I Called In Sick Today

[JSHamm 9]

Heres another pic for your wife, Randy.....Rocky....paint inspector

Odd, I never imagined you having blinds in the windows. I kind of took you for a paisley quilt haphazardly nailed to the wall kind of guy.

[GrinderMJ 0]

BEans, so you're actually a real person then?

[renaedawn 1]

BEans, so you're actually a real person then?

We all are. Don't tell DocMatt.

[GrinderMJ 0]

RhinestoneCowboy- Sometimes I picture your name as ChrinestoneRowboy. I have no idea what a chrinestone is, but I imagine a ChrinestoneRowboy looks something like this, in my dreams it certainly does.

[speedz99 145]

My tolerance seems to swing a good 5-10 drinks depending on the environment. I'm usually getting blurry after 4-5 shots if I'm at home drinking by myself for the hell of it, but when I go out to bars I can go a good 10-12 before I really feel drunk at all. Of course it takes that 'wait a minute...' moment before I realize it, but that's neither here nor there.Wait a minute...why am I having to prop myself up to take a piss at the urinal?Wait a minute...how can I think the hot bartender actually wants me for anything more than a good tip?Wait a minute...that hot bartender is actually pretty ugly. Wait a minute...maybe the ugly bartender really does want me for something more than a good tip.Wait a minute...that guy I'm about to confront probably only gave me the stinkeye because I'm yelling gibberish about the Universe being both infinite and constantly expanding.You get the idea.

[MisterB 2]

Because I haven't before, and I personally think it's stupid to question one's ability to drink 7 shots. I'm going to give a story about my first Iraqi encounter.-We come to a complex that is a couple square Km wide. 20ft high concrete walls. A pretty badass zipline towards the back and noone to be found. As it happens, I just happen to be one of the lead vehicles for the entire Battalion 100 vehicles +. So we get 5 vehicles in, and I'm 4th in line, when we stop and get out. So myself and my gunner get told to "clear the area" Now there are several buildings, a lot of possible ambush points, and a very eery feeling that something bad is about to happen. Now I haven't been trained in Urban Warfare Tactics (door to door) But the premise is simple, and it's movies and video games have to have somewhat of a clue right? So now there's 10 guys, with another 300 sitting in vehicles on the road, so 10 can clear about 30 buildings over a 2km area. Work smarter, not harder. Right it is battle buddy. Sergeant Buttner decides to take the lead. And he's following. The hair is standing up on my neck and it's the only time my kevlar isn't bothering me. We move into the first building, nothing. We're shouting "clear" like we know what we're doing, but we're both shitting our pants like we're 5 years old. So after clearing 5 rooms or so, we decide the building is "clear" and we move on to the next one. To my right I see a hole in the wall surrounding the complex. Take notice and move on. I find a painting of the twin towers, 2 planes crashing into the burning towers, with saddams picture on it smoking a cigar. That made me upset. To the next building. *Now when you see a movie, and you see guys kicking in locked doors, It's really not that easy. I got to my first locked door and gave it a whack with my foot. It bowed in, but didn't break. After 5 or so, I just shot the ****ing lock off. Bastages. All that was inside was papers and a desk. Went through the desk, which was practically empty, and continued on. My battle buddy was right behind me the whole time, well until this point. As I'm walking, with my weapon at the ready, meaning wherever I look my weapon is trained on that sight. I get to the third building, and instead of going door to door together we both go seperate directions. Now this wasn't smart, for obvious reasons, but whatever at this point it looks like no Iraqis are left, it's pretty much a ghost town. So after clearing 4 rooms by myself on the second floor I hear him rummaging around the 1st floor so I go outside. The doorway is right in the middle, we came from the left of the door, and I go right. As I get outside I go to put my M-16 at the ready again and tell myself "nah, there's nothing here don't worry about it" take exactly one step and raise my weapon "the enemy comes in all directions" is what my old commander used to say and for some reason that stuck with me. I turn the corner to look at the other side of the complex and there he was. Tall, about 6' or so, beard, dressed in an all black dress (what all iraqi men wear. It's not so much a dress, as it is a one-piece shirt that has a long bottom) He had a beard, he wore brown sandals. He wasn't very skinny, moderately I would say. He had an Ak-47 with 2 extra magazines in his pockets all filled with 7.62 mm ammunition. He had a picture of his wife/mother/gf? in his top pocket. He had bad teeth. Now I didn't find any of this out until I was searching his bleeding corpse. When I turned the corner it didn't take long, but he was facing the other direction. I hesitated, but no more than a milisecond to analyze the situation. As he turned towards me I just remember squeezing. 3 times to be exact. All right in the right side of his chest. It was a reaction, but I knew what I was doing. He dropped. It's not like the movies when they fall, it's sudden and to the point. They fall backwards and he was not breathing by the time I moved from the shooting position. I remember standing there, with my gun still facing where the bullets were fired, thinking about what just happened. Just kind of blanked out, but realizing what just happened. After we searched him, I was handed a shovel and told "god rest his soul" and started digging. It's the only time in my entire I life I wanted to dig as fast as humanly possible. I wanted to just get it over with, and move on. Noone said a word to me for a long time after that. And I never really talked about it, and definitely didn't go into as great detail as I have here until now. Some people prod, ask the wrong questions, and handle themselves in a way they shouldn't when speaking of someones death. I think about what if he was facing me when I came around that corner. But then I stop myself. I'm here, and that's all that matters. What I've come to realize is the people who actually have done bad things in their war don't like to talk about them. And I know exactly why. It's the one's who are loud and boisterous about their experience who haven't done ****. I went 72 days without a shower, I went 14 without taking off my boots or socks, I slept upright fully geared for 45 days in my humvee, I lost 25 lbs., I can tell you what it's like to step on asphalt for the first time. I can tell you what it looks like when a 7 yr old is holding an Ak-47 at you. I can tell you that the greatest part of life is experiencing the people around you. I can tell you that I haven't lived my life to the fullest everyday, but not a day goes by where I don't think about how lucky I am.Everyone has their own story in life. Things happen that you think are bad, things don't go your way, but it's life. And think about where you are right now, and how lucky you are to be there. Don't sweat the small **** in life, and try to do as much as possible before you die. Tell everyone you love, you love them constantly. You never know when one day, you wake up, and that isn't an option. Be the best you can be for yourself. You only have one shot, and everyday really is an adventure.

[speedz99 145]

Ouch Takes A Trip To San Francisco

[Shimmering Wang 1]

The whole thing about having 30 really cool friends? I just don't believe it. It's hard to keep up with so many people, at least in my experience.

I'm not in contact with many of them anymore, for a variety of reasons related to my status as a terrible human being, but 30 isn't an exaggeration at all.It was a pretty interesting situation. My Freshman year, I lived down the hall from two kids that went to highschool together. We (my two roommates and I) became fast friends with them. Those two had 4 additional friends that went to the same highschool living on campus. We quickly became pretty close with all of them. I think that puts the number up to 9.Of those 6 guys, 3 went to a magnet school for half of the day called "Kalamazoo Area Math Science Center" (KAMSC, pronounced "Kam-zee"). Midway through Freshman year, one of the kids that lived down the hall from me had a class with a kid he knew casually from KAMSC. Well, we started hanging out with him and HIS highschool friends- a group which numbered about 7 or 8- and we all became pretty close. So let's call the number, conservatively, 15. During the same year, I met a girl in my Great Books class who I got along with very well. We started hanging out with her, her dormmate, two of her sority friends, her neighbor, and two of the NEIGHBOR's sorority friends. They were quickly added to the core group. Call the number 20. Sophomore year, 5 of us got a house. That house was, purely by chance, directly next door to a group of kids that ALSO lived on the west side of the state and had a passing acquaintance with some of our friends via KAMSC. Seven people lived in the house, and 3 of them became our friends. Around this time, we started our mock-fraternity. Call the number 22, and remember that these are stupidly conservative estimates that arbitrarly leave a number of people out for absolutely no reason, other than to ironically exagerrate my conservative estimates.Sophomore year, 3 kids from Kalamazoo came to Michigan that immediately became close friends of ours. They became our mock-pledges, and we made them drink themselves into oblivion once or twice, and then forgot about the pledge idea completely, because it's retarded. Call the number 25.I'm almost to 30. It's pretty easy to get there when I add my five best friends from highschool, 3 of whom went to school at Michigan (2 of whom lived with me). The other two went to school in- appropriately enough- Kalamazoo. They came down every other weekend, and lived in Ann Arbor every summer. Another friend of mine later transferred from MSU to UM, and lived in my house off-and-on for 6 months. That should put the number at or above 30, and doesn't even include the various women that my male friends dated, and who we quickly adopted as friends of our own. I was close enough with almost all of these people to be invited to dinner with their parents, or offered a place to stay if I were ever in their hometown. I can't think of a single person on this list who I wouldn't ask for advice, or feel uncomfortable proffering advice to if it were requested. We almost never lost a friend, and had an incredibly unique relationship web. There was rarely infighting, but there was a distinct power-hierarchy. There was a handful of people- probably 5 or so- that stood at the center of the group, holding it together. They were the Charismatic People of Influence who drew people towards the group, made everyone feel welcome, etc. They also acted as de facto leaders, proxy for their particular sect of friends.In reality, with the peripheral member of the BOX crew, the number was probably closer to 50 at any given time. But I'd estimate that I'd consider at least 30 of those people "friends," and half that number "very close friends." At a minimum.Faggot.Wang

[Shimmering Wang 1]

(MisterB's hardcore Iraqi blasting story)

I know how you feel; I ran over a raccoon yesterday.Seriously, I'd've probably had a breakdown if I'd ever been in the military. I would have been crying for my mother and steadfastly refusing to march on any longer. Wang + Stockades + Dishonorable Discharge = Sure Thing

[GrinderMJ 0]

Great, my chrinestone rowboy is getting upstaged by sweet *** story from Misterb (really cool story) and Wang's 12 page analysis on how he made 30 friends in college.

[mk 11]

Seriously, I'd've probably had a breakdown if I'd ever been in the military. I would have been crying for my mother and steadfastly refusing to march on any longer. Wang + Stockades + Dishonorable Discharge = Sure Thing

agreed. i only started killing spiders a couple years ago.

[Shimmering Wang 1]

agreed. i only started killing spiders a couple years ago.

I was just on my back porch smoking a cigarette, and there were two bumble bees buzzing around in my vicinity, and I made a noise like "Urkelp!", flunk my cigarette while awkwardly contorting my body away from the terrifying danger, stumbled and hit my head on the wall, crawled frantically on my knees to the sliding glass door, all the while involuntarily staccatto gasping things like, "Ahhhherrroy, uuuuuH! ach-ugh! Yeeeee oy nicht!" It was like maniacal German, played backwards.A few years ago, I was at an open house for a friend-of-a-friend who I'd never met. I was drinking a delicious diet cola in the backyard, hanging out under one of those outside party-tarps, when one of my friends pointed to my neck. There was a bee on it, and it crawled into my shirt. I freaked out, threw my can of pop into the pool for some reason, started screaming and spinning violently, and eventually ripped my shirt and undershirt off completely while running arond in a pattern I can only describe as "epileptically eliptical figure eight, but much much weirder." Obviously, the entire crowd- including all the adults and kids and grandparents and a few blacks- turned and stared at me, jaws agape. My out of breath proclamation to the entire party 30 seconds later, when I finally calmed down: "I'm allergic to bees."I am not allergic to bees.Wang

[MisterB 2]

I know how you feel; I ran over a raccoon yesterday.Seriously, I'd've probably had a breakdown if I'd ever been in the military. I would have been crying for my mother and steadfastly refusing to march on any longer. Wang + Stockades + Dishonorable Discharge = Sure Thing

I cried once and only once. I was washing my clothes in the middle of the desert in a 15 gallon tub. When I say the middle of the desert I mean imagine being on a ship in the middle of the ocean, all you see is flat water. Now replace the water with sand. Washer and dryer is +ev my friends.

[GrinderMJ 0]

I was just on my back porch smoking a cigarette, and there were two bumble bees buzzing around in my vicinity, and I made a noise like "Urkelp!", flunk my cigarette while awkwardly contorting my body away from the terrifying danger, stumbled and hit my head on the wall, crawled frantically on my knees to the sliding glass door, all the while involuntarily staccatto gasping things like, "Ahhhherrroy, uuuuuH! ach-ugh! Yeeeee oy nicht!" It was like maniacal German, played backwards.A few years ago, I was at an open house for a friend-of-a-friend who I'd never met. I was drinking a delicious diet cola in the backyard, hanging out under one of those outside party-tarps, when one of my friends pointed to my neck. There was a bee on it, and it crawled into my shirt. I freaked out, threw my can of pop into the pool for some reason, started screaming and spinning violently, and eventually ripped my shirt and undershirt off completely while running arond in a pattern I can only describe as "epileptically eliptical figure eight, but much much weirder." Obviously, the entire crowd- including all the adults and kids and grandparents and a few blacks- turned and stared at me, jaws agape. My out of breath proclamation to the entire party 30 seconds later, when I finally calmed down: "I'm allergic to bees."I am not allergic to bees.Wang

I don't care if <5% of this story is real, it's gold damnit.

[strategy 4]

I don't care if <5% of this story is real, it's gold damnit.

I love the new trend I've started.

[Shimmering Wang 1]

I don't care if <5% of this story is real, it's gold damnit.

100% true. My friends talked about the latter incident for years, and at least once every few months- especially at the beginning of summer- somebody would do an artistically faithful reenactment, much to the delight of anyone who wasn't there.Wang

[mk 11]

I don't care if <5% of this story is real, it's gold damnit.

[KDawgCometh 2]

I'd probably lower it to something approaching 75%.

i think you should write up a list of who is less of a pussy then mike and who would be a bigger pussy then mikealso, who else is happy that jerry fuckwell is dead, cause I know that I am

[turd ferguson 1]

I'm thinking at least 90% of the thread would have trouble with seven shots of pure hard liquor in less than a few hours. I know I certainly couldn't do it without blacking out. What's your estimate?

I have done seven plus shots of 90 proof liquor in less than five minutes without blacking out on more than one occasion. I probably max out at around 15 or so, but who knows. It's stupid though. I'd rather just get high.

When I was younger I would do shots and drink hard liquor, but now that i'm older it's pretty much just beer and usually Bud Light.

Why? Are you poor or just dumb?

I know how you feel; I ran over a raccoon yesterday.

When I was a youngster my family had a raccoon for a pet. Try to be more sensitive asshole.

[mk 11]

also, who else is happy that jerry fuckwell is dead, cause I know that I am

he'll be missed. groundbreaking comedy. e.g.:"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals""The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country""Textbooks are Soviet propaganda""The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews"

[speedz99 145]

Crazy story, MattyDuece. Nice work.

I lost 25 lbs.

Paging Ron Mexico...drop the diet and sign up to go to the desert.

I was just on my back porch smoking a cigarette, and there were two bumble bees buzzing around in my vicinity, and I made a noise like "Urkelp!", flunk my cigarette while awkwardly contorting my body away from the terrifying danger, stumbled and hit my head on the wall, crawled frantically on my knees to the sliding glass door, all the while involuntarily staccatto gasping things like, "Ahhhherrroy, uuuuuH! ach-ugh! Yeeeee oy nicht!" It was like maniacal German, played backwards.

One time in high school I went over to a friend's house, already extremely stoned. He was with about 8-10 of our satellite friends, watching some random movie. I was standing behind everyone, about to say an awkward hello, when something happened on screen...a girl was peacefully looking at herself in the mirror and she suddenly disintegrated into a pile of blood and puss with a horrible high-pitched shreik. Again, I was very high, and I had no idea that they were watching a horror flick. That is the one and only time in my life that I've ever screamed. This was a full-on, terrified, someone-save-me scream.Thankfully, they were all stoned as well and we all laughed hysterically about it for a few minutes before everyone focused on the movie again.

[silkyjonson 1]

RhinestoneCowboy- Sometimes I picture your name as ChrinestoneRowboy. I have no idea what a chrinestone is, but I imagine a ChrinestoneRowboy looks something like this, in my dreams it certainly does.

every time I see Chrinestone post something I belt out the song rhinestone cowboy. Its rather catchy

[zimmer4141 0]

WinDragon has been generally a donk, do you guys fold or shove here?Full Tilt Poker Game #2432198634: $28,000 Guarantee (18163401), Table 15 - 120/240 Ante 25 - No Limit Hold'em - 17:20:39 ET - 2007/05/15Seat 1: grolegogo (3,764)Seat 2: spares (11,013)Seat 3: donttellmywife2 (3,192)Seat 4: WinDragon (4,085)Seat 5: Zimmer4141 (3,246)Seat 6: TheHebrewHammer (9,429)Seat 7: huymi1 (6,615)Seat 8: Wlleiotl (39,468)Seat 9: Dyzalot (7,330)grolegogo antes 25spares antes 25donttellmywife2 antes 25WinDragon antes 25Zimmer4141 antes 25TheHebrewHammer antes 25huymi1 antes 25Wlleiotl antes 25Dyzalot antes 25Zimmer4141 posts the small blind of 120TheHebrewHammer posts the big blind of 240The button is in seat #4*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to Zimmer4141 [Td Th]huymi1 raises to 575Wlleiotl foldsDyzalot foldsgrolegogo foldsspares foldsdonttellmywife2 foldsWinDragon raises to 2,400Zimmer4141 raises to 3,221, and is all inTheHebrewHammer foldsTheHebrewHammer: wowzershuymi1 foldsWinDragon calls 821Zimmer4141 shows [Td Th]WinDragon shows [As Ks]*** FLOP *** [5c 5s 8c]*** TURN *** [5c 5s 8c] [2d]*** RIVER *** [5c 5s 8c 2d] [6c]TheHebrewHammer: wow 3rd raise wtih 10s what ru doin lolzZimmer4141 shows two pair, Tens and FivesWinDragon shows a pair of FivesZimmer4141 wins the pot (7,482) with two pair, Tens and Fives*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 7,482 | Rake 0Board: [5c 5s 8c 2d 6c]Seat 1: grolegogo folded before the FlopSeat 2: spares folded before the FlopSeat 3: donttellmywife2 folded before the FlopSeat 4: WinDragon (button) showed [As Ks] and lost with a pair of FivesSeat 5: Zimmer4141 (small blind) showed [Td Th] and won (7,482) with two pair, Tens and FivesSeat 6: TheHebrewHammer (big blind) folded before the FlopSeat 7: huymi1 folded before the FlopSeat 8: Wlleiotl folded before the FlopSeat 9: Dyzalot folded before the Flop

[silkyjonson 1]

WinDragon has been generally a donk, do you guys fold or shove here?Full Tilt Poker Game #2432198634: $28,000 Guarantee (18163401), Table 15 - 120/240 Ante 25 - No Limit Hold'em - 17:20:39 ET - 2007/05/15Seat 1: grolegogo (3,764)Seat 2: spares (11,013)Seat 3: donttellmywife2 (3,192)Seat 4: WinDragon (4,085)Seat 5: Zimmer4141 (3,246)Seat 6: TheHebrewHammer (9,429)Seat 7: huymi1 (6,615)Seat 8: Wlleiotl (39,468)Seat 9: Dyzalot (7,330)grolegogo antes 25spares antes 25donttellmywife2 antes 25WinDragon antes 25Zimmer4141 antes 25TheHebrewHammer antes 25huymi1 antes 25Wlleiotl antes 25Dyzalot antes 25Zimmer4141 posts the small blind of 120TheHebrewHammer posts the big blind of 240The button is in seat #4*** HOLE CARDS ***Dealt to Zimmer4141 [Td Th]huymi1 raises to 575Wlleiotl foldsDyzalot foldsgrolegogo foldsspares foldsdonttellmywife2 foldsWinDragon raises to 2,400Zimmer4141 raises to 3,221, and is all inTheHebrewHammer foldsTheHebrewHammer: wowzershuymi1 foldsWinDragon calls 821Zimmer4141 shows [Td Th]WinDragon shows [As Ks]*** FLOP *** [5c 5s 8c]*** TURN *** [5c 5s 8c] [2d]*** RIVER *** [5c 5s 8c 2d] [6c]TheHebrewHammer: wow 3rd raise wtih 10s what ru doin lolzZimmer4141 shows two pair, Tens and FivesWinDragon shows a pair of FivesZimmer4141 wins the pot (7,482) with two pair, Tens and Fives*** SUMMARY ***Total pot 7,482 | Rake 0Board: [5c 5s 8c 2d 6c]Seat 1: grolegogo folded before the FlopSeat 2: spares folded before the FlopSeat 3: donttellmywife2 folded before the FlopSeat 4: WinDragon (button) showed [As Ks] and lost with a pair of FivesSeat 5: Zimmer4141 (small blind) showed [Td Th] and won (7,482) with two pair, Tens and FivesSeat 6: TheHebrewHammer (big blind) folded before the FlopSeat 7: huymi1 folded before the FlopSeat 8: Wlleiotl folded before the FlopSeat 9: Dyzalot folded before the Flop

tough spot. Is he a re-raise donk, because some players open a ton of pots but wont come over the top unless they have something solid. I think the shove is ok but its fairly close, as you still have to deal with the utg raiser having a big hand and in most cases you are getting a coin flip with you dominating a small % of the time and being dominated a decent % of the time as well, but Obviously the inflection points matter as well and are probably the deciding factorand I see what you did there

[strategy 4]

8 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)8 Members: strategy, zimmer4141, KDawgCometh, silkyjonson, GrinderMJ, Naked_Cowboy, Randy Reed, Ouch-8sI predict...1. if you played shlhe this wouldn't be a problem. try this wine and this film.2. lol shove3. what part of "keep bringing me beers" don't you understand?4. little comment