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I Called In Sick Today

turd ferguson

By turd ferguson,
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BigDMcGee

and after 3 days, he is risen!

David_Sklansky

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

AmScray

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Shimmering Wang

Shimmering Wang 1

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Wang is having an existential crisis. It's pretty hardcore. (Note: the word "existential" is meant to serve a very specific purpose, and that purpose is: to make the crisis seem less significant to all of you.) When Wang feels like this, he watches movies he enjoys. So I watched my favorite comedy of the last decade, "Knocked Up," and the only thing that even remotely cheered me up was the line: "You're so money you don't even know how much money you have." I consider that line among the greatest in modern cinema. It makes me happy when happiness doesn't even make me happy.

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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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Wang is having an existential crisis. It's pretty hardcore. (Note: the word "existential" is meant to serve a very specific purpose, and that purpose is: to make the crisis seem less significant to all of you.) When Wang feels like this, he watches movies he enjoys. So I watched my favorite comedy of the last decade, "Knocked Up," and the only thing that even remotely cheered me up was the line: "You're so money you don't even know how much money you have." I consider that line among the greatest in modern cinema. It makes me happy when happiness doesn't even make me happy.
Are you trying to be obtuse?I can't tell if you are having relationship problems or got killed in gambling this weekend. If you don't tell us, how can we all intercede to Jesus for you?
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Shimmering Wang

Shimmering Wang 1

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Okay, so this makes me irrationally happy, too, which I didn't know until now: "Everybody hates you. Everybody wishes that you were dead. 'Cause Peter you suck. Peter you suck. Peter your music is fucking terrible. Peter you suck, Peter you suck. Peter you don't do anything of value. Peter you suck. Write some music. But instead you sit and write these bullshit songs. It's so self-loathing. Go see a psychiatrist. I hate the psychiatrist. Oh, go see one anyway. I don't like the psychiatrist. You need to go see one. See a psychaitrist. I'm not going."EDIT: It's the last line that really slays me. "I don't like the psychiatirst." You need to go see one. See a psychiatrist. "I'M NOT GO-ING."

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brvheart

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I really like Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I might like Russell Brand forever, because of that movie.

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Sickinfo2

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is shock top good? Chris always rec'd it but I was worried it was just for the silly logo
Not especially... I just tried a few because of the silly tap handle
It's really good though. I am on my 3rd of the day, taking a break from drywall and tiling.
Hows the overhaul going?
stupid-nasty poops.
Lemme tell ya bro, after the food I ate down in Missashatme I know all about those....Every damn item in the buffet was floating in a BP sludge of oil and greaseSomewhere around Forest City I broad slid into a rest stop so fast that I engulfed a trucker and his Dachshund in a plume of Goodyear tire smoke thats probably still hovering around...
I saw these at the grocery store today:coorslight.jpgLook close.???
Back years ago a friend brought the beer for a fishing trip on Mead...They were pony eight ounce bottlesWe both had blisters on out fingers from removing caps all dayHe wasnt invited back...Well, I got the gambling bug outta me for a few days. Got in the hole about fifteen hundred but pulled back to about four down on the last craps sessionWell, technically the last session was around exit sixty five but thats neither here or there
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leftygolfer

leftygolfer 7

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no doubt LeftyJeff, it's a hugely dying industry, retail banking. But oh well, I'll try to make some connects up here in the tech industry and work my way over to that. Finally got some new, second hand Taylor Made irons. Haven't had a chance to try them yet. I was just getting back into golfing after 3+ years or more. First 2 rounds went really well. 3rd round, crapped the bed. But we'll see how these new clubs hit. Sadly, I'm still swinging them.
Nice...always a fan of TM's. My Titleist's are 9 years old. New grips every year help, but still. Snuck out on Friday to play, the weather here has been spectacular. Had my best round of the year yesterday - 82.
I don't know where the right place to throw this would be, but here's a documentary about Maynard from Tool's vineyards and his wine company that has pretty much taken over his desire to write new music or perform like he gives a shit. The guy hardly ever gave interviews, so I think it's intriguing to have a movie based around him. I'm pretty sure he's also a little crazy, and a big dick, but that should add to the film, or something.
I don't think you guys realize how much wine I'd drink if I had f-you money.like, perma-purple lips.
I will rent it.Quickest way to earn a small fortune in the wine making businesStart with a large fortune.
@strat: I'd like to see you drink some of Lefty's wine out of a can. Sunny did it with boxed, but I think you can up the ante by pouring from a bottle.
Hell the wife puts ice cubes in some of my reds. Who cares? Drink what you like.
well, I got committed to this big glass of cranberry cider. I don't know what made me think it was going to be great, but now I have to drink it.I mean, for starters, it's probably going to give me some stupid-nasty poops. at least apple cider gives you some wonderful flavor before the pain.
Cranberry is good for the prostate.
Well, I got the gambling bug outta me for a few days. Got in the hole about fifteen hundred but pulled back to about four down on the last craps sessionWell, technically the last session was around exit sixty five but thats neither here or there
Big tipper....
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Denny Crane

Denny Crane 0

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Nice...always a fan of TM's. My Titleist's are 9 years old. New grips every year help, but still. Snuck out on Friday to play, the weather here has been spectacular. Had my best round of the year yesterday - 82. Cranberry is good for the prostate.
Goodness, 82, thats striking the ball and getting up and down. Niiiice....and you're period
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brvheart

brvheart 1,752

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I think it's awesome that Fox allowed this to be aired. It's one reason that Fox is currently making money hand over fist and all the over media companies are struggling. Would ESPN allow something like this? haha. They suspended Kornheiser two weeks for saying he didn't like Hannah Storm's outfit.

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SBriand

SBriand 4

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Would ESPN allow something like this? haha. They suspended Kornheiser two weeks for saying he didn't like Hannah Storm's outfit.
I vaguely remember this but I think it was more for saying she dressed like a slut. Big difference between "I just don't like how Hannah is dressed today" and "That Hannah Storm dresses like a slut" lolEdit: I was wrong. He saidOn his radio show last week, Kornheiser poked at Hannah Storm for her eye-catching outfits as SportsCenter host, stating Storm dressed in "a horrifying, horrifying outfit" and a "very, very tight shirt.'Kornheiser also added, "She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body. I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't ... but Hannah Storm ... come on now! Stop! What are you doing? ... She's what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point."
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El Guapo

El Guapo 8

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Hows the overhaul going?
Had some hiccups in the tiling. I am going to need to pour a mortar (sand concrete mixture like you would use on a countertop) bed on the concrete floor on top of the PVC before I use the thinset. It's too far to the top of the drain from the floor to just use thinset, plus the PVC isn't perfectly smooth. A buddy of mine who tiled his way through H.S. and college was helping me, and since we are using subway tiles and doing the things the wife wants, it's more time consuming than either of us anticipated. Considering I only have weekends and some nights, it's going to be a couple of weeks until it's done. I thought the tile job was a one weekend job. I was wrong.
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Skeleton Jelly

Skeleton Jelly 2

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Wang is having an existential crisis. It's pretty hardcore. (Note: the word "existential" is meant to serve a very specific purpose, and that purpose is: to make the crisis seem less significant to all of you.)
Mr. Fox: [sighs] Who am I, Kylie? Kylie: Who how? What now? Mr. Fox: Why a fox? Why not a horse, or a beetle, or a bald eagle? I'm saying this more as, like, existentialism, you know? Who am I? And how can a fox ever be happy without, you'll forgive the expression, a chicken in its teeth? Kylie: I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds illegal.
In case anyone missed it.Incredible yet dark Simpson couch intro from last nights show.
That was awesome.
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Roll the Bones

Roll the Bones 74

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Well I'll be damned. The Bungles have found ANOTHER way to lose a football game in the last minutes. I didn't think there were any ways left. Oh well, as our old coach Sam Wyche said, "There's golf and tennis to be played." Congrats Stevo on the crushing victory, it's been a long time.It was fun at the Reds game except the baseball part.

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Theraflu

Theraflu 1,035

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Great pics man.I'll be at Game 5 for the Rays-Rangers. Really hoping Cliff Lee isn't dominant as usual.
Sweet deal, should be a good game. Tough luck on getting Cliff at home twice. He's much worse in Texas.
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Skeleton Jelly

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Insane animal sex lives."Let's say you and a bunch of friends make a journey to your childhood hometown for an orgy (look, you need to accept that the animal kingdom just has looser rules here)."Nothing to do with sex or animals, but still insane.Numbers 4 and 2 for the win. Or the tie, I guess. Since there's two of them. We're all winners! Yay!
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