silkyjonson 1 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Hey Turd...Hey Ron did you catch the Heat game today?Thats right we own your ***es Link to post Share on other sites
zimmer4141 0 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 just let it go man, seriously.Is this why Lori has been gone? Shit. That girl wasn't 18? Link to post Share on other sites
KDawgCometh 2 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 wow, pretty happenin day in here huhwell, off to surgery tomorrow morning. if I don't post anymore, then I'm dead.hopefully you'll get some good meds for recovery Link to post Share on other sites
beans-n-icewater 18 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Of course, you guys will be subjected to a long story about my adventure in the near future, but I'll throw out a little "feeler bet" before I hit the hay....Most of you probably dont know this yet, but the ole Corona habit jumped on my back again right before I left. I pretty well made up for lost time the morning of departure and was fully crocked when we arrived at the airport. We checked in and was sitting in the terminal two hours early just as the wife likes to when boredom took over. I get bored pretty easy. In fact, it was so bad that I moseyed over and started changing the little sign that scrolls the departure gate and related information in red LED letters above the airlines attendant desk. I got a few assorted giggles from the now increasing group of fellow fliers, so I upped the ante and got on the loudspeaker and told a few jokes. I must have done ok, because the nice airline ladies that showed up a few minutes later only stopped me when an important announcement was necessary and handed the phone right back with the lead-in.... "And now back to our entertainment."The pilots surfaced a while later and gave me a round of applause before boarding the plane to do pre-flight stuff. I performed a few magic tricks and a mind reading act to conclude the show and ran back to the bar to chug a few more. I found the wife in the bookstore with a USAToday paper covering her face just in time to make the flight. The ticket agent gal was suspicious about her boarding the plane with her face covered until I told her that she was my wife. Condolences were given and she was allowed entrance to the Boeing Widebody. The jet was pushed back right on time and taxi and takeoff commenced shortly after noon. The fully seated plane was approximately 500' off the deck when the sudden urge to empty my bladder hit. My drinking skills had diminished to the point that only fifteen drinks had triggered a backlog of urine that would have made King Kong green with envy. I unbuckled the seat belt, stood up, and looked around at the two hundred passengers looking at me at an approximate 45 degree angle directly downhill toward the potty. This was gonna be fun. I had a flashback to the time I took this kid and his skydiving instructor up for his first jump. The jumpmaster told the kid right before they leaped "Just go limp and let me do the jumping...I promise you not need to do a thing". I took three long breaths, had the same little speach with my bladder, and dove toward the isle.The next few minutes seemed to last a lifetime. A blurr of seats went by as my legs gained speed almost as fast as my upper body. I felt the sensation of floating as the aft cabin door approached at a such a high rate of speed that I actually thought I might sever the tail section as the shitter went by in a flash. My arms were extended straight out on impact, and luckily the door held the pressure and left me in the fetal position lying in front of the strapped in flight attendants. Of course, every soul onboard was turned around looking at me except for the one lady that seemed to be making a USAToday igloo around her seat. I calmly stood up, brushed myself off, and picked up the reciever for the inflight announcments. "BING BONG...I just thought of a few more jokes, folks. Did anyone hear about the guy that...."I told two more before entering the lav and pissing for seven minutes straight....The above story is 100% accurate.... just ask my wife who can quote any stock price from three weeks agoLater I'll tell the next segment that ends with "IS THERE A PHARMACIST ON BOARD????" Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I've come out of my brief retirement to say that story was trillicious. Link to post Share on other sites
MisterB 2 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 oh how ive missed you so beans Link to post Share on other sites
CardWarfare 4 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Of course, you guys will be subjected to a long story about my adventure in the near future, but I'll throw out a little "feeler bet" before I hit the hay....I forgot how much I missed storytime with beans. :enjoying my ba-ba face:I've come out of my brief retirement to say that story was trillicious.Shut up. Link to post Share on other sites
rocketpoker828 0 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Worst idea ever, courtesy of facebook.comIntroducing LivePoke™! 7:19pmFacebook will dispatch a real live person today to poke a friend of your choice.**offer good for only the first 100 pokers in each network.Um, April Fools? Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey 6 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 So just now a colleague passed me 2 envelopes, apparently two people I have never met are leaving and I was expected to sign their cards. I went for the generic "Good Luck, - LG" in the first, but then I noticed on the second envelope that the guy leaving was called Richard Simmonds. I immediately started to rack my brain for something hilarious to write which no one but him would see, and he probably wouldn't be amused if he did read it, but as long as I knew that I wrote it I could feel pretty cool every time I thought about it. Unfortunately my knowledge of the real Richard Simmons is limited and I could think of nothing except that robot Richard Simmons in the Simpsons based on the Terminator 2. This would not a good joke make. With the benefit of hindsight/google I now know that I could have written "I loved you in Disco Sweat" or something along that vein. Unfortunately though, feeling the pressure and unable to search the internet mid signing without looking suspicious, I settled for the remarkably witless "Good Luck Richard Simmonds, - LG". Not my best work. Having looked at his profile on the intranet I think he might have enjoyed a Richard Simmons joke, as he seems to have some kRaZy sense of humour, e.g. "I Take Coffee Like This: Milk, 1 sugar, in a gold goblet encrusted with diamonds". Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 hopefully you'll get some good meds for recoveryI absolutely will. With refills. Giddyup.and I'm saving beans' story for when I get back. something to look forward to.-is it odd that I feel the need to catch up here before I go into surgery? (by odd, I mean sad) Link to post Share on other sites
renaedawn 1 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I absolutely will. With refills. Giddyup.and I'm saving beans' story for when I get back. something to look forward to.-is it odd that I feel the need to catch up here before I go into surgery? (by odd, I mean sad)Good luck, Andrew. Healthy healing.Oh and hey, dude, my back kinda hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm alive.One post since I posted this morning? Carazey. I'm still a bit hopped up on drugs too. Thats nice.and thanks renae. but um, I'm probably gonna need them all. I mean, I'm in a LOT of pain. haha, nope. I do look like freaking frankenstein though. kinda awesome, kinda hideous. I may take pictures and post them. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyJoJo 18 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 One post since I posted this morning?We were holding a morning vigil for you. There was lots of prayer and singing.Oh, and cookies and punch too.It's how we roll. We're very religious. Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 We were holding a morning vigil for you. There was lots of prayer and singing.Oh, and cookies and punch too.It's how we roll. We're very religious.I assumed as much Link to post Share on other sites
renaedawn 1 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm alive.One post since I posted this morning? Carazey. I'm still a bit hopped up on drugs too. Thats nice.and thanks renae. but um, I'm probably gonna need them all. I mean, I'm in a LOT of pain. haha, nope. I do look like freaking frankenstein though. kinda awesome, kinda hideous. I may take pictures and post them.I'm glad it went well and that you're not in a lot of pain. Take it easy, though. You don't have to go back to work this week do you? Link to post Share on other sites
DOG 0 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Want to hear the bad stuff?There's more, but I don't have the attention span to continue.You also have an STD.We were holding a morning vigil for you. There was lots of prayer and singing.Oh, and cookies and punch too.It's how we roll. We're very religious.Kum ba yah, my Lord, Kum ba yah! Kum ba yah, my Lord, Kum ba yah! Kum ba yah, my Lord, Kum ba yah! Oh Lord! Kum ba yah! Let's sing.Andrew - Kellie Pickler will be by at 2 for your sponge bath. Link to post Share on other sites
ShakeZuma 585 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm glad it went well and that you're not in a lot of pain. Take it easy, though. You don't have to go back to work this week do you?I go back Wednesday. I'm hardcore like that.Andrew - Kellie Pickler will be by at 2 for your sponge bath.crap. guess I did die. but if this turns out to be true... absolutely worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
zimmer4141 0 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Gotta love skipping class to go watch Opening Day Baseball. Link to post Share on other sites
Napa_Don 688 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Gotta love skipping class to go watch Opening Day Baseball.I just skipped class because, well, I didn't feel like going. Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Gotta love skipping work to go watch Opening Day Baseball. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyJoJo 18 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I'm pretty sure people call him Beans, but if you prefer, you can call him William, Bill or Billy. He probably won't answer.This is why he wouldn't hire you. You tried to be formal and call him William, not realizing that it says Billy on his birth certificate. Link to post Share on other sites
Ron_Mexico 4,219 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 This is why he wouldn't hire you. You tried to be formal and call him William, not realizing that it says Billy on his birth certificate.quite possibly true, I did forget that he's from Arkansas, and they probably aren't aware Billy is short for William. Link to post Share on other sites
silkyjonson 1 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 quite possibly true, I did forget that he's from Arkansas, and they probably aren't aware Billy is short for William.I thought in Arkansas Billy was short for Bubba? Link to post Share on other sites
beans-n-icewater 18 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I did forget that he's from Arkansas, and they probably aren't aware Billy is short for William.It had something to do with jumping off the Tallahassee bridge... that or William was too hard to spellMeanwhile.... back at the cabinI have jet lag so bad its unreal... today feels like a holiday for some reasonCongrats on the 45 Chris.... keep it up dont quit nowCongrats on being alive Andrew.... keep it up Congrats on not calling me a month ago Wang... my feelings are hurt give me a buzz Link to post Share on other sites
Habs Fan 0 Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 I hit reply about an hour ago, got sidetracked by some work and forgot my reason for doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
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