I Called In Sick Today

[GrinderMJ 0]

I are drunkcat.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I'm almost disappointed ShimmeringBearIce didn't say "Happy Thanksgiving faggots" to us.

Thanksgiving's not over.Happy Thanksgiving. You ****ing faggots.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.I'm getting drunk with my family this year, mostly to erase the pain of the Lions getting killed here.I also am trying to plan a trip to Mexico for Spring Break. Thinking about either Cancun or Puerto Vallarta. Any reccomendations?

Yeah, game sucked. I had a riot in Puerto Vallarta when I went.Also, I meant to post the title and the source with that Thanksgiving thing. It's not mine. I pasted it from McSweeneys.net

[Ouch-8s 4]

Also, I meant to post the title and the source with that Thanksgiving thing. It's not mine. I pasted it from McSweeneys.net

i knew you did. from the font.i am not a geek.

[zimmer4141 0]

OK, it's about that time.I have been gaining some weight lately, making me look and feel even more unattractive than I was before. On Monday when I return to school, I'm going to start a diet/exercise program. I've been sick for the last month, which made me feel like doing nothing but sitting around, so I'm going to give this another go. Simple Goal: Just lose weight. More elaborate goal: Lose about 10 pounds/month until I'm under 200 (I'm about 255 right now). I feel like I can do it by just eating better and eating less, and exercising a lot more.I've done this before, and it's tough to convince myself or anybody else that this is the time I'm committed to it, but I'm tired of not getting laid. I figure if I can lose 30-40 pounds by Spring Break I can at least throw it in some drunk college girl (or if that doesn't work out there's always Mexican hookers).

[GrinderMJ 0]

OK, it's about that time.I have been gaining some weight lately, making me look and feel even more unattractive than I was before. On Monday when I return to school, I'm going to start a diet/exercise program. I've been sick for the last month, which made me feel like doing nothing but sitting around, so I'm going to give this another go. Simple Goal: Just lose weight. More elaborate goal: Lose about 10 pounds/month until I'm under 200 (I'm about 255 right now). I feel like I can do it by just eating better and eating less, and exercising a lot more.I've done this before, and it's tough to convince myself or anybody else that this is the time I'm committed to it, but I'm tired of not getting laid. I figure if I can lose 30-40 pounds by Spring Break I can at least throw it in some drunk college girl (or if that doesn't work out there's always Mexican hookers).

fatty

[Ouch-8s 4]

fatty

nah, he can afford the hookers, no need to bang a fatty.

[beans-n-icewater 18]

I'm going to start a diet/exercise program. (or if that doesn't work out there's always Mexican hookers).

:openingupMSpaintface:First bar on the left, dont forget....

[GrinderMJ 0]

fatty

jk. whenever i saw you you looked reasonably in shape to me, i don't see the problem honestly

[zimmer4141 0]

jk. whenever i saw you you looked reasonably in shape to me, i don't see the problem honestly

Because I'm tall and wear loose fitting clothes, I don't look that fat, but trust me when I say that I'm in awful physical condition.

[GrinderMJ 0]

Because I'm tall and wear loose fitting clothes, I don't look that fat, but trust me when I say that I'm in awful physical condition.

the only beef i have with you is your socks. unreasonably tube sockish imo

[Bizzle 0]

the only beef i have with you is your socks. unreasonably tube sockish imo

When you're not getting any sex, you need a lot of places to jerk it into.

[zimmer4141 0]

When you're not getting any sex, you need a lot of places to jerk it into.

Fact.And they aren't full tube socks, when you say full tube socks I think of socks that go halfway up to the knee.

[Jeepster80125 0]

Why not to be a lawyer. Good read.

[CardWarfare 4]

oh I think she's absolutely gorgeous. in a "I may have feelings for asian boys" kind of way.

Hey. I'm Jeff.

Jesus christ that was funny. Luckily, I pursed my lips really tight at the first realization that I was about to spit pop all over my laptop.

Fuck you.

so it turns out my family has become religious nutjobs. who knew? the prayer before the meal lasted approximately 5 minutes.march of the penguins is on animal planet. over/under on the number of "aaaAAAWWW?!'s" I'll make during?

I'm really hoping this catches on as the universal way to express that word/sound

[beans-n-icewater 18]

Instead of a cartoon I wrote a tribute to Thanksgiving Day at the Icewaters....Hope you guys had a good one'Twas the night after Thanksgiving dinner', when all through the house,Not a stomach was settled, kinda like swallowing a mouse;The ones still able were sitting on the bowl with care,In hopes that the ambulance soon would be there;The children were nestled all sick in their beds,While visions of tainted dressing crumbs danced in their heads;And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long watery crap,When down in my intestines there arose such a clatter,I sprang from the seat from the force of the foreign matter.Away to the window Zach flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up in the sash.The white feathers mixed in with the new-fallen snow,Gave the glimmer of hope that the meat was actually turkey instead of crow,When, what from my rumbling gut should appear, But a miniature Hiroshima, oh God it was severe, With a lotta pain, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be another big brick.More rapid than machineguns they came,And I hollered, and shouted, and called for relief by name: "Now, ROLAIDS! now, MALOX! now, PEPTO and BISMOL! On, TAGAMENT! on TUMS! on, ALKA and SELTZER! To the seat of the Porsche! to the store beside the mall!Now dash away! dash away! dash away my wife and get them all!"The wife sprang to my car, to her team of five hundred horses gave a whistle, And away she flew into the night like the flight of a missle.But I heard her exclaim, as she drove past the splatter, "I CANT IMAGINE WHAT COULD BE THE MATTER, MAYBE I PUT TOO MUCH SALT IN THE BATTER!"

[ShakeZuma 585]

Hey. I'm Jeff.

do you dance in rap videos, jeff?

I'm really hoping this catches on as the universal way to express that word/sound

I think the grand total for number of aaaAAAWWW?!s during the march of the penguins was 7. jesus fucking christ those little faggots were cute.

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long watery crap,

now thats friggin shakespeare

[Dawson Leery 12]

I figure if I can lose 30-40 pounds by Spring Break I can at least throw it in some drunk college girl (or if that doesn't work out there's always Mexican hookers).

Are you a freshman or sophomore? It depends on what your friends want to do obviously, but here's how I would plan out my spring breaksF - CancunSo - Acapulco (at least at IU this is where all the sophomores go, it's fucking crazy)Jr - CruiseSr - Key West or Puerto Vallarta5th year - I think we're going back to Acapulco to skeez on some sophomores

[renaedawn 1]

PILGRIM: Happy First Thanksgiving. Thank you for having us to your tepee. INDIAN: How! (The INDIAN holds his hand in the air with his palm facing out.) INDIAN: That means "Hello" in Indian. PILGRIM: We came here on the Mayflower. It is that big ship over there. It has nothing to do with the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. That is something else completely. INDIAN: We are having a powwow; it is like a meeting. (PILGRIM takes a bite of food.) PILGRIM: This is good. What is it? INDIAN: That is corn. It is also called maize. PILGRIM: Yes, like a labyrinth. INDIAN: (Mumbles something inaudible about David Bowie.) PILGRIM: Thank you for introducing corn to me. This turkey is good, too. INDIAN: We hunted it. We are hunters and gatherers. PILGRIM: Excuse me one second; the buckle to my shoe has come undone. (PILGRIM bends down and buckles his shoe.) PILGRIM: This is a nice neighborhood. INDIAN: It is called Plymouth Rock. It does not refer to one single rock. We are not eating dinner on some large rock sitting by the water, even though people might one day think that. We just moved here. We used to own Manhattan, but sold it for $24. They paid us in buttons and arrowheads. PILGRIM: (Sarcastically.) Wow, $24! That, uh ... sounds like a good deal. INDIAN: We have casinos and sell cheap cigarettes. (INDIAN lights a peace pipe, adjusts his feather headdress.) PILGRIM: I have a buckle on my hat, I think for no reason.

I swear I made a David Bowie joke in my head before I read that line.

[qyayqi 11]

I swear I made a David Bowie joke in my head before I read that line.

in this joke he had clothes on.

[ShakeZuma 585]

in this joke he had clothes on.

if just for one daythat was stupid

[Ouch-8s 4]

if just for one daythat was stupid

oh no it wasn't

[CardWarfare 4]

do you dance in rap videos, jeff?I think the grand total for number of aaaAAAWWW?!s during the march of the penguins was 7. jesus fucking christ those little faggots were cute.

Yes. Flava Flav liked me. He should know. He's famous.I'm sure I'd top that if I watched it. After all, I watched the Kelly Clarkson thanksgiving halftime show and cranked out about 4 or 5.

[zimmer4141 0]

Are you a freshman or sophomore? It depends on what your friends want to do obviously, but here's how I would plan out my spring breaksF - CancunSo - Acapulco (at least at IU this is where all the sophomores go, it's fucking crazy)Jr - CruiseSr - Key West or Puerto Vallarta5th year - I think we're going back to Acapulco to skeez on some sophomores

I'm a sophomore this year. I didn't do anything last year for SB, I want to go to Mexico because I wouldn't be able to go to the bars if I went to Florida.

[ShakeZuma 585]

oh no it wasn't

you see, this is my problem with saying "funny" things on here. the stuff that I post that I'm basically laughing out load as I'm posting it generally goes completely unnoticed, and if noticed, is referred to as stupid or something along those lines. however, whenever I post something and immediately regret it (as I did with that and went back to add the lemon juice) people actually find it funny. apparently I can be funny, I just have no idea how to do it. this is shockingly similar to my skill with women.

Yes. Flava Flav liked me. He should know. He's famous.I'm sure I'd top that if I watched it. After all, I watched the Kelly Clarkson thanksgiving halftime show and cranked out about 4 or 5.

yeah its not hard when watching that movie. when those little baby penguins finally get out and start walking on their own... well, its the closest I've ever come to wanting to rape an animal.

[silkyjonson 1]

Acapulco is fun but its dirtier than Cancun (teh beaches, not the bitches they're equally as dirty)