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I Called In Sick Today

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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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JLL's post in the RIP Cho thread might be the highest quality per character of any post on the forum.


I've been waiting for 4 years to make that ****ing quip, the ****** beat me to it by two posts.

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I've been waiting for 4 years to make that ****ing quip, the ****** beat me to it by two posts.


Don't beat yourself up, you savaged the post you did make. I was going to :laterfag him, old school nwp-style, but I figured his family might read that thread and there's no reason for me to cause them pain, for the awful posting of their son/brother/cousin/nephew. I've gone soft.



Edit: I see scram's gone soft too, and edited that post. Probably for the best. I am thankful I saw it, before it got edited, because I about had a stroke laughing at it.

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If you die, and anyone gives a shit enough to make a memorial thread for you here, I promise to :laterfag it


Sounds right coming from you. I don't think anyone could imagine you saying anything else. Everyone knows the type of guy you are

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I just got paid extra to do, literally, 90% less work.


Designer: I want some chairs made from square tube.


Me: Aluminum or steel?


Designer: Steel, but I want them to look very industrial...


Me: Define "industrial"


Designer: Like, exposed, big welds and no polishing, that dark gray look rough around the edges.


Me: OK, so want the millscale left on there, big welds, something that looks like it was put together by the guys at the US Steel plant for the lunchroom?


Designer: Bingo.


Me: Oh, OK, yeah, I know the look you're going for. That's kind of tricky since it requires me to make it with a different workflow.


Designer: How much extra do you think it would be?


Me: For anyone else, at least 50% but for you, just give me an extra $100.


Designer: That's so great of you. This is why I come to you first...

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I can't give you an official like for ripping off stupid rich people... but I wanted to.

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I am many times fatter than the fattest person here, yet I have bespoke suits.


You can get them in SE Asia for way cheap, relative to what the same thing would cost if a white guy was doing it. Little precise measurements and handwork is the kind of thing that Orientals do well, so its an acceptable alternative to paying the full monty for an Italian to do it.


I've always wondered about getting a bespoke something. Maybe a custom blouse? Or tailored dress? I don't have an occasion for suits. Next time you Skype or FaceTime with your guy, show him a drawing of ladybits and ask for a quote for me. Not selling me, though.

I agree that you may as well interview, even if just for the experience.

I like IE giving logical career advice.

I resisted and despised the southern accent for so long, but I've finally gotten myself to a healthy point where I fetishize it.


I like certain regional NY accents, south side Chicago accents, and a really special place in my heart for a Philly accent calling me "kitten."

Sklansky is simply the best.


He never fails to excite me with those role playing scenarios. So good.

Does that chair have a cooler built into the side?


Has anyone else noticed that most bourbons sound vaguely racist?

You're casting about, looking for your new role play. Scroll to the end of these replies, I overheard something delightfully racist at the airport that I think you'll enjoy.

Stupid Frau stopped posting.

nvrmind that. What did you see at the Art Institute?

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I don't like anyone that just sends me emojis as a response. Use your words. I can never tell what they are trying to convey


We're back! I hate emoji's too. Ron + Frau = perfection



Hi. I'm back so I'd appreciate you not referring to women you don't know as a bitch.

New Florence and Adele in the same year? I don't deserve this.


I've been daydreaming about a Sia + Adele power ballad. Have I ever told you how much I love power ballads? God I love them so much.

For Frau


Yes, Lola is sitting on Bruno






Thank you! You understand my need to see animals being idiots. Bruno is just the best. Does Lola look smug when she does these things? Or is it just what she expects?


PS I'm sorry to hear about the step-son.

Supposed to be having Thanksgiving at the in laws tomorrow. MIL calls this morning saying they had a major septic back up yesterday so unless they can get it fixed today can we move it to our house. Of course my father in law, because he's cheap mostly, is trying to fix it himself rather than calling a plumber/septic company to take care of it.


His first attempt yesterday resulted in him covered in sewage when he removed the cap to the clean out and it exploded all over him. Apparently he then stripped to his birthday suit on the porch before heading to the shower. Then headed back to the clean out armed with a garden hose. Stuck the hose in the pipe which resulted in sewage backing up out of every sink and tub in the house.


So yeah, 10 - 1 we are having Thanksgiving here tomorrow.


This made me laugh so hard I cried a little. What is wrong with people? Do not attempt to fix your own shit. Therapy or septic experts all day every day.


Ok, it's official, we've hit bottom.



No place to go but up from here, I guess?

It comes back to butts, shoes, watches.

What could be better than Tasty Tacos? I would be shocked if Frau could find a better taco in LA. I mean, you can't get more Mexican than the people that run that place. They put the grade schoolers on the register because they're the only ones that can speak English.


Okay, so speaking of casual racism, there I was flying from Los Angeles to smaller in the Midwest. As I got waited in line to board, there's the usual jostling around of people not knowing where the line is, what group is boarding, etc. A white guy in his 50s bumps into an Asian woman in her 20s-30s, and apologizes. He looks at her carry on bags, which are overstuffed plastic bags you'd get from Walgreens or CVS and says, "Hey. I like your luggage. I've been there I tell you."


Now, there's no reason for this guy to draw attention to this woman's bags, or that they're about to split. She smiles and tucks her head down and tries to move closer to the gate. The guy isn't giving up, though. "What's all that? You look like you're bringing what? Noodles?" The Asian woman isn't talking, just doing that embarrassed English as a Second Language thing of smiling and nodding and staring at the floor. "Well why are you bringing noodles?" Now a white woman ahead of them in line has to chime in. "She's probably bringing them because we can't get real Chinese food. You know, Pure Chinese." [they were flying to Dallas]


So the two white people converse over the head of the Asian woman about Pure Chinese, and how some cooking just tastes "clean." The conversation ends as we get to the plane with the white guy telling everyone in hearing his most recent diabetes and prostate scores.

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Apparently, on Last Comic Standing, Norm Macdonald recently remarked to a black comedian something to the effect of "... something-something after watching your set, in the end, I didn't see a black comedian, I saw a human being."


Anyone who is familiar with his comedy style- or his worldview- knows that was no accident. He probably had that joke bottled up for a long time and was just waiting to unleash it, but LMFAO if its true.


Did anyone else see this?

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Frau, that was a fantastic airport story.


And, welcome back.

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Super glad you're back Frau. I had my dad with me, so I had to show him the basics. Pissarro, Wood, Hopper, Singer Sargent, Renoir, Degas, Monet, Rembrandt, etc. There was some really interesting stuff that Dad found that I hadn't picked up before. Reflections in mirrors in paintings revealing the room behind the artist, etc. It was fun.


I love Norm MacDonald. There will never be an equal.

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