I Called In Sick Today

[Sal Paradise 57]

[joke about dogs being eaten in Vietnam]

haha, good one speedz.

[Randy Reed 0]

[renaedawn 1]

Happy birthday, Sexy.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Black women love me. If you'd asked me 4 months ago, I'd have told you that, no, I would almost certainly never sleep with a black woman. Not because, like, "no way I'll ever sleep with a black chick," but because I'm so incredibly lame and... white. There's just... no. It's not going to happen. Black women hate me.Then I dipped a toe into the pool, nice and easy, got myself acclimated with a little half-and-half. Not bad. She talked too much, but she was into me despite my gawky build and manner. This afternoon I was sitting in the computer lab, goofing around with a friend of mine, helping him prep for an exam tomorrow, and a black girl named Vanessa sits down. She's a friend of his, and all of a sudden we've got a little four-way banter going on. My buddy and I, a girl we know, and Vanessa. We start arguing. I somehow got into explaining my theory of female evaluation -- "everything is binary except: how interesting is she?" -- and in order to illustrate a point, asked one of them, on a scale of 1-10, how important is looks? The other girl asked, "What's highest? 1 or 10?" Wang: "What? That's... how is that a legitimate question?"Her: "Sometimes 1 is the highest."Wang: "No, it's always the lowest."Vanessa: "No, I've seen it be the highest, on surveys and stuff."Wang: "It's the lowest."Vanessa: "I'm just saying sometimes 1 is the highest."Wang: "10 is always the highest. 1 is sometimes the best, but only when lower is better. Only if there's a negative in there somewhere, like, 'on a scale of 1-10, how dissatisfied are you?' 10 is the highest dissatisfaction level, but 1 is the most positive response."Vanessa: "I've se-"Wang: "Say you're wrong."Vanessa: "Excuse me?"Wang: "Just say you're wrong. You've obviously wrong. Just say you're wrong."Anyway, we were basically having a shouting match in the computer lab. I was curious, so at one point I asked her if she ever dated white guys. She said she never had, but only because she'd never been asked out by a white guy. Eventually she has to leave, so I walked her to her car. She gave me her phone number. I'm probably going to have to call her just so I have some leverage with Magglio.God, it'd be so sweet to bring her to Shitty Aunt Gail's for Thanksgiving. I hate my family so much...

[speedz99 145]

Happy birthday, Sexy.

It's not my birthday.

Wang: "Just say you're wrong. You've obviously wrong. Just say you're wrong."

I love when I get to do this.

I'm probably going to have to call her just so I have some leverage with Magglio.

I hope that by leverage you just mean something to throw in her face when you tell her once and for all that you're not interested in dealing with her bullshit anymore. But I'm afraid that's not what you mean.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I hope that by leverage you just mean something to throw in her face when you tell her once and for all that you're not interested in dealing with her bullshit anymore. But I'm afraid that's not what you mean.

When my self-esteem plummets as a direct result of puppet-problems, I usually make a reactionary decision and call an exgirlfriend or two, in order to remind myself that, yeah, I've had some success and, yeah, I can be kind of awesome sometimes. After talking with Magglio this afternoon -- it wasn't horrible, but I was reminded of the things that buzz around her head, and the seemingly impossible task of closing Zeno's gap when I can only ever make it half-way -- I placed two phone calls.Call the first: JessResult: no answerCall the second: SmashleyResult: no answerI was going to ask Jess to send me a naked picture or something. Just something to have on my phone, to look at when I was feeling spiteful.

[jeff_536 3]

What do women and clouds have in common? Occasionally they fuck off and its a nice day!

[Tactical Bear 3]

What do women and clouds have in common? Occasionally they **** off and its a nice day!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: You fuck her. Biiiiiiiitch.

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

Maggie:Wang:

Sounds like you're getting Dennis'd.

[leftygolfer 7]

My daughter's baby is doing fine but her boyfriend is a Slinkie. by Slinkie I mean he basically serves no purpose but would be fun to watch if you pushed him down the stairs.

I lol'd RR.I always wanted to date a bleck girl. Never could pull it off. I think it's easier for a black guy to date a white girl, than for a white guy to date a black girl.

[MisterB 2]

I lol'd RR.I always wanted to date a bleck girl. Never could pull it off. I think it's easier for a black guy to date a white girl, than for a white guy to date a black girl.

The whole once you go black, we don't want you back comes to mind. I don't think I could do it, date a black girl, there's just... I can honestly say I've never been attracted to a black woman. I'm not talking about the creamer who was in X-Men, I mean a real black woman... like Wanda Sykes.

[hank213 1,823]

The whole once you go black, we don't want you back comes to mind. I don't think I could do it, date a black girl, there's just... I can honestly say I've never been attracted to a black woman. I'm not talking about the creamer who was in X-Men, I mean a real black woman... like Wanda Sykes.

Well Wanda Sykes is a lesbo so I doubt you could date her either.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

God, it'd be so sweet to bring her to Shitty Aunt Gail's for Thanksgiving. I hate my family so much...

But, I mean, it's a little early for that, no?

I was going to ask Jess to send me a naked picture or something.

For some reason, I found this very funny.Two other notes:1. Hank, what are you doing, man?2. I've got a few good ideas for the sickie santa, so hopefully I get one of the people that I have the idea for.

[hank213 1,823]

i turned my brain off over the 4 day weekend. the reboot process is a little slow.

[Tactical Bear 3]

But, I mean, it's a little early for that, no?

Yeah, you're right. I'll probably have to wait until Shitty Aunt Gail is dead or senile. Maybe in 2015 or so.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Yeah, you're right. I'll probably have to wait until Shitty Aunt Gail is dead or senile. Maybe in 2015 or so.

So does everyone have certain guidelines for when you bring your girlfriend to meet your parents? We know speedz waits until he's about to break up with someone, but do other people feel they need to wait until you're definitely serious or would you not care if there was some sort of family outing and it was less formal? I suppose how close you live to your parents would matter a lot in this.

[speedz99 145]

Hey, she had met my parents plenty of times before, so it wasn't a big deal for her to go to that dinner. Our first date was staged from my parents' house while I was living there for a month over the summer, and she's been to a few of those types of dinners before...I go to their house for dinner almost every wednesday night. They live 15 minutes away so that's my compromise...I see them once a week and for the rest of the week they aren't allowed to bug me.In general, I think that 4-6 months is a good "meet the parents" time, since it's right around then that you have to decide if you want to really try to give a long-term relationship a shot.

[LadyGrey 6]

I don't plan on introducing any boyfriends to my family unless I think we really have a future together (i.e. moving in together or marriage). Otherwise I wouldn't see the point, and I hate the way my family gossip to each other. I just know as soon as I introduce a boyfriend to my parents I'll be getting emails/texts/phone calls from my aunts, uncles, sister, grandparents etc asking about him. I don't want to be scrutinised like that unnecessarily.

[Tactical Bear 3]

So does everyone have certain guidelines for when you bring your girlfriend to meet your parents? We know speedz waits until he's about to break up with someone, but do other people feel they need to wait until you're definitely serious or would you not care if there was some sort of family outing and it was less formal? I suppose how close you live to your parents would matter a lot in this.

I will bring a girl to meet my parents if the situation meets one or more of the following criteria:1) I am in an exclusive relationship with the woman, and a situation presents itself where meeting the parents would be normal.2) My mother knows the woman exists, I have been dating her -- casually or seriously -- for at least 6 weeks, and the purpose of the visit is not "so my parents can meet you." (Example: My parents are going to a basketball game, and have two extra tickets.)3) The girl is out of my league and I want my father to see her before we split up.4) The girl is cartoonish or hilarious or something and I want my father to meet her before we split up.5) The girl has asked to meet my parents, and I am not ashamed of her.I expected that list to be longer, so I'm probably missing something. Girls that have met my parents:- Highschool chicks. (3) One was "serious," two were absolutely not. One was kind of a whore, and my parents knew it.- Serious college girlfriend. I wanted to go back to see one of my brother's highschool basketball games, and I invited my girlfriend. We'd been together about 4 months. We snuck away to have sex in a corner hallway of my alma matter at halftime, and it was pretty obvious. She swore profusely and joked about being drunk. My mother was disgusted, and my father was impressed.- Magglio. We were going to hang out, but my apartment was in use. My brother was home over Christmas break, and insisted on meeting her. Hung out for an hour, then watched a movie in the basement. My old room was down there, and we didn't leave until 4AM. My father was asleep on the reclining chair near the front exit. My mother has the hearing of a bat, and called me the next day to make sure I knew that she knew that we didn't leave until 4AM. Magglio was apprehensive about hanging out with my parents after that. - Smashley. I was totally not serious about the relationship, and both of my parents knew I had a fair amount of contempt for her. Not sure if I'm missing any, but that seems about right. My parents are pretty cool, but I'll only take the girl to meet them if (a) I'm really serious about it, (b) for some reason, either the parents or the girl insists © it would be hilarious for whatever reason.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I never had any sort of philosophy about my parents meeting my girlfriends. I just never made any sort of real effort either way. If it came up, I had no problem with it; if not, so be it.Of course, that's how I feel about most subjects with my parents.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I never had any sort of philosophy about my parents meeting my girlfriends. I just never made any sort of real effort either way. If it came up, I had no problem with it; if not, so be it.Of course, that's how I feel about most subjects with my parents.

I'm the same way, I'm just explaining what I assume my philosophy must be, or at least appear to be, based on the small sample of actions in the past. Girls I actively kept away from my parents: Nikki (can't remember if I gave her a fake name here)Girls that I can't remember if I kept away from my parents, or if she met my parents, or...? but I think I was just totally ambivalent (which means I could go either way): JessGirls that I tried to keep away from my parents, but foiled my plans: AshleyDidn't really care otherwise. My parents know my relationships won't last, so they're very nice and very fun, but they don't get attached. My old work-friends still tell me, every single time I see one of them, exactly which girl I should marry, but my parents gave up on me when I told them I broke up with my highschool girlfriend because she "liked me too much and it makes me uncomfortable."

[El Guapo 8]

AS far as I can remember, the only serious GF I ever brought home before my wife was the one I was dating before her.Other than that they met a couple of the girls I took to prom/other H.S. dances and I think I ran into my parents in public with a girl I was seeing on occasion, but nothing notable there.EDIT: There was one other, it was my first real GF right at the end of my senior year of H.S. I think they met her once or twice. Very briefly though.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Actually, Jenny met my parents. I dated her for a few months my freshman year of college. My parents came down for Easter, and said they'd take a few of my friends out to brunch. I brought Jennifer, Chelsea, Erin, Johnnie and TommyBoy.About 30 minutes into the brunch:Mom: "So, honey... how's school? Good?"Wang: "Yeah, going fine."Paw: "How's life otherwise? Dating? Seeing anyone?"Wang: "Uh... yeaaaaaaaah."Paw: "Oh really? What's her name?"Jenny: "..."Wang: "Jenny."Maw: "How'd you meet her?"Wang: "She's friends with Chelsea and Erin."Paw: "Oh, that has to ge-... Oh."Jenny: "..."Maw: "Huh?"(pause)Tommy: (laughing like an idiot) "So what do you do for work, Mr. (last name)?"

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Aw, poor Jenny.

[vbnautilus 48]

There is one girlfriend who met my parents that they subsequently took to referring to as "The dud". I guess she didn't engage them very much, the girl was kinda shy around strangers.