I Called In Sick Today

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

well I feel fine so far. that stuff is pretty quick to set in right?

not really. usually triggered by sitting on sand in the sun. beer can bring it on too.

[loogie 115]

I didn't know JJJ was in lawncare.

It says jjjlawncare on the truck in really tiny print, guys. I figured it out for everyone. Clean dash.

[SBriand 4]

It says jjjlawncare on the truck in really tiny print, guys. I figured it out for everyone. Clean dash.

oh come on my old eyes can see it!

[timwakefield 68]

And today in 'You Really Really Really Shouldn't Lie Under Oath' news, Roger Clemens to be indicted for perjury

[loogie 115]

And today in 'You Really Really Really Shouldn't Lie Under Oath' news, Roger Clemens to be indicted for perjury

Next time, pick Door #2.

[timwakefield 68]

I can't tell if you're making fun of me for posting such an uninteresting and unrelated (to the thread) link, but I think you are.

[loogie 115]

I can't tell if you're making fun of me for posting such an uninteresting and unrelated (to the thread) link, but I think you are.

I'm not. I'm all random today. Garnish.

[strategy 4]

one of my favorite gifs

[JoeyJoJo 18]

You can do better than that.

[strategy 4]

You can do better than that.

not on such short notice

[WordsOfTheProphet 0]

one of my favorite gifs

Looks like I'm not the only one wishing you burn to death.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

[Shimmering Wang 1]

i've always wanted to have sex in a spa steamroom. trip report please.

I pretty much read everything from late July to present, and this is all I felt like quoting. In my experience, steamroom sex is even more uncomfortable than regular, air-conditioned bedroom sex. I met a girl, Bryn, a few weekends ago at work. I got her number. The next day, my mother sent me a text message asking if I know Bryn. I have been taking circuitous routes, doubling back, running red lights, and changing outfits 5 times a day for the last fortnight. I figure if Shake brought the original back, I might as well, too. Also: I have been learning a little bit about DOS

[strategy 4]

at least my gif worked.I'm perfectly fine with the idea that your gif will auto-update and make me look like an ass later.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

In my experience, steamroom sex is even more uncomfortable than regular, air-conditioned bedroom sex.

Wait...According to the crack researchers at, um, Cracked, older siblings are generally taller, smarter, and healthier than their younger siblings, but the younger siblings have more sex.The more you know.

at least my gif worked.I'm perfectly fine with the idea that your gif will auto-update and make me look like an ass later.

It works for me and I wouldn't really know how to fix it anyway.Probably better this way; now you might actually think it's a good one.

[strategy 4]

It works for me and I wouldn't really know how to fix it anyway.

[CaneBrain 95]

I pretty much read everything from late July to present, and this is all I felt like quoting. In my experience, steamroom sex is even more uncomfortable than regular, air-conditioned bedroom sex. I met a girl, Bryn, a few weekends ago at work. I got her number. The next day, my mother sent me a text message asking if I know Bryn. I have been taking circuitous routes, doubling back, running red lights, and changing outfits 5 times a day for the last fortnight. I figure if Shake brought the original back, I might as well, too. Also: I have been learning a little bit about DOS

I thought it was ok. After ten years, my wife and are pretty comfortable with each other though so maybe we just made it work.

[Naked_Cowboy 0]

The phrasing "even more uncomfortable" seems to imply a level of discomfort with normal relations. This strikes me as odd as most of you have been having relations far longer and more successfully than me. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess things went swimmingly with the bastion of morality from your discontinued date story?

[Shimmering Wang 1]

The phrasing "even more uncomfortable" seems to imply a level of discomfort with normal relations. This strikes me as odd as most of you have been having relations far longer and more successfully than me. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess things went swimmingly with the bastion of morality from your discontinued date story?

I'm going to be honest about something: I'm no longer terrible with women. If I walk into a social situation, a pretty good percentage of the female population will be interested in me after a few hours. I'm no longer hideously ugly, which helps, but the big thing is: I've got charisma. I've been denying this for a while, and finally, a few weeks ago, I realized that I've been basically lying. The simple truth is, I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself as attractive. Many women think I'm kind of good looking, and they think I'm charming, and they think I'm funny, and, basically, they think I'm desirable. I... don't like that. First of all, it means I can't be the underdog anymore. I don't have to "wear them down" because all I have is "tenacity and sheer force of will (and large doses of force-fed alcohol)." Secondly, it means that if I'm not getting laid, I have only my laziness to blame. So I've been with my fair share of women, and probably a few other people's share, too. Despite this, I've always been slightly awkward with sex, and that has NOT gone away. It probably never will. So, yes: I experience a relatively high level of discomfort with normal sexual relations. As far as the discontinued date story: I am not exaggerating when I say that I spent about 20 hours trying to write up parts II and III, but I could never make it work. I'm serious. The only versions that work are, well... just not true. The problem is, in Part II, I finally realized what it is that women mean when they say, "You're intimidating." I've heard that, from time to time, and I never understood until halfway through my date with Jo. She was telling me what she's interested in -- The Supreme Court, Parliamentary Procedure, Ethics, Etc. -- and with NO EXCEPTIONS I knew more about the subject in question than she did. If we were talking about The Supreme Court, I would get excited and start talking about how fascinating the due process clause and process of incorporation are. If we were talking about ethics, I would get excited and quote Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals ("Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law"). No matter what came up, I would just want to share the stuff I found interesting. I didn't care whether she was familiar with the information or not. If she was, cool. If not, I'd take the chance to share and explain. By the end of the dinner, she was demoralized. At one point, she mentioned that her best skill was communication, and in her experience, men struggle to communicate, whereas women do not. Well, I'm probably the most gifted communicator this girl has ever met. I was just about to tell her, good news!, I can communicate quite well. Then I realized, I'd been accidentally showing her up all night. I honestly didn't MEAN to show her up, I was just... Anyway, the full story is longer, but it basically reads like: "Hey, look how awesome Wang is!" and I didn't want to post it. Kisses,Wang

[JoeyJoJo 18]

So I've been with my fair share of women, and probably a few other people's share, too.

Hey, look how awesome Wang is!

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I don't know which is better - the video or the interview. Safe to say it isn't the song, though.Houston, we have a "throb"lemBOOBS! CRAZY OLD DUDES!

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

I'm going to be honest about something: I'm no longer terrible with women. If I walk into a social situation, a pretty good percentage of the female population will be interested in me after a few hours. I'm no longer hideously ugly, which helps, but the big thing is: I've got charisma. I've been denying this for a while, and finally, a few weeks ago, I realized that I've been basically lying. The simple truth is, I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself as attractive. Many women think I'm kind of good looking, and they think I'm charming, and they think I'm funny, and, basically, they think I'm desirable. I... don't like that. First of all, it means I can't be the underdog anymore. I don't have to "wear them down" because all I have is "tenacity and sheer force of will (and large doses of force-fed alcohol)." Secondly, it means that if I'm not getting laid, I have only my laziness to blame. So I've been with my fair share of women, and probably a few other people's share, too. Despite this, I've always been slightly awkward with sex, and that has NOT gone away. It probably never will. So, yes: I experience a relatively high level of discomfort with normal sexual relations. As far as the discontinued date story: I am not exaggerating when I say that I spent about 20 hours trying to write up parts II and III, but I could never make it work. I'm serious. The only versions that work are, well... just not true. The problem is, in Part II, I finally realized what it is that women mean when they say, "You're intimidating." I've heard that, from time to time, and I never understood until halfway through my date with Jo. She was telling me what she's interested in -- The Supreme Court, Parliamentary Procedure, Ethics, Etc. -- and with NO EXCEPTIONS I knew more about the subject in question than she did. If we were talking about The Supreme Court, I would get excited and start talking about how fascinating the due process clause and process of incorporation are. If we were talking about ethics, I would get excited and quote Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals ("Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law"). No matter what came up, I would just want to share the stuff I found interesting. I didn't care whether she was familiar with the information or not. If she was, cool. If not, I'd take the chance to share and explain. By the end of the dinner, she was demoralized. At one point, she mentioned that her best skill was communication, and in her experience, men struggle to communicate, whereas women do not. Well, I'm probably the most gifted communicator this girl has ever met. I was just about to tell her, good news!, I can communicate quite well. Then I realized, I'd been accidentally showing her up all night. I honestly didn't MEAN to show her up, I was just... Anyway, the full story is longer, but it basically reads like: "Hey, look how awesome Wang is!" and I didn't want to post it. Kisses,Wang

Hey, don't worry too much. If you were really that good a communicator, you'd have figured out a way to write the story that was both true and good. You're still solidly in underdog territory.

[CaneBrain 95]

Hey, look how awesome Wang is!

everyone loves a know it all!

[JoeyJoJo 18]

everyone loves a know it all!

I was just teasing him as a fellow member of the Brotherhood of Awesomeness. It's the cross we bear.

[Naked_Cowboy 0]

Welcome back. I assumed you meant physical discomfort. Ouch stole my joke. You're studying accounting, yes? The more stories of yours I read, the more I'm certain that you're going to want to murder yourself when you get an accounting job.