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I Called In Sick Today


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NoI like shaking with my right.I most everything with my left. Bat, write, eat, throw, power punch, golf, tennis, etcThings I can't do with my left. Wipe my butt, jerk off, shake hands, jab punch.
I'm the exact same way. Dead serious.
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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

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From a leftie, no.Touching hands with someone who most probably pleasured themselves in the last 24 hrs with the same hand and soon after eating a donut with same hand is just bothersome.
ewwWWWWWWthe receptionist was away from her desk goofing around this morning and our printer came in to deliver envelopes. after i had to sign for them the delivery lady left a bag of candy for the receptionist. the bag of candy is now in my desk drawer. she should have been at her desk doing her job.
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so, you don't shake hands with anyone, ever?
Typically, I try to avoid it. Like when I go into meetings I'll hang back a little while the pleasantries ensue and everyone takes their seat. Then I'll sit down and start the small talk. However, when I have to, I'll shake a hand or two and feel more comfortable knowing it's my right hand, which I don't use all that much anyway except to type or undo a bra.
Don't get me wrong, I agree. We should just bow like the Japs.
Completely agree
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Do you think lefties would rather shake with their dominant hand?
no you learn to use your right hand. I've tried using a mouse with my left and I feel like the most uncoordinated person on the planet.
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no you learn to use your right hand. I've tried using a mouse with my left and I feel like the most uncoordinated person on the planet.
The worst was scissors. When I was little my mom always bought me the lefthanded scissors and I'd use those, but you could never find them anywhere else. Eventually I told her I'd rather just learn to use righthanded ones.
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no you learn to use your right hand. I've tried using a mouse with my left and I feel like the most uncoordinated person on the planet.
DAMMITstop adding to my list. I can only go with the right on the mouse and scissors as well. Can we please stop talking about this now? I used to take pride in saying "I only do two things with my right, jerk off and wipe"now thats goneI only do 8 things with my right, jerk off, wipe, use a mouse, use scissors, shake hands, jab punch, eat pizza and pimp slap. Just doesn't have the same ring to it
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So what, we've got three lefties now?I was once at the store and bought something with one of my cards. I went to sign and the pen cord was tangled up and I couldn't get it to my left hand. Tried to sign right-handed and both the cashier and the person in line after me laughed at my struggle.

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Along those same lines, do you think people with red hair wish they were never born?please let there be a redhead here
I have black hair, but my facial hair is actually mixed red and black. Don't know how that happened.
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I've always wanted a red beard. I had a few red hairs in a goatee once, but it wasn't anything to write home about.

I'm the same. My nickname was ketchup stains for a while.
That's a long nickname.
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I've always wanted a red beard. I had a few red hairs in a goatee once, but it wasn't anything to write home about.
Yeah, this is a more accurate description of what I have going on down there.I mean, up here.
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So, I just went to use the public restroom, and when I walked in, it smelled like some serious pooping had just been going on. So I hold my breath, pee in the urinal, and proceed to wash my hands. (I may or may not've gotten some back splatter on my hands) Anyway, as I'm washing up, someone comes in and makes that "GODDAMN, WHO DIED IN HERE" face. Now, he's looking at me like I just dumped my brains out.the question is:Do I go into a whole song and dance about how it stunk when I got in there, and joke about how someone should've removed the gerbil from their butt after it died or just wash my hands and leave?This is the stuff that runs through my head constantly

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So, I just went to use the public restroom, and when I walked in, it smelled like some serious pooping had just been going on. So I hold my breath, pee in the urinal, and proceed to wash my hands. (I may or may not've gotten some back splatter on my hands) Anyway, as I'm washing up, someone comes in and makes that "GODDAMN, WHO DIED IN HERE" face. Now, he's looking at me like I just dumped my brains out.the question is:Do I go into a whole song and dance about how it stunk when I got in there, and joke about how someone should've removed the gerbil from their butt after it died or just wash my hands and leave?This is the stuff that runs through my head constantly
Generate a fart and have him compare the scents. You're off the hook and someone purposefully smelled your gas. Win - Win.
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