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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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loogie

loogie 115

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loogie, he's been waiting a very, very long time to post this. just so you know.
Speedz is the only Patriot fan I can tolerate. He does much less face shoving than their average fan, and deep down I know he's embarrassed of his affiliation with the others.By the way, Bill Simmons has completely lost his marbles. He's become the crazy Mel Gibson character in Conspiracy Theory. Only in that movie, the conspiracies were correct, so the Mel Gibson character wasn't completely crazy...just a little nuts. However, that was a movie and this is real life where there is no great NFL/Colts/Patriots conspiracy, so I guess Bill Simmons isn't like the Mel Gibson character from Conspiracy Theory after all. He's more like plain old regular Mel Gibson. Actually crazy.
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BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

David_Sklansky

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

AmScray

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Tactical Bear

Tactical Bear 3

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It depends on my stress level...To answer your question, Id say around three to four on averageBut I go for long spells when I dont drink at all, so its hard to say reallyThis week Id say twelve
Wow, really? Three-to-four? I would have guessed much higher, something like in the 8-10 range, which doesn't seem like a high number, until you think about how averages are calculated. I must say, Beans, this is the most surprised I've ever been with respect to your alcohol consumption levels.
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Randy Reed

Randy Reed 0

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Wow, really? Three-to-four? I would have guessed much higher, something like in the 8-10 range, which doesn't seem like a high number, until you think about how averages are calculated. I must say, Beans, this is the most surprised I've ever been with respect to your alcohol consumption levels.
Nah, you missread, it's 3 or 4 (per hour)
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El Guapo

El Guapo 8

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I dropped a penny down a girl's pants into her crack today during my econ class.I just wanted to say that somewhere.
I invented a game in highschool called cleavage ball, basically consist of taking small peices of paper wadded into a ball and shooting them into girls cleavage when we were paired into groups.Needless to say I did not really get laid in highschool.GG me
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SBriand

SBriand 4

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BaByGuRl - November 29, 2006 04:59:11 PM PST My little sister has made dis...she loves to bake and stuff like dat so anything pastry she does...and she made dis cheese cake and it was AWESOME!! she also made it with chips ahoy cookies for those who dont like oreos(like me)...regardless wut kind of cookies are used most likely it will b fantastic...ROCK ON!!
I love reading comments on yahoo. This one was in the chocolate cheesecake recipe page. Her little yahoo avatar fit the post.
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beans-n-icewater

beans-n-icewater 18

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Wow, really? Three-to-four? I would have guessed much higher, something like in the 8-10 range, which doesn't seem like a high number, until you think about how averages are calculated. I must say, Beans, this is the most surprised I've ever been with respect to your alcohol consumption levels.
I get really bored with stuff...Gambling, cars, guns, hunting, fishing, traveling, drinking, and flying are no exceptionsSome days I get up and dont want to do any of them...Ive went for weeks without drinking just because I was tired of it Screwing up my back in that Vette will probably lose my interest in cars for awhile, I can tell ya thatI have an addictive personality, but thankfully it strays around enough that I dont concentrate on one thing for long periods of timeI gotta go to my meeting nowI need a new hobby....Im open to suggestions
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Tactical Bear

Tactical Bear 3

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But what do you do with Zero coupon bonds?
I get freaky, and pimp out some strip bonds, nigga. Take some off the top, nothing but thongs and ass-cheeks in this bond market (because we serve booze in this bond market, and -- in the state of Michigan -- if you serve alcohol it's illegal for entertainment to be "fully nude").
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El Guapo

El Guapo 8

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I get freaky, and pimp out some strip bonds, nigga. Take some off the top, nothing but thongs and ass-cheeks in this bond market (because we serve booze in this bond market, and -- in the state of Michigan -- if you serve alcohol it's illegal for entertainment to be "fully nude").
Thats Hot!I'd love to see what you would to 30 year AAA rated corporate bonds.
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Tactical Bear

Tactical Bear 3

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Thats Hot!I'd love to see what you would to 30 year AAA rated corporate bonds.
I would simply sell them on the open market, then I would invest half of the proceeds in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities.
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Ouch-8s

Ouch-8s 4

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The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don't understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. We're not sure who to side with. So, here are some words that you'll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a
you'd have to be to correct people on it. We have also included many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs.

for the wangs and speedzez and renaes of the world

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SBriand

SBriand 4

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The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don't understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. We're not sure who to side with. So, here are some words that you'll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a
you'd have to be to correct people on it. We have also included many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs.

for the wangs and speedzez and renaes of the world

What are you doing, Chris?""Oh, just perusing the report here before the meeting.""Well you better GET OUT THE MICROSCOPE, RETARD! HA HA HA HA HA!!!"lolJust remember that if you say to your girl, "I hope you're prepared for the enormity of my dick," you're implying that your penis is responsible for several acts of evil on the scale of ethnic genocide. This may or may not turn her on, depending on the girl.lol
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Ouch-8s

Ouch-8s 4

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What are you doing, Chris?""Oh, just perusing the report here before the meeting.""Well you better GET OUT THE MICROSCOPE, RETARD! HA HA HA HA HA!!!"lolJust remember that if you say to your girl, "I hope you're prepared for the enormity of my dick," you're implying that your penis is responsible for several acts of evil on the scale of ethnic genocide. This may or may not turn her on, depending on the girl.lol
yeah, there's really a little something for everyone in there. ironic, really.
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renaedawn

renaedawn 1

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The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don't understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. We're not sure who to side with. So, here are some words that you'll see used incorrectly on a daily basis, and a helpful guide as to just how big of a
you'd have to be to correct people on it. We have also included many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs.

for the wangs and speedzez and renaes of the world

I love that they decided Terrell Owens is the icon for Dick Rating #6.
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