I Called In Sick Today

[GetSprung 0]

I wonder how the sex will be. Fast and furious? Slow and sensual? Awkward and something that begins with an 'a'?

It starts with a alright. A disaster. Otherwise this story ends far too soon.

[speedz99 145]

I wonder how the sex will be. Fast and furious? Slow and sensual? Awkward and something that begins with an 'a'?

Aromatic. That goes with today's theme.

[speedz99 145]

Aromatic. That goes with today's theme.

Nice.

[El Guapo 8]

Is that what it takes to get laid these days? What happened to good ole spiked punch and.......more spiked punch?Wang, did the roomie buy the "I'm in trouble" line, or does he see through your bullshit as well as strangers on the internet?

So hows that whole marriage thing treating you?

Since I'm in off topic do the stories have to involve trannies and an accidental reacharound from a dude.

It doesn't hurt. But that's technically a different thread.

[fryer98 30]

It's just that I come from a podunk hick town where one is considered wealthy if they drive a Chevy Monte Carlo made after the year 2003.

Damn, mine's a '96!

[GetSprung 0]

Damn, mine's a '96!

The more steelers logos in here the better. I like where this is going. Allll right. Giggidy.

[speedz99 145]

I'm watching the Shanghai episode of No Reservations for the first time...it's a great one. Not that anyone cares. I had a few Apple Jacks and my roommates are in bed, so I'm bored and just hoping that Wang'll bust in 30 seconds and run to the computer to tell us about it. At least half of my scenario is likely.

[YonYonson 156]

Okay, so I sent her the story (468 words, so I am hoping she's not grading on proximity to 500). It's a tale about a fish and a salamander. From time to time the salamander gets out of the river and walks, and the fish has to decide whether swim upstream to keep up. At the end of the day, the salamander gets back in the stream and floats back downstream with the fish. It's basically an extended metaphor about the daily struggles people have to accept to make a relationship work, and how, even though it might be easier to just flounder around and tread water to stay in the same place, maybe a circular journey is worth it if there's someone with you, even if you're not making any real progress.Yeah, it's pretty horrible. I am awaiting a response.

This is horrifying.

[El Guapo 8]

This evening I had a meeting with a new prospective client. This person came to a referral dinner we had months ago and we have not seen them since.I walk out, reintroduce myself and invite this person into my office to start the process of going through everything. It is a pretty straight forward process finding out about them, going over their tax returns, trust, various insurances and finally their investment statements. This person came in alone, I go through the standard questions, are you married, kids, etc. etc. I was 99% sure what I was seeing was correct, but I have learned not to make assumptions. This person is obviously gay, and if it were not for the name I would have never know it was a female. She had a mustache, a hair cut like Milton from Office Space but it was black and she had a deeper voice than me. It was an awkward meeting, and strangely enough not because of the previous mentioned things, all though she was bizarre from start to finish.She literally brought nothing with her. No account statement, no tax return. Nothing. She must wrote down the values of the accounts on paper. I had to stop the meeting after like 30 minutes because I had nothing to look at, besides her radiating beauty. She, is a CPA and has and MBA and was asking me why I needed to look at her account statements and tax return to make recommendations on her accounts? I mean really? The only reason I am considering pursuing it, is because she has about 3/4 Million of investable assets.

[speedz99 145]

The only reason I am considering pursuing it, is because she has about 3/4 Million of investable assets.

You mean according to the account information she wrote on a napkin?Nice Milton reference.

[runthemover 39]

if I were to post in here I'd say something sillly like damn apple jacks tasting not like apples but I'd probably have to say how they prevented me from getting sex first. wait that doesn't make sense.

[El Guapo 8]

You mean according to the account information she wrote on a napkin?Nice Milton reference.

It was actually on a form we gave her, but it was as basic as you could possilby be401k 375,000IRA 170,000Roth IRA 80,000Pension Max 370,000Stock 80,000something like this.----Apple jacks make your crotch smell.

[YonYonson 156]

Is an Apple Jack some queer Boston drink? And I know I could look it up, but if I did, I might not have been able to insult Boston and its queers.

[speedz99 145]

Is an Apple Jack some queer Boston drink?

It's what a friend of mine calls my favorite winter drink...captain morgan's and apple cider. Sometimes served warm.Sorry Boston is awesome.

[El Guapo 8]

I was curious so I googled for the lyrics and found this.1. I bolded my favorite lines2. If they are really doing an album with these and other songs, that will be pretty awesome.

Jizz in my pants lyricsOk - So I know this might a little bit of overkill haha, but I can't sleep and had the urge to knock out the lyrics to the "first single off the Incredibad album" (if this release is really true)!! I just realized, Andy does an english accent through the whole thing haha (If anyone knows a way to post this as a link or something so it won't take up so much room on the wall, feel free to do so/let me know how to do it)Lock eyes from across the roomdown my drink while the rhythms boomtake your hand and skip the namesno need here for the silly gamesmake our way through the smoke and crowdthe club is the sky and I'm on your cloudmove in close as the lasers flyour bodies touch and the angels cryleave this place go back to yoursour lips first touch outside your doorsa whole night what we've got in storewhisper in my ear that you want some moreand I JIZZ IN MY PANTSThis really never happens you can take my wordI won't apoligise, that's just absurdMainly your fault from the way that you danceand now I JIZZ IN MY PANTSdon't tell your friends or I'll say your a slutplus its your fault, you were rubbing my buttI'm very sensitive, some would say thats a plus Now I'll go home and change (JORMA) I need a few things from the grocerydo things alone now mostlyleft me heart broken not lookin' for lovesurprised in my eyes when I looked abovethe check out counter and I saw a faceMy heart stood still so did time and spaceNever felt that I could feel real againBut the look in her eyes said I need a friendShe turned to me thats when she said itLooked me dead in the face, asked "Cash or Credit?"And I JIZZED IN MY PANTSIt's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with meBut we're going to need a clean up on aisle 3And now I'm posed in an awkward stance because IJIZZED IN MY PANTSTo be fair you were flirting a lotplus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hotplease stop acting like you're not impressedOne more thing, I'm gonna play by cheque Last week - I saw a filmAs I recall it was a horror filmWalked outside into the rainChecked my phone and saw you rang and I JIZZED IN MY PANTS (JORMA)Speeding down the street when the red lights flashneed to get away need to make a dashA song comes on that reminds me of you and I JIZZ IN MY PANTS (ANDY) The next day my alarm goes off and I JIZZ IN MY PANTS Open my window and a breeze rolls in and I JIZZ IN MY PANTS When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of sixth sense I JIZZED IN MY PANTS I just ate a grape and IJIZZED...IN...MY PANTSJIZZED...IN...MY PANTS Ok seriously you guys can we...ok... I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU'RE NEXT TO MEAND WHEN WE'RE HOLDING HANDS ITS LIKE HAVING SEX TO MEYOU SAY IM PREMATURE I JUST CALL IT ECSTASYI WEAR A RUBBER AT ALL TIMES ITS A NECESSITY Cuz IJIZZ...IN...MY PANTS(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)yes I JIZZ...IN...MY PANTS (I jizz in my pants (AKIVA!), I jizz in my pants) ANDY & JORMA AKIVA as the DJJT as the JanitorMolly Sims & Jamie Lynn Sigler

[YonYonson 156]

Here's a fun little question for everyone.Lets say you were in charge of the national budget for the treatment of childhood psychological disorders. You have to give a detailed argument for allocating 100% of the budget to one of the following class of disorders.1. Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Conduct Disorder.2. ADHD3. Anxiety Disorders4. Mood Disorders.5. Learning Disabilities.6. Autism Spectrum Disorders.7. Elimination Disorders.8. Sleep Disorders.9. Substance Abuse.Through a fact-based and convincing argument, which would you choose?PM or post your answer here. Lets make it a page, double spaced. Kthnx.

[brvheart 1,752]

I was really close to not writing that because of you...which doesn't sound like much, but it is.

I'll take what I can get.

Nice.

I LOVED what you did here. I'll probably remember it later and chuckle again.

I'm watching the Shanghai episode of No Reservations for the first time...it's a great one. Not that anyone cares. I had a few Apple Jacks and my roommates are in bed, so I'm bored and just hoping that Wang'll bust in 30 seconds and run to the computer to tell us about it. At least half of my scenario is likely.

Wang is definitely thinking about us right now. It might be a fleeting thought... but it's still there.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I have a story I'd like to tell, but it will really seem like a totally unveiled brag -- like a story the moral of which is: Wang is Awesome -- and I don't think I can do that without feeling guilty/stupid. It's not a story I could ever tell anybody I really know, so I want to tell it, but I'm struggling. I'm going to wrestle with the idea a little, hope you guys say things that can allow me to think "well they asked for it" and then just tell it, even though I'll still feel stupid/guilty after I tell it.

i'm catching up right now, and i really hope this post has some follow-up...

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

guys, there's no story. the veiled brag was having everybody quote his post and beg him for a story.

still catching up. this is sal proving he's the smartest vaginian we know.

[speedz99 145]

Here's a fun little question for everyone.

Your teacher is an idiot.

Wang is definitely thinking about us right now. It might be a fleeting thought... but it's still there.

This makes me very happy.

[brvheart 1,752]

Here's a fun little question for everyone.Lets say you were in charge of the national budget for the treatment of childhood psychological disorders. You have to give a detailed argument for allocating 100% of the budget to one of the following class of disorders.1. Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Conduct Disorder.2. ADHD3. Anxiety Disorders4. Mood Disorders.5. Learning Disabilities.6. Autism Spectrum Disorders.7. Elimination Disorders.8. Sleep Disorders.9. Substance Abuse.10. Teaching parents how to discipline their kids.Through a fact-based and convincing argument, which would you choose?PM or post your answer here. Lets make it a page, double spaced. Kthnx.

100% for number 10. /question

[speedz99 145]

still catching up. this is sal proving he's the smartest vaginian we know.

It's not like we didn't all know that. Figures the vaginian and the canuck would...you know. And so on.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

For the record, this is the one that did it.... the Shimmerer ...

you get used to it. women lie

[silkyjonson 1]

Here's a fun little question for everyone.Lets say you were in charge of the national budget for the treatment of childhood psychological disorders. You have to give a detailed argument for allocating 100% of the budget to one of the following class of disorders.1. Oppositional Defiant Disorder/Conduct Disorder.2. ADHD3. Anxiety Disorders4. Mood Disorders.5. Learning Disabilities.6. Autism Spectrum Disorders.7. Elimination Disorders.8. Sleep Disorders.9. Substance Abuse.Through a fact-based and convincing argument, which would you choose?PM or post your answer here. Lets make it a page, double spaced. Kthnx.

ummmm no.

[YonYonson 156]

Your teacher is an idiot.

Oh yeah. All our tests have been like this too. I literally just made some shit up.

100% for number 10. /question

You Republicans are so predicatable.

ummmm no.

My thoughts exactly.