I Called In Sick Today

[keith crime 8]

What's with all the canada bashing eh?We have poutine. We have hockey. We have real beer. And alot of beaver.

yeah but by beaver you really mean beavers

[ShakeZuma 585]

So......the 18th at noon then?

ha, lets hope. I'm just hoping their firewall doesn't block FCP, which is a distinct possibility

What's with all the canada bashing eh?We have poutine. We have hockey. We have real beer. And alot of beaver.

oh all in good fun dear chap

[Timdog1010 0]

What's with all the canada bashing eh?We have poutine. We have hockey. We have real beer. And alot of beaver.

It's all love, baby.I love Canadian beer. And Canadian beaver....but I have no idea what poutine is.

[Habs Fan 0]

I think it's kinda awesome that almost a full 1/3rd of Lolli's posts have been in this thread.

So do I. I think it's only slightly cooler that half of mine have been in this thread.HALF.

[Trustno1 0]

Very nice, but I said a GRAPH godamnit.

[Habs Fan 0]

yeah but by beaver you really mean beavers

Dude have you even been to the château?

[Vick12 0]

So do I. I think it's only slightly cooler that half of mine have been in this thread.HALF.

Is it possible for me to transfer all my posts here from now on? I'd like 100% of my posts to be here from now on.

[turd ferguson 1]

Ok, here goes. Sorry if this is boring. So, I've been working in this warehouse for the last year and a half or so for a Lockheed Martin program, but I've been employed by a subcontractor. Anyway, Lockheed finally got around to hiring me for a salary position which means I take a cut in pay, but I get benefits and all that crap. That means that I have to go up to the main Lockheed place in Sunnyvale (Bay area) for orientation. Normally I would fly up there and rent a car, but I've done that before and it's just a hassle to deal with the flights and rental car people. None of them speak english, and it's pretty annoying. It's only about a five hour drive anyway so I decide to do that instead. Plus I get like $0.40 for every mile put on my car. Sweet deal. A friend of mine has some time off so he decides to tag along and keep me company.I know it's pretty boring so far, but that was all necessary background info. Anyhow, we get to the hotel at around 9:00 after driving in the ****ing rain for five and a half hours and check in. Immediately we go to Taco Bell and then out for a beer run. Long story short, we consume mass quantities of both, and I got to sleep around 4:00.I wake up at 6:00, and do a piss poor job of ironing my shirt. I don't wear dress clothes. Ever. I had to go buy a pair of pants and dress socks. I already had some cheapo shoes that I got from PayLess a couple years ago, and a crappy dress shirt that had a pretty nice ink stain on the shoulder. So picture this: an awkward, tall, skinny, no hair cut/no comb having, no shaving, no nice clothes purchasing loser about to start his first day at a mult-billion dollar company. That's me in a nutshell. I show up for the orientation, and it's raining pretty good. I forget to wear a jacket. I'm the only one in shortsleeves. I also forgot my paperwork so that puts me behind the other ten people there already. It takes me forever to fill everything out because I'm still dazed and on two hours of sleep. My new employers are not amused. Anyway, I fill out all those stupid forms and we go to a room with a bunch of tables and a podium set up. We all take our seats and fill out our nametags. I write, "Inmate #803029" on mine. Once again, employer is not amused. Anyway, this bitch in charge of the orientation gets behind the podium and starts this slide show about how great Lockheed Martin is. I go get a big chocolate muffin and an orange juice from the food table in the room. I then proceed to spill a good amount of juice on my already stained white shirt, and get muffin crumbs all over the table and floor. After rambling on for about a half hour the orientator lady puts on a movie about workplace ethics, and I hit a brick wall. I get so ****ing drowsy it's ridiculous. I try to stay awake, but my head just falls on the desk and I pass out for about fifteen minutes or so. She goes back to talking after the movie is over, and I drift in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. She had to come wake me up at one point, and I muttered something incoherent in her direction. Later I tried to explain that I was sick, but it didn't go over very well. She told my manager. After that we had lunch with our respective bosses, and I managed to not embarrass myself too much in spite of my physical appearance. Then we went over to the security building where we were to get our pictures taken for our ID badges. Bad news. I look like a homeless person, and these badges have to be worn around our necks at all times. I make a really stupid face because I wasn't ready, and it came out even worse than expected. It's one of my worst all time pictures. After that, the security guy talked at us for another half and hour, and I fell asleep again. That was pretty much the end of my day.My friend and I drove home later that afternoon, and listened to 80's heavy metal the whole way. I got yesterday off because I told my boss that I would be driving home on Tuesday. Pretty tricky, eh? I played poker at two different games. -$500 in one, and +$340 in the other. Meh. Anyway, that's about it. Sorry it's so long. I'm sure there are one million typos.

[Habs Fan 0]

It's all love, baby.I love Canadian beer. And Canadian beaver....but I have no idea what poutine is.

POUTINEA Traditional Quebecois SensationRecipeTake one bowl of french fries, the greasier the better. Add a couple of tablespoons of cheddar cheese curds. Then smother with Franco-Canadian[tm] beef gravy. Serving SuggestionIts perfectly respectable to serve it alone as a meal, however most truck drivers would want a couple of dogs on the side, and maybe a can of coke to wash it down with. Eating SuggestionEach fry is to be held with a fork and lovingly caressed. Dip it in some sauce, hold it up, examine it closely, let the sauce drip off. Admire it for what it is. Chew it slowly to enjoy the flavour. Mix it up a bit, perhaps a couple of fries, then a curd. Or have fun: have 2 or 3 curds in a row. Poutine is supposed to be a fun meal. However, if its cold, then consume it quickly. Dont wait for the grease to congeal.

[Bizzle 0]

POUTINE

Although this is about to get lost in a bevy of responses to Turd's post, this sounds amazingly good, and yet only half as bad for you as a typical garbage plate.Feel free to ask Bizzle about a garbage plate later.

[Hobbes 1]

Very nice, but I said a GRAPH godamnit.

[Trustno1 0]

I wake up at 6:00, and do a piss poor job of ironing my shirt. I don't wear dress clothes. Ever. I had to go buy a pair of pants and dress socks. I already had some cheapo shoes that I got from PayLess a couple years ago, and a crappy dress shirt that had a pretty nice ink stain on the shoulder. So picture this: an awkward, tall, skinny, no hair cut/no comb having, no shaving, no nice clothes purchasing loser about to start his first day at a mult-billion dollar company

Pulled from the Lockeed Martin ID file. Turd Ferguson:

[Timdog1010 0]

POUTINEA Traditional Quebecois SensationRecipeTake one bowl of french fries, the greasier the better. Add a couple of tablespoons of cheddar cheese curds. Then smother with Franco-Canadian[tm] beef gravy. Serving SuggestionIts perfectly respectable to serve it alone as a meal, however most truck drivers would want a couple of dogs on the side, and maybe a can of coke to wash it down with. Eating SuggestionEach fry is to be held with a fork and lovingly caressed. Dip it in some sauce, hold it up, examine it closely, let the sauce drip off. Admire it for what it is. Chew it slowly to enjoy the flavour. Mix it up a bit, perhaps a couple of fries, then a curd. Or have fun: have 2 or 3 curds in a row. Poutine is supposed to be a fun meal. However, if its cold, then consume it quickly. Dont wait for the grease to congeal.

Oooooo, ok.In America we call that 'dog food'.I kid! I kid our neighbors to the north!Sounds like good food for a drunken Friday night...

[ShakeZuma 585]

I write, "Inmate #803029" on mine. Once again, employer is not amused. Later I tried to explain that I was sick, but it didn't go over very well. She told my manager.

How you maintain constant employment, I'll never know.

[Randy Reed 0]

Just when you think this threads gonna take a dive...........

[dms26 3]

ha, lets hope. I'm just hoping their firewall doesn't block FCP, which is a distinct possibility

I might ask that on any future job interview

[Bizzle 0]

graph

Good to see Bizzle is front and center.

How you maintain constant employment, I'll never know.

It's all about the stomping.

[Vick12 0]

Ok, here goes. Sorry if this is boring. So, I've been working in this warehouse for the last year and a half or so for a Lockheed Martin program, but I've been employed by a subcontractor. Anyway, Lockheed finally got around to hiring me for a salary position which means I take a cut in pay, but I get benefits and all that crap. That means that I have to go up to the main Lockheed place in Sunnyvale (Bay area) for orientation. Normally I would fly up there and rent a car, but I've done that before and it's just a hassle to deal with the flights and rental car people. None of them speak english, and it's pretty annoying. It's only about a five hour drive anyway so I decide to do that instead. Plus I get like $0.40 for every mile put on my car. Sweet deal. A friend of mine has some time off so he decides to tag along and keep me company.I know it's pretty boring so far, but that was all necessary background info. Anyhow, we get to the hotel at around 9:00 after driving in the ****ing rain for five and a half hours and check in. Immediately we go to Taco Bell and then out for a beer run. Long story short, we consume mass quantities of both, and I got to sleep around 4:00.I wake up at 6:00, and do a piss poor job of ironing my shirt. I don't wear dress clothes. Ever. I had to go buy a pair of pants and dress socks. I already had some cheapo shoes that I got from PayLess a couple years ago, and a crappy dress shirt that had a pretty nice ink stain on the shoulder. So picture this: an awkward, tall, skinny, no hair cut/no comb having, no shaving, no nice clothes purchasing loser about to start his first day at a mult-billion dollar company. That's me in a nutshell. I show up for the orientation, and it's raining pretty good. I forget to wear a jacket. I'm the only one in shortsleeves. I also forgot my paperwork so that puts me behind the other ten people there already. It takes me forever to fill everything out because I'm still dazed and on two hours of sleep. My new employers are not amused. Anyway, I fill out all those stupid forms and we go to a room with a bunch of tables and a podium set up. We all take our seats and fill out our nametags. I write, "Inmate #803029" on mine. Once again, employer is not amused. Anyway, this bitch in charge of the orientation gets behind the podium and starts this slide show about how great Lockheed Martin is. I go get a big chocolate muffin and an orange juice from the food table in the room. I then proceed to spill a good amount of juice on my already stained white shirt, and get muffin crumbs all over the table and floor. After rambling on for about a half hour the orientator lady puts on a movie about workplace ethics, and I hit a brick wall. I get so ****ing drowsy it's ridiculous. I try to stay awake, but my head just falls on the desk and I pass out for about fifteen minutes or so. She goes back to talking after the movie is over, and I drift in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. She had to come wake me up at one point, and I muttered something incoherent in her direction. Later I tried to explain that I was sick, but it didn't go over very well. She told my manager. After that we had lunch with our respective bosses, and I managed to not embarrass myself too much in spite of my physical appearance. Then we went over to the security building where we were to get our pictures taken for our ID badges. Bad news. I look like a homeless person, and these badges have to be worn around our necks at all times. I make a really stupid face because I wasn't ready, and it came out even worse than expected. It's one of my worst all time pictures. After that, the security guy talked at us for another half and hour, and I fell asleep again. That was pretty much the end of my day.My friend and I drove home later that afternoon, and listened to 80's heavy metal the whole way. I got yesterday off because I told my boss that I would be driving home on Tuesday. Pretty tricky, eh? I played poker at two different games. -$500 in one, and +$340 in the other. Meh. Anyway, that's about it. Sorry it's so long. I'm sure there are one million typos.

Turd all I can say is...NH!In fact I am updating my sig just because of you...

[Hobbes 1]

Plus I get like $0.40 for every mile put on my car. Sweet deal.

Should be $0.485 per mile. I can't read the rest of this story until this glaring error is corrected.

[Timdog1010 0]

Hobbes - that's amazing. VNHEveryone else (but Shake) - my piece of pie is bigger than yours...

[leftygolfer 7]

Pulled from the Lockeed Martin ID file. Turd Ferguson:

How long before he is arrested for trying to sell secrets to the Chinese?

[turd ferguson 1]

Should be $0.485 per mile. I can't read the rest of this story until this glaring error is corrected.

You've been working too much.

[Habs Fan 0]

Very nicely done. I like how my piece of the pie is stand-alone, and not bunched up together with all the riff-raff.And poutine is absolutely ****ing delicious. Probably not recommended by the American Heart Association, but hey what do they know?Anyway, i'd say i've done enough work around here.I'm going home where I will instantly log back in and attempt to setup (at least) a five person sit and go.

[dms26 3]

We all take our seats and fill out our nametags. I write, "Inmate #803029" on mine. Once again, employer is not amused. Anyway, this bitch in charge of the orientation gets behind the podium and starts this slide show about how great Lockheed Martin is. I go get a big chocolate muffin and an orange juice from the food table in the room. I then proceed to spill a good amount of juice on my already stained white shirt, and get muffin crumbs all over the table and floor. After rambling on for about a half hour the orientator lady puts on a movie about workplace ethics, and I hit a brick wall. I get so ****ing drowsy it's ridiculous. I try to stay awake, but my head just falls on the desk and I pass out for about fifteen minutes or so. She goes back to talking after the movie is over, and I drift in and out of consciousness for the next few hours. She had to come wake me up at one point, and I muttered something incoherent in her direction. Later I tried to explain that I was sick, but it didn't go over very well. She told my manager. After that we had lunch with our respective bosses, and I managed to not embarrass myself too much in spite of my physical appearance. Then we went over to the security building where we were to get our pictures taken for our ID badges. Bad news. I look like a homeless person, and these badges have to be worn around our necks at all times. I make a really stupid face because I wasn't ready, and it came out even worse than expected. It's one of my worst all time pictures. After that, the security guy talked at us for another half and hour, and I fell asleep again. That was pretty much the end of my day.

hahaha good stuff

[Vick12 0]

Mmmmm...I love pie!