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I Called In Sick Today


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Saturday night we went to meet up with some friends at the bar. While we’re there a bachelor and bachelorette party came through selling Lei’s for a dollar. The group that I’m sitting with all buy one, then a while later we leave to go to the nest bar. As I’m leaving, I see all the Lei’s that we just bought sitting on the table, so I scoop them up and take them with me. Light bulbs are flashing in my head. We get to the next bar and I look around and bingo! My plan of action is about to come together full swing. With all the Lei’s (22 total) I begin my journey around the bar selling them for $5 each. About 30 minutes later, I have sold every last one and me and my girlfriends are now drinking free for the rest of the night.As I was selling them, I was also drinking shots from various people who were buying them for me.(who am I to pass up a free drink, right??) so I get to this one guy, sell him the Lei, put it around his neck and he says “That wasn’t very satisfying.” Hahaha, ok you want satisfying?? I’m wearing a tank top (I had already done my striptease on the dance floor and took off my sweater). Sooooo, I take off the guy’s hat, grab him by the back of his head, and pull his face into my breasts. My husband and all our friends were watching this and were whistling and laughing their asses off. Needless to say...he was satisfied. More events took place through the night: a guy tried to kiss me, unsuccessfully, my girlfriend got so loaded she fell off her barstool and had to be carried out, my thighs still hurt from dancing (there is a pole on the dance floor, I could have made most strippers jealous. Then we closed the bar and went to breakfast where I proceded to tell this really loud and annoying girl at the table next to us to “shut the fuck up and go fuck herself.”So basically it was another fun night on the town. (Hey, it’s a small town, what else ya gonna do?)
That motorboatin sonofabitch
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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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With all the Lei's (22 total) I begin my journey around the bar selling them for $5 each. About 30 minutes later, I have sold every last one and me and my girlfriends are now drinking free for the rest of the night.
In the industry, we'd call this arbitrage. Er wait, no. This was more like theft.
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im insulted. the word "used" is clearly redundant in that sentence. I would never make such a grammatical impropriety.the virgins are unhappy:Jeff (1:22:19 PM): someone made gay-o-meter todayJeff (1:22:24 PM): an alter-egoMDG (1:22:26 PM): i saw thatJeff (1:22:27 PM): I was quite pissedMDG (1:22:30 PM): i assumed it was youJeff (1:22:38 PM): I'm highly insultedMDG (1:22:42 PM): since it only gayve you 7.5 for that remarkJeff (1:22:52 PM): honestly gay-o-meter?MDG (1:23:01 PM): i knowMDG (1:23:03 PM): unoriginalMDG (1:23:08 PM): at least should've been homometerMDG (1:23:15 PM): at least that would've been hard to pronounceJeff (1:23:18 PM): there are so many better possibilities out there, and it's also ripping off smugtrometerMDG (1:23:29 PM): agreedMDG (1:23:35 PM): gaytrometer would've been better tooJeff (1:23:42 PM): yes homometer is pretty awesomeMDG (1:23:42 PM): could've started a dynastyMDG (1:24:15 PM): we could have the smugtrometer, gaytrometer, sextrometer, virgintrometer, donktrometer, etcJeff (1:24:24 PM): hahaha
hard to believe you two haven't found girls yet.I'll see you both on the other side. Soon I'm sure
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hard to believe you two haven't found girls yet.I'll see you both on the other side. Soon I'm sure
you mean we're going to go straight?holy crap, tourneys/pokerstars are ridiculous. playing a $2.20 triple shootout - so far there's been 8 preflop all-ins, and the underdog has won each one. amazing.edit 77 beats AJ - i stand corrected.
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i miss you too baby. How are the states? Anyone been to mcDonalds in a while? I miss french fries. And poker. Do yall think I should get married when I go on R&R? I should be home in december
1- Meh2-Yes3-Meh
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i miss you too baby. How are the states? Anyone been to mcDonalds in a while? I miss french fries. And poker. Do yall think I should get married when I go on R&R? I should be home in december
1. as ****ed up as usual2. yes, still leaves a nasty after taste in my mouth3. sure, why not4. yippeee
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Well, I decided to counteract my pissedoffness at limit poker by playing some PLO today. Ended up $220 playing 1/2, so it was a success.Also, any ideas on what I should buy with my FullTilt Points? I have almost 53k right now.

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i think i kill the thread when i come back. I should revert back to my old ways. I think i have a picture of me in my rainbow brite costume. Its pretty slutty. I can be like the girls in my unit.
I'm instantly convinced that said pic would, ummm, do whatever the opposite of "kill the thread" is.
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hmm.......i might get in trouble. maybe someone else should post it
:volunteering face:actually, i can't host it or anything, but if you email it to me i'll do something with it.edit - Rhinestone it up.ok, subway time soon. gotta decide:sweet onion chicken teriyaki, or the BMT with bacon and BBQ sauce. feeling like the latter today methinks.edit2 - i was just rocking the air guitar pretty hard to "My Sharona," and a big group of high school kids walked by and started laughing like crazy. I wish I still had the Fu Manchu.
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I had one of those Dunkin Donuts Ultimate Omlette sandwich thingies for lunch, strictly because I couldn't think of anything better to get. I may vomit, they're pretty nasty.

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I had one of those Dunkin Donuts Ultimate Omlette sandwich thingies for lunch, strictly because I couldn't think of anything better to get. I may vomit, they're pretty nasty.
Adam, I don't know if it was just my perspective, but I thought Detroit dominated Buffalo on Friday night. Detroit outshot Buffalo something like 39-20, but couldn't score on the powerplay. Guess I'm just wondering what your opinions were on that game.
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What the fuck's up, fat bitches?Hey, anybody know if MK plays as mk12 on fulltilt? I was blacking out last night and playing some random small-tournies (ranging from $100 4-man HU shootouts, to 40 man $20+2s) and I was at a table with mk12. I got moved to a different table after a few orbits, but the guy played pretty Taggy and/or lame. He would not have recognized anything about my nameI couldn't tell if he was obsessed with the squeeze play or not.Wang

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Hey, anybody know if MK plays as mk12 on fulltilt?
All I know is there was a different name on the screen when I played on his account.Hey, did you guys hear? I played as mk when he "won" his wsop seat. Did anyone know that? Who told you?
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Adam, I don't know if it was just my perspective, but I thought Detroit dominated Buffalo on Friday night. Detroit outshot Buffalo something like 39-20, but couldn't score on the powerplay. Guess I'm just wondering what your opinions were on that game.
Detroit's inability to score on a full 2-minute 5 on 3 power play was the deciding moment of the game. Once Buffalo killed off those penalties there was no beating them mentally or physically. I actually missed both of Williams' goals, but I was told at least one of them was pretty flukey, maybe both. The part of the game I saw (from about 8 minutes left in the 1st period on) Buffalo held their own pretty well, and Miller stood on his head when they had to. I'd probably grade both teams efforts the same, but goaltending was the deciding factor and Miller was the better goalie. Hasek allowed two goals on Buffalo's first six shots, can't win hockey games that way. I thought it was pretty funny when I 100% perfectly called the way the shootout would go down, from the players that would shoot to the order they would shoot in to the guys who would actually score. I knew there was no way Miller was stopping Datsyuk, kid's just too good with that puck. From what I'm told, Buffalo did get dominated in the first 12 minutes of the game, but I didn't see that part and they obviously recovered quite nicely.
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All I know is there was a different name on the screen when I played on his account.Hey, did you guys hear? I played as mk when he "won" his wsop seat. Did anyone know that? Who told you?
All that and he leaves you for some guy named John...
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I just watched the highlights on TSN, the first goal was a fluke, just one of those things (bad bounce off the boards) but the second one was pretty good and Buffalo should have picked Williams up in front of the net.

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All I know is there was a different name on the screen when I played on his account.Hey, did you guys hear? I played as mk when he "won" his wsop seat. Did anyone know that? Who told you?
It is the mark of a great man, he who can reside in the shadows while his friends live in light. But it's the mark of a sweet man who holds every accomplishment over his friends' heads, and boasts relentlessly.I'm one of the latter... And I am sweet.WangPS- Just so everyone knows, I made that first quote up. Sounded kinda authentically old, no? See? This is what I'm talking about, my being sweet
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