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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I hate those shoes, SA.

 

I pretty much only wear athletic shoes for athletics at this point, but I talk myself into buying Jordans a couple times a year. I've finally just started wearing them to the gym when I'm not doing cardio, because it's literally the only time I will ever wear them.

 

I've chilled out on my boot hoarding a bit, and as the years of dust have settled, an oddly attainable boot has shown itself to be my favorite: a three-figure, made-to-tracing Dayton.

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I always liked the retro Nike running shoes like the Waffle Racer. You might appreciate that era of Nike more than Jordans or something, as they're less urban, i.e. associated with forgettable whiteness.

 

nike-waffle-racer-nike-waffle-racer-u002717-mica-blue-binary-blue-gclhish-9.jpg

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I always liked the retro Nike running shoes like the Waffle Racer. You might appreciate that era of Nike more than Jordans or something, as they're less urban, i.e. associated with forgettable whiteness.

 

nike-waffle-racer-nike-waffle-racer-u002717-mica-blue-binary-blue-gclhish-9.jpg

 

those shoes and a short pair of nylon gym shorts and you too can look like a 1980s lipstick lesbian.

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I do kind of defend those Nikes and think they're cool, but wouldn't wear them and don't really wear athletic shoes casually, so it's not really a cause I'm going to go to war over.

 

I'm just coming from a place of friendship, helping you navigate the murky waters of picking out causal shoes that don't make you look like Turtle from Entourage, don't make you look like you work in a Macy's display styled to look like Cape Cod, and don't look like dad shoes. It's hard out here for a pimp.

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Best brand for business casual pants?

 

Banana Republic are surprisingly good. Bonobos used to be but I’m not sure if quality has dropped since wal mart bought them. I’ve got a few pair from Uniqlo that are OK but Ive mostly work jeans the last 5 years.

 

and I like those waffle racers.

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Are you getting scammed by those TJMaxx bootlegs, or are you #PonyingUp straight from the source?

 

now you’re intentionally trying to hurt me.

 

i did see an old man at target using a tape measure to inspect a toaster, so i got that going for me.

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I don't even know what my dream job would be. I just know I want to make more money and then go from there.

 

My cousin is a personal CPA for an old rich woman and her foundation. He gets endless private jet flights and basically is just her personal money guy. I feel like that would be my dream job for you.

 

 

So I just GIF responded before because I didn't have much time, but Swingers is absolutely a classic film. It's in the pantheon of break-up films. From a plot standpoint, I get that it seems like not much is happening. It's more of a character study and a satire. I also think it's immensely quotable and probably have most of the movie memorized. I'm guessing I've seen it at least 10 times.

 

I first rented and watched it soon after it was available at Blockbuster. It had the lasting effect of getting me into swing and neo-swing. I loved the music, and I enjoyed taking a dance class. I also wore a blue zoot suit with a fedora and wingtip shoes to my prom. Getting beyond the exposure to new cultural elements to the actual film...

 

I generally agree with loogie's assessment and would probably cite those two things first, but let's go in-depth on a lot of it.

 

Spoilering for length and plot (I guess)...

 

 

So we open with Mike having a tough time getting over a relationship and receiving some pretty good advice from a friend about what it's going to take. We also get a general feel for Mike's sad life.

 

From there, we get introduced to Trent. He's definitely a satirical character. He's the guy that everyone perceives as really cool, but he pretty much shows that he's a sham by the end of the movie.

 

Then we get an amazing condemnation of the grass-is-greener approach to life (which interestingly also acts as pessimism in the face of negativity):

 

"We're gonna spend half the night driving

around the Hills looking for this party

and then leaving cause it sucks, then

we're gonna look for this other party you

heard about. But, Trent, all the parties

and bars, they all suck. I spend half

the night trying to talk to some girl

who's eyes are darting around to see if

there's someone else she should be

talking to. And it's like I'm supposed

to be all happy cause she's wearing a

backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks

who wouldn't be shit if they weren't

surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny

assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those

assholes. It's ****ing depressing. Some

skank who isn't half the woman my

girlfriend is is gonna front me? It

makes me want to puke."

 

We get the trip to Vegas...which has a fair share of funny and awkward moments. We see them fail pretty repeatedly.

 

From there, we get introduced to a few more characters and some of general LA scene...which is again satiric. There's also a fun little meta scene where they're talking about Tarantino and Scorsese and people ripping each other off and then immediately do that. We see some of the shallowness at the party they go to.

 

They proceed to the club, Mike gets the girl's number after the bear claws/rated-R speech by Trent, and then there's the trouble in the parking lot with Sue.

 

After that, we get one of the funniest cringe scenes in the history of film where Mike is leaving messages. A fair number of people that I've watched the movie with have said, "No! Stop!" out loud. The comedic timing is really really great.

 

Then we get the great inspirational speech from Rob. This is the meat of the film. This is true friendship, and this is the clip that I show people when they're depressed.

 

 

ROB

See, it's all how you look at it. If

your life sucks, then mine is God awful.

I mean, I moved out here partially

because I saw how well you were doing.

You got in the union, you got an agent.

I thought if you could make it, maybe I

could too...

 

MIKE

I didn't make it...

 

ROB

That's your problem, man. You can't see

what you've got, only what you've lost.

Those guys are right. You are "money".

 

 

From there, Mike finally pulls out of his spiral. We get the one last club scene that opens with one of the better long shots in cinema. It's also where Mike also finally becomes the happier though still self-deprecating version of himself. The evening and the morning shows that Lorraine is a good match for him, and that he's finally let go of his past relationship.

 

In our last scene, Trent is made to look a fool, and we're also kind of funnily left hanging on what Mike's ultimate realization is.

 

 

In summation, SA, you're wrong.

 

I'm with SA on this one. I thought Swingers sucked. I didn't see it until like 2012 though, so it's time had certainly passed.

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I was a little unsure of myself diving into a debate about artist merit with SA as my only ally. But I feel like a nice little coalition has come together to stand up and say "no more" to this idea of Swingers as a good movie. #timesup

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My cousin is a personal CPA for an old rich woman and her foundation. He gets endless private jet flights and basically is just her personally money guy. I feel like that would be my dream job for you.

 

OK, yeah, that’s my dream job.

 

A few years ago at my moms old church one of the guy’s wife had died and so he was going to move to DSM and his son and daughter in law who are both CPA’s in Chicago told him to just go check out condos and let them know and he’s like “oh, well I don’t have the money for that” and they’re like don’t worry about it we’ll just pay cash for it and I feel like it gave my mom false expectations about how much money I’ll have.

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I was a little unsure of myself diving into a debate about artist merit with SA as my only ally. But I feel like a nice little coalition has come together to stand up and say "no more" to this idea of Swingers as a good movie. #timesup

 

it really is shocking how bad the movie is and how sad the people who defend it truly are.

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