I Called In Sick Today

[LadyGrey 6]

it probably bothers him because it means she's a dirty trampy whore and he would have, you know, liked to have known that ahead of time.if I were in a relationship with a girl (ha!), even a long term one, and I found out she had a sex tape, it would most definitely be over. nope. not doing it."so you've been anally ravaged by four black men on more than one occasion? huh. nah, I'm cool with that.""oh, you taped it? FUCK OFF SKIZZANK."

She's not a dirty trampy whore... from what wang said, she slept with her own boyfriend and recorded it. That is not whorish. Unwise, sure. She's not a porn star.

[ShakeZuma 585]

yeah I guess I agree with all of that, except for the part about her not being a dirty trampy whore.

[LadyGrey 6]

A real-life owl and the pussycat. A kitten and owl have become inseparable. The unlikely friendship began after a litter of stray kittens were handed in to the Hawk Conservancy Trust in Hampshire, after they were found abandoned on a nearby road, and one of the litter has become firm friends with Nigel, a white-faced scops owl

[speedz99 145]

My cat does this periodically, too, falling off the old (non-flat) computer monitor my husband still uses. It's nothing deadly, is it, Speedz?

Probably not. But actually, the way that cat falls is really unusual, and while it's probably just an oddball behavioral quirk, it also looks like a weird neurological thing. Cats aren't supposed to fall like that.

Jess: "Hmmm... I think I'll have... the chicken. Gobble Gobble!"Apparently she's been in the area for a while, but we kinda lost touch. She walked into my bar tonight to surprise me. Perfect timing. Just perfect.

Yes. Although all of a sudden even I'm having trouble believing you...the timing is too weird. And "gobble gobble" is almost too amazing. I'll need a picture to confirm.

Aw.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

That cat just kept on napping, didn't he?

Tonight, I received that sign in the form of a surprise encounter with an exgirlfriend. And not just any ex-girlfriend. The perfect, I'm-pretty-depressed-and-you-make-me-feel-carefree-and-happy ex-girlfriend. Wang: "So, what do you want?"Jess: "Hmmm... I think I'll have... the chicken. Gobble Gobble!"

When I saw "Jess," in my mind I said, "Bam!"

if I were in a relationship with a girl (ha!), even a long term one, and I found out she had a sex tape, it would most definitely be over. nope. not doing it.

I'd be ok with it because it would confirm that...wait, dirty trampy whore is a bad thing?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I'd be ok with it because it would confirm that...wait, dirty trampy whore is a bad thing?

Shake's just afraid her kids might find it.

[brvheart 1,752]

This seems like a really bad idea.

It's hard to imagine this guy not dying at the 4:00 and up mark.

[El Guapo 8]

This seems like a really bad idea.

It's hard to imagine this guy not dying at the 4:00 and up mark.

He doesn't even have a beer in his hand. Borrrrring!

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

This seems like a really bad idea.

Did you find this on your daily morning search for devil clips?

[Tactical Bear 3]

Yes. Although all of a sudden even I'm having trouble believing you...the timing is too weird. And "gobble gobble" is almost too amazing. I'll need a picture to confirm.

The "gobble gobble" thing is actually a Jess quote from a while back that I never got to use here. I'll work on getting a me-and-her pic with a newspaper in the foreground.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

"gobble gobble"

What's the sports-betting dealio with the Heat right now? Are they over-valued? Highly public? Does that mean the same thing? Etc.

[brvheart 1,752]

Did you find this on your daily morning search for devil clips?

I have a special "in" when it comes to all things Russian.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I have a special "in" when it comes to all things Russian.

Just how big IS your basement, anyways?

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Haha

[speedz99 145]

I thought this section of the Simmons article today was funny:"Unstoppable" (PK) over "Faster"Denzel's runaway train movie against The Rock's "I need to kill all the people that killed my brother" movie. I'm more excited for "Unstoppable" because I can guess every plot point in the movie without knowing anything about it. Ready? Scene 1: Some sort of action train scene establishes Denzel's dominance as a train conductor. Even in a hairy moment, he's obscenely calm and cracks jokes when most people would be crapping their pants. It's just one reason he's the best.Scene 2: Chris Pine joins Denzel's team as an aspiring engineer. Everyone is mean to him because that's just the rule in action movies: Be mean to the lead guy in the first 25 minutes (even if he's curing little kids of cancer or stopping catastrophic oil spills with his bare hands).Scene 3: We meet the terrorist who's plotting to blow up the brakes of the train. He's badly overacting and has a slight accent.Scenes 4-6: Denzel shows Pine the ropes. As they're getting to know each other, news breaks of a runaway train that's empty but has biological weapons on it. Scenes 7 through 16: It's a runaway train! And it's heading right toward a major city!Scene 17: Denzel decides he has to stop the train by somehow getting on board. He asks Pine to join him. Pine says no, then changes his mind … because, you know, it's always the perfect first day on the job to risk your life.Scenes 18 through 42: It's a runaway train!Scene 43: The train reaches a part of the railroad that hasn't been finished yet. The ensuing crash and explosion would wipe out an entire city. Their only chance is for a makeshift track to be built between the exposed tracks. BUT THERE'S NO TIME!Scene 44: They build the temporary track in two seconds.Scene 45: The train … it makes it!Scenes 46 through 62: It's a runaway train!Scene 63: There's a misunderstood ex-con who dies trying to help someone. Don't ask.Scenes 64-69: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!Scene 70: After being mean to Pine for most of the movie, Denzel apologizes and tells a story about the time his old partner died and he cried at the funeral. The scene ends with a joke that's not funny, only both guys laugh.Scenes 71-79: It's a runaway train!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow, Denzel and Pine get lowered onto it. Little do they know that the villain is on there, too.Scene 80: Denzel kills the villain after a long fight scene on top of the train in which he almost falls off a bunch of times.Scene 81: Denzel and Pine stop the runaway train right before it rips through a busy Amtrak station and kills everybody.Scene 82: Denzel asks Pine, "You OK?" He is. Scene 83: There was one hot chick in this movie: maybe a policewoman, maybe a lady using the walkie-talkie from train headquarters, maybe a stray passenger … but regardless, Pine just got her number and they're probably getting married.Scene 84: Denzel says, "I ain't making enough money for this."Scene 85: The End.

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

It's a runaway train!!!!!!!I haven't heard of "Faster."

[brvheart 1,752]

I haven't heard of "Faster."

The Rock looks more bulked up in the trailer than I've ever seen him. In some shots he looks like he could challenge Arnold in Commando.

[SBriand 4]

Hey Strat, I got you a free lunch. Check your twitter! lol

[strategy 4]

Hey Strat, I got you a free lunch. Check your twitter! lol

oh my godhttp://twitter.com/#!/DP_57/status/3186424316694528

[Shimmering Wang 1]

This is the closest thing I can find to a picture of the face I made as I read that post:

When I was younger, I could do a really good Beaker impression. I used to randomly bust out into Beaker or Colossus (the sound he made when you used his super-power in the old-school X-Men Arcade Game) all the time in front of people, just to see if anybody would be able to recognize it, and thusly earn my immediate and unending respect. Nothing made me happier than when one of my dormmates freshman year described himself over the phone as a 6'5" Beaker, and the other, when he first heard me make the Colossus noise, looked at me and asked if I wanted to go play Marvel vs. X-Men in the West Quad lounge.

Imagine how great this story would have been* if you two were still together. *You know, for us.

We're not even really NOT together. It's... I don't know what it is.

I don't even know what to say anymore about Wang's women shenanigans and tomfoolery.

This one, to be fair, is HER tomfoolery. It was not MY shenanigans that led to my LadyFriend agreeing to make sex-tapes with her ex-boyfriend, even though it had to be pretty obvious that he was the kind of guy that was going to show that shit to his friends.

But the whole time I was thinking: dance-offs? Much like everything in Wang's life, I didn't know that actually happened for reals.

I had to judge a dance-off at Homecoming, and as a result I missed out on the crowning of my date as Queen, and a dance we were supposed to share. It was a Break Dance Contest in the hallway, and I was actually incredibly honored to have been appointed one of the three judges, and it ended up going to a sudden-death one-on-one break-off, so I lost track of time a little. That was a pretty big whoopsie. That actually happened for reals.

Speaking of Wang's tomfoolery, there seems to be some very large gaps in his relationship (well at least from what he has shared). Can someone please buy him a computer?

Okay, so Jenny comes to me and says, "Hey, we need to talk." Hmmm. Okay. Jenny: "So I got offered a job."Wang: "Really? Great! What's the deal?"Jenny: (explains some stuff about the job)Wang: "Really? Holy shit, Jenny that's awesome! Let's go out and get you nice and fucked up to celebrate."Jenny: "It's in Chicago."Wang: "Oh. Well... I mean, it's a great opportunity, Jenny. That sucks, but..."Jenny: "But...?"Wang: "You're taking it. This is just too good to pass up."Jenny: "So you think I should take it? Move to Chicago?"Wang: "Of course. Why wouldn't you? I mean, it will suck leaving your friends and family, but, come on, you've got to."Jenny: "Uh-huh."Wang: "When would you have to go?"Jenny: "I wouldn't start until February."Wang: "God, I'm so happy for you! Look at me, I'm fucking grinning. I NEVER grin."Jenny: "Yeah. You seem pretty happy about it."A little time goes by, and I start to notice that she's being a little frosty. I ask her what's going on, and she is being evasive, so I drop it. A few days later, she was still acting weird, so I asked again and refused to drop it until she talked to me about what was up. Jenny: "So you think I should just move to Chicago? That wouldn't even bother you?"Wang: (drops head)Wang: (internal monologue) Wang, you stupid fucking fuck, you just witnessed this exact situation. You just saw Maggie get upset when her boyfriend moved. You just saw Maggie fall apart because she was worried it meant he didn't love her or something. You just saw her lose her damned mind for this exact fucking reason. He didn't take it seriously enough for her taste, so she got worried he didn't love her. And what do you do? THE EXACT SAME THING YOU..."Wang: (barely audible) "...stupid fuck."It turned into a whole big thing. I explained that the reason I was happy was because I cared about her. Am I going to miss her? Of course, but I would never ask her to pass up an opportunity like that for me. Then it started getting worse.Wang: "Actually, let me take that one step further: I would never ALLOW you to pass up an opportunity like this for me."Jenny: "You wouldn't 'allow' me to? What does that mean?"Wang: "I mean, what if you resent me because you had to make some kind of sacrifice? Or what if you pass up this job opportunity and then, in 3 months, we break up? No way I'm letting that happen."Jenny: "And how, exactly, would you not let that happen?"Wang: "Look, you know what I'm saying. Come on."Jenny: "..."Wang: "I mean, if I really thought you were making a mistake, I'd just... I'm not letting ME be the reason you do something like that."Jenny: "So you're saying you would... break up with me or something?"Wang: "Yeah. I guess. If I thought it was the right thing to do."(I don't remember much of this next part but there are a few lines I remember, and I'll be sure to include them)Jenny: "That is so fucking like you. That's just... you think you know what's right for everyone, and you're sooooo willing to make sacrifices because you're such a 'good guy.' You know exaaaactly what everybody else needs, but you have absolutely no idea what you want, so you just fix everybody else's problems because that's the only thing you're any good at. And if you think you're right, you'll do whatever you have to to prove it or win or get your way. You think you're soooo nice and selfless, but you're selfish. You're selfish and you don't care about anybody but yourself."(There was some other stuff, too, and it stung.)The conversation didn't last much longer, but it ended with this exchange:Wang: "If you really... if you think that little of me, maybe..."Jenny: "Maybe what?"Wang: "I want to be with you, but it... it seems like maybe you don't like me all that much right now."Jenny: (scoffs with contempt/disdain)Wang: "I'm just..."Jenny: "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should take some time."Wang: "Maybe."Jenny: "I have to go."Wang: "Yeah. So... where are we?"Jenny: (shrug) "We're on a break, I guess. Wang: "Okay. I'm sorry about this. I lo-... I'll call you."I've talked to her once since then. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

Also not getting why it bothers you so much that she did nudie photos/films with her ex... it reflects poorly on him that he show and telled it, but all she did was demonstrate a lack of foresight when she was in a relationship a while back. I'd bet she isn't the only one of your exs who has done this sort of thing. She just wanted to give her boyfriend a good time, she didn't think anyone else would see it.

Two things: First, it's just disturbing. My buddy Sherpa has seen Jenny getting railed. And so have, I'm sure, lots of people. It's just... disturbing. I'm not, like, mad at her. I think it was bad judgment, but I really don't like the idea of some girl I care about screaming on tape while another guy hammers away. Second, and more importantly, I don't like the idea of this tape existing, and Jenny having no control over it. This motherfucker is soooo far out of line that it's ridiculous. I want the tapes and pictures destroyed, and I want to beat him within an inch of his life. If I'd heard about it a little sooner, I might have had a moral leg to stand on, but right now... I don't know. I still might do something about it.

What's the sports-betting dealio with the Heat right now? Are they over-valued? Highly public? Does that mean the same thing? Etc.

They're not nearly as public as I expected before the season, likely because they came out of the gates looking pretty bad and haven't really turned it around yet. The books are stilling putting out some pretty ridiculous lines -- Celtics getting 7 last night?? -- and the public isn't scared to bet against them. They're not getting faded against bad/mediocre teams, but people are definitely looking to bet against them when the books put up a crooked number against another solid team. If I can find a good price, I'm going to bet on them to win the East and the Title shortly. I still think they are, by far, the best team in the NBA come playoff time.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I had to judge a dance-off at Homecoming, and as a result I missed out on the crowning of my date as Queen, and a dance we were supposed to share. It was a Break Dance Contest in the hallway, and I was actually incredibly honored to have been appointed one of the three judges, and it ended up going to a sudden-death one-on-one break-off, so I lost track of time a little. That was a pretty big whoopsie.

Just one of the many and varied pitfalls that come with being a Wang.

Two things: First, it's just disturbing. My buddy Sherpa has seen Jenny getting railed. And so have, I'm sure, lots of people.

Hell, if he put it on YouPorn, I've probably seen it. I always thought that nose looked familiar.

[speedz99 145]

When I was younger, I could do a really good Beaker impression.

I do a great beaker...a side-by-side of my face and beaker's face was my facebook profile picture for a while.

Jenny: "That is so fucking like you. That's just... you think you know what's right for everyone, and you're sooooo willing to make sacrifices because you're such a 'good guy.' You know exaaaactly what everybody else needs, but you have absolutely no idea what you want, so you just fix everybody else's problems because that's the only thing you're any good at. And if you think you're right, you'll do whatever you have to to prove it or win or get your way. You think you're soooo nice and selfless, but you're selfish. You're selfish and you don't care about anybody but yourself."

Meep!

Two things: First, it's just disturbing. My buddy Sherpa has seen Jenny getting railed. And so have, I'm sure, lots of people. It's just... disturbing. I'm not, like, mad at her. I think it was bad judgment, but I really don't like the idea of some girl I care about screaming on tape while another guy hammers away. Second, and more importantly, I don't like the idea of this tape existing, and Jenny having no control over it. This motherfucker is soooo far out of line that it's ridiculous. I want the tapes and pictures destroyed, and I want to beat him within an inch of his life. If I'd heard about it a little sooner, I might have had a moral leg to stand on, but right now... I don't know. I still might do something about it.

Of course you have a moral leg to stand on...there's a whole list of things you could do to this guy, physically, personally, professionally, to fuck him over, and be 100% in the right. Just don't get yourself hurt or arrested.

I still think they are, by far, the best team in the NBA come playoff time.

I'm sorry, I know you know way more about sports(!) than me, but it's hard to see them beating the Celtics, forget about the Lakers (who right now would cream them). I need to see them actually figure out an offensive scheme that will work for them before I can accept someone saying stuff like "by far the best team come playoff time".

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

Jenny: "That is so fucking like you. That's just... you think you know what's right for everyone, and you're sooooo willing to make sacrifices because you're such a 'good guy.' You know exaaaactly what everybody else needs, but you have absolutely no idea what you want, so you just fix everybody else's problems because that's the only thing you're any good at. And if you think you're right, you'll do whatever you have to to prove it or win or get your way. You think you're soooo nice and selfless, but you're selfish. You're selfish and you don't care about anybody but yourself."(There was some other stuff, too, and it stung.)

I was going to say.I was shaking my head at you a lot reading all of that. Me.And that Colossus noise was the best. I always had to be him whenever I played that game and I would just do that move and the neck-breaking move all the time.

[speedz99 145]

Hell, if he put it on YouPorn, I've probably seen it. I always thought that nose looked familiar.

[TOO SOON stamp]

[Skeleton Jelly 2]

I'm sorry, I know you know way more about sports(!) than me, but it's hard to see them beating the Celtics, forget about the Lakers (who right now would cream them). I need to see them actually figure out an offensive scheme that will work for them before I can accept someone saying stuff like "by far the best team come playoff time".

Here's Wade showing the effectiveness of the double teapot defense: