I Called In Sick Today

[MisterB 2]

So was that what her dream was? You blowing a load on her while she sat there??

maybe.

[Napa_Don 688]

So was that what her dream was? You blowing a load on her while she sat there??

After reading several of your posts I am convinced that you are in fact Will Ferrel and there is no convincing me otherwise.

[MisterB 2]

edit*

[zimmer4141 0]

Well, I didn't have better plans than Lori last night, I freakin went to sleep at midnight last night. Got up this morning, nobody wanted a caddy so I got up at 6:30 AM to make absolutely nothing. They gave me $4 for gas and I went home. Now I can't go back to sleep, but it's too early to start playing poker. Got the Iron Freeroll today on FullTilt, then hopefully going out tonight.

[MisterB 2]

Well, I didn't have better plans than Lori last night, I freakin went to sleep at midnight last night. Got up this morning, nobody wanted a caddy so I got up at 6:30 AM to make absolutely nothing. They gave me $4 for gas and I went home. Now I can't go back to sleep, but it's too early to start playing poker. Got the Iron Freeroll today on FullTilt, then hopefully going out tonight.

I used to caddy too Zim. 530 am cleaning cig butts in the plot till 6am when I could hitch a loop. First year I was the only one there made a lot of money. 2nd year theres 20 kids and I get to show up at 630 and always got the first loop. How many other caddies are there??

[Theraflu 1,035]

Edited for early morning lapse of self-control

wtf is this

[zimmer4141 0]

I used to caddy too Zim. 530 am cleaning cig butts in the plot till 6am when I could hitch a loop. First year I was the only one there made a lot of money. 2nd year theres 20 kids and I get to show up at 630 and always got the first loop. How many other caddies are there??

Ha, there were 4 total and 2 got out. There used to be like 15-20 getting out everyday a couple years ago, but the program is dying. Thankfully I got my scholarship before it died out.

[MisterB 2]

wtf is this

after a nice little PM from governator I had to.

[Theraflu 1,035]

after a nice little PM from governator I had to.

pussy.go beat off on some reasonably hot chick you haven't seen in a few years.

[Guest andibear]

hey mister. completed src yesterday

[MisterB 2]

pussy.go beat off on sone reasonably hot chick you haven't seen in a few years.

cute

hey mister. completed src yesterday

really.Not too much longer left then. How are you holding up? Any news from your other half? how is he doing? Wow its been a while since I talked to you.

[Whiskey16 1]

Cumshot on Olive Oyl story

Nice. I was never good at creative writing.

[Guest andibear]

yeah we start block leave today. We get 7 days off. We are supposed to fly to kuwait on the 21st. My other half is going to afghanistan in a few weeks. MP unit. I will see him in two days. Its been three months already.

[Napa_Don 688]

yeah we start block leave today. We get 7 days off. We are supposed to fly to kuwait on the 21st. My other half is going to afghanistan in a few weeks. MP unit. I will see him in two days. Its been three months already.

Glad to hear you're doing okay Andi. Hey, at least it won't be 18 months before you have sex again.

[MisterB 2]

yeah we start block leave today. We get 7 days off. We are supposed to fly to kuwait on the 21st. My other half is going to afghanistan in a few weeks. MP unit. I will see him in two days. Its been three months already.

Enjoy those 7 days. I hope youre so bored when youre in southeast asia you could kill yourself. Remember the enemy comes from all directions.Im happy to hear you get to see him before you go, so nice. I hope you get to get a years worth in. How are you doing? Did you get extra babywipes?

[Guest andibear]

Enjoy those 7 days. I hope youre so bored when youre in southeast asia you could kill yourself. Remember the enemy comes from all directions.Im happy to hear you get to see him before you go, so nice. I hope you get to get a years worth in. How are you doing? Did you get extra babywipes?

im doing pretty well. No baby wipes yet. Ill stock up before we fly though, don't worry. Time to go I suppose, gotta finish packing. Im staying at a casino in biloxi tonight and flying to see david on the 14th. I hope I am not too rusty, its been a while since I played!

[MisterB 2]

im doing pretty well. No baby wipes yet. Ill stock up before we fly though, don't worry. Time to go I suppose, gotta finish packing. Im staying at a casino in biloxi tonight and flying to see david on the 14th. I hope I am not too rusty, its been a while since I played!

Whatever you lose you will make up in Kuwait and Iraq. Godspeed

[mrdannyg 274]

So guess whos a ball full of sunshine today!:wishing I could look in a mirror face:Meet up with old friend from H.S. that is 6'1" 115lbs. id say 7.4 on my scale. Cutie patootie.So anyway, she calls me up says I had a dream about you what are you doing tonight (last night) I say lets do this meet me at 'x' location. Get to location 'x' and she says she missed me, holding my hand, lets go back to my place and "watch some tv" blah blah blahInsert :MisterB finally sexing outside of previous g.f. face:Get back to my place tv is on, lights are not, go to kiss her and she turns away.:Insert MisterB is no longer in H.S. and does'nt play games face:Proceed to whip out juniorB and begin to play, she is in shock, but watching.Then when the time is right, a little aim adjustment and BAM! all the littleBs I can muster flying in a glorious rainbow formation through the dimmed light, so beautiful, landing just shy of their intended target, pretty sure shell never be able to wear that shirt again, grab her a towel and say thanks for coming over.Moral of the story, is there ever a moral?Just don't put me in that position and not expect me to recycle my manhood.So I guess what im trying to say is, it was a normal friday night. I worked, ate, had a couple drinks, looked at some cute girls and materbagged it

so am I reading correctly that she came over, and while sitting there, you jerked off all over her?

[MisterB 2]

so am I reading correctly that she came over, and while sitting there, you jerked off all over her?

Pretty much, yup.

[insano 0]

i'm bored, i found this. it's pretty fun for at least a half hourhttp://www.addictinggames.com/driversed.html

[mrdannyg 274]

Pretty much, yup.

That is awesome.I was jealously wondering why hot female friends never call me up and essentially suggest a private night out, likely to be followed by sexing. It is obvious though that I don't have near the awesomeness to pull a stunt like that off. Girls may be dumb, but they're perceptive enough to know if a guy is willing to pull **** like that, and I guess I've just gotta buck up or shut up.I'd like to make more clever "country matters" jokes, but the last went over like a lead brick, so I'm giving up.

[MisterB 2]

That is awesome.I was jealously wondering why hot female friends never call me up and essentially suggest a private night out, likely to be followed by sexing. It is obvious though that I don't have near the awesomeness to pull a stunt like that off. Girls may be dumb, but they're perceptive enough to know if a guy is willing to pull **** like that, and I guess I've just gotta buck up or shut up.I'd like to make more clever "country matters" jokes, but the last went over like a lead brick, so I'm giving up.

Whats the worst that could happen? You make it someone you dont really talk to that often and someone who doesnt hang out with your friends. You give it a shot, she may get into it and finish for you, watch you or leave and you do it on your own which you wouldve done anyway.All girls have a dirty side, sometimes you have to be an ******* to bring it out in them. I was a nice guy for so freakin long without reward, time to move to the dark side and get mine.

[mrdannyg 274]

Whats the worst that could happen? You make it someone you dont really talk to that often and someone who doesnt hang out with your friends. You give it a shot, she may get into it and finish for you, watch you or leave and you do it on your own which you wouldve done anyway.All girls have a dirty side, sometimes you have to be an ******* to bring it out in them. I was a nice guy for so freakin long without reward, time to move to the dark side and get mine.

So true. Only took me about 21 years to learn that. I'm still the nice guy though, so I guess it'll be a little longer until I learn to exploit that.

[Randy Reed 0]

Okay, long but funny story. Next weekend Debbi's girlfriend is getting married and she is the only bridesmaid. I've known about this wedding for 6 months but Debbi has been very reluctant to talk much about it other than to complain about how her g/f is driving her crazy on all the wedding details and such. I have met this couple twice, they are about 50ish and very nice. First time we went to there house, grilled out steaks, got drunk and played euchre. Fun time. Second time they came to our house, grilled steaks, played liars poker and again good time. Except after dinner the groom to be, Jeff, wanted me to get on the computer and pick out songs for the wedding. I've mentioned here a couple times that he asked for help which I thought was kinda weird, but eh, crazy kids and there wedding, who knows. So after an hour of painstaking horror of this process I was ready to die. I suggested about 50 songs and every time he said no. He basically just wanted me to listen to all these awful, discoish crap and validate his opinion. Jesus Christ it's just reception music-get over it. Anyway I eventually escaped and I think he was a tad bitter that I didn't enjoy this process but I really didn't care.So last night Debbi and I are having a few drinks on the deck and I was apologizing that I would miss the actual wedding next weekend because of work, but would make the reception. I asked if she was mad about it since she hadn't brought it up, and she wasn't, but the truth came out which is f.cking hilarious.The reason she is dreading it is because it is going to be one of the all time tackiest weddings known to man. ROFLOLWhere to start, hmm, okay invitations. Cheryl made Debbi take off a day of work and spend all day printing invitations on the computer because they had to be done in time, a month early. Cheryl only mailed a few of them. This is probably good because Cheryl and Jeff didn't want to provide alcohol since they could be held responsible. Debbi and I know it's just that they are very tight and didn't want to spend the money. Debbi told her to just have a cash bar, but know they decided to have BYOB reception, lol. I friggin howled. I mean should everyone bring coolers like a field party, lol? I have never even heard of such a thing. Debbi is going crazy and asked her how everyone was going to keep it cold? Where are they going to keep it? What about cups and ice? Cheryl had nothing on this originally but let Debbi know the other day that she bought 4 massive tubs for everyone to put there beer in. Debbi had to actually put, BYOB RSVP on them invitations. It gets better.The wedding and reception are in the same hall in an old historic building, and Debbi says it's just kinda nice. So basically as they are walking up the aisle you'll be able look over at all these tubs full of beer. Classy.Now if you are 50, it's your third wedding and you're actually going to do this, do it right not half arse. Geez just go to Vegas or something. But no, they want the big wedding.Okay, yep, there's more. Debbi kept asking what she wanted her to wear and being 45 is not looking forward to wearing a f.cking bridesmaid dress. So Cheryl told her to just go buy any dress she wanted in any color and she would use those colors at the wedding. Debbi chose a classy, pale green dress. Cheryl informed her the wedding colors are now, get this, red and yellow. Again, I was on the deck rolling while spouting off comments about traffic lights and xmas trees. Even Debbi had to laugh.Next Friday is the rehearsal dinner. Since Jeff's family is from out of town they invited them all to the rehearsal dinner, but well, less the dinner. They didn't envite the organist or the singer to this event even though they've never met or practiced. Debbi is asking her how they would know where to walk and stand and all and Cheryl gives her the, "oh we'll figure it out" line. Debbi is just dreading how this going to go and is soooo embarassed to even be a part of it. And of course, there's more..You can rent tablecloths for the tables for $5 a piece but Noooooo, Cheryl made her own to save a few bucks. Get this. Out of bedsheets. :imagine Randy rolling on the deck laughing his arse off face again:She wants Debbi to do a toast at the reception. Debbi suggested it might be nice if there was something to toast with. Why not buy some bottles of champagne and at least the little plastic cups to do it with but Cheryl refused and said they could just do it with what ever they were drinking. Which brings the next topic up. They are buying 1 16oz bottle of Coke for everyone to have. Yep, just one. So you go to a wedding, dinner, and reception all night but make that f.cking coke last because that's all your getting beotch. Just wow, eh?Debbi is just trying to convice Cheryl that so much of this is just so wrong but doesn't want to hert her friends feelings and it's really out of Debbi's control anyway. Debbi is telling her that the focus should be about them, about the wedding the important stuff. And possibly the fact that it's Cheryl's 3rd wedding but Jeff doesn't know about that, he thinks she was only married once. Or the fact that even though they both promised to quit smoking 6 months ago, Cheryl actually hasn't quitand Jeff doesn't know that little tidbit either. Great start eh?They were going to do it in a church but the minister refused them after going to classes for some reason, and i'm not sure why, but they decided to go a different direction. She got a girl she works with to get online and become an online ordained minister. Oh yeah, didn't think of inviting her to the rehersal dinner either. Debbi asked how she was going to know what to say and Cheryl got snappy about it. "Duh, it's in the package she got?!" Just Brilliant!! Have they gotten the marraige license yet? Of course not she didn't even know she had to. But hey, the music will be perfect I hear.After hours of just down right gut splitting laughter over all this the ideas were just flowing.Now, in the first place there is no way in the world I am missing any of this. I'll have pictures, I promise. Oh yeah, and video! I am going to tape the whole cheesy thing and watch it over and over endlessly howling. I am just praying to get a shot of the bride on tape sneaking out back in her wedding gown sucking on a Marlboro. I offered to actually buy the champagne so Debbi wouldn't have to have everyone toast with empty gatorade bottles but she refused to even let me participate. She doesn't want me anywhere near this, but it ain't gonna happen. My arse wouldn't miss this for the world. Does she really think I'm going to miss her walk up the aisle past all those bedsheets, as the singer and organist are out of tune heading towards an ordained recepsionist minister getting ready to read out of her pamphlet? Not in this lifetime!The only downside to attending is we have to stay and help cleanup. No they wouldn't pay or ask anyone but else to do it. So we have to stay, load up the tubs with bedsheets and anything left and bring it home with us, but I figure it's a small price to pay for witnessing this debauchery. Right?

[RhinestoneCowboy 2]

And possibly the fact that it's Cheryl's 3rd wedding but Jeff doesn't know about that, he thinks she was only married twice.

Very hilarious story, but I picked this out because I am confused. Married twice already means this is her 3rd wedding...am I missing something here??