I Called In Sick Today

[speedz99 145]

Do I owe any money for that piece of shit league?

[runthemover 39]

RE:

dominance

http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...howtopic=140184also, I was in three fantasy leagues this year and my best performance was in a league where I missed the draft. though I only got 2nd there because of MJD and Peyton going off two weeks ago

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I also realized over the weekend that my family gets alot fatter when they older so I am really glad I'm working out. I was told numerous times how unhealthy I look by people easily 50 lbs overweight.

jesus christ I hate that. I used to get that from old people in my family all the time, and even when I was decently pudgy. "you need to eat! you're all skin and bone!" no thank you I don't want to wear size 42 pants and die from heart disease at 45 like you thankyouverymuch. fucking fat people.

Oh no, people want me to gain weight!Let's try to be a little more sensitive to the fat folks around here, like Ron and Guapo. Note to self: Lose a little weight to be less self-conscious about making fat jokes.

[Sal Paradise 57]

whatever dude it's a real problem. like just this weekend I had this girl come up to me and say "hey buddy you really need to lose some of those muscles. you're way too sexy and it's distracting." gets pretty annoying really.

[jeff_536 3]

V. cool photos of animals in the womb.Posted for LG and the homos.http://www.thisblogrules.com/2009/12/stunn...als-inside.html

[Sickinfo2 291]

Earlier today, I was driving down to the local QuickStop for a few items when I noticed a large group of police cars blocking an older subdivision in the area. Of course, being nosy and all, I turned around and pulled up to the sawhorses blocking the road...(cop walks up)"Hey...whats goin on around here?""Please turn around....streets closed""I can see that....what are you guys doin?""Cant say...move along"(gives cop a disgruntled look)"Well, I hope you guys dont screw around and shoot another innocent gal like a few months back.... I still dont understand how you guys shot five times and hit the woman being attacked every time"(mean cop face)"LEAVE!"I went down to my buddies place for an hour or so gathering intel before changing vehicles and driving back to the scene. The same cop was standing guard...."Roads closed....turn around please""Shoot anyone yet?""I told you to leave....hey....you were here before, right?""Nope...first time""You look familiar""I get that all the time""Leave""Ok, Sherlock"The next time we surfaced at the scene, we were driving another vehicle. This time we parked a few driveways down and toted a cooler to the front porch directly across from the house that contained the hostage situation. The cops didnt screw with us anymore, but directed a few curious looks our way, especially when one of us had to pee behind a large bush. We continued drinking and watching until the suspect was in custody an hour or so ago. Thankfully no one ever came home where we were camped outI just watched the local news and the guy that lives next door got on camera with one of the canos we gave him. Hopefully its online by now. Ill link it later if it appearsBastards cut it out, I guess... Ill keep looking, though

[Randy Reed 0]

AND RANDY STOP DODGING THE KIDNEY QUESTION

Okay, she gave the kidney away and apparently it wasn't out of true goodness, I now believe she's an attention whore! And yes, after the hilariousness of her church story of which I gave the abridged version I am hoping to hell he doesn't break up with her. I was in tears crying. Now that she has found religon the comedy is pure gold. I'm not making fun of religon just her obscure views of what it's supposed to be and all. There promises to alot more of stories to come, so yeah, I hope he keeps her. Well, and she is trying hard to overcome skankiness.

jesus christ I hate that. I used to get that from old people in my family all the time, and even when I was decently pudgy. "you need to eat! you're all skin and bone!" no thank you I don't want to wear size 42 pants and die from heart disease at 45 like you thankyouverymuch. fucking fat people.

Exactly! Damn, it was like a beer belly get together without the beer and all I hear is "Doesn't she feed you?" "You're too thin!" and what Sal said. I just looked around and laughed and said, "No I'm just looking around and can take a hint of the future."

whatever dude it's a real problem. like just this weekend I had this girl come up to me and say "hey buddy you really need to lose some of those muscles. you're way too sexy and it's distracting." gets pretty annoying really.

I hate it when that happens! CHEST BUMP!

[Tactical Bear 3]

Wang: (responding to a question, volume escalating) "...so once that hand gets pitched towards the muck and somebody behind him acts on hi- ..you know what Uncle Gary, I don't care if God Himself wandered down from heaven wearing flannel fucking pajamas and a beer helmet, eating barbecue chicken, and offering to share: He may have been able to resurrect His one and only son, but no way he's bringing that hand back from the dead."Shitty Aunt Gail: (gasp)Wang's Father and Brother: (laughter)Random Second Cousin I Still Don't Know Even Though I See Her Every Year: (to her black boyfriend) "Did... that just happen?"Rest of Family: (strangely silent)Wang: "Anyway, yeah. Uh, action behind is the governing rule there, Uncle Gary."Uncle Gary: "...."Wang: (starts laughing) "Would anyone like some more HAM?"I always forget how religilous my father's family is. Apparently a chicken-munching, beer-swilling, meddlesome God is not a humorous image to these people.

[strategy 4]

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[Tactical Bear 3]

yikes man. what in the blazes.we say that here in kansas

When I moved to Kansas, the first friends I made were kids on my Fall baseball team. A few of them came over one afternoon after school, and we were playing basketball in my driveway. We took a break. This conversation happened:Wang: "Hey, you guys want some pop?"Kid: "Do I want... huh?"Wang: "A pop?"Kid2: "Like... do you mean a popsicle?"Wang: "No, a pop. Like a Mountain Dew?"Kid: "Oh, you mean a soda!"Wang: "You guys... really don't know what 'pop' means?"Kid3: "I might have heard it somewhere before, but... no, I didn't know what you were talking about."Wang: "Well, I guess I'm not in Kansas anymore."Wang: "Get it?"I was unpopular when I was young.

[strategy 4]

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[vbnautilus 48]

Probably? I'd love to hear the other potential best stories because that one was fantastic.

The card game was a bit complicated to figure out, but basically, there are two teams of 3 people. Someone starts by discarding a card face up, and everyone has to follow suit, unless you don't have that suit and you are free to use a trump suit card (toorup) to take the hand. The scoring is where it gets complex, but basically after every hand these guys would just YELL at each other. Presumably they were discussing strategy or criticizing each other's play. I don't really know. Every word is in malayalam, which I do not speak. No one bothered to translate for me, and as far as I can tell this language consists of only about 3 syllables that get repeated over and over. They have words like "kutakuttyuttutallamully", which means something entirely different from "kutakuttyuttallamally". Not trying to be disrespectful, but it is a ridiculous language to try and learn. Every so often my name would come up among the gibberish and there would be some laughing, and pointing at me as they carried on. Wonderful. Well at one point clubs were being played and the uncle next to me thought for a little bit before trumping. The thing is, I could see in his hand that he had a club. He was ****ing cheating.Do I call him out? Let it slide? When he put his last card face down hoping no one would notice, I turned it over, curiously, and said "oh, I thought you had to play it if you had one?" All hell breaks loose. Yelling, gesticulating, flying cards, the works. See, I told you the other story was better.

[jeff_536 3]

Sounds like a card game my italian relatives used to play called 'briscoe', something like that, pronounced 'breesh-co'It's similar to euchre, four players, partners, taking tricks, following suit, etc. But like your game, it includes a lot of yelling. Halfway through the hand, the partners trade cards and give each other advice about what to play. Quite a spectacle for an 8-year-old who didn't speak a word of the language.

[CaneBrain 95]

Last year, my fantasy football team was pegged by league-members in the pre-season discussion as "middle of the pack" and "4th strongest at the very best." I was, for those of you that don't know, dominant. I finished the season 11-3, and outscored my nearest competitor by just shy of 100 points before winning the playoffs and the Sick Thread crown. (Hey, Steve! You got any cash for me? No? Not yet? That's cool. Go buy another year of XBOX Live or something.)This year, my draft was mocked. Bizzle was "LOLOLOLOL"ing his ass off the entire time, certain that I had finally ran into a wall of fail. I finished the regular season, for the second consecutive year, alone in first place at 11-3. Again, I rolled through the playoffs, and am again Sick Thread fantasy football champion. When will you people learn that the tide of my dominance is impossible to stem? I am NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH.Seriously, though: congratulations to everyone on a hard-fought campaign. Especially me. Because I fought so much harder than all of you and won the league.

1) I outpointed you thoroughly for the season.2) Even you were mocking your own draft this year. Jamaal Charles and a suddenly spry McNabb saved your bacon. The Vince Jackson pick was nice though.3) You just had a hot week in the championship.4) Nice season. Let me know if you want your $37.50

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Change of plans, not going through Kansas anymore BUT ILL WAVE ANYWAYS. Were on our way to Vegas right now instead. Should be fun. Oh this is napa on my phone if you hadn't figured it out.

[mrdannyg 274]

Do I call him out? Let it slide? When he put his last card face down hoping no one would notice, I turned it over, curiously, and said "oh, I thought you had to play it if you had one?" All hell breaks loose. Yelling, gesticulating, flying cards, the works. See, I told you the other story was better.

SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ A BORING, BOOBLESS STORY OF A 9-YEAR OLD MDG.The other story was better. Maybe try one more, see how that flies.I hosted Christmas with the in-laws, but nothing interesting to report. Food was awesome, people were cranky, presents were blah, except for my wife who was doubly thoughtful in getting me cheap, good presents.VB's story reminded me of the moment of my life that I can pinpoint as when I became unpopular, and also decided to hate the large majority of people.SERIOUSLY, DON'T READ THIS STORY. IT IS INCREDIBLY BORING. SERIOUSLY, I'M GOING TO WHITE-TEXT IT JUST SO IT IS HARD TO READ.When I was about 9, I was in my first year of an overnight summer camp. Camp was about 6 weeks long, and most kids had been going for a couple years already, and many knew eachother from school. I knew no one, so of course got put in the "loser" cabin. Thankfully it became quickly obvious I belonged there.THIS IS NOT A PLOY TO BUILD UP AN INTERESTING POST, IT REALLY JUST SUCKS.Anyhoo, we get lucky and draw the super-cool staff member. Every school, camp, etc have one...a teacher/counsellor who is just awesomely understanding and cool, and everyone loves him. He singlehandedly made our cabin respectable, and had especially helped me out as a new kid.Anyhow, we all used to play ******* for our snack credits. Staff played too, but since they have the option of bringing their own snacks, it was generally understood that if staff won, they wouldn't collect. Understand, these were small stakes. At most, you could lose both your daily snack credits in a day. This staff member did collect when we won, but that was cool...just made us seem equals.Sure enough, after a week or two, I notice the assbite cheating! Stupid stuff too...bottom-dealing, shuffling cards into the deck, but mostly he would steal high cards from the discard pile. I'm stuck like VB... don't know how to approach it. It became harder, because he obviously had noticed me watching him, because he stopped doing it as much, and would look around carefully before doing it. I actually thought he stopped, until I worse sunglasses for a game, and watched him while looking away, and realized he just knew I had caught him, and was being careful.So I approach my cabinmates to tell them what's up...they don't want to hear it. They're pissed at me for even suggesting it. I manage to convince one guy to at least watch him next time. He doesn't talk to me for almost a week after the game, then finally admits to all of us the guy was cheating. So what happens? These losers are so f'ing desparate, they keep playing him! I stop playing, and so the cheating becomes more rampant. He actually starts winning more than even their daily credits, and they are paying him whatever small amount of cash they actually brought with them. They were so desparate to be in the cool counsellor's cool glow, they kept playing.Now that I have 'proof' I approach the counsellor and tell him I've seen him cheating. He half-heartedly denies it, then half-heartedly admits it. I tell him I'm not playing anymore regardless, and that others know he is cheating, even though they've kept playing. Nothing changes, except the guy stops talking to me altogether. What a jerk. Still a few weeks left in camp, and as the guy becomes more and more obviously being an ass to me, I get more and more bold in calling him out. Finally gets to the point where I'm openly discussing how the guy cheated, with full detail as if it were common knowledge with other counsellors. Sure enough, the next day the director calls me to a meeting to ask me what's up. The guy is still an awesome staff, so I don't rat him out, just make it sound like it was an idle accusation. Nothing really comes of it. Still, the guy is an ass to me even after he finds out I didn't embarass him.From then on, I realized most people suck at life. They suck almost as badly as that story, but I least I warned you about that.In other news, my wife picked 14/15 games (so far) against the spread in our NFL pool this week.In other other news, I hate NFL overtimes. What a stupid exercise. I'd rather give both teams a tie than the one-score crap where the team winning the flip must win 2/3 of games. Then again, gotta love a guy missing a 45-yarder with the game on the line. Good thing, I haven't heard nearly enough Favre hero-worship lately.I'm playing poker next week with a group who call themselves a "Gentlemen's Poker League" - the guy who invited me says that, although most of them have only played in this game, they're all fantastic players (lolerskats). Also, he is the only one who doesn't make 6-figures. And they play a $5 buy-in game, though he admits people have lost as much as $25-30 due to rebuys. Should be...interesting.I hope you're all having nice lives. That Beans-N-Icewater book may be one of the coolest things I've ever seen/heard of.

[jeff_536 3]

Prior to tonite's game, teams winning the overtime coinflip were 6 of 12 on the season.Between 2000 and 2007, in 124 OT games, the winner of the coin toss won about 60% of the time.There's a couple of interesting alternatives floating around, including divide-and-choose and an auction.

[Tactical Bear 3]

1) I outpointed you thoroughly for the season.2) Even you were mocking your own draft this year. Jamaal Charles and a suddenly spry McNabb saved your bacon. The Vince Jackson pick was nice though.3) You just had a hot week in the championship.4) Nice season. Let me know if you want your $37.50

1) Did you? Huh. Based on my math, your "thorough outscoring" of my team was a massive 32 point advantage over 16 games. I'd be willing to bet that your 2% scoring advantage is well within the standard error range. While I tend to agree that total points is the best measure of fantasy performance -- W/L being too dependent on the random nature of opponents' performance -- I'd also argue that if we compared our teams at full-strength, there would be no statistically significant difference. I had to start Trent Edwards for three weeks, lost Ronnie Brown early, and didn't have Jamaal Charles until Grandmama quit. 2) "Nice job, guy. Your team's only good because you drafted good players." So my bacon was saved because I luckily drafted a good quarterback, a good wideout, and by picked up -- and started immediately -- a good running back? You make a very strong point, but I have a counterpoint: THOMAS PYNCHON IS ONLY A GOOD WRITER BECAUSE HE IS GOOD AT DOING THE THINGS PEOPLE ASSOCIATE WITH BEING GOOD AT WRITING. Where would you be without Maurice Jones-Drew, Ray Rice, Cedric Benson, and Phillip Rivers? No, my "bacon" was saved because I made it a point to load up on elite wide-receivers when everyone else still drafts like it's 2003 and your team was ruined if you didn't get two stud running backs. I had my #1 running-back get hurt, but I didn't miss a beat because I still had a stable of legitimate starters, all of whom were significant value in the mid-to-late rounds. But, yes, apart from all that: you're right. 3) Another brilliant piece of analysis. "YOUR TEAM ONLY WON BECAUSE YOU SCORED MORE POINTS THAN MINE." Everyone thanks you for explaining the rules.4) Oh yeah, Mr. SmartyPants? At least I didn't flunk th-... oh. Well. Thank you. I have a feeling you really think you got jobbed, that you had the best team by far and got unlucky, but I am almost certain our teams are quite evenly-matched. I think you and I had the two best teams, followed reasonably closely by a handful of teams. I'd take my team over yours if we had to run the season again, just as you would take your own team over mine; this bias is inevitable, as we obviously have an affinity for the players that we drafted. There's a reason we drafted them.But I won. Again. So I get to gloat and make annoying posts about how awesome my team was and how I dominate Sickie Sports by a damn sight. (The best example of my dominance being: my mega-sweet NCAA bracket from 2008, in which I had 7 of the 8 elite-eight teams, all 4 Final Four teams, the 2 championship-game teams, the winner, and the exact final score. Easily the best bracket I will ever submit.)Anyway, congratulations to you as well. Looking forwards to next year.

[CaneBrain 95]

1) Did you? Huh. Based on my math, your "thorough outscoring" of my team was a massive 32 point advantage over 16 games. I'd be willing to bet that your 2% scoring advantage is well within the standard error range. While I tend to agree that total points is the best measure of fantasy performance -- W/L being too dependent on the random nature of opponents' performance -- I'd also argue that if we compared our teams at full-strength, there would be no statistically significant difference. I had to start Trent Edwards for three weeks, lost Ronnie Brown early, and didn't have Jamaal Charles until Grandmama quit. 2) "Nice job, guy. Your team's only good because you drafted good players." So my bacon was saved because I luckily drafted a good quarterback, a good wideout, and by picked up -- and started immediately -- a good running back? You make a very strong point, but I have a counterpoint: THOMAS PYNCHON IS ONLY A GOOD WRITER BECAUSE HE IS GOOD AT DOING THE THINGS PEOPLE ASSOCIATE WITH BEING GOOD AT WRITING. Where would you be without Maurice Jones-Drew, Ray Rice, Cedric Benson, and Phillip Rivers? No, my "bacon" was saved because I made it a point to load up on elite wide-receivers when everyone else still drafts like it's 2003 and your team was ruined if you didn't get two stud running backs. I had my #1 running-back get hurt, but I didn't miss a beat because I still had a stable of legitimate starters, all of whom were significant value in the mid-to-late rounds. But, yes, apart from all that: you're right. 3) Another brilliant piece of analysis. "YOUR TEAM ONLY WON BECAUSE YOU SCORED MORE POINTS THAN MINE." Everyone thanks you for explaining the rules.4) Oh yeah, Mr. SmartyPants? At least I didn't flunk th-... oh. Well. Thank you. I have a feeling you really think you got jobbed, that you had the best team by far and got unlucky, but I am almost certain our teams are quite evenly-matched. I think you and I had the two best teams, followed reasonably closely by a handful of teams. I'd take my team over yours if we had to run the season again, just as you would take your own team over mine; this bias is inevitable, as we obviously have an affinity for the players that we drafted. There's a reason we drafted them.But I won. Again. So I get to gloat and make annoying posts about how awesome my team was and how I dominate Sickie Sports by a damn sight. (The best example of my dominance being: my mega-sweet NCAA bracket from 2008, in which I had 7 of the 8 elite-eight teams, all 4 Final Four teams, the 2 championship-game teams, the winner, and the exact final score. Easily the best bracket I will ever submit.)Anyway, congratulations to you as well. Looking forwards to next year.

dude. the whole thing was tongue in cheek. that was why I threw in #4. Jeez. But you did say repeatedly that you hated your team on draft day....though I did not understand why as I loved the Moss/Johnson combo at the beginning. TAKE YOUR PILLS!I did not get jobbed. Luck is a part of fantasy and your team was better when it counted. The averages yahoo set for our match were nearly identical. I am not a fantasy tard. Why so serious?

[mrdannyg 274]

Prior to tonite's game, teams winning the overtime coinflip were 6 of 12 on the season.Between 2000 and 2007, in 124 OT games, the winner of the coin toss won about 60% of the time.There's a couple of interesting alternatives floating around, including divide-and-choose and an auction.

Feel good about yourself? Feel like a big man? Wow, you proved the great MDG wrong about something. Maybe you can take that momentum over to the nearest special ed class and continue to match wits at the same level.

[strategy 4]

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[zimmer4141 0]

Napa, if you are really going to Vegas, please let me know.I'm going to be there on Thursday morning through the following Sunday. Give me a PM/Facebook message with your number. We'll see if we can convince rangsurf to come up. (Does he still post here anymore?)

[brvheart 1,752]

They're crazy christians. Asking rational questions is futile.I do have to say, that was especially dickish of them to try and steal you from your brother's party.

This word is very important.

Hey STRAT, I'll be driving through Kansas tomorrow on my way to Tempe (TEMPE!) We'll go through Kansas City and Wichita. I'll be sure to wave in your general direction as I drive through. GOOD DAY!

Change of plans, not going through Kansas anymore BUT ILL WAVE ANYWAYS. Were on our way to Vegas right now instead. Should be fun. Oh this is napa on my phone if you hadn't figured it out.

Nice. I love it that you're going all the way to the bowl game. Awesomely awesome. I'm enrolled for Spring, I'm sure we'll run into each other while trying to hit on the same chicks.

V. cool photos of animals in the womb.Posted for LG and the homos.http://www.thisblogrules.com/2009/12/stunn...als-inside.html

I'm sure their mothers don't have the patience for any of them. ABORT THEM!

dude. the whole thing was tongue in cheek. that was why I threw in #4. Jeez. But you did say repeatedly that you hated your team on draft day....though I did not understand why as I loved the Moss/Johnson combo at the beginning. TAKE YOUR PILLS!I did not get jobbed. Luck is a part of fantasy and your team was better when it counted. The averages yahoo set for our match were nearly identical. I am not a fantasy tard. Why so serious?

His whole post was tongue-in-cheek. He was bragging because he EARNED THE RIGHT! Better luck next year Canebrain!

[Napa Lite 3,278]

Napa, if you are really going to Vegas, please let me know.I'm going to be there on Thursday morning through the following Sunday. Give me a PM/Facebook message with your number. We'll see if we can convince rangsurf to come up. (Does he still post here anymore?)

yeah like I said on fb were only going to be here for a night and will miss you. The plan was I'd meet jamie and then drive us to Ames tonight and then leave with the other two people at around 10:00 am, drive straight to the grand canyon, spend a few hours there, and then meet some friends in Tempe for a party, bowl game Thursday, whatevr Friday, drive home Saturday. What happened was we all got to Ames around the same time, was chilling in my apt when somebody said "we should go to Vegas tonight". We all agreed, looked at a few alternate routes, and we were on the road an hour later. We don't even have a hotel room yet but assume we can get one cheap or buy a condo for $50 or something. So now the plan is Vegas tues night, leave for Tempe Wednesday afternoon, game etc, and then hit the grand canyon on the way home. It will be the first time in vegas for three of us, so were pretty excited. Plan on checking out the new city center for sure. Were about 30 miles east of Denver right now. Driving through Nebraska is a lot more bearable when it's dark and you can't see the nothingness around you, in case you were wondering.

[mrdannyg 274]

poor, hapless mdg

I'll have you know I am FULL of haps.Maybe that's the problem...