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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I'm going to wait to see where most of the Sickie money comes in and go the other way.
I... believe the juice will be tough to beat. I'm pretty sure I'll have no problem winding up with a significant financial position on "Derek gets no ass." Whenever somebody's got to lay $12,500 to win $100, he tends to stay away, but the "Derek gets laid" side is a classic longshot sucker bet.
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I have $500 on UConn -5.5 tonight. This game is probably the biggest mind**** ever.
No, that is absolutely cheating. I am a bookie -- and I set most of my lines myself, so I'm pretty good at this -- and I'd handicap my odds of having sexual contact with Maggie at something like:Will there be a romantic-style kiss?Yes +500No-650Will there be heavy petting?Yes +1200No-1500(Wagers will be graded as a win if there is significant hand-to-breast contact, shirt on or off, lasting longer than 30 seconds, and/or if one party rubs the other's genitals.)Will there be oral sex?Yes +5000No-7500Will there be sexual intercourse?Yes+10000No-12500Smart money would probably be as follows:Lay the price on the kiss, but hedge by taking a small piece of the "yes" on petting, oral sex, and sexual intercourse.I'd lay 650 on the "no" side for the kiss, and then drop 50 each on the "yes" side for rest. The only disaster scenario would be "late-night kiss, with insta-regrets and no further activity," leading to a net loss of 800. Just so you guys know, these could never be parlayed or anything.
Zimmer may want to double down on that action.
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I have a big forehead, large ears, and a gigantic nose.
god damn it who do you look like. I wanna say a cross between jason mcdonald from the ufc and barry pepper, but grinder already has the barry pepper role tied up. also, put on some weight you skinny bitch.
Please tell me that's your natural facial hair growth pattern (no cheeks, just stache and chin). Please.
sigh. yes. I know, I am not a man. I hate it. you know what I hate the most? when I go to get a haircut and the lady says "so do you want me to cut your sideburns?" and i have to be like "yeah, cut my 'sideburns' please. (they're not god damn sideburns)."
I'm so ornery, lately. I shouldn't post anything. Not even this.
you are a status updating fiend.
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all the best rando, that's scary shit. helluva disease. helluva disease.i played a solo gig for the first time in like 5 years last night. went ok, dusting the rust off and stuff... played a bunch of old sad bastard music.i am so unbelievably pumped for this weekend. my two best friends are coming in tonight and then we have the insane st. patty's day party all day tomorrow. want to make a few pennies and GTFOOH. whee

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So remember a few weeks ago when I had a colonoscopy? Of course, duh. Anyway I get a call from his officeyesterday telling me that I need to come in for a follow up appointment. I kinda quized her about it, letting her know that I didn't think it was necessary. I mean, i've been pooping fine? After thinking about it I also toldher that no one mentioned a "follow up" appointment and figured it was a scam to get another visit fee out of me or something.Um, well, she was adamant that I needed to do this and well, the doctor was going out of town Friday so couldI be there first thing this morning? 8 AM when it opens?Ummm, uh oh? It dawned on me that the Dr told me he removed some polyps but they didn't look cancerous. Yikes!So I went this morning and well, guess who has cancer? Yep!Settle down all. It turns out it was very minor, if there is such a thing and he thinks he removed it all during the colonoscopy.He said they were, something something something in the polyp, probably very minor form of cancer, couldn't really tell, well, yes malignant, but very minor yadda yadda yadda, more than likely, come back in 3 months and let's do it again.BUT- He wants me to have a catscan on my chest, abdomen and stomach to make sure I don't have it anywhere else and it just spread to the colon. They wanted to do it in 10 days, but I talked, (begged like a whiny bitch), them into scheduling it tommorow morning.It will still take 3 days for the results which an oncologist will share with me sometime next week.So of course I'm not going to worry about it, not a bit. I really doubt there is anything else wrong. I have no other health issuesso i'm sure it's just routine. He'll probably tell me I have a couple hundred years left if anything. Healthy as an OX! Great ass foran old guy, been working out? In advance I know a few of you will offer up prayers and such so i'd like you to direct them to Gishnu or Gaia or Aztec or Maya, or well how about Valhalla. Scratch those, just dance around a totem pole. Kidding, thanks in advance for all your thoughts and well wishes and send donations to the PACT freudian research foundation c/ovoldement.
GLGL sir.
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I.... have become a nervous wreck. I am hanging out with Magglio on Saturday. The conversation went something like this:Wang: (taps Mags on the shoulder) Maggie: (surprised look)Wang: "Hey there, stranger..."Maggie: "Hi."Wang: "How are you? How you been?"Maggie: "Oh... okay. You?"Wang: "Good. Real good."(brief small talk)Wang: "So I was thinking. I think we've now officially NOT known each other longer than we've known each other, so I've decided we should probably be friends."Maggie: "Yeah, I was just thinking about you today."Wang: "Yeah? Why?"Maggie: (shrugs) "I dunno. I just was."Wang: "We should do something soon. Hang out, catch up."Maggie: "Yeah, I'd like that..."Wang: "I know you're really busy and all, so just let me know, give me a day that works and we ca-"Maggie: "I don't close tomorrow or Saturday, so I'm free those nights."Wang: "I'm seeing an old friend Friday, and I work Saturday night..."Maggie: "I don't have to be to work until like 3 on Sunday, so if we have to meet up late or something, that's cool."Wang: "Okay. Okay then. I'll see you Saturday?" Maggie: "Yeah."I will **** this up sooooo bad. I am operating under the assumption that there's a chance something could happen -- and, realistically, I probably want it to -- but I will never, ever make that move. We broke up because she didn't have enough time, and it really had pretty much nothing to do with how we interacted. We always had fun, the chemistry was great, and we liked each other. So I am going to worry myself into a fit and then be a total tool. I hate everything. I have a big forehead, large ears, and a gigantic nose. Wang
Lemme know if you need another DVD. I'm here for you.
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I think Wang looks kind of like Tom "durrrr" Dwan. For those of you who don't really follow poker anymore (all of you?) he is one of the sickest players atm. But, he is gay, so, probably fit in here. Sal reminds me of one of the potheads in Super Troopers, but only at the end when they order the keg and they bust them.

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I think Wang looks kind of like Tom "durrrr" Dwan. For those of you who don't really follow poker anymore (all of you?) he is one of the sickest players atm. But, he is gay, so, probably fit in here.
really? I just google imaged him and, no, not at all. dude looks like an elf.
Sal reminds me of one of the potheads in Super Troopers, but only at the end when they order the keg and they bust them.
FUCK YEAH
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really? I just google imaged him and, no, not at all. dude looks like an elf.
Second, Durrr clearly looks like an elf.
So wasn't Wang going to post another picture? I guess he couldn't make himself look ugly.
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jesus christ, I'm becoming a facebook addict.
I am getting a little scared of it. The last 2 weeks I have connected with 3 ex girlfriends and people I have not heard from or seen in over 20 years. Just found out that my last gf before I met Liz is living about a 12 minute walk from our house. I like it better when they are in another state.
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I am getting a little scared of it. The last 2 weeks I have connected with 3 ex girlfriends and people I have not heard from or seen in over 20 years. Just found out that my last gf before I met Liz is living about a 12 minute walk from our house. I like it better when they are in another state.
yeah, I've friended 3 different girls JUST TODAY! 2 are married though. oh well. I'll probably go balls out for the next week then not open it again. just like this site.
Haha, I saw the end of the link was "delete_account" and so I knew I had to approach this carefully. Probably just should have not clicked on it at all.
yeah it definitely gave me a little scare there.
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I friended steve's cat today.edit: steve's cat apparently doesn't like my girlfriend
My cat does not know your gf's name to find her on facebook. She typed in Mojo with here little paws and found nothing and it's too hard to search for just the first name Joan.nm, found her
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My cat does not know your gf's name to find her on facebook. She typed in Mojo with here little paws and found nothing and it's too hard to search for just the first name Joan.
she's very unhappy that your cat didn't just check who I was in a relationship with!wow zim received a monumental slowroll last night
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she's very unhappy that your cat didn't just check who I was in a relationship with!wow zim received a monumental slowroll last night
He got his 6 ot's worth of action, his degenerate needs will be fulfilled for another week or so.
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Randy hope everything goes well, also I ended up getting a 06 (off the lot in 07) Mercury Mountaneer all black with 29k for 12.3k thanks again for all your help!
Cool. ElGuapo- see? Something else to check out. That's a great deal btw!
Well, I'm officially in Virginia. There's a lot more southern accents than I was expecting. It's like I'm in Ohio or something.
Uh, no it's more like Kentucky where most people are friendly, wave and unfortunately are dumber than fenceposts.
RR: Honey, I’m going to go play some poker.Deb: Randy, that’s all you’ve been doing lat-RR: I have cancer.Deb: Ok, fine, go play your poker.RR: And can you get me a beer while you’re up?Deb: Don’t you think you’ve had eno-RR: Cancer!
I actually copy/pasted some of these and sent them to Deb. She's pretty worried naturally but it's just not in my nature to worry so we had alot of fun laughing about them last night. She kinda looks at me in wonder at times for being like that and laughing at tragedy. Later in the evening she asked if I would grab her a cup of coffee and I yelled, "Cancer!"bwhwhwaaaOne of my favorite lines is from a great philosopher named Jimmy Buffet. He said, "Tragedy very oftenturns into comedy, and it better turn into comedy real quick or else you're in a whole lot of trouble!"
So I'm now fully shaved. That is all.
See what I mean! Oh, wait is that comedy or tragedy? Yep, we need pics!
Will there be a romantic-style kiss?Yes +500No-650Will there be heavy petting?Yes +1200No-1500(Wagers will be graded as a win if there is significant hand-to-breast contact, shirt on or off, lasting longer than 30 seconds, and/or if one party rubs the other's genitals.)Will there be oral sex?Yes +5000No-7500Will there be sexual intercourse?Yes+10000No-12500
Will there be a romantic-style kiss?Yes +500No-650No for $500Will there be heavy petting?Yes +1200No-1500Yes for $250Will there be oral sex?Yes +5000No-7500No for $250Will there be sexual intercourse?Yes+10000No-12500No for $5000Reasons later
I hope you don't have anymore cancer Randy.
Me too!
all the best rando, that's scary shit. helluva disease. helluva disease.
You know, I hope they come out with a longevity drug and all us sickies could get together and watch our great, great , grandkids get together and we could laugh at them. But if the worst news were to happen (it's not) and I was told I had6 months to live I truly believe I would look on the bright side. No work, fuck that! I would spend everyminute I had trying to have as much fun as possible before I left this god-forsaken hellhole of a planet. Oh wait, this is the hellhole, the planet's pretty cool actually. But whatever. My hero is Brian from Monty Python's Life of Brian, "always look on the bright side of life, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo do do.
she's very unhappy that your cat didn't just check who I was in a relationship with!wow zim received a monumental slowroll last night
Your cats are having a facebook tet-a-tet? I really need to check that place out. It sounds weird, like Indiana or something.Zimmy link? What happened?And finally GO XAVIER!
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