (fgt), price (minors), e. santana (hurt), smoltz (hurt, but a stash pick i like since i grabbed him in rd 17), justin masterson (not starting because francona is a clown), harden (inevitably hurt), and i have mauer as well. april is gonna be brutal, but i'm hoping my offense crushes enough to stay competitive in the early-going. this league is pure valuetown because it's populated by retardo cubs fans who've played fantasy baseball for many years yet still do things like draft Carlos Zambrano in the 2nd round. it's amazing. i scooped berkman with the last pick of the 2nd round and longoria with the first pick of the 3rd round.

[El Guapo 8]

let me know where i can nominate you for parent of the year

Hmmmm. I cannot tell if you think it's awesome that I let me kid do this, or if you are being 100% sarcastic and you think what I am doing is dangerous.I'm leaning toward the latter.

[Tactical Bear 3]

You mean Jeff?

Yeah, because Matt Clement is a pitcher, and not a no-field/good-bat catcher in the Mariners organization.

i also have the "DL or Minors only" pitching squad at the moment. i pulled morrow and price off the board with my 10th and 11th rd picks and thought i was a genius. i had morrow on my team last year, and he was pure beast; i was like, he's the greatest sleeper ace in this fcking draft, this league might as well be over right now....sighso i have: morrow (fgt), price (minors), e. santana (hurt), smoltz (hurt, but a stash pick i like since i grabbed him in rd 17), justin masterson (not starting because francona is a clown), harden (inevitably hurt), and i have mauer as well. april is gonna be brutal, but i'm hoping my offense crushes enough to stay competitive in the early-going. this league is pure valuetown because it's populated by retardo cubs fans who've played fantasy baseball for many years yet still do things like draft Carlos Zambrano in the 2nd round. it's amazing. i scooped berkman with the last pick of the 2nd round and longoria with the first pick of the 3rd round.

I was planning on building a lead in some pitching categories (K's and W's) and dealing for power near the all-star break, and just plugging in middle relievers to pull my WHIP/ERA down, but now that's not going to work. I hate everything.

[Tactical Bear 3]

How My Brain BehavesI have been thinking about how I interact with people lately, specifically people I know with whom I am not friends. I had this interaction about 15 minutes ago out in front of the building, smoking a cigarette instead of studying for an accounting quiz.(Guy From Econ Class makes eye contact and nods as he's walking into the building)(Wang removes his headphones and nods, in case Econ Guy is trying to make small talk or something)EconGuy: "Smoking's bad for you, man."Wang: "True, but it will also kill me faster."EconGuy: "Haha, yeah."Wang: "Nothing wrong with that, right?"EconGuy: (laughs)Wang: "Alright man, we'll see you in a few hours." (Wang puts headphones back on)I probably have 10 of these little vignettes daily. Is it weird that I say stuff like "Cigarettes are good because they will kill me?" I don't know. I just say stuff, and I never have any idea what I'm talking about. It certainly feels appropriate given the context, but in retrospect it's a pretty odd thing to say to somebody you don't really know.

[El Guapo 8]

I probably have 10 of these little vignettes daily. Is it weird that I say stuff like "Cigarettes are good because they will kill me?" I don't know. I just say stuff, and I never have any idea what I'm talking about. It certainly feels appropriate given the context, but in retrospect it's a pretty odd thing to say to somebody you don't really know.

I would find it weird if you did not do stuff like this. If all of the sudden you start having fake superficial conversation with strangers, that sir, would be really weird.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Anybody else want in the 20 dollars, pick 10 golfers Masters pool? If so, send me an email at: ShimmeringWang@gmail.com and I'll send you the odds/scoring.

[gobears 0]

I am in a 10-team AL-only roto/auction league, and I pursued an interesting strategy this year. I usually put together a 25$ pitching staff and try to collect low-whip, low-era relievers who might get some saves. Everyone knows this, and I lose a lot of my leverage, so I bought the following pitching staff:Felix Hernandez - looked very good on opening dayErik Bedard - if he's healthy, great pickJames Shields - solid as they comeScott Baker - bad luck there but he should only be out for two weeks at mostDavid Price - I have him too; Rays will bring him back up once they've screwed Boras out of a yearCC Sabathia - last year first four starts, 27 ER in 18 IP so he's a slow starter (hopefully)Gil Meche - solidBrandon Morrow - well he's the closer now at leastKerry Wood - just stay healthyBaker is Hurt. Sabathia looks hurt. The Rays decided they didn't want Price's arb-clock ticking, so they sent him down. Morrow has diabetes and is a faggot who refuses to start.My catchers are:Joe Mauer - ughMatt Jeff Clement - good signing of Johjima there to an extensionMatt Wieters - he'll be up, same reason as PriceMauer = hurtClement = minorsWieters = minorsAnd to top things off, Upton is all messed up and won't be playing for a wee bit. Should be a long year.

Looks solid though once you get past April

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

So Maggie received an email from me, the subject of which was "I HATE YOU," with nothing in the body except... well, MY body. And so, Brad, you have managed to put me in an awkward spot with the same girl again. The same gift has managed, twice now, to bite me in my retarded ass. I am going to have some 'splaining to do later this evening, or whenever I can bear to respond to her email/stop (Rawr, Rawr, mother****ers) her calls.

This is just so spectacular. You should encourage her to get an account here I think, so she can understand how you've screwed this up so magnificently. I know Speedz would be delighted.

If you get permission from Mojo.....sure.

ba dum CHING

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Mow The Lawn

[Tactical Bear 3]

This is just so spectacular. You should encourage her to get an account here I think, so she can understand how you've screwed this up so magnificently. I know Speedz would be delighted.

I would much rather the full extent of my insanity remain secret for as long as I can manage. I mean, she knows I'm a disaster, but I think I've done a pretty good job of spinning that as a cute kind of neurosis, instead of a deep-seeded, total inability to relate to other human-beings on a meaningful level.

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

I just had what I thought was a phantom wipe, I didn't see anything on the toilet paper, but I was pooping in the dark and didn't do the math that I probably couldn't tell if I did have to continue wiping. When I stood up and took a couple steps I realized had to continue wiping. I'm just going to get a fresh start and clean up with a shower.

[El Guapo 8]

I just had what I thought was a phantom wipe, I didn't see anything on the toilet paper, but I was pooping in the dark and didn't do the math that I probably couldn't tell if I did have to continue wiping. When I stood up and took a couple steps I realized had to continue wiping. I'm just going to get a fresh start and clean up with a shower.

It's a good thing you and shit covered anus came in here to work through your thought process before jumping in the shower. That could have gotten messy.

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

It's a good thing you and shit covered anus came in here to work through your thought process before jumping in the shower. That could have gotten messy.

Oh I was already in here, had the laptop in there with me.

[hank213 1,823]

way to kill a thread, poopbutt.

[Randy Reed 0]

HOLY SHIT. All day, I was fine, but when I got home and took off my work shirt (and white undershirt) my sunburn kicked in and I'm an so itchy and hurting right now, like stuff is crawling all over me. This is why I don't go in the sun. Arrrghhh. I was only out for 2 hours from 2-4pm. DammmmnnnnI hate sunblock, and the applying of it.

snow here, asshole

From the limited info that you have given, I would think that pursuing magglio may be a huge mistake. It seems like she is going to toy with you, I may be completely off base but I would set this line at 5-1 in favor of this ending horribly. Def should have stuffed Jess, besides the obvious positives of sex it actally may be better for your relationship with Maggs.

I was going to say something pretty much dead on to this, well maybe even 8-1.

no, but based on the description, I'm thinking probably 5'3", mid 120's, not fat at all, but not thin. Like, umm, thick, in the right places. also, even though Wang thinks I don't like him, or whatever, that isn't the case. I just don't buy what he writes. It's like a bad sitcom, what with the gift, then the text, and turning down drunk sluts. I don't know. Call me Doubting Thomas. I believe it's written in the name of comedy.

Nah, it's too Wangish to be made up, I believe it but then again i'm pretty NIGH-eve

Ewwww.Eww in respect to mixing sweets and meats. Also, I like a thinner crust. And bacon can't be good on pizza

I'm late to this party but as Speedz once said, bacon is good on anything.

I left work sick today. I switched my day off from Thursday to tomorrow because I'm sick. Does that count?

Are you pantless?

Let it go

Okay, yep, I forget why I quoted this.

Oh I was already in here, had the laptop in there with me.

I saw South Park episode last night where Oprah's midge was talking to her asshole. Just don't talk to it.