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I Called In Sick Today


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The acting on every infomercial is shoddy. What the ****ing do you expect? Besides, this blender is versatile and it turns into a personal cup afterwards.
You are going to start another revolution sir. Every time I say the word F*ck now I'm just going to say ****ing.I want to ****ing Danica Patrick.Where the ****ing did you go?Apologies and props if someone else started it and you got it from them. Pure genious
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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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very much correctsee, I work in the hospital support building, away from the hospital.now down at the hospital, however, is where the hotties areI've contemplated breaking an arm or something just to talk to some of those chickas. Sad, yes. But they're hot, and they're nurses.
groin pull?
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If you're gonna break an arm, you might as well break both.NO USE OF ARMS = SPONGEBATH
Well, that is a thought, but the problem lies in that if both arms are broken, and no sexy nurse penile touching ensues, I'll be left with quite a canundrum as to how to satisfy my man needs.That is a problem I don't need.
groin pull?
oh man, good thinkingI gotta put you on the payroll
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You are going to start another revolution sir. Every time I say the word F*ck now I'm just going to say ****ing.I want to ****ing Danica Patrick.Where the ****ing did you go?Apologies and props if someone else started it and you got it from them. Pure genious
Renae informed me of the "ing" bypassing the filter, but I think I was the first one to use it in the incorrect tense. I could be wrong here though.
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Well, that is a thought, but the problem lies in that if both arms are broken, and no sexy nurse penile touching ensues, I'll be left with quite a canundrum as to how to satisfy my man needs.That is a problem I don't need.
Shitting you're right, I hadn't though of that.Sofa cushions?
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Sofa cushions?
damnit man, you made me laugh out loud in my office. everyone just got really quiet. shitting.
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I heard some of them talk about their daughters, but that ain't exactly the conversation I want to start up with a coworker"Hey, so uh, can I bang your daughter?"
you dont go straight for it.. do this "hey i see you have a daughter does she like to fk or what cause im up for it if she does." if this dont work go to the next one and repeat.. repeat as many times as needed... j/k triing to brighten my bad day up with some amusement..
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thats a good line, I'll try it"So, I see you have a daughter. Would it be presumptuous for me to assume that she loves the coc.k? Cause I have one. Just sayin'."

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There's only minimal shame involved with hitting on girls on their way out of the abortion clinic. Helpful Pickup Line: "Hey baby, you wanna see if they have a 2 for 1 special?"
this for some reason is ****ing hillarious.. im on my way over to try it out... be back later to let you know how it went...
thats a good line, I'll try it"So, I see you have a daughter. Would it be presumptuous for me to assume that she loves the coc.k? Cause I have one. Just sayin'."
if it works let me know then i will try it myself.. j/s
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thats a good line, I'll try it"So, I see you have a daughter. Would it be presumptuous for me to assume that she loves the cocking? Cause I have one. Just serious."
FFYP
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all gold. I'm going to the bar again tomorrow night. The same one I went to last friday where I hooked up with some random girl and did her in my buddy's sister's kid's bed.I will definately use some of these lines. And I thouroghly expect to get hit.

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all gold. I'm going to the bar again tomorrow night. The same one I went to last friday where I hooked up with some random girl and did her in my buddy's sister's kid's bed.I will definately use some of these lines. And I thouroghly expect to get hit.
Now that's hot.What kind of sheets?Spiderman? Batman?I need to know this.And talk slowly...
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all gold. I'm going to the bar again tomorrow night. The same one I went to last friday where I hooked up with some random girl and did her in my buddy's sister's kid's bed.I will definately use some of these lines. And I thouroghly expect to get hit.
I miss being single.
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yes im going to use my own lines tonight and try something different. maybe i'll get slapped to but only one way to find out.

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all gold. I'm going to the bar again tomorrow night. The same one I went to last friday where I hooked up with some random girl and did her in my buddy's sister's kid's bed.I will definately use some of these lines. And I thouroghly expect to get hit.
Dd you do her in the butt?
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Now that's hot.What kind of sheets?Spiderman? Batman?I need to know this.And talk slowly...
The sheets I don't know about, but the bed was freakin tiny. Probably no longer than 5 feet. I felt like a giant. Awesome. But it was definately a little weird and I feel kinda bad about it, but whatever. Fun nonetheless.
I miss being single.
you should. I rule.
Dd you do her in the butt?
You know what? I don't really know. I don't remember a whole lot about the actually doing it, I just remember that I was there and it was fun. I'm pretty sure I didn't though, cause that "route" tends to leave behind "evidence" that I didn't notice the next day.
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You know what? I don't really know. I don't remember a whole lot about the actually doing it, I just remember that I was there and it was fun. I'm pretty sure I didn't though, cause that "route" tends to leave behind "evidence" that I didn't notice the next day.
You mean your dicking wasn't covered in shitting?Cause that would be another great reason for calling in sick, imo.
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Nope, it was fine. As a matter of fact, I remember that there was a distinct lack of any fragrance at all, something I have to say, I'm not used to.I was impressed.

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Nope, it was fine. As a matter of fact, I remember that there was a distinct lack of any fragrance at all, something I have to say, I'm not used to.I was impressed.
Great sig. It's funny cause it is true.
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Nope, it was fine. As a matter of fact, I remember that there was a distinct lack of any fragrance at all, something I have to say, I'm not used to.I was impressed.
Sounds like somebody wants seconds...
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