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I Called In Sick Today


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I worked all day with your girl today, and I was doing my usual, funny guy routine. I may have to have her boyfriend killed, but I'd be ok with that. I don't know him. Where is Adam when I need him? Maybe Silky can work me up a drug concoction to poison him to death, we'll see.Now I have to work there tomorrow and Monday as well. I have to figure some stuff out. Angles.I also had to cancel lunch with a girl who I think likes me a little. Her exchanges tell me she digs me, but also throws in some stuff that throws me off the scent. Although when I told her I was get a fat check, she thought I wrote I was gonna fuck a fat chick and commented that she was jealous. She tried to back off the "jealous" comment when I commented on it, but then said, "yeah, maybe a little."Who knows? Not me, thats for sure
Your visits are like the mama bear coming back to check on her cubs. Very natural. Come back please.
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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

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I got wet hard just reading this.
well duh. does everyone else wipe their butt then look at it to make sure its getting clean? I do this all the time because I wipe like 10 times. I know that is bad, but damn man, I can't get right. Sometimes, I just get into the shower. I realize that I've done this rant before, but now it has a twist. I'm getting red blood in the mix now. I know what it is, I think. When I was a freshman in college, I was getting red blood in the bowl and freaked out. Turns out, it was an internal hemerrhoid, no pain, no big deal, but still, the first time you wipe and see red blood on the paper, its weird. Makes me remember my days when I caught. (last week)I also keep writing "red blood" because internal bleeding doesn't come out red. That's your medical lesson of the day.aren't you guys glad I share?
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well duh. does everyone else wipe their butt then look at it to make sure its getting clean? I do this all the time because I wipe like 10 times. I know that is bad, but damn man, I can't get right. Sometimes, I just get into the shower. I realize that I've done this rant before, but now it has a twist. I'm getting red blood in the mix now. I know what it is, I think. When I was a freshman in college, I was getting red blood in the bowl and freaked out. Turns out, it was an internal hemerrhoid, no pain, no big deal, but still, the first time you wipe and see red blood on the paper, its weird. Makes me remember my days when I caught. (last week)I also keep writing "red blood" because internal bleeding doesn't come out red. That's your medical lesson of the day.aren't you guys glad I share?
Hey, everybody, remember those days when Mexico wasn't around telling these types of stories? Miss him?[ ] Hell Yeah[ ] Gross, No[ ] I Really Thought I Would But Now I'm Not So Sure
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well duh. does everyone else wipe their butt then look at it to make sure its getting clean? I do this all the time because I wipe like 10 times. I know that is bad, but damn man, I can't get right. Sometimes, I just get into the shower. I realize that I've done this rant before, but now it has a twist. I'm getting red blood in the mix now. I know what it is, I think. When I was a freshman in college, I was getting red blood in the bowl and freaked out. Turns out, it was an internal hemerrhoid, no pain, no big deal, but still, the first time you wipe and see red blood on the paper, its weird. Makes me remember my days when I caught. (last week)I also keep writing "red blood" because internal bleeding doesn't come out red. That's your medical lesson of the day.aren't you guys glad I share?
This is the kind of great stuff I'm talking about. Chronic over-wiping. I say the more the merrier, maybe your strokes are a bit too rough when trying to extract the dingleberries? Think soft strokes, Bob Ross style. It'd be better to be super thorough, then have shit stains in your underwear as a grown man. Maybe add some soft baby wipes to the mix. I had a friend that was super fat and complained about having to spend more time wiping his ass than he did shitting. We concluded that he was a bit fat and his ass cheeks were sandwiching the peanut butter in there. I love you.-James
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What type of company and what is your job title/description? Yeah, be direct and don't be defensive. It's a very valid question as a promotion almost always results in more money or benefits. More work for same pay is great for your employer.
This is key. Keep along the lines of 'I love working here and just want to make sure I'm being treated fairly'. If you're as good as they apparently think you are, they won't have a problem keeping you happy.
yep on both of these. I thought about this during my evening stationary bike ride (oh reflection, I love thee) and I realized that its actually pretty stupid for me NOT to get at least a little raise. I actually did ask about a pay increase today to my current team leader and his response was "well thats a good question and now I would say no, but with the new system (I'm leaving what the system is called out, but its a sort of planning method for each employee to advance themselves) I'm not sure what will happen." Theres really only two problems I've come to so far: 1) the person I'd have to talk to about a raise would be my new boss as my current boss(s, yes I have 2 bosses) wouldn't have anything to do with it and couldn't really "fight" for me if they wanted to, and this seems like an awfully awkward way to introduce myself to a new team and new boss, and would possibly, but not definitely, make a bad first impression. and 2) I'm not exactly irreplaceable. I am good, and possibly one of the best as far as learning ability/speed of adaptation of the whole 100 or more person department, but that doesn't mean they can't stick someone else right where I am and take over in a satisfactory manner. Now I know that I would never get fired for asking for a raise, but it could possibly keep me from getting further promotions that actually include a lot more money if they think I'm just gonna want more.But then again 1) It might actually be a good first impression to let my new boss know that I actually do know what I'm worth and not afraid to expect to be paid what I'm worth, and 2) you don't have to be irreplaceable to be needed and to expect to be paid what you're worth. It would be pretty silly and quite petty to pass over someone because they asked for a raise at some point, but even if that becomes the case, screw em. I can obviously go other places.I think what I need to do is first get a better idea of what my new job is actually gonna be to see where I stand as far as bargaining, and then see what they're talking about with this new advancement system thing they've got going. If the jobs gonna be a lot more involved and the advancement system is a crock (which I'm sure it will be) then I'll draw up my plan of attack.Wow, that was cathartic.
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Well I got promoted today. Wanna know the best part though? There's no pay increase. Nope. No more money at all. Lots more responsibility? Check. Much more workload? Check. Whole lot more accountability? Check. Just a slight, smidgen of a raise for my efforts? No motherfucking check. I'm really not sure about this crap.
Walk straight in there in the morning and tell them that you need more dough for machineguns and silencers....I understand bosses not handing out raises all the time....I used to be the worlds worst at handing out raises, bonuses, days off, and even weeks off with pay sometimes. I would try and be the "cool boss" and make people want to do better quality work, but 99% of the time they just turned into lazy bastards and did even less work. Just take a quick peek at Shane (I know you read this now, so just kidding....kinda)But "promoting" someone twice without more pay is completely wrong. Find another job, cause youre being used.
Although when I told her I was gonna get a fat check, she thought I wrote I was gonna fuck a fat chick and commented that she was jealous. Who knows? Not me, thats for sure
Since you cant post during the day anymore, would you mind being fit with a wire and uploading the audio to us?Video perhaps?
I realize that I've done this rant before, but now it has a twist. I'm getting red blood in the mix now. aren't you guys glad I share?
Yeah... Video would be much betterAnd speaking of Shane....For some reason, the road to our cabin has a problem with keeping vehicles on four wheels. I saw the guardrail damage yesterday morning, but didnt look over into the river for some reason. I remember thinking "Boy, I'll bet a car went over that thing last night", but knew that Shane hasnt been up here in a few days, so I didnt investigate it further.I pulled over into the field and watched them pull the guy from the car, only leaving when I ran out of beer. I've seen that car before, but dont know who it was.Beans haunted road
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But "promoting" someone twice without more pay is completely wrong. Find another job, cause youre being used.
yeah thats really true, but the problem is that that's pretty much how this company works it seems. its not a small business that relies independently on each one of its employees, but its a big, publicly traded company full of a bunch of stupid people all doing the same thing. honestly, most of the people I work with really are pretty stupid, and maybe thats why no one gets paid much there. this is the main reason I'm kinda skeptical about "demanding" a raise in that it is pretty easy for them to replace me with one of the other morons who would get ecstatic over 35 cents more. but that ain't me. the more I think about it, the more I get put off about it.now keep in mind that it isn't solidified that I'm NOT getting a raise yet, but since my current boss said he doesn't think so, and my company doesn't really give raises to, well, anybody, its doubtful. I've got a week to come up with my plan of attack. And that plan of attack may very well declaring my need for more money for silencers and machine guns. god damn that would be awesome.
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I had a friend that was super fat and complained about having to spend more time wiping his ass than he did shitting. We concluded that he was a bit fat and his ass cheeks were sandwiching the peanut butter in there. I love you.-James
I'm not sure but I think you just called me super fat. You silly freak. Nah, I can get to my bum just fine. I spread and intrude. I can't explain it. Wet tp is moderately effective. I'll keep you all apprised.Beansey- I'll just start passing along all my email exchanges and let you bug my phone.
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I'm not sure but I think you just called me super fat. You silly freak. Nah, I can get to my bum just fine. I spread and intrude. I can't explain it. Wet tp is moderately effective. I'll keep you all apprised.Beansey- I'll just start passing along all my email exchanges and let you bug my phone.
I know the technique, one hand spread, one hand wipes. Don't overlook that I put I love you in there. On a serious note, a certain poster named Scram is very annoying and really grating with each and every "insider/expert" opinion he doles out. Meh, not really serious, but he's a douche.
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I know the technique, one hand spread, one hand wipes. Don't overlook that I put I love you in there. On a serious note, a certain poster named Scram is very annoying and really grating with each and every "insider/expert" opinion he doles out. Meh, not really serious, but he's a douche.
oh, I wasn't angry. Have you forgotten my sarcasm that fast? :tear:I like the ole' spread with the pinky and thumb and dig with the index and middle. The ring finger doesn't do much. :sigh:anywho, yeah. I'm gonna go sleep...or something.Later all you sexy beasts.
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Beansey- I'll just start passing along all my email exchanges and let you bug my phone.
All joking aside, I've actually "bugged" a few phones in my time.Nowadays I just prefer to listen in on cell conversations with my scanner.... best entertainment value for the dollar
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On a serious note, a certain poster named Scram is very annoying and really grating with each and every "insider/expert" opinion he doles out. Meh, not really serious, but he's a douche.
Ive noticed this as well....Its taken a lot of self control not to get in the middle of anything...I really want to post something about letting Zach ride the revolving platter in our microwave when he was a baby to get him to sleep.......but then Id have to admit that it was just on defrost settingId forget about him once in a while and the damn bell would wake him up at the end of the cycle.
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Strat...you have a lot of options even if those guys don't like your deal. I do have to say, you'd be a real asshole for telling these guys that even though they'd have to each pay a full share of utilities, they still have to pay more rent than just for that one shitty room they'd be splitting (for just two months). Do you plan on being friends with your roommates starting next fall?
As for the proposed situation (two guys sharing a room, $150/apiece), it's reasonable. The room sucks and I wouldn't pay $250/mo to share it either. That said, it makes a hell of a lot of sense for me to leave--I'd save at least $1000 on expenses. They just want a cheap place over the summer to crash at when they're not at work. If they take the deal and I move out, everyone would have their own room and those two guys would be effectively paying $205/mo compared to the $305 the rest of the guys would be paying. I mean, everybody wins. If they really decide to fuck me over a $50 difference over the two months, am I not justified in thinking I *should* be an asshole about it? I think I am being more than reasonable here.
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Its a high stakes chess matchMDG Im not trying to be condescending it just really cracks me up
i expect condescension, and you're one of the least condescending, so don't think twice about it. i've gotten less ridiculous in general, but this current situation is so far past the line i'm actually enjoying seeing how stupid i can get.
Does this poor girl understand just how screwed up sexually you are? Maybe you need to tell her the story about catching your dad with his creepy porn...
she knows most of my stories. if anything, i exaggerate my creepiness.
Maybe that was her casual way of implying it. I'm not one to mismanage my energy input/output ratio. If she bothered to fetch me a beer, proceed to straddle me like she was getting ready for the Preakness and want to "act out" scenarios, I'm sticking it in, balls deep, all 3 inches.
clearly that would've been the logical thing to do, as it would've the last dozen times. i do have my reasons for not doing it, but they are vague and not particularly encompassing. suffice to say, if she was attractive, or i wanted her as my girlfriend, i would've already penised her, or at the very least, i'd actually admit that i was being stupid not to, and not just trying to be patronizing and humourous.anyone else think Moulin Rouge was way overrated? I really think it sucked. The story was poor, the music unoriginal, and the pacing was horrendous. Rent was pretty good, though not nearly as good as the play (or original theatre soundtrack). Chicago was excellent of course.
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Mexi - great stuff, that's why we miss you.Shakey - remember that you're not 'demanding' anything. That's definitely not how you want to go in there. You're just matter-of-factly pointing out how well you're doing, and honestly asking them if they think this merits a pay increase. The biggest thing I noticed in business is that no matter how high up a person you're talking to, he/she is as human as you are. The first time I asked for a raise I was all nervous...until I saw that my boss was more nervous than I was. One little lip quiver/stammer and I realized how ridiculous the whole situation was. From then on I've just treated every situation like that as casually as possible...like talking to a friend...and I think they always appreciated it.

anyone else think Moulin Rouge was way overrated? I really think it sucked. The story was poor, the music unoriginal, and the pacing was horrendous. Rent was pretty good, though not nearly as good as the play (or original theatre soundtrack). Chicago was excellent of course.
Ok, you're not screwed up sexually...you're just a homosexual. Deal with it.I hope you know that I only bust your balls so much because I in some way hope that it will help kick-start you out of this...whatever it is you're stuck in (if you are in fact a real person).
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Funk.
I don't consider his situation to be a funk. That's why I could find a word to describe it...it's not a funk, cold streak, dry spell, etc...It's just...MDG's situation.
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I don't consider his situation to be a funk. That's why I could find a word to describe it...it's not a funk, cold streak, dry spell, etc...It's just...MDG's situation.
Main Entry: 1funkPronunciation: 'f&[ng]kFunction: nounEtymology: probably ultimately from French dialect (Picard) funquer to give off smoke: a strong offensive smellHe smells. That's his problem. What do YOU think funk means?
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Main Entry: 1funkPronunciation: 'f&[ng]kFunction: nounEtymology: probably ultimately from French dialect (Picard) funquer to give off smoke: a strong offensive smellHe smells. That's his problem. What do YOU think funk means?
649102_356x237.jpgTonight we were at a bar that had a few guys playing guitar...think Dave Matthews and that Tim guy that's really good. I requested Little Wing, and some girl (who was obviously wasted) asked me who it was by. Me: JimmyHer: Buffet? HELL YEAH!Me and the guitar guys had a good laugh at her expense. I felt cool, since one of them was black.
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I felt cool, since one of them was black.
It doesn't get much better than this. I kinda wish I was gifted enough to come up with casual (and totally unnecessary) racial comments like this in verbal conversation without missing a beat.
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