I Called In Sick Today

[Southern Buddhist 1]

I want a crack team helping me with my job search. napa's invited along.

Just so you know, I am the queen of cover letters.

I didn't. Saw the link a day or two ago, didn't click it. More and more, I'm finding the effort to watch a video--turn off my music or adjust the speaker levels--makes the proposition -EV. Add this tidbit of Jeffolosophy to your list of reasons why I'm the laziest person you know.

Same here.

Are they Christians or Republicans? For your sake, I hope NOT BOTH!

Probably both. My husband was trimming a tree for the 90-year-old who lives between us and them. She specifically told hubby he could cut the whole damn thing down if he wanted, so he was trimming it back pretty well. Neighbor's wife came over to complain that now they would be able to see the scummy part of the neighborhood (1. so don't move to within two houses of a crack area; 2. how is that my husband's or the 90-year-old's problem? 3. so she's required to keep her tree up threatening her house for you?). That didn't work, so she tried a "save the trees" tack (it was a goddamn maple -- not exactly endangered here, more like big weeds). We know her real name, but usually call her the Lorax. Every time we deal with them, they're just vaguely annoying. Oh, yeah, he's a big Neighborhood Watch guy. He didn't STOP the drunk from crashing through another neighbor's stone fence, nor did he stop whoever emptied a clip one night right outside the house, but he's always nosing around afterward. Nosy and the Lorax. It wasn't the tree, though -- she was way more worried that she could see from her kitchen window where the local crack whore turns tricks. She's telling James this and he's thinking, "For someone who doesn't like it, she knows all about it and pays a lot of attention."Are khakis the only permissable uniform for Christians and/or Republicans?

I think that's a win just to get him to attempt it.

Yes.

If this actually happened, I'm going to sell all my possessions, buy a robe and sandals, follow you around, and worship you for the rest of your life.

Yes.

The Freshman Composition class that I took at ISU, labeled 101 and meant to precede 102, counted as 102 at IUPUI when I transferred my credits. I tried to argue that because 101 was a prerequisite for 102, which I was given credit for, it seemed silly to make me take 101 at IUPUI, nevertheless they made me take it. My professor, after asking us to write up a little sample on the first night of class, informed me that she would be more critical of my writing than that of the majority of the class because I was already a pretty good writer. Lucky me.

Was this Terri Bourus, by any chance? I know her from my Shakespeare job. I worked for the American Shakespeare Center, and for at least a couple of years, our touring troupe made a stop at IUPUI.Freshman Comp is exactly what I'm going to be teaching. Any advice?

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Here's the analysis I want to see. (Note I will draw up 250 schedules and graphs and only include 10 in the final report.)1. % change ratio: Line graphs (3) showing percentage replies ratio daily for top 5, 10 and 20 posters. (Use your judgment - if it only makes sense to do the top 5 and 10 skip doing a graph for the top 20. I'll ask to see the top 20 later anyways but I want you to think had some input in this).2. Top 10 posters: Do individual graphs for the top 10 posters (10). Line graph % replies ratio with bar graph showing # of posts for the day.3. Daily Momentum graphs: (10) Bar graphs for top 5 posters - % change in replies ratio (using the ratio not the % you calculated earlier) vs prior day and vs PY day ((Jan 1 2010/Jan 1 2009)-1). Jan 1 2007 through April 30, 2010 (I'm telling you this is all I want now but later I'll tell you to add 2006. And update for May 2010.4. Seasonality graphs: We need to see the seasonality in the quality of posts. For top 5 posters, compile data quarterly from Q1 07 - Q1 10 and show momentum and seasonality - % changevs prior quarter and % change vs PY quarter. Don't add the Q2 10 Forecast (I'll have you do it later once you've set everything up). Add accompanying table showing % of total posts in each quarter for FY 07-09.5. New, lost and existing poster analysis - tables (1 summary, 2 detailed) graphs (2 detailed). FY 07 - LTM April 2010. Make individual tables showing detail of top 5 new posters and top 5 lost posters. Show monthly # of posts in the table and graph (line graph) the reply ratio monthly. Do the same table with the summary of new, lost and existing posters.6. Pro-forma posting adjustments: Have a 1st year go through all the posts (just FY 08 and 09 don't want this to be impossible) and come up with pro-forma adjustments referencing prior posts without quoting them. 7. Quality-volume bridge: (1 for each of top 5 posters): Bridge FY 07-08-09-YTD Apr-10 showing increase (nominal) in replies by quality vs volume. That should keep you busy for tonight, drop it off in the morning and I'll have some more drawn up for you.

I think Dawson misses college. Maybe you should consider law school?

I ordered a pair of shoes online (not RR's kind, but shoes for my fancy dinner in Vegas dress) and I didn't really pay any attention to the type of shipping, just the amount of time and cost. I chose the 5-7 day shipping. The online store gave me a tracking number and I've been tracking my shipment. It got to Indy by UPS, but the last time I looked, it said it was being sent to the postal carrier. Why? Why would UPS do this? I've never heard of this happening before, but I don't usually track my shipments.

[brvheart 1,752]

Somebody should be tracking this sort of thing.Ok, I'll do it.

This is a terrible terrible idea. [/Le Batard voice]I just like hanging out here, not being actively rejected (other than by LG) due to some stupid stat tracker.

Probably both. My husband was trimming a tree for the 90-year-old who lives between us and them. She specifically told hubby he could cut the whole damn thing down if he wanted, so he was trimming it back pretty well. Neighbor's wife came over to complain that now they would be able to see the scummy part of the neighborhood (1. so don't move to within two houses of a crack area; 2. how is that my husband's or the 90-year-old's problem? 3. so she's required to keep her tree up threatening her house for you?). That didn't work, so she tried a "save the trees" tack (it was a goddamn maple -- not exactly endangered here, more like big weeds). We know her real name, but usually call her the Lorax. Every time we deal with them, they're just vaguely annoying. Oh, yeah, he's a big Neighborhood Watch guy. He didn't STOP the drunk from crashing through another neighbor's stone fence, nor did he stop whoever emptied a clip one night right outside the house, but he's always nosing around afterward. Nosy and the Lorax. It wasn't the tree, though -- she was way more worried that she could see from her kitchen window where the local crack whore turns tricks. She's telling James this and he's thinking, "For someone who doesn't like it, she knows all about it and pays a lot of attention."Are khakis the only permissable uniform for Christians and/or Republicans?

That's a BG question. Since they are kind of jerky they almost certainly aren't Mormon, so we're getting it narrowed down.

[El Guapo 8]

Did I miss a memo, is something wrong with Khakis?

[vbnautilus 48]

Did I miss a memo, is something wrong with Khakis?

Republican!

[Bearded in Absentia 0]

I think a running total would be best, and would thus eliminate both the problem of different day responses and the people who don't post every day. just a simple posts - responses, chart the daily +/- for each poster. tight-aggressive posters like wang (who is already a +12, mind you) will rule the day.

I give a lot of loose action, man. No way I'm a TAG. If anything, I'm a LAG. I do a LOT of multi-quoting and whatnot. It might be interesting to see who the loosest quoter on the board is. Who are the catalysts? Who is responsible for all the scoring?

it's the sick thread equivalent of OBP. I'm billy beane.

Look, I'm not trying to rain on ypur parade... actually, that's a lie; my intention is to rain on your parade. (As an aside, I love expressions that are only used in the negative like that. "Please don't rain on my parade" and "I don't want to rain on your parade" are, like, the only two ways that little idiom is getting used -- except coincidentally and literally, like, "Man, didn't you feel bad for Megan? She's finally elected Blueberry Festival Queen, those storms clouds appeared..." -- like as a denial, apology, or as a kind of faux-pleading insult/challenge.)Anyway, no way you're Billy Beane. If we're assigning shares of the Moneyball front office to Sick Thread members -- (we are) -- Joey is 85% Billy Beane and 92% Paul DePodesta, and I'm probably about 8% Billy Beane and 6% Depo. The last couple percent is spread among the rest of the forum, though I'm probably being a little too generous to myself here. Joey comes up with the forward-thinking ideas, AND he does all of the leg work.Geoff, you are: Jeremy Brown

I realize that's a percentage underneath "Ratio," but whatever.

The second I saw you float this idea, I thought, "Man, I'm going to be in such good shape. I haven't posted in a month, and I'm going to get some really light quotes out of that." My one suggestion, Joey, is that you attempt to eliminate extra-quote-credit that is in direct response to a generic question. Like if Randy asks, "Hey, what's up with everyone's favorite ice cream flavor?" it might not be fair to give him 10 points when everyone just answers. Probably shouldn't really count against his ratio, either, so short, simple questions with multiple responses should either, in a perfect world, be 1:1 or 0:0.

you know, i actually kind of enjoyed it by the end, and i think you--knowing what i do of your personality--would also find some joy in making people better writers.

I would for sure. Actually, my dad called me yesterday to check in -- I'm house-sitting for my parents, watching my dog and whatnot -- and said, out of the blue: "Hey, if you want to go to graduate school to be a teacher or a professor or something, I'd support that." I think teaching would be a great career for me, and I know, no matter what I do, wherever I end up, I'll always be a teachy-type person.

Freshman Comp is exactly what I'm going to be teaching. Any advice?

Make your students write a 1500 word paper the first week, and waive the class for anybody you think should go directly to the next level. Actually, real advice: don't give word-count/page-count requirements for writing assignments. If the writer answers the question in 2 pages, docking him for not adding 2 more to meet an arbitrary quota is just so ridiculously backwards.

I think Dawson misses college. Maybe you should consider law school?

Hey I remember this joke!

[strategy 4]

Look, I'm not trying to rain on ypur parade... actually, that's a lie; my intention is to rain on your parade. (As an aside, I love expressions that are only used in the negative like that. "Please don't rain on my parade" and "I don't want to rain on your parade" are, like, the only two ways that little idiom is getting used -- except coincidentally and literally, like, "Man, didn't you feel bad for Megan? She's finally elected Blueberry Festival Queen, those storms clouds appeared..." -- like as a denial, apology, or as a kind of faux-pleading insult/challenge.)Anyway, no way you're Billy Beane. If we're assigning shares of the Moneyball front office to Sick Thread members -- (we are) -- Joey is 85% Billy Beane and 92% Paul DePodesta, and I'm probably about 8% Billy Beane and 6% Depo. The last couple percent is spread among the rest of the forum, though I'm probably being a little too generous to myself here. Joey comes up with the forward-thinking ideas, AND he does all of the leg work.

Well, I don't know anything about baseball. I was just commenting on the fact that I've been using the number of responses to my posts as a performance metric while others seem to have ignored it until now. Seems like that's kinda similar to what Billy Beane did with the A's, according to my ranty baseball friend who is not you.Again, I don't know anything about baseball.As far as you being tight-aggressive, I was kind of alluding to the fact that you take long breaks and get infinite replies when you return. I don't know anything about posting.

Make your students write a 1500 word paper the first week, and waive the class for anybody you think should go directly to the next level. Actually, real advice: don't give word-count/page-count requirements for writing assignments. If the writer answers the question in 2 pages, docking him for not adding 2 more to meet an arbitrary quota is just so ridiculously backwards.

Why do length requirements even exist? Is it an attempt to save the student from his/her own laziness? I just noticed that I only use correct capitalization when I respond to you. Seriously, I didn't go back to edit anything... the realization just hit me.

[El Guapo 8]

Republican!

[LadyGrey 6]

Oooh, that sucks big time. I'm sorry. Wait, aren't you done?

Done... getting wasted and dancing like a black person all night? Yeah, I got done with that at 5.30am when I made that post, that's why I went to bed.Plan for today: shower, English cooked breakfast, sleep.

[CaneBrain 95]

Did I miss a memo, is something wrong with Khakis?

I wear khakis all the time. They are awesome. Don't listen to these people with their jeans and their rap music.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

Make your students write a 1500 word paper the first week, and waive the class for anybody you think should go directly to the next level. Actually, real advice: don't give word-count/page-count requirements for writing assignments. If the writer answers the question in 2 pages, docking him for not adding 2 more to meet an arbitrary quota is just so ridiculously backwards.

I might dock them for going over, but I can't imagine why I would punish them for being succinct and lessening my workload. One of the rules of writing I plan to hand out reads, "Don't write more than requested. Remember how much Shakespeare could say in a 14-line sonnet."I am enjoying the perfect lunch for an 85-degree day: sweet iced tea and tomato sandwiches. So refreshing and so Southern!

[brvheart 1,752]

I am enjoying the perfect lunch for an 85-degree day: sweet iced tea and tomato sandwiches. So refreshing and so Southern!

That sounds truly awful. I can not choke down 'sweet' iced tea. I would rather drink a beer, and that's saying something.Also: I ****ING HATE THIS NEW 'GAME'! I almost didn't post this, because, well, it's stupid, but screw you guys and your non-replies. I WANT TO HANG OUT!

[Theraflu 1,035]

I mean, it's not like Joey's rating of posts lasted too long or affected this place too seriously. You'll be ok.

[Randy Reed 0]

Here's the analysis I want to see. (Note I will draw up 250 schedules and graphs and only include 10 in the final report.)1. % change ratio: Line graphs (3) showing percentage replies ratio daily for top 5, 10 and 20 posters. (Use your judgment - if it only makes sense to do the top 5 and 10 skip doing a graph for the top 20. I'll ask to see the top 20 later anyways but I want you to think had some input in this).2. Top 10 posters: Do individual graphs for the top 10 posters (10). Line graph % replies ratio with bar graph showing # of posts for the day.3. Daily Momentum graphs: (10) Bar graphs for top 5 posters - % change in replies ratio (using the ratio not the % you calculated earlier) vs prior day and vs PY day ((Jan 1 2010/Jan 1 2009)-1). Jan 1 2007 through April 30, 2010 (I'm telling you this is all I want now but later I'll tell you to add 2006. And update for May 2010.4. Seasonality graphs: We need to see the seasonality in the quality of posts. For top 5 posters, compile data quarterly from Q1 07 - Q1 10 and show momentum and seasonality - % changevs prior quarter and % change vs PY quarter. Don't add the Q2 10 Forecast (I'll have you do it later once you've set everything up). Add accompanying table showing % of total posts in each quarter for FY 07-09.5. New, lost and existing poster analysis - tables (1 summary, 2 detailed) graphs (2 detailed). FY 07 - LTM April 2010. Make individual tables showing detail of top 5 new posters and top 5 lost posters. Show monthly # of posts in the table and graph (line graph) the reply ratio monthly. Do the same table with the summary of new, lost and existing posters.6. Pro-forma posting adjustments: Have a 1st year go through all the posts (just FY 08 and 09 don't want this to be impossible) and come up with pro-forma adjustments referencing prior posts without quoting them. 7. Quality-volume bridge: (1 for each of top 5 posters): Bridge FY 07-08-09-YTD Apr-10 showing increase (nominal) in replies by quality vs volume. That should keep you busy for tonight, drop it off in the morning and I'll have some more drawn up for you.

Awesome, you should be FCP CFO

[strategy 4]

Awesome, you should be FCP CFO

the FCP biz team has this coveredis daniel still calling them that? the biz team? I remember reading that in a blog in like, 2005.

[CaneBrain 95]

Vegas tomorrow. Weeeeee!

[Bearded in Absentia 0]

Vegas tomorrow. Weeeeee!

Oh yeah? Well in two days I'm going to spend two days and two nights in Ohio under SUPER SECRET circumstances. If things go well, I'll be able to refer to myself as Admiral Wang in a few years time. It's a long shot, but I pitched a few investment ideas to the guy who owns the room I currently run, and he shot me down almost immediately. They were good ideas, but he balked when I refused to give him the entire business model up front, because "then you can just do it without me, and I'm not stupid." I was complaining to a friend, and he said, "Okay, well, why didn't you just ask me first?" Well, because, I dunno, we're friends and not, like, Biz Partners or anything. "Yeah, but Max [my boss, with whom my friend went to high school, and maintains a friendly relationship for my sake, despite the fact that Max is a total douche] is a total douche. You know that. I just bought a horse, man. I've got nothing to do with my money. What are you doing on Monday? If it's a go, it's a go. I'll front the capital, you run the operation on a day-to-day basis, pay yourself a salary, and take a 20% stake. If it works, you'll get an extra 5% every six months until we're full partners." Well. Uh, okay. I mean, that seems very generous, but I've never done anything quite like this before..."Monday. Road trip. It can't hurt. I like the idea, though, and as long as I'm just spending money and you're handling the business side, I'll be getting the better end of the deal."Okay then. Monday. It is strange how quickly life moves. If this thing really is a go -- and I'd say there's a 25% chance this shit's feasible -- I'll be living in Ohio in like 3 weeks with health insurance man. Health insurance.

[CaneBrain 95]

Oh yeah? Well in two days I'm going to spend two days and two nights in Ohio under SUPER SECRET circumstances. If things go well, I'll be able to refer to myself as Admiral Wang in a few years time. It's a long shot, but I pitched a few investment ideas to the guy who owns the room I currently run, and he shot me down almost immediately. They were good ideas, but he balked when I refused to give him the entire business model up front, because "then you can just do it without me, and I'm not stupid." I was complaining to a friend, and he said, "Okay, well, why didn't you just ask me first?" Well, because, I dunno, we're friends and not, like, Biz Partners or anything. "Yeah, but Max [my boss, with whom my friend went to high school, and maintains a friendly relationship for my sake, despite the fact that Max is a total douche] is a total douche. You know that. I just bought a horse, man. I've got nothing to do with my money. What are you doing on Monday? If it's a go, it's a go. I'll front the capital, you run the operation on a day-to-day basis, pay yourself a salary, and take a 20% stake. If it works, you'll get an extra 5% every six months until we're full partners." Well. Uh, okay. I mean, that seems very generous, but I've never done anything quite like this before..."Monday. Road trip. It can't hurt. I like the idea, though, and as long as I'm just spending money and you're handling the business side, I'll be getting the better end of the deal."Okay then. Monday. It is strange how quickly life moves. If this thing really is a go -- and I'd say there's a 25% chance this shit's feasible -- I'll be living in Ohio in like 3 weeks with health insurance man. Health insurance.

One of the most exciting parts for me getting a new job is having health insurance again. Can't turn me down now because of my bad back, insurers!I dont know why you had to rain on my Vegas parade, but that is pretty cool. Ohio could be worse.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

That sounds truly awful. I can not choke down 'sweet' iced tea. I would rather drink a beer, and that's saying something.

Southerners looove their sweet drinks. Coca-Cola, Moutain Dew, Dr. Pepper, and sweet iced tea -- all Southern inventions. I daresay "sweet" and/or "creamy" can describe pretty much ALL Southern food.[innuendo floodgates opening]

great business opportunity

Years ago, hubby, friend, and I were walking through a museum idly "inventing" a video game called "Battlin' Presidents." Each president would have various superpowers and you'd fight them against each other while learning a little history (for example, Taft would have a gravity of his own that made him impossible to move and pulled your weapons out of your hands, because he was a huge guy, Jefferson would sic a half-white slave child on you, etc.). Just as we passed the gift shop, our friend suggested that Lincoln would have skewers as his weapon. To our confused "eh?" he elaborated, "You know, four skewers and seven years ago..." The lady at the gift shop counter heaved the longest, loudest, most disgusted, soul-drained sigh we've ever heard, and it cracked us up.John asked another buddy of his, a computer guy, to come up with such a game. Just today, I was cleaning out a drawer and found the postcard John sent: "Erik "No Vision" R---- insists on being paid up front. Screw him -- he'll be so jealous when I'm driving by in my mink Rolls Royce."May you have a fleet of mink Rolls Royces in your future, Bearded One.

[Nikki_N 17]

Was this Terri Bourus, by any chance? I know her from my Shakespeare job. I worked for the American Shakespeare Center, and for at least a couple of years, our touring troupe made a stop at IUPUI.Freshman Comp is exactly what I'm going to be teaching. Any advice?

It was not Terri Bourus. Advice: If you don't require peer editing by classmates before final drafts and if you don't have a very firm attendance policy, you won't have very many people in your class from day to day. One of the things my prof did was pick a book and ask us to write our big paper on a theme from that book. Mind you this was NOT a book report. We came up with themes and topics from the book and did research on those themes and topics. We could use the book as one of our sources. We wrote a shorter paper on the topic we picked earlier in the semester and then used it to build our big paper that was due at the end of the semester. This really made me stretch my writing skills. My A paper had to be turned into a Big A Paper. She gave really good written advice on what needed fixing. She was very critical, but not scathing. We read Dead Man Walking. It was a pretty good book. Pick a good, contemporary-ish book. If you pick a book that seems dated (I don't mean classic lit, I think I mean from the 70s or something like that) the younger students won't read it. Also, if you pick something too long, there's no way most of them will bother to read it all and that would be a shame. There are people in freshman comp who have never read for pleasure and some who have never read an entire book, ever. After saying what I just said, I think you could pick a more dated book if it were a really fun read. I'm thinking Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. For something decidedly more Southern, you could go with Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, but I digress. Also, if you don't set a word count or a page limit, you'll get short papers and arguments from the short paper writers. In the case of my class, those types of things were set by the department.Also, the English Department at IUPUI has a set of course goals for this class. We went through them and came up with definitions of those goals that were meaningful to us a a class so that we had full understanding of what was expected of us in terms of what we were supposed to achieve with our work.

Done... getting wasted and dancing like a black person all night? Yeah, I got done with that at 5.30am when I made that post, that's why I went to bed.Plan for today: shower, English cooked breakfast, sleep.

Did you achieve your goals today? I could go for some English breakfast right now.

That sounds truly awful. I can not choke down 'sweet' iced tea. I would rather drink a beer, and that's saying something.Also: I ****ING HATE THIS NEW 'GAME'! I almost didn't post this, because, well, it's stupid, but screw you guys and your non-replies. I WANT TO HANG OUT!

I'm sorry. I think the key is to not care if you win. That's how I approach many games. The fun is in the playing, right? I love sweet tea, but I never drink it. I don't drink beverages with calories unless they have booze in them.

Okay then. Monday. It is strange how quickly life moves. If this thing really is a go -- and I'd say there's a 25% chance this shit's feasible -- I'll be living in Ohio in like 3 weeks with health insurance man. Health insurance.

Is the part of Ohio a secret? If you get health insurance provided by your job, do you have to wear khakis?

[LadyGrey 6]

Did you achieve your goals today? I could go for some English breakfast right now.

Hells yeah I did. I also watched two movies and skyped with my bestie. A highly productive day.

[Nikki_N 17]

Hells yeah I did. I also watched two movies and skyped with my bestie. A highly productive day.

Good job!

[strategy 4]

after some deep thought this morning, I have decided that composition might be the one class that needs an attendance policy.I still believe setting aside a portion of the course grade for attendance is pretty asinine for the vast majority of subjects. Grade people on in-class participation, give quizzes, etc. but don't reward people for just showing up. I'll never forget, during my very first college semester, one of my professors sent out attendance notices via the registrar to those of us who'd been skipping. A very uncommon move, though I didn't know it at the time. He informed us that we must attend the lectures or risk getting removed from the course. The next class period, some guy made a point to bring and openly read a newspaper, provoking a shouting match with the professor. "Hey man, you asked for me to be here. If you didn't bother me with these fucking notices from the registrar we wouldn't have this problem."

[Bearded in Absentia 0]

He informed us that we must attend the lectures or risk getting removed from the course. The next class period, some guy made a point to bring and openly read a newspaper, provoking a shouting match with the professor. "Hey man, you asked for me to be here. If you didn't bother me with these fucking notices from the registrar we wouldn't have this problem."

I did this exact same thing -- required attendance, newspaper, shouting match -- at Michigan. I was a huge dick, so I got to class early just so I could read my newspaper front-and-center. I can still remember one particular exchange:Professor: "Excuse me, Newspaper Boy in the front row? What are you doing?"Wang: "Reading the Newspaper."Professor: "Well, please stop. It's rude."Wang: "I am only reading the newspaper because I don't want to be here. I'm not disturbing anyone."Professor: "It's disrespectful."Wang: "No it isn't."Professor: "Yes it is."Wang: "No. It really isn't."Professor: "Yes. It really, really is."Wang: "I respect you. You are very knowledgeable, and I mean you no disrespect. But I've already read the material -- you wrote it, and it's quite good -- and I have to be here. So. (goes back to Newspaper)"Professor: "Son, I ensure you, I am very serious about this. Put that paper down now."Wang: "Do you want me to leave?"Professor: "We'll discuss this after class."We never discussed it after class, and I read the newspaper 6 or 7 times the rest of the term. No consequences.

[LadyGrey 6]

Professor: "It's disrespectful."Wang: "No it isn't."Professor: "Yes it is."Wang: "No. It really isn't."Professor: "Yes. It really, really is."

It really is. You're a douchebag, straight up.