I Called In Sick Today

[bleacherbum3 9]

Was it the Denny's in Oakbrook Terrace or was it Willowbrook?And yeah, really not even close.

[Sal Paradise 57]

What the hell man?

oh you know I kid with love. besides, what joke is more played out here than you being tubby? (and see, I used tubby, not any of the myriad of other more derogatory words that could have been used. with love, see?)

Then I slipped, I was taking a step back but she didn’t notice and I went straight down, which knocked her over. She hit her head on the edge of the tub and landed on her shoulder. I couldn’t get her up so I called 911.

was totally expecting you to say that you slipped on blood because she was on her period or something. not sure if I'm happy or sad that that wasn't the case.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

2. That we would take a sexy shower first.

This was really funny to me for some reason. I hope she actually said that, sexy shower.

It's not a haiku. Not even close. Please don't call random poems or prose 'haiku', it is silly.

It was from the Grinch, in case anyone was thinking I actually wrote that.

[speedz99 145]

So last thursday my ex (the recent one) called and left a scary message, something about "having some questions." She promised that she wasn't going to try and get us back together, she just wanted to know some things about stuff (my words, not hers). I assume it will be a series of "did you break up with me because of this" questions...and it will be awful. I emailed her to say that I couldn't call her until early this week since over the weekend I'd be spending every waking hour studying for my exam, and she seemed to be ok with that. Apparently I mentioned something about calling monday or tuesday.This morning she sent me an angry email that included the phrases "maybe by writing this email I will be tossed into the 'crazy girl' category that you seem to put all girls in", "you can't give me the respect I deserve", "I respected you and your time, and didn't pester you over the weekend or the past two day", and "now there really are no more excuses". Methinks the lady hath demanded satisfaction.

The new Bills head coach. His name...

It's really not much better or worse than the old coach's name.

Then I slipped, I was taking a step back but she didn’t notice and I went straight down, which knocked her over. She hit her head on the edge of the tub and landed on her shoulder. I couldn’t get her up so I called 911.They came out and got her. She had a concussion and a dislocated shoulder.

It's so horrible and yet so great at the same time.

oh you know I kid with love.

When I kid I do it with a burning hatred in my heart.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Methinks the lady hath demanded satisfaction.

Methinks is a great word.I hope you talk to her soon because I want to read about it.

[speedz99 145]

Methinks is a great word.I hope you talk to her soon because I want to read about it.

I have to talk to her tonight...the longer I put it off, the worse it'll be. I just feel like this shouldn't be a mandatory conversation. I mean, it's not like she did me a favor by not forcing me (somehow) into talking to her over the weekend. I'm being nice enough to have a horrible talk after she already made me talk to her for hours during the actual breakup. I broke up with her so I wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that goes along with a bad relationship, not to create a different strain of it.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I have to talk to her tonight...the longer I put it off, the worse it'll be. I just feel like this shouldn't be a mandatory conversation. I mean, it's not like she did me a favor by not forcing me (somehow) into talking to her over the weekend. I'm being nice enough to have a horrible talk after she already made me talk to her for hours during the actual breakup. I broke up with her so I wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that goes along with a bad relationship, not to create a different strain of it.

Yeah, I can't see how that would be good for you.But I was thinking about me. It would be good for me. Me.

[El Guapo 8]

oh you know I kid with love. besides, what joke is more played out here than you being tubby? (and see, I used tubby, not any of the plethora of other more derogatory words that could have been used. with love, see?)

EGYP

[mrdannyg 274]

I have to talk to her tonight...the longer I put it off, the worse it'll be. I just feel like this shouldn't be a mandatory conversation. I mean, it's not like she did me a favor by not forcing me (somehow) into talking to her over the weekend. I'm being nice enough to have a horrible talk after she already made me talk to her for hours during the actual breakup. I broke up with her so I wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit that goes along with a bad relationship, not to create a different strain of it.

It's not mandatory. The only reason to have it is because of every human's desire to 'win' every relationship. You've already won this one, so now you're really just running up the score.That can be good or bad, but I'm afraid if I take the sports analogy any further, things could get ugly.

[speedz99 145]

Yeah, I can't see how that would be good for you.But I was thinking about me. It would be good for me. Me.

You're a man after my own heart. MY own heart. Me.

It's not mandatory. The only reason to have it is because of every human's desire to 'win' every relationship. You've already won this one, so now you're really just running up the score.

Yeah, the guy who's been in a total of one relationship (which resulted in marriage) is going to tell me about breakups.

[mclumpo 0]

It's not a haiku. Not even close. Please don't call random poems or prose 'haiku', it is silly.

Sheesh.

Was it the Denny's in Oakbrook Terrace or was it Willowbrook?Carol streamAnd yeah, really not even close.

Again, sorry. I was drunk. It looked like a haiku.Kinda.........Actually now not so much.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

You're a man after my own heart. MY own heart. Me.

Yeah, it's that whole Jess/Wang dynamic.And by the way, you're going to talk to her because she's hurt and wants some answers and you're a nice guy as demonstrated by befriending the rich soccer guy. Maybe, I don't really know.I think I'm going to start talking with more of an air of authority, like I really do know what I'm talking about even though I'm mostly just making stuff up.Also by the way, she did read you correctly with the "you put all girls in the crazy girl category," right? Right?BBC, man, BBC.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I think I'm going to start talking with more of an air of authority.right? Right?

Startingggggg....NOW.

[mrdannyg 274]

We got along like soul mates at work and at gatherings outside of work. Karen (not a fake name) was like a breath of fresh air in my otherwise stagnant life. We started hanging out outside of work often. We were like girlfriends, discussing our partners flaws and how we could fix them if they’d only LET US.

A speedz protoge, I like it.

Yeah, the guy who's been in a total of one relationship (which resulted in marriage) is going to tell me about breakups.

Yep.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

good stories, good posts, good retorts, good imagery, good poetry, good acronyms, an analogy.i love this thread.also, end of the day today for STSSII submissions please. If you're waiting on the address of the random mail box you've erected in the woods, or have otherwise stated inthread that you want in but haven't PMd, pm me please. i am going to be (irrationally) anal about this.

[LadyGrey 6]

I finally managed to change the ringtone on my new phone. I'll be using "Lambada" by Kaoma until I start to feel Christmassy, then guess what, I'm changing it to "It Feels Like Christmas" from the Muppet Xmas Carol. It starts with a creepy laugh from the ghost of Xmas present, but I can handle that.

[Randy Reed 0]

How did no one notice this elegant haiku?Also, since i'm getting jeepsterd ( is that the right spelling?, I just don't know) I'm going to post my obligitory sicky story.So, I was 22 years old and a college student, and I worked at the local Denny’s.One of my co-workers was about the HOTTEST piece you’d ever seen. Stacked and beautiful, with a sense of humor you would KILL for in a woman, and a fiancé. I was also engaged at the time.We got along like soul mates at work and at gatherings outside of work. Karen (not a fake name) was like a breath of fresh air in my otherwise stagnant life. We started hanging out outside of work often. We were like girlfriends, discussing our partners flaws and how we could fix them if they’d only LET US.This leads us to our unofficial “work” New Year’s Eve party.My fiancé was out of town at her grandmother’s birthday party and hers left sick.So after the midnight hurrah I asked her if she wanted to go get a hotel room and talk.She eagerly agreed and away we went. Once checked in, I brought out the bottle of tequila I “RANDOMLY” had in my trunk and we started playing some drinking games.After a little while of this, we were making out and almost totally naked in no time at all.It was about to go down when she stopped me to make a few agreements. 1. That we would never EVER tell our others about this night.2. That we would take a sexy shower first.So I totally agreed and into the shower we went.The steam and the water were so sensual and the fooling around was getting so deep I kind of didn’t notice much and I was wildly making out with this women.Then I slipped, I was taking a step back but she didn’t notice and I went straight down, which knocked her over. She hit her head on the edge of the tub and landed on her shoulder. I couldn’t get her up so I called 911.They came out and got her. She had a concussion and a dislocated shoulder.I had a sore back.Oh, and a story to tell you guys about how I coulda boned some girl WAAAAAY out of my league but didn’t.So that's my stupid deal.Go f.uck yerselves faggits

An official welcome from the sickie thread. Great story. Did the others find out about it? What excuse did she use to her B/F?

Methinks is a great word.I hope you talk to her soon because I want to read about it.

Hopefully it will include the line, "No, I didn't put you in the crazy chick category for THAT reason.."

[mclumpo 0]

An official welcome from the sickie thread. Great story. Did the others find out about it? What excuse did she use to her B/F?

She didn't have an excuse, she flat out told him the truth. He kicked my ass in front of my fiance and then told her too.So I guess it kinda unfolded into an epic not getting laid story.Thanks for the welcome Randy.

[Tactical Bear 3]

It was about to go down when she stopped me to make a few agreements. 1. That we would never EVER tell our others about this night. 2. That we would take a sexy shower first.

For some reason, when I read this, all I could think about was Eddie Izzard saying "Sexy Shower." Actually, I know the reason. It's

.

It was from the Grinch, in case anyone was thinking I actually wrote that.

Yeah, I googled it to make sure since it was so good.

It's really not much better or worse than the old coach's name.

Perry Fewell. Baby talk for "stuff you see out of the corner of your eye."

Yeah, I can't see how that would be good for you. But I was thinking about me. It would be good for me. Me.

I was going to say "JoeyJoJo:Speedz :: Speedz:Wang" but you got that already. I'm also looking forward to this conversation, Speedzie, so please take detailed notes. I'm thinking you should journalize it. "7:15 Conversation begins 7:17 The crying has begun 7:22 I have forgotten my own name." Please.

It's not mandatory. The only reason to have it is because of every human's desire to 'win' every relationship. You've already won this one, so now you're really just running up the score.

I wish this were true, but I doubt it's the case, here. Speedz has already won, but instead of pulling an Urban Meyer by running play-action on 3rd and 8 from the 30 up 6 scores with less than two minutes left, he's kneeling on the 1, attempting to be a gracious winner.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

She didn't have an excuse, she flat out told him the truth. He kicked my ass in front of my fiance and then told her too.

Continue...

[Randy Reed 0]

She didn't have an excuse, she flat out told him the truth. He kicked my ass in front of my fiance and then told her too.So I guess it kinda unfolded into an epic not getting laid story.

Holy crap, that's better than the original story.

[LadyGrey 6]

An official welcome from the sickie thread. Great story. Did the others find out about it? What excuse did she use to her B/F?

I'd like to issue an official unwelcome from the sickie thread, mclumpo. I didn't read your story, but I read the 5 stupid drunken threads you started in GenPo today, and I think you are a moron (no offense).

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I'd like to issue an official unwelcome from the sickie thread, mclumpo. I didn't read your story, but I read the 5 stupid drunken threads you started in GenPo today, and I think you are a moron (no offense).

We should do a Sickie Survivor game.I'm going to need some help from someone who has watched the show, but from what I understand there are some challenges and somebody gets voted out each week. I think we should do something like that.I nominate myself as host so I don't have to worry about getting voted out.

[Tactical Bear 3]

I'd like to issue an official unwelcome from the sickie thread, mclumpo. I didn't read your story, but I read the 5 stupid drunken threads you started in GenPo today, and I think you are a moron (no offense).

Don't pay LadyGrey any mind. Despite her soft-spot for picture of cats and scrapbooking and shit, she's mostly an awful cunt.

[Sal Paradise 57]

hey look! another inappropriately mean spirited post from lg!