I Called In Sick Today

[Sickinfo2 291]

Its tough these days to judge just how old a gal is...Shane had a close encounter a few years backHe was sorta suspicious about her age so he peeked in her purse while she was in the shower...His first indication was the birth control pills shaped like gummy bearsThe Cinderella on the side of the purse was the second...He ended the relationship immediately a few months later

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

That Rebecca Logan...AMIRITE?!?

oh she has it going on. but i'm in love with casey.

Dammit now my weekend's ruined. Is that on Neflix Streaming? There's no way I can not watch it this weekend.

yeah its on netflix streaming. all 74 eps. only one statutory rape so far. but i'll give it time.

[speedz99 145]

When my mum and dad met and started dating she was 15 and he was 21.

Arranged marriages don't count though.

and yeah, my dad was 31 I think and my mom was 19 when they started dating. always sort of gave my dad a secret unsaid high five on that one.

Winner! You're almost there...time to start scouring the college campuses trailer parks!

He ended the relationship immediately a few months later

Heh.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I was reading ESPN.com when I got home last night -- not having sex because my girlfriend lives and works an hour away now and we barely see each other and you know where this is going in my head -- and I stumbled upon this little gem:Is it me, or is that, like, the most disturbing AP snippet ever written? It's like, hey, maybe we should hire a guy who, based upon that white smudge on his neck, was obviously just wearing clown make-up but didn't get it all cleaned off, and -- what the fuck? -- how could you make that mistake before a job interview? Also, it's 9:30AM on a Tuesday. Were you... sleeping in the clown make-up? Or...?

[LongLiveYorke 38]

Is it me, or is that, like, the most disturbing AP snippet ever written? It's like, hey, maybe we should hire a guy who, based upon that white smudge on his neck, was obviously just wearing clown make-up but didn't get it all cleaned off, and -- what the fuck? -- how could you make that mistake before a job interview? Also, it's 9:30AM on a Tuesday. Were you... sleeping in the clown make-up? Or...?

Come again...?

[El Guapo 8]

I thought it was talking about this:

[LongLiveYorke 38]

I thought it was talking about this:

Oh, yeah, I also assumed it was Usher. But I thought that went without saying.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Come again...?

To be clear, I'm referring to the writer. The "we" in the hypothetical above is whomever makes the hiring decisions for the AP. (Note: The "P" in "AP" stands for "polysyndeton," now.)

[speedz99 145]

To be clear, I'm referring to the writer. The "we" in the hypothetical above is whomever makes the hiring decisions for the AP. (Note: The "P" in "AP" stands for "polysyndeton," now.)

Five bucks says it's somebody important's kid.

[Napa Lite 3,278]

oh she has it going on. but i'm in love with casey.yeah its on netflix streaming. all 74 eps. only one statutory rape so far. but i'll give it time.

Oh, no, I agree. Casey is the best. Also, Kelsey Grammers daughter...caught me off guard reading her imdb page. I should have rephrased it, can you believe she did what she did!?! I'm firmly in the Casey/Evan camp. I'm a wannabe yuppy at heart. Even though my frat wanted to achieve like the omega chi and party like the kappa taus and failed big time at both.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

I'm firmly in the Casey/Evan camp. I'm a wannabe yuppy at heart.

i'm really dissapointed in you.

[ShakeZuma 585]

SO.... anyways, we were in the huddle house after drinking lots of alcohoal and the waitress was totally dyky ugly and what not. but I still hit on her the whole time. she was totally into me. so now we're getting married.I'm just kidding. she still likes women. I feel like lg is going to judge me for this post. like Im' mean to women or some shit. I"m not, I just like making fun of them. I"m going to stop posting now.still hate you speedz.

[brvheart 1,752]

I'm not dead. Love you guys.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Apparently I'm going to have to go through that article, line by line, and explain exactly why it's funny. Because, really, it's hilarious. Just... alright, I'll do it tomorrow, but start with the first line:"Depending on who you talk to, the Los Angeles Dodgers this year are no laughing matter or a laughingstock."THAT WAS PUBLISHED AT ESPN.COM"Depending on who you talk to..."What? So let me get this straight: you're undermining the second clause of your first sentence of the article in the first clause of the first sentence? Six words in, and you're already saying, "Honestly guys, I really don't care about this, any of this, at all. I'm drunk -- I was at the game! -- and I didn't realize I had to write a blurb until my editor called me at 2AM demanding I get something in. Also, I don't even work for the Associated Press. I got a new phone number a few weeks back, and apparently the last guy was a writer so I'm like 'Hell yeah I can write and shit!'""...the Los Angeles Dodgers this year..."1) Awkward structure2) What other Dodgers team would you be talking about? Is there a chance, if you didn't specify that you're referring to this year's Dodgers, some reader might think you're referring to the 1938 Brooklyn Dodgers? "...are no laughing matter or a laughing stock."1) What?2) No, really, what? What...? Just... what are you talking about? Please read that again, out loud, until your ears demand that your brain fill them in with candle wax.3) Awkward structure4) YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL WRITERThat's just the first sentence.

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

i've watched nine episodes of 'Greek' - an abc family drama - today. netflix is destroying my will to live.

I don't know what show that is but I've been watching every season of The Challenge starting in 2003. I think mines worse. I hate the internet.

[LimbaughGod 0]

Apparently I'm going to have to go through that article, line by line, and explain exactly why it's funny. Because, really, it's hilarious. Just... alright, I'll do it tomorrow, but start with the first line:"Depending on who you talk to, the Los Angeles Dodgers this year are no laughing matter or a laughingstock."THAT WAS PUBLISHED AT ESPN.COM"Depending on who you talk to..."What? So let me get this straight: you're undermining the second clause of your first sentence of the article in the first clause of the first sentence? Six words in, and you're already saying, "Honestly guys, I really don't care about this, any of this, at all. I'm drunk -- I was at the game! -- and I didn't realize I had to write a blurb until my editor called me at 2AM demanding I get something in. Also, I don't even work for the Associated Press. I got a new phone number a few weeks back, and apparently the last guy was a writer so I'm like 'Hell yeah I can write and shit!'""...the Los Angeles Dodgers this year..."1) Awkward structure2) What other Dodgers team would you be talking about? Is there a chance, if you didn't specify that you're referring to this year's Dodgers, some reader might think you're referring to the 1938 Brooklyn Dodgers? "...are no laughing matter or a laughing stock."1) What?2) No, really, what? What...? Just... what are you talking about? Please read that again, out loud, until your ears demand that your brain fill them in with candle wax.3) Awkward structure4) YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL WRITERThat's just the first sentence.

wow do you always try this hard to be funny?I'm kind of new here but all I know about you for sure is you recently got out of prison, and act like you understand logic (blog forum). Why are you trying so hard? You must be a lib. Here's a hint for you.......... you aren't as funny or as smart as you think you are. not by a long shot buddy.

[ShakeZuma 585]

I'm not dead. Love you guys.

um, were you supposed to be?edit: and it looks like I didn't sleep enough. like those late night drunk posts; gives me a timestamp for what time I went to bed.

[Tiltinagain 973]

Having Beans posting regularly and Wang semi-regularly again makes me happy.

wow do you always try this hard to be funny?I'm kind of new here but all I know about you for sure is you recently got out of prison, and act like you understand logic (blog forum). Why are you trying so hard? You must be a lib. Here's a hint for you.......... you aren't as funny or as smart as you think you are. not by a long shot buddy.

Mr. Brvheart, calling Mr. Brvheart

[LongLiveYorke 38]

wow do you always try this hard to be funny?I'm kind of new here but all I know about you for sure is you recently got out of prison, and act like you understand logic (blog forum). Why are you trying so hard? You must be a lib. Here's a hint for you.......... you aren't as funny or as smart as you think you are. not by a long shot buddy.

I agree. In fact, depending on who you talk to, Tactical Bear in this thread is no laughing matter or a laughingstock.

[ShakeZuma 585]

ah, limbaughgod is silent snow I'm nearly certain. man, wish he's stick to the limbaughgod account. does that one so much better.

[ShakeZuma 585]

new developments! 20 year old apparently has a boyfriend. lawd.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I'm kind of new here but all I know about you for sure is you recently got out of prison (1), and act like you understand logic (blog forum) (2). Why are you trying so hard? You must be a lib (3). Here's a hint for you.......... you aren't as funny or as smart as you think you are. not by a long shot buddy.

1) No.2)3) Yes.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I agree. In fact, depending on who you talk to, Tactical Bear in this thread is no laughing matter or a laughingstock.

Missed this earlier. (Hat tip.)On another note, I've never understood the sentiment behind "you are trying too hard." "Do you always try this hard to be funny?"Well, usually I try harder, but generally: yes, I do try hard to be funny. I fail to see the problem with that. Being funny is difficult, and if it means I have to spend time working at it -- trying out new approaches; reading funny writers; deconstructing humor so I understand what, exactly, is funny to me, as well as why; constantly editing and rewriting until I'm satisfied -- then that's what I'll do. Why should there be any shame in that? If I were a total failure -- I mean, if I were trying and trying and trying and seeing no results, no improvement, getting no positive feedback -- yet I continued to actively fail my ass off, then yeah, that lack of self-awareness would be embarrassing, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case. Also I am engaging a joke account what is wrong with me?

[Roll the Bones 74]

Hey,I know who that Usher guy is! He's the dude that was on American Idol a couple times! I didn't understand what was funny about him taking a kids baseball though.

[LimbaughGod 0]

Missed this earlier. (Hat tip.)On another note, I've never understood the sentiment behind "you are trying too hard." "Do you always try this hard to be funny?"Well, usually I try harder, but generally: yes, I do try hard to be funny. I fail to see the problem with that. Being funny is difficult, and if it means I have to spend time working at it -- trying out new approaches; reading funny writers; deconstructing humor so I understand what, exactly, is funny to me, as well as why; constantly editing and rewriting until I'm satisfied -- then that's what I'll do. Why should there be any shame in that? If I were a total failure -- I mean, if I were trying and trying and trying and seeing no results, no improvement, getting no positive feedback -- yet I continued to actively fail my ass off, then yeah, that lack of self-awareness would be embarrassing, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case. Also I am engaging a joke account what is wrong with me?

You're the joke buddy. not the funny kind. Stop trying so hard, okay?