I Called In Sick Today

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I'm going to the game on Friday...sitting in the Yankee organization seats with the player's wives (and whoever)...should be interesting.

Posada's wife runs the show around there; be careful with her.Also, how did you get those tickets?

[speedz99 145]

While studying today with a group of about 8, I managed to offend at least half of them. I thought it was funny.Classmate #1: ...so he gave me a ticket, for basically no reason. Classmate #2: Whatever, he's just mad that his parents named him Pierre.Classmate #3: That's probably why you don't see a lot of guys named Pierre around.Classmate #2: Unless you're in France.Speedz: Or Montreal. And I think there are a lot of them in Haiti. Well, less, now.Classmates #1-8: ...

[speedz99 145]

Posada's wife runs the show around there; be careful with her.

Now I don't know if you're being serious.

Also, how did you get those tickets?

I know peoples who know peoples.

[Theraflu 1,035]

Now I don't know if you're being serious.

I feel like there's a way to make a "qunt" joke there, but I can't find it.

[vbnautilus 48]

While studying today with a group of about 8, I managed to offend at least half of them. I thought it was funny.Classmate #1: ...so he gave me a ticket, for basically no reason. Classmate #2: Whatever, he's just mad that his parents named him Pierre.Classmate #3: That's probably why you don't see a lot of guys named Pierre around.Classmate #2: Unless you're in France.Speedz: Or Montreal. And I think there are a lot of them in Haiti. Well, less, now.Classmates #1-8: ...

I, for one, was offended. If my vet used "less" when he should have used "fewer" I'd be looking for another source of doggie ritalin, if you know what I mean.

[speedz99 145]

I, for one, was offended. If my vet used "less" when he should have used "fewer" I'd be looking for another source of doggie ritalin, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, well.........dammit.

[vbnautilus 48]

Also, it was pretty funny. Hey does this mean we're going to start hearing lots of Haiti jokes?

[speedz99 145]

Hey does this mean we're going to start hearing lots of Haiti jokes?

I'm not sure that my random off-the-cuff inappropriate jokes are a good barometer for when you can expect the general public to find something funny.Side note: I love the South Park episode (Jared Has Aides) that includes the running joke that AIDS is finally officially funny.

[runthemover 39]

anyone happen to watch sportscenter on saturday night? I did somehow and managed to hear what's in my signature. Anyone know which one said it. It was probably one of the writers that came up with it but it was still quite glorious.sig = "Is Jason Heyward gonna have to hit a pitch?"

[vbnautilus 48]

This thing looks soooo convenient, I may have to stop by radio shack and pick one up.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

I'm selling a buttload of books on Amazon, both read and unread, ahead of packing for school. When an unread one sells, I read it in a day, then ship it. I've spent much of this evening reading Sally Hemings and Thomas Jefferson: History, Memory, and Civic Culture, a collection of essays by historians that grew out of the UVA conference that announced the DNA connection between Jefferson and the Hemings descendants. And I have discovered four things:1. My dream man: a Sugar Pimp, as defined by Clarence Walker: a man who is gentle, even effeminate, in manner but sexually aggressive. [Either that or my dream man is a woman with a strap-on. Should I be in the Army thread with Nikki?]2. A quote for Henry to use to continue to own the "Show Us Your Papers" thread:

I do not intend to offend the prejudices of anyone else, but neither do I intend to allow their prejudices to make me false to my principles. -- Teddy Roosevelt, on the clamor that resulted from having Booker T. Washington to dinner at the White House

3. In Victorian days, non-vanilla sex featured subs who would call their dominant partner "Massa," wear shackles, and blacken their face. This was recorded in one couple's diary, with a bottom woman and a top man, but I imagine it may have gone the other way as well in terms of gender. In all my experience of porn, I have to say I hadn't seen that one before. That's just an offense-o-rama win on every level. Made my jaded jaw drop. [And an interesting bit of evidence as to what a cultural artifact our sexuality is.]4. A wonderfully cogent and succinct explanation of why sexual disgraces are still such political hot topics: "the ironic coincidence of these two stories (i.e., the DNA story about Jefferson came out just as the Clinton/Lewinsky affair broke)also reflected a deeper stratum of our contemporary political culture: the merger of the private and the public in ways that make us increasingly uncomfortable (in that we are all liberated libertarians) but that we also find impossible to resist (in that we are all prurient puritans)."I'd say this book has more than met my informational needs for one evening.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

It's LG's birthday today!Happy birthday, Lady Grey!

[gobears 0]

It's LG's birthday today!Happy birthday, Lady Grey!

Hope that you have a great birthday LG!

[LongLiveYorke 38]

How so*?*in 30 words or less

Well, one naively thinks of space and time as right angles to each other on a coordinate grid. Einstein told us that instead they twist and turn into each other, forming an exotic landscape of hills and valleys. It would take a clever programmer to navigate a time machine through all those valleys and end up exactly where and when you want to go...

My time travel machine takes into account the path of the earth's orbit when calculating my destination, so I manage to avoid this problem. It's pretty simple maths, I had LLY code it for me a few years from now.

... you're welcome.

[Southern Buddhist 1]

While studying today with a group of about 8, I managed to offend at least half of them. I thought it was funny.Classmate #1: ...so he gave me a ticket, for basically no reason. Classmate #2: Whatever, he's just mad that his parents named him Pierre.Classmate #3: That's probably why you don't see a lot of guys named Pierre around.Classmate #2: Unless you're in France.Speedz: Or Montreal. And I think there are a lot of them in Haiti. Well, less, now.Classmates #1-8: ...

I have discovered that many things that are very funny in this forum are met with a mixture of offense, horror, and disgust outside of this forum.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

It's LG's birthday today!Happy birthday, Lady Grey!

Happy birthday.You share a birthday with Audrey Hepburn, so try to live up to your birthright.

[LadyGrey 6]

1. My dream man: a Sugar Pimp, as defined by Clarence Walker: a man who is gentle, even effeminate, in manner but sexually aggressive. [Either that or my dream man is a woman with a strap-on. Should I be in the Army thread with Nikki?]3. In Victorian days, non-vanilla sex featured subs who would call their dominant partner "Massa," wear shackles, and blacken their face. This was recorded in one couple's diary, with a bottom woman and a top man, but I imagine it may have gone the other way as well in terms of gender. In all my experience of porn, I have to say I hadn't seen that one before. That's just an offense-o-rama win on every level. Made my jaded jaw drop. [And an interesting bit of evidence as to what a cultural artifact our sexuality is.]4. A wonderfully cogent and succinct explanation of why sexual disgraces are still such political hot topics:

You know, you don't have to talk about sex everytime you post here. I know you're just starting out in here, and maybe you feel like it's a safe option, but you're a smart person, and you have a lot more to offer. This sort of sex talk is really more suited to the Army thread, they love that kinda smut. Just a suggestion, because I like you.

It's LG's birthday today!Happy birthday, Lady Grey!

Hope that you have a great birthday LG!

Happy birthday.You share a birthday with Audrey Hepburn, so try to live up to your birthright.

Thank you, finally some recognition. I am a man now. I mean, a wo-man. I mean, older.

[strategy 4]

it is not LG's birthday.

[mk 11]

it is not LG's birthday.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Now I don't know if you're being serious.

Neither am I. But she was featured on some baseball wives show. And I think I heard that she's like the popular girl in high school who controls who gets accepted into the baseball wives clique. And here's a picture of her:

It's LG's birthday today!

I'm dubious.

it is not LG's birthday.

The nerve of some people.

[strategy's_touch 0]

for what it's worth, I don't know when her birthday is. I was just playing the odds.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

for what it's worth, I don't know when her birthday is.

...

[Roll the Bones 74]

I believe Speedz99 uses "quack" in serious discussions as often as possible, while also making Jewish name jokes whenever feasible.

I got it the first time!

Oh. For the record, I wasn't any kind of serious.Got World War Z in the mail today...I'm really tempted to start reading it immediately, but I already have you guys to distract me from school. Once summer hits I'll have the book to distract me from you guys.

Looks gloomy.

I received Cardboard Gods in the mail, and will be starting it in the next few days. I don't have much to be distracted from, however.

Looks gay

You know, you don't have to talk about sex everytime you post here. I know you're just starting out in here, and maybe you feel like it's a safe option, but you're a smart person, and you have a lot more to offer. This sort of sex talk is really more suited to the Army thread, they love that kinda smut. Just a suggestion, because I like you.Thank you, finally some recognition. I am a man now. I mean, a wo-man. I mean, older.

Happy Birthday!

it is not LG's birthday.

Oh Happy Birthday Anway!I liked SB's post and quotes and found them quite interesting. This hell hole could use a little class now and then or at least some more black face comedy to take with us when we time travel.

[speedz99 145]

Looks gloomy.Looks gay

Heh.

[strategy's_touch 0]

...

I unstarred that self-email in gmail a long time ago.