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I Called In Sick Today


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waiting for ron to get done calling me a faggot is exhilarating
See what I'm saying, doucher? SheeshAnd wow, I didn't know you put in your notice. Can't say I blame you. You deserved way more quiche for what you are doing, your skill set
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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Good link. Also a sucker I am.
You know what I love the most about it?* At 5:35 he says, "We came here as a duo and we're going to stay a duo", and then it flashes to a girl in the crowd that has such a wonderful, real, genuine reaction. I love that girl.*other than the fat kid's voice.
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See what I'm saying, doucher? SheeshAnd wow, I didn't know you put in your notice. Can't say I blame you. You deserved way more quiche for what you are doing, your skill set
yeah, it was clear cut... something I needed to do a while ago. all of that shit was reason enough, but this girl situation just made life miserable over the last month or so. the vag that broke the camel's back.
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Lesson learned. Women ruin everything. Since you're leaving, you gotta nut up and ask her out. No ambiguity, no "lunch", nothing. Yo baby, dinner, you, me, Applebees

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Also, this whole CEO snaffu must've taught you a few things. 1. Don't challenge authority2. If you stay in banking, especially at the branch level, you'll probably always be as smart or smarter than your bosses. 3. I'm sure I had more but I got sidetracked and now I've forgotten. 4. Oh yeah, banking will ruin your short term memory

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Lesson learned. Women ruin everything. Since you're leaving, you gotta nut up and ask her out. No ambiguity, no "lunch", nothing. Yo baby, dinner, you, me, Applebees
it's a two year relationship, live together, pets, yadda yadda. I'm not sure I would break that up even if I had the power. which I don't.there's a number of reasons I think I'd get a shot if she ever becomes single. not sure it's worth keeping in touch over that, though. she might become an email buddy.
Also, this whole CEO snaffu must've taught you a few things. 1. Don't challenge authority2. If you stay in banking, especially at the branch level, you'll probably always be as smart or smarter than your bosses. 3. I'm sure I had more but I got sidetracked and now I've forgotten. 4. Oh yeah, banking will ruin your short term memory
well, for starters, I picked the worst day of the week to do it. and I opened with a question that set him into a fit of rage. it's something I never would have done if I was happy in my situation, which is why my attitude was: give me a substantial raise or I'm done. I didn't say that obviously, but when he starts dropping lines like, "it's a problem when an employee comes to us about comp so early," I immediately thought of the line from there will be blood, "I'd like it better if you didn't think I was stupid." at that point, I had just backed off of it entirely and tried to salvage whatever bridges that hadn't already been burned, because I like the guy personally.they're gonna end up hiring someone to do IT full-time, which means they also have to hire a full-time teller. the teller will start at $8.50, and a comparably qualified IT guy will probably get anywhere from $12-15. it doesn't make a difference to me of course, but wow, what a huge kick in the balls this was for them.I am pretty disappointed that it took the girl situation to push me over the edge, but I mean, I'm human. people get comfortable, even if they consciously know they're getting bumrushed.
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yeah I mean, I didn't really want to elaborate when it was all happening, but basically: I am crushing pretty hard on my coworker (not a single mother, but completely unavailable) which makes life pretty miserable on its own.
Have we asked her out? I mean, you're done there soon, nothing to lose other than dignity, etc.
Point is, I thought of you then almost asked the dad "does your son like animals?"
Ha, yeah, brv covered it. You get human doctors who went that route because they couldn't get into vet school, never the other way around. It's weird, I know, but a fuction of the fact that there are far fewer vet schools.
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Have we asked her out? I mean, you're done there soon, nothing to lose other than dignity, etc.
she treats this relationship like it's a marriage. you know, invested enough in the relationship to where she's taking personal offense in exchanges like this one from the other day.me: do you want my help with your econ exam tonight?her: I'm gonna have my boyfriend sit in. he got an A in econ at KU without attending any of the lectures or doing homework.me: wait, I thought he was a history major? must have been gen econ for non-majors.her: he's really smart, I'm sure I'll do fine with him helping me.me: ah. you know, I heard they give out these really rad certificates for being good at college.it's an actual 0% chance she'd go on a date with me behind his back. I'm not pussing out, it's just a really strong read based on our hundreds of hours of conversation.
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yeah. I don't know. committing that conversation to paper, it really makes me sound like a douche. let me do your homework please, and by the way I'm smarter than your boyfriend. that's obviously not what's going on, but it sure reads that way. I would expect zero respect from a girl if I behaved that way, you know?I just can't hear a logical inconsistency like that and not say anything.

Sup fellas.
hi friend, welcome to the wasteland
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I had JUST gone to sleep about an hour ago. I was abruptly woken by thrashing outside, just underneath my window. angry cat noises, coyote howling off in the distance. I hear that one of my parents is up and hearing it too, so I go investigate. it's my dad.me: what is this noise?dad: cat [i make a hand gesture to signal that this is insufficient info] dad: cat.[both exit scene]sounds like this cat is fucked. either heat or some kind of predator. I tried to see but it's too close to the house. I can't ever have a calm, uneventful night. it's either some way too realistic dream that rips me out of unconsciousness, or some kind of animal encounter, or some work bullshit. I think I might be losing it because it's been one of those three, every night, for like a week now..

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If that cat's not at the vet at 7am, Speedz is gonna be pissed.

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it's a two year relationship, live together, pets, yadda yadda. I'm not sure I would break that up even if I had the power. which I don't.
oooh, yeah one of those. I've got one of those at work too. probably the coolest/hottest combo of a girl I've ever known but she's all married and shit. oh and get this, she "loves" her husband. what a cunt, you know? oh well, bitches ain't shit etc. etc.
people get comfortable, even if they consciously know they're getting bumrushed.
oh no I don't think this is true at all
Sup fellas.
hey look at this guy
I can't ever have a calm, uneventful night. it's either some way too realistic dream that rips me out of unconsciousness, or some kind of animal encounter, or some work bullshit. I think I might be losing it because it's been one of those three, every night, for like a week now..
yeah not to be discouraging here or anything, but this is just your life now. I haven't had a good nights sleep since I was 22 or so. and since I haven't, you probably won't either. sleeping and bitches ain't shit, etc. etc.
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I still don't know who st peter is. the poster I mean. well I don't know who the religious guy is either really but I don't care about him.
I know who you are
i will pray for your cock.
don't botherIt's Peter !
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so maybe I should start looking into suicide, huh?
eh, too much effort. plus you can't complain when you're dead, and I mean if guys like us can't complain, what else have we got.
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also, I was a little surprised to hear how poorly the bank president reacted to strat's comment. I mean strat phrased it poorly, but I don't think it was that horrible of a question for the prez to be like "gtfo doucheclown."
Yeah.
he doesn't even understand the words he's saying!
Heh.
only two more days. I'm gonna miss her quite a lot
Aww?
Since you're leaving, you gotta nut up and ask her out. No ambiguity, no "lunch", nothing. Yo baby, dinner, you, me, Applebees
I love Hochman.
it's a two year relationship, live together, pets, yadda yadda. I'm not sure I would break that up even if I had the power. which I don't.
Yeah, I had a girl like this before. That didn't sound right. Anyway, she was great and we had been out for drinks (you know, in group settings) a bunch of times and it was driving me crazy. Then they had a big fight and she moved out and was staying with her mom and I swooped in and just happened to have a couple of tickets to a sporting event of the local professional franchise and I made my move and found out they "weren't that broken up yet."
Sup fellas.
Sup.
me: what is this noise?dad: cat [i make a hand gesture to signal that this is insufficient info] dad: cat.[both exit scene]
I just want you to know that you're a #1 seed in my heart.
So anyone else find it odd that DN does an Ask Me thread and all of the sudden there are droves of new posters?
I find it the exact opposite of that.
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So for putting up with my week long gambling spree, I decided to treat the ole lady to a couple days of pampering at one of the finer joints on the strip. A call to my dedicated host to iron out the details was all it took..."This is Benny""Hey Ben....I need a package""Beans?""Yep""Its three am...""Oh.... (chatter from the craps table)... alright Ill call you back in an hour or two""Nevermind... whos it for?""Me and the ole lady""Hang on.... (sounds of stuff on night table rattling around)....alright....how much trouble are you in?""Not much...just wanna do something nice, thats all""....so we're talking hookers or what?""No, no, no.... I aint done nothin""Ok....we'll go with that....when?""I dunno...Saturday and Sunday I guess""Ok....Ill set it up at the MGM...be there Saturday""You're the best""You are gambling at one of my properties now, right?""Of course""Yeah"So bright and early Saturday evening I grabbed the bag and bags for a weekend of quality time. After driving into the "secret" entrance behind the strip monstrosity, we pulled up to the valet at the Skylofts..."Welcome to the Skylofts, sir"(three men appear to assist with baggage, open doors, and help the wife out of the car)"Any bags today, sir?""Yeah....in the trunk"(Men run to back of car)"Up front here guys.... the guy who designed this thing intended for it to run backwards, I guess"(mean look from wife....the first of many)"Beans dont embarrass me""They should be the ones who are embarr...."(mean look)"Ok....Ill be nice""Thank you"The short walk to the registration desk was made where apparently seventy five percent of the worlds supermodels are stored for safe keeping behind the counter. One of the finest examples spoke and jarred me back to reality..."Welcome to the Skylofts....you must be the Icewaters!""Well....I am....I dont know who the hell this gal is"(mean look)"Mr. Ben has shared your itinerary with us and we have made all arrangements necessary for your vacation.....""You mind sharing what our plans are with us?"(mean look)"Of course, sir....here is a copy for your approval"(Beans hands copy to wife while continuing stare at supermodel)"We have you enjoying the penthouse this weekend....""You have any other selections up there?""We can offer a west end suite or a grand king....""Oh....rooms....I thought you meant magazines in the bathroom"(mean look) "Im sure you will be pleased with the penthouse, sir""Yeah...the room should do.... I just didnt approve of the kids magazine"(mean look)"Im more of a Swank guy"(meaner look)Yeah... its necessary to do something decent for the wife once in a while so I was on my best behavior. Only stole the towels and bathrobes as far as she knows

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So, now I have a new problem with having to bro-nod at work. Went out for drinks with our audit dept a few weeks ago and so now I'm bros with two of the dudes in audit. Problem is they are in the row of cubes just north of my cube row and they're both freakishly tall and seem to always be standing and so now whenever I get up from my desk I inevitably make eye contact with at least one of them since they're both taller than the cube walls. And do now its like, how many times do we have to acknowledge this? Once? Twice? Dependent on the time since last acknowledgement? Ugh, why did I ever decide getting to know co-workers would be a good idea. This is all Shakes fault somehow, I know it.

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"Ok....we'll go with that....when?"
I think this was my favorite line. napa your job sounds really boring. you should quit and go work at strat's parent's place.
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