I Called In Sick Today

[renaedawn 1]

I also love the dance he does when he starts to like calling strikes.Let's assume that I didn't finish the joke out of spite. That's much better than forgetting that part of the scene.I agree...but I can excuse teenagers for loving him. He's like the Backstreet Boys of comedy.

But he has an amazing ass.And you call yourselves homos.

[speedz99 145]

But he has an amazing ass.And you call yourselves homos.

I call myself homosocial. Homoerotic. Sometimes even homopenetrational.But saying Dane Cook has a nice ass would just be gay.

Oh come on, he isn't that bad. His physical stuff makes me laugh. That shit isn't easy.

Ok, I'll give you that. But Jim Carey he ain't.Ok, now I guess I should admit that I've never seen Dane Cook's act. Ever. I've just made assumptions based on things I've heard about him.

[keith crime 8]

I think Dane Cook is innocuous enough - he's both too popular and both over criticized for being so popularWill Ron Mexico please take Denis Leary's penis out of his mouth!!

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Oh come on, he isn't that bad. His physical stuff makes me laugh. That shit isn't easy.

yeah, sound effects into a microphone and getting into a catchers stance to accentuate a point. He's awesome

The thing that pisses me off about Dane Cook is the fact that there have been a TON of good Comedy Central Presents but because every 15-24 year old in America likes this assbag, they play his episode every single time they do a series of re-runs. Yay, a half hour where I have to go find something else to watch when another really good episode could be on.

Ron Mexico, slowly winning back BillyBizzlestage 2 completeproceed to stage 3

But he has an amazing ass.And you call yourselves homos.

yeah, thats tops on my list when looking for a good comediangood jokes-checkgreat timing-checkgreat deliver-checkdynamite hiney-checkpot marked skin-check - Well, Dane sure has thatDane, what kind of name is that? Isn't that a person from a certain country or an above average dog?

[mk 11]

I think Dane Cook is innocuous enough - he's both too popular and both over criticized for being so popular

this is correct.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Will Ron Mexico please take Denis Leary's penis out of his mouth!!

I don't need your Bill Hicks guilt trip rantI like Denis Leary and I'm ok with thatnow let me sleep in the same bed with you when I come to Chicago?I'm makin the rounds too. I'm sleepin in the tiki roomI'm sleepin in Mike's guest houseRhinestone's garageKeith's mom's room, if she'll have me.on Lefty's couch

[mk 11]

yeah, sound effects into a microphone and getting into a catchers stance to accentuate a point. He's awesome

before he blew up and would just appear on leno and conan and whatnot he was pretty all over the place. similar to a young, coked-out robin williams.

[Bizzle 0]

Ron Mexico, slowly winning back BillyBizzlestage 2 completeproceed to stage 3

If step 3 isn't cuddling with me and telling me that T4 raping me in the ass isn't my fault, then good luck.Since I mentioned Comedy Central Presents earlier, have you seen either the Pablo Francisco or Adam Ferrara episodes? Two of my 3 favorites.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

before he blew up and would just appear on leno and conan and whatnot he was pretty all over the place. similar to a young, coked-out robin williams.

who is now unfunnyas Simmons wrote, 4 days after I said, he destroyed Bill Maher's show. Good money says he's never invited back.

[Bizzle 0]

who is now unfunny

I disagree. Movies? Awful. Standup (especially his HBO Special)? Very funny.EDIT: Ron, re Al, I met him in Vegas and while he is definitely the right size to be an athlete, I think it would be tough to hide the name Zeidenfeld.

[speedz99 145]

who is now unfunnyas Simmons wrote, 4 days after I said, he destroyed Bill Maher's show. Good money says he's never invited back.

what's this now?

[beans-n-icewater 18]

"

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I disagree. Movies? Awful. Standup (especially his HBO Special)? Very funny.EDIT: Ron, re Al, I met him in Vegas and while he is definitely the right size to be an athlete, I think it would be tough to hide the name Zeidenfeld.

his HBO special was solid, I'll give you thatOh, Al is a jew? Nevermind, theory blown out of the water. It was a shot in the darkI like to speculate, so when the one time I'm right, people think I'm smart

what's this now?

Al Smooth, I guessed he was former atheleteSimmons- In last Friday's column, he made reference to Robin Williams screwing up the Bill Maher show. Right after I watched it, I said the same thing, 4 days before he wrote it. I dont' think he stole from me (this time), I was just saying it was that obvious that Maher probably wasn't tickled

Thanks again Ron for the inside info yesterday... I owe ya one

anytime sugarpants.

[keith crime 8]

Leary was in Montreal to host the Nasty Show at Club Soda and Colleen (one of Bill Hicks' managers) was coordinating the talent so she was standing backstage when she heard Leary doing material that sounded incredibly similar to old Hicks riffs, including his perennial Jim Fixx joke: "Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. Dude, the plot thickens." When Leary came off-stage, Colleen said, more stunned than angry (but still mad), "Hey, you know that's Bill Hicks' material! Do you know that's his material?" Leary allegedly stood there, stared at her without saying a word, and apparently briskly left the dressing room." Leary has admitted that he wrote No Cure For Cancer while in England after the birth of his son, in 1990. Hicks had been doing a similar stage act for ten years at that point, and the two had toured together previously.When asked about Leary, Hicks told an interviewer: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."In a separate interview, during his brief hiatus from smoking cigarettes, Bill was asked why he had quit. He answered, "I just wanted to see if Denis Leary would too."

actually i love the ref - and since Rescue me is apparently so good he's either really talented or found someone else to steal from and hasn't been caught yetyou know i actually like this Dane Cook jokeYour whole life there's always been that one creepy weird person somewhere in your life. He's definitely not fat... but he is shapes... and nobody will talk to this guy. Except for me. I'll talk to this guy. You know why? Because there will be that one day where he finally snaps and comes into work with a saw-off shotgun, "CH-CH, BOOM! CH-CH, BOOM!" And he'll finally get to my office and be like '... Thanks for the candy.' "CH-CH, BOOM! CH-CH, BOOM!"

[mk 11]

you know i actually like this Dane Cook joke

you and i are in agreeance on this, but he's done plenty of stuff that doesn't suck.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

actually i love the ref - and since Rescue me is apparently so good he's either really talented or found someone else to steal from and hasn't been caught yetyou know i actually like this Dane Cook jokeYour whole life there's always been that one creepy weird person somewhere in your life. He's definitely not fat... but he is shapes... and nobody will talk to this guy. Except for me. I'll talk to this guy. You know why? Because there will be that one day where he finally snaps and comes into work with a saw-off shotgun, "CH-CH, BOOM! CH-CH, BOOM!" And he'll finally get to my office and be like '... Thanks for the candy.' "CH-CH, BOOM! CH-CH, BOOM!"

scoop quote from Hicks is funnyI'm not saying every Dane Cook joke ever is awful, I'm just saying as a whole, he's basically not funnyedit: I can talk to a downs syndrome kid for 1/2 an hour and I bet he can make me laugh, but just not repeatedly, unless of course I'm laughing at his huge forehead

[mk 11]

I'm not saying every Dane Cook joke ever is awful, I'm just saying everyone loves a winner, but nobody likes a WINNER.

fyp

[keith crime 8]

You know Dane will never change your life - he doesn't really have anything to say - he's not out there brilliant and odd like mitch hedbergbut he has energy and enthusiasm and he doesn't offend anyone - he's amusing enough and we'll smile at him and remember him sort of fondly - like chuck barris

[Ouch-8s 4]

Goodyear?

Hmmmm, I quoted this to say "No, the worst," but you guys ruined the joke by not waiting long enough for me to get to work someone to get the joke. By the way, there's a little something stuck in the corner of your mouth...

before he blew up and would just appear on leno and conan and whatnot he was pretty all over the place. similar to a young, coked-out robin williams.

I like Dane Cook. Oh God, I said it. Whatever will you all think of me now?But MK's right. I haven't seen too much of his recent stuff, but 3 years ago he was freaking hil-a-ri-ous. Tears streaming down my face laugh so hard funny. And Ron? Those Bruno Magli loafers? They accentuate the ghey.

[keith crime 8]

I love this moveVince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston refuse to admit they are dating -- all of a sudden tabloids report that they are breaking up and they get mad and deny it

[mrdannyg 274]

I also thought this was amusing...video of a completely stoned professor that my friend's friend had at FSU:

I had a prof in first year who came in to class wearing dishwashing gloves and carrying the campus paper, and gave the entire lecture like that, often mentioning how much he loved his wife and what a great student paper we had. we were all confused as hell, until we picked up the campus paper and read the sex advice column. it suggested that, in a pinch, rubber dishwashing gloves are a good safety device for those wanting to experiment with anal fisting.

I disagree. Movies? Awful. Standup (especially his HBO Special)? Very funny.EDIT: Ron, re Al, I met him in Vegas and while he is definitely the right size to be an athlete, I think it would be tough to hide the name Zeidenfeld.

robin williams is not funny. ranges from terrible-ok in comedic roles in movies, and his standup is barely passable these days. in an hour show he made half a dozen good jokes, and 55 minutes of annoying, unnecessary yelling and accents.all of his funny jokes would've been even funnier if they'd just been told normally, with the sole exception of the golf jokes. those were excellent.

[Bizzle 0]

robin williams is not funny. ranges from terrible-ok in comedic roles in movies, and his standup is barely passable these days. in an hour show he made half a dozen good jokes, and 55 minutes of annoying, unnecessary yelling and accents.all of his funny jokes would've been even funnier if they'd just been told normally, with the sole exception of the golf jokes. those were excellent.

Just tell me honestly. Do you like ANYTHING?

[mrdannyg 274]

You know Dane will never change your life - he doesn't really have anything to say - he's not out there brilliant and odd like mitch hedbergbut he has energy and enthusiasm and he doesn't offend anyone - he's amusing enough and we'll smile at him and remember him sort of fondly - like chuck barris

agreed, except for the chuck barris part. i don't know him.as i said to strat last night - can you imagine how much awesomer your life would be if you were a personal friend of mitch hedberg? holy ****, i'd probably have just killed myself when he died, knowing my life would never again come close to being as awesome as it had been.

[missIdaho 1]

i'm bored

[mrdannyg 274]

Just tell me honestly. Do you like ANYTHING?

everything except robin williams and charles barkleyedit - and the yankees