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I Called In Sick Today


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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

and after 3 days, he is risen!

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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(theme music)"Alrighty folks, its time for the threads favorite daytime fun-show... IDENTIFY THIIIIIIS PLAAAAANT!(Host staggers out and trips over mic cord)"Thank you ladies and gentlemen.... I see our respected panel of posters are already seated, so lets see if the can identify the plant in this pic, shall we?"(skank ho from last nights strip bar run opens what looks to be a moldy shower curtain)101_2401.jpg"Alrighty.... this little doozy was spotted growing next to a powerline pole.... just look at the deadly creosote oozing from the so-called "green" utility company pole!...make ya wanna just lick it right off, dont it?"(commercial break)

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This isn't the Herman I know that could be shitting on people later tonight. Get there early, have a few drinks to get comfortable, and let your professor know how awesome you can be.
Don't worry, shortly after this a friend from class called me and we got to the bar right before they opened. We were there a good half hour or so before anybody else from class showed up.
no, she's pretty much still got you on ignorehey napa, you seem to have found the coolest professor EVER.
Ya, it was pretty awesome. Our class was in little huddles around the bar and he kept bringing pitchers around. He probably bought around 25-30 pitchers in all considering between me and my buddy he got us 5. He got super drunk and him and his wife and 2 daughters (one very hot, one cute) did probably the greatest "thunderstruck" karaoke that I've ever seen. Apparently I had class with the cute daughter last semester and so I was talking to her and the prof and apparently they have the same birthday and when I said my dad and brother have the same birthday they both started yelling at me that i was a fuc;king liar and that they are the only ones EVER to have that happened. We then did some shots and he started telling me how much his wife sucked and how big of a pain in the ass she was while she was standing right next to him. Overall, it was a very enjoyable experience and he isn't really a professor, more of a guest lecturer. He's a vice president at a local bank who teaches only this one class (it's a bank management class).
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Since no one responded to it the other day, I am assuming no one watch this youtube video I linked: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08xQLGWTSagDo yourself a favour, and watch it. You know all those informercials for products like the snuggie and the slapchop etc? You know how there's always a really stupid part where they show people supposedly struggling with things like putting on a blanket or chopping vegetables, in order to show the need for the product they're selling? Someone took lots of those parts and put them into one video. It is hilarious and ridiculous and I know y'all would enjoy it if you would only watch it. So watch it, ok?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08xQLGWTSag

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Haha?So I just got the last of the stuff I need for the P90X program...I think I'm going to start tonight, and that includes the diet. I'm pretty sure it's going to completely kick my ass six ways from sunday, and I'm kind of nervous that I'll bitch out on it. My one amendment to the program is that I won't do a workout the day before a softball game (I have 1-2/wk) because I don't want to be completely dead out on the field. Ok, so, at the start, I'm 180lbs with very little definition. The thing is, I could really just diet, get back to my playing weight of 170, and probably look fine, but I think it'll be good to actually add some muscle. Not that anyone cares...I'm just wasting time here.

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El Guapo's Random Thoughts of the Day:1. I hate when you are taking a dump in a public bathroom shortly after someone really stunk up the joint. When someone walks in and smells it, they most likely assume that it's you making that smell. Now I don't mind if people think my shit stinks, I just don't want them to think it stinks like someone else, that is just gross.2. I was driving down the freeway and I saw a giant majestic hawk that I stared at too long and caused me to swerve. I was thinking about how cool it was that I pretty much see Hawks every single day. Then my thought switched to, I wonder if someone from another country that doesn't have hawks would think this is an exotic bird that they are getting to see for the first time, much like we would be if we went to India and saw monkeys in the wild. Now monkeys to Indians are probably like squirrels are to us. Obnoxious creatures who try to eat your food. PERSPECTIVE!

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Haha?
It's funny 'cause it's true.Actually, I thought it was pretty darn hilarious, especially the guy who completely missed the pan with the egg.Re: Hawks. Pfft. Is there where we all talk about the "exotic" animals in our neck of the woods that we view as commonplace?
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Not that anyone cares
Bingo.
Actually, I thought it was pretty darn hilarious, especially the guy who completely missed the pan with the egg.
SEE? SEE THAT EVERYONE? In other news, I beat my personal best for essay scores today => I am awesome.
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fiction: most hawks are actually robotic drones used by the federal government to collect information citizens suspected of subversive activities.
Yes...fiction...
Bingo.
Which why I said it.
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I just submitted a 3,333 word essay at 3.33am~~~~~~~That's probably the earliest I've submitted an essay all year, except for that one crazy time when I deliberately completed an essay a week early.
So last Sunday I was in Krogers at the deli counter humming a Rush tune and the lyrics were going off in my mind."One, zero zero, one zero zero, one zero zero one" then the guy behind the counter says,"One zero zero? One zero zero? pause, One zero one?At looked at my ticket and and it was 101Still kinda cracking up in my mind at what just happened as I walked away the intercom came on and said, "Call on One zero one, call on One zero one"
SEE? SEE THAT EVERYONE? In other news, I beat my personal best for essay scores today => I am awesome.
Well I watched it yesterday but the boss was around so I didn't put on the volume so I might not have got it. But anyway, congrats on the HIGH SCORE!
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Well I watched it yesterday but the boss was around so I didn't put on the volume so I might not have got it.
I didn't watch it with sound. I'm not sure what there is to "get."Do you get that the following is awesome?
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I didn't watch it with sound. I'm not sure what there is to "get."Do you get that the following is awesome?
saw that on PTI. Loved Kornheiser talking about the country of Adriatica. Amazing finish obviously. Don't rush the court until it's over...
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speedz: Fact. The skin of a hawk is so thin that once you make a small hole in it you can just rip it all off like tissue paper.me2: does it roll over or under?speedz: that's toilet paperme2: so I need a different bird then?

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My ole pappy used to say.... "When ya dont know, go straight to tha experts"Thanks for the knowledge folks... I guess I can put away the trash bags and bathroom scales nowAs far as hawks go, Im sure Ive told this before but a few years back on one of our "drinkin and thinkin" drives we stopped by the road to piss and witnessed a red tail hawk eating a snake. That doesnt seem out of the ordinary until you find out that it was skinning the thing from the middle to both ends. Alive. Bastard was still crawling around when the hawk flew off. I took a turbo pee while scanning the trees expecting it to swoop back down and do the same thing to my neck...Another seldom known fact about owls is that their feathers are so tightly packed that a less than direct hit from a twenty two bullet will ricochet off them. I got asked to leave high school biology class one afternoon for stating that same fact to the class. I ran into Mrs. Huff at the grocery store a few weeks ago and the first thing she asked was, "Hello Beans....shoot any owls lately?"I have many other animal facts if a lull hits in the future...

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