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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Got into Tufts today. My life is about to turn into deciding between what I want to do and what I probably should do. It'll be an interesting month.

I have the full results of my ExGirlfriend Survey tallied up and ready for parsing and sharing.
We're...ok, I'm past that. Now I just want new stories. Start dating or banging another crazy girl, please.
You guys suck at remembering.
I thought I quoted your question about my Jeff/Chris/Ron reference, but I guess not. Anyway, the explanation is whatever you would find to prove me to be funny.
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Got into Tufts today. My life is about to turn into deciding between what I want to do and what I probably should do. It'll be an interesting month.
Which is the want and which is the should?
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Which is the want and which is the should?
Want: CornellShould: TuftsIt's a long story that I'll probably tell at some point, but not until the end of this month, after I've gotten full information on both schools. I'm not complaining, since it's a great problem to have, but it'll still be a tough one.
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Sometimes my humor isn't grasped by all. That's another key to comedy. Incomprehensibility.
people (who find me funny (me, El G, and suitedaces (ok well me at least)) find me funny for reasons that are different than the reasons I think the things I do/say are funny. this leads to insecurity about my being accidentally humourous because what if they start to understand what I'm really saying? then I'm probably not funny to them anymore. but, can I really be satisfied whilst being misunderstood? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yes. yes I can.
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people (who find me funny (me, El G, and suitedaces (ok well me at least)) find me funny for reasons that are different than the reasons I think the things I do/say are funny. this leads to insecurity about my being accidentally humourous because what if they start to understand what I'm really saying? then I'm probably not funny to them anymore. but, can I really be satisfied whilst being misunderstood? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yes. yes I can.
I get your stuff. That's all that really matters.
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I was googling my brother earlier trying to find his new address and ran across this...I can't remember if I ever told this story or not...brought back a rush of emotions thats for sure...http://www.dps.state.ia.us/commis/pib/Awar...5.shtml#aherman
HERMANATOR FTWalthough you were actually the opposite of a terminator. hi-o!i'm so exhausted i could poop my pants and not care. night, kiddies!
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people (who find me funny (me, El G, and suitedaces (ok well me at least)) find me funny for reasons that are different than the reasons I think the things I do/say are funny. this leads to insecurity about my being accidentally humourous because what if they start to understand what I'm really saying? then I'm probably not funny to them anymore. but, can I really be satisfied whilst being misunderstood? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yes. yes I can.
It's funny you mention this, well not funny like the funny you were talking about in this post, but funny, more from an irony standpoint...anyway I was considering your humor vs. my humor while reading that and thought to myself, that it's funny because I don't know why our humor would be having some kind of competition that they were being pitted against each other. Also it would technically be your humour vs. my humor, I have home field advantage, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't be a favorite in this match. What match you ask? Oh you didn't ask? Well I will continue none the less. :selfthoughts: none the less is an interesting statement, and I am not sure it means what it is supposed to mean, I will have to look into this. After my previous thought I have decided not continue, none the less.
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It's funny you mention this, well not funny like the funny you were talking about in this post, but funny, more from an irony standpoint...anyway I was considering your humor vs. my humor while reading that and thought to myself, that it's funny because I don't know why our humor would be having some kind of competition that they were being pitted against each other. Also it would technically be your humour vs. my humor, I have home field advantage, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't be a favorite in this match. What match you ask? Oh you didn't ask? Well I will continue none the less. :selfthoughts: none the less is an interesting statement, and I am not sure it means what it is supposed to mean, I will have to look into this. After my previous thought I have decided not continue, none the less.
be that as it may, I couldn't possibly be more cliched in my response in this sentence except perhaps by adding the line, "that's neither here nor there so it is what it is whilst being hot as balls." And, I think I'm guaranteed at least a tie in this match since you are debating whether I'd be the favorite and the case of me being the favourite is not in question at all except perhaps in the rhetorical sense. It's a freeroll for me since I've got nothing to lose and El G, if you let me in, I'll walk on water and I'm pretty sure you will do this since the love is in your eyes. money? yea. that's me.
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wow, that's just weird. Did you call your buddy and lay the blame on him yet for not giving the kid work?
Its a little too early for jokes....By April the applications from Jack Kevorkian will start rolling in
I am pretty sure the Silver Lining -- Call Rick for Help cashing your tickets in the 12th race -- just about makes it a wash, though.
It was just about the only wager I won the entire day.... Around the fifth race we were all standing around the bar overlooking the finish line when the ponies ran by in a large group, leaving doubt about which ones were first, second, and third. The usual post race conversations took place like "Which one was first?", "Anyone see who won?", and "Did five place?", etc....Mine was still crippling along and finished so late I had time to say... "I can see my horse clear as a fucking bell" before it crossed the lineI guess my voice carries because laughs were heard a hundred feet away at the buffet
yeah, crappy story though beans. gonna probably end up being pretty tough on that rick guy too even though it's nowhere near his fault. stuff like that just sucks.
Yeah, hes a soft hearted guy, which makes it even tougher to send those apps in...
sorry about the lol I just got stuck reading a few posts by rose and I can't stop
That account will go down in history as the greatest joke account ever conceived...
The crazy thing is that Call Rick For Help broke a leg a few weeks later and put himself down.
My favorites horse jokes are, in no certain order...."Look at my horse over there.... he's wearing a cast""My hamburger patty has marks where the jockey was hitting it""Hey Beans, which ones you got money on?" "Tripod and Elmers Ingredient""I hope my horse finishes.... I saw his GPS navigation screen fall off at the gate""I saw my horse parked in a handicapped stall""Mines pullin a plow""Why is my jockey wearing a holster?""Mine just coasted to the side and turned his blinkers on" (requires knowledge that blinkers are eye covers used to prevent the horse from being distracted....usually listed on the program as "on" or "off"....google for complete details)"Excuse me ma'am....my hot dog has a horse hair in it"They get progressively funnier after the fifth race or fifth beer
My life is about to turn into deciding between what I want to do and what I probably should do.
Youre lucky.... I face the same decision each and every single dayDrinking usually winsI BEAT SAL UP THIS MORNING! NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAA!
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awesome, everybody get ready for Classic Sal!
I'm looking foward to this.I almost turned on a chainsaw on today. I was going to be as cool as Beans and Sal and all manly and shit. But I was wearing the wrong shoes. True story.Playing some theatresports tomorrow after not doing any impro for three months except for a really bad jam today. Should be fantastic. Then it's Frisbee, beer and maybe something else time.
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I BEAT SAL UP THIS MORNING! NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAA!
WELL MY INTERNET'S OUT AT HOME. I didn't have that cut off, its just when it gets below freezing it doesn't work anymore. yeah, they're gone on friday too. fuckfaces. there's a local internet company that operates on some sort of townwide wifi system that I heard is great and only like 30 or 35 bucks a month. giving them a call today so they can hopefully get out saturday and I can tell my cable company to fuck right the fuck off.does anybody know who you call to dispute something like a cable bill anyways? like the better business bureau or something? I want to ruin this company. beans style.
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i haven't gotten sick in like 10 years, and i feel something nasty coming on. like, when i cough, it feels like someone's hitting me in the head with a hammer. this can't be good.

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I almost turned on a chainsaw on today. I was going to be as cool as Beans and Sal and all manly and shit. But I was wearing the wrong shoes. True story.
Sandals are Beans/Sal approved footwear....
does anybody know who you call to dispute something like a cable bill anyways? like the better business bureau or something? I want to ruin this company. beans style.
Im not exactly sure about cable companies, but the Public Service Commission controls most utilitiesMy friend down the road shut down a Honda stealership for two days over selling his daughter an extended warranty that she specifically stated she did not want. Bastards already had several inquiries (theres that word again) so it didnt take muchYou can disable most of the cable grid by stripping the cable wires back and installing a one ten plug on it. Flip the breaker on a wall receptacle, plug the cable in, and then go trip the breaker again....This prevents it from scaring you to death in case the arrestor inside the pedestal or down the line malfuctionsI know a guy (hes the coolest) that did this so many times in Vegas that they positioned a service truck in his neighborhood around the clock for several weeks looking for the trouble...Rumor has it a few televisions around the block also bit the dust....
what the hell is this "comment must be approved before being shown" crap? DAMN IT.
I guess I need to hit reply to see it....
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i haven't gotten sick in like 10 years, and i feel something nasty coming on. like, when i cough, it feels like someone's hitting me in the head with a hammer. this can't be good.
sounds like aids to me. sucks bro.
Sandals are Beans/Sal approved footwear....
oh yeah, I was gonna say go ahead and wear what you want. chainsaw makes it down that way you ain't gonna have a foot left anyways, might as well be comfortable.
Im not exactly sure about cable companies, but the Public Service Commission controls most utilities
ah ok, I'll try these guys out. if they don't work, I'll try to decipher what the hell you said in the rest of your post.
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ah ok, I'll try these guys out. if they don't work, I'll try to decipher what the hell you said in the rest of your post.
They dont handle cable or internet providers.... just checkedDale said that most cities have contracts with cable providers so check with city hallAfter you digest the cable sabotage info, Ill reveal how to run a water and gas meter backwards....I need to write a book
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people (who find me funny (me, El G, and suitedaces (ok well me at least)) find me funny for reasons that are different than the reasons I think the things I do/say are funny. this leads to insecurity about my being accidentally humourous because what if they start to understand what I'm really saying? then I'm probably not funny to them anymore. but, can I really be satisfied whilst being misunderstood? mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. yes. yes I can.
I find you funny for the selfish reason that you include me in the jokes. Sometimes I feel invisible. Like a Jeep.I'll be in the copy room.
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Got into Tufts today. My life is about to turn into deciding between what I want to do and what I probably should do. It'll be an interesting month.
Your vet school has a dog grooming elective?
WELL MY INTERNET'S OUT AT HOME. I didn't have that cut off, its just when it gets below freezing it doesn't work anymore.
Only Sal would have a modem powered by a waterwheel.
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been sick for like, 4 days now. drinking a lot of orange juice and taking a multivitamin, subsisting mostly on nyquil and small portions of food. I can't remember feeling this shitty for a long time.

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been sick for like, 4 days now. drinking a lot of orange juice and taking a multivitamin, subsisting mostly on nyquil and small portions of food. I can't remember feeling this shitty for a long time.
Well, at least we now know the reason why they ran out of McNuggets.Fell better sir.
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