I Called In Sick Today

[SBriand 4]

jesus approves?

is it odd that I went to GHM to see if I could see the reveal pic and was sad to see it wasn't from there.

[Dawson Leery 12]

Me and Randy: not seeing eye to eye.Least Likely to Take a Dump in a Bag Brackets

that is shockingly accurate I think. top two were the exact ones I were thinking would battle it out.

I've dumped on a doorstep before...never in a bag though

Least Desirable Person to Have Sex with Your Significant Other brackets

I know I probably shouldn't want to win these...but losing twice in the finals is pising me off. I need to knock one of these out sooner or later.

[El Guapo 8]

I know I probably shouldn't want to win these...but losing twice in the finals is pising me off. I need to knock one of these out sooner or later.

No offense Dawson, but if a gun was to my head and someone said your wife has to have sex with on of these two guys or I will kill you, let's just say you are getting the nod over IQ every single time.

[Napa_Don 688]

For my psychology class we have to participate in studies for the college. The one I did today involved watching an episode of 24, answering questions about minute details (color of so and so's shirt, etc) and then having to answer simple math questions while memorizing letters that would flash on the screen. Then we had to listen to an 8 minute "recap" of the episode and answer some more questions (T/F this time). During the recap they intentionally fed wrong answers to the questions that were asked before and then re-asked some of the questions in the T/F section. Obviously this was not made aware to us, but my cat like memory had me noticing this right away. Also, while we were waiting for everybody to get there they had "Tetris" open for us to play. The top score on computer C in that research lab in Tetris now belongs to Turd F.Oh, and now I think I like 24, so I guess that's one more show for me to watch from start to finish.

[strategy 4]

A) I don't watch much television. Unless you count having sportscenter on in the background while I do homework or play on the computer.B) I just kind of assumed that you casually watched The Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

I don't... did you use italics to keep your B from becoming B)?

[Napa_Don 688]

I don't... did you use italics to keep your B from becoming B)?

I did. Was that not evident in the subsequent quoting?

[strategy 4]

I did. Was that not evident in the subsequent quoting?

It was. That's why I interrupted myself mid-post to point it out.

[Napa_Don 688]

It was. That's why I interrupted myself mid-post to point it out.

How else was I supposed to do it? I hate that smiley shit when I'm trying to make an outline.

[vbnautilus 48]

How else was I supposed to do it? I hate that smiley shit when I'm trying to make an outline.

uncheck enable emoticons under your post. B)

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

uncheck enable emoticons under your post. B)

he blinded us with science.

[strategy 4]

I really only watch Conan these days. When it gets to hockey season, I'll be watching a ton on my parents' HDTV.Definitely not buying NHL gamecenter online again. Half the games were blacked out, and you pay for the playoffs even though the entire postseason is blacked out, some of which is only available on NHL network... which we don't get...

[runthemover 39]

State Cop: [knock knock knock]Sduck: [walking by]Sduck: (giddily) can I help you?Lennie Briscoe: we need to get into this apartment.Sduck: I dunno I could get fired...Fontana: It's alright. we're authorizedEd Green: listen man, there's probably seeds in there posing as bed bugsSduck: say no moreRex: mon amourEG: [pulls gun] GET DOWN!Fontana: where the hell did he come from?LB: this place gives me the creepsDark Helmet: what about the bleeps and the sweeps?Sduck: no no the penguins wonEG: Where are they all coming from?LB: I'm breaking it down [kicks down door]Fontana: POLICE!Clint: Huh?EG: DROP THE REMOTEEl G: that's not meLB: YOU! back awayEl G: good thing Q is not summarizing this. I'd be screwed. [backs away]Clint: What's wrong? I'm just watching 24.EG: it's alright guys. there's only season's 1 through 3 in hereLB: what's this in your bag, son?Clint: Get three coffins readyFontano: omg the last disc from season 6 is in heremusic box: [plays music. sounds like it stops but no one shoots. plays more music. sounds like it stops again but no one shoots. plays more music. finally it stops]me: waiteveryone: [waits]me: I'll take the bullets. it's my fault we're in this situationJoey: nice sacrifice.

[El Guapo 8]

Rex: mon amour

Sexy

[Nikki_N 17]

Maybe Randy will chime in with a tutorial in the morning...Lostsa poop material to work with of late....Back in my late twenties I was spending a great deal of time inside the casinos. By great deal I mean walking in around noon on a Sunday and staggering back out to get the troops working Monday morning. My ass only left the twenty one chair to drain the steady intake of Coronas and seven sevens they graciously served me. Beans was the name, card counting was my game. I could keep the running and true count going, track a clump of tens through a standard shuffle, and side count aces like a pro. As long as my vision stayed one beer below the blur stage, I could sit and play till the cows come homeThen one day the big scare happened.... nope, no escort to the backroom to visit a two by four held by a thug security guard, it was much scarier than that. The bleeding started. I had just surfaced at the house from an all night session when my ass started burning like a lit bag of Kingsford, so I trotted into the head and sat down thinking that all of those olives from the marys Id been over served must have something to do with the pain. About five minutes later I was convinced that Id somehow swallowed a swizzle stick or ten that they had been attached to. Five minutes after that I was sure I was dying.The frantic call to my doctor buddy went thru immediately after spying the pint or two of blood deposited into the bowl....."Thank you for calling the.....""Get Brian on the horn....right now if you can....this Beans" "....What wrong, hun?""Im in bad shape....losing a lot of blood.....Im....Im......Im getting dizzy and light headed""HAVE YOU BEEN SHOT?""I dunno....uh.....no....Im seein stars in front of my eyes now......""Where are you, Beans? Im sending an ambulance....""Im home....uh.....hang on....heres the wife"I was laying on the floor making out my last will and testament with one of the kids crayons on the underside of the dining room table while the wife walked the nurse thru my symptoms. Just before blacking out I clearly remember my wife giggling like a school girl into the handset. Figures, I thought, Nancy is probably in on the insurance scam, too. The next thing I remember I was being wiped like a baby with a damp towel. That was the first time Id ever put any thought into the whole reincarnation thing. The most convincing part was that I could clearly hear myself crying."BEANS GET YOUR ASS UP RIGHT NOW!"Funny, I thought.... I didnt get that nickname for several years in my previous life...."BEANS! YOURE NOT DYING!""Mommy?""YOU HAVE HEMORRHOIDS.....THEYRE BLEEDING!.....IT WILL STOP IN A MINUTE, YOU FOOL!""Can we make Jiffy Top popcorn tonight, mommy?"After I revived a few hours later, I visited my so called doctor friend, which somehow made it through med school without signing the required patient doctor confidentiality documents. I know this because every single person that we both knew rang my phone off the hook for several months after the incident. I know every single ass joke known to man, believe me on that oneDoc: "Well, Beans.....(snicker)..... whats up on your end these days?"Me: "Blood, and lots of it..... what the hell is happening, anyway?"Doc: "Well lets have a look"Me: "That instrument you have looks suspiciously like a Cannon camera"Doc: "Uh....its made by Cannon, but its a special infrared device to detect tumors"Me: "Yeah, and it also probably stamps and addresses all the copies sent to our friends as well....Ill pass on the exam, thanks"Doc: "Ah, you just sat and drank too long, thats all.....everyone get em at some point"Me: "Do I need a bag or two of blood or anything? I almost passed out, ya know"Doc: "Youve never had anything wrong with you in your life, Beans.....you just got excited, that all"Me: "I didnt see that much blood when you yanked my kid outta the wifes belly"Doc: "Thats because you were passed out"Me: "oh"Just wait until they find your Preparation H....

Another gem from Beans. Love it.

I had an interesting weekend. We went to a buddies cabin with the Kids up in Tahoe this weekend. Yesterday, my wife wanted to take a nap with my daughter so I decided to take my son back down to my old stomping grounds as a kid and go hiking and exploring near the Truckee river. I parked in front of my old house, which is the last house on a dead end street, beyond it is national forest and eventually the Truckee river.I noticed there was a For Sale sign and some people out front. I asked them if they were the owners, to which they responded yes. Then I asked how long they have had the house. They said "20 years". We sold these peoples parents the home 20 years ago almost to the day. Their parents passed away this year, and with 6 siblings they cannot come to common ground to keep the home. The graciously invited me in to see the old place. I live in this house from 3-13. Basically my entire childhood was spent here.I was shocked, it had not changed at all. Literally the only things that were changes was the upstairs bathroom tub was re-tiled and the master bath floor was re-tiled, both by necessity. The same carpet, which is gross because some of it is over 30 years old now, all the wallpaper my mom did in the mid 80's, linoleum. Everything. It was bizarre, like stepping back into time. Our old welcome mat that we had was even still there. The gave it to me to take to my mom, who got a kick out of it.They literally didn't even change the light switch plate in my old bedroom, which was a smokey the bear plate. Now all I need is a spare $399,000.00 to reclaim my childhood. Surprisingly, my dad actually had to go to South Lake today for work, and he is going to stop by. I think I got him interested in buying it, not sure how he would afford it, but I can dream.Here are some pics of it:Ryan hiding in our old cubby holes that were built for storage at the base of the A frame walls. Notice the sweet NFL wallpaper. Has the LA Rams and Houston Oilers on it.This room we built by ourselves as a family room.This is the light switch plate.This fireplace was amazing, my grandfather designed it, and it has the hot water pipe fed through the back of it so when we lost power we could still have hot water. It also cut down on our heating bill by using the energy from the fireplace that was going 24/7 during the winter.It's weird, when you have memories from a young age, a lot of time you distort them, or things seem bigger than they really were because of how small you were as a child, but I remembered every square inch of that house. It also helps that it looks exactly as I remembered it.

That might have freaked me out a little. That being said, I get a little out of sorts when I visit places I used to live, regardless of how much I enjoy seeing friends and family. The exception to this is my grandma's house in San Luis Obispo which absolutely feels just a much like home as the house we own. Everywhere else, I feel unsettled and creepy like.

God people are stupid. Her: no, you keep it, I still want to move here.WHAT?

Wow.

I, for one, wasn't even aware that Fox News is the "top rated" news channel in the US.

I only trust the news when it's reported by non-Americans. Otherwise, I just figure on some bullshit bias or advertising giving it an improper slant.

My wife's Grandfather passed away a couple days ago. Her father lovingly texted this information to her.

That's one of the more tacky things I've heard recently.

Let's not bring up that question.How 'bout this question instead: Over the weekend, did anyone:A) Poop in a bagB) Intentionally have sex with a hookerC) Receive oral sexD) Have sex with my wife

C.I didn't have sex with any wives this weekend. Unfortunately.

.8 hours a day. Whew not as bad as I thought.Nothing more wonderful than having a state cop come into your office looking for a tenant who you always thought was trouble and turn out to be trouble. I hope she isn't home when he comes back with the search warrant so I can let him in.

I'm hearing the Law and Order opening in my head. DUM-DUM!

The cabin that we hung out at this weekend is the ex-husband of that couple I told you about that got divorced recently. Couple things:His son is 2, barely speaks, and has some fairly noticeable emotional issues. (this probably is directed at VB) How much permanent damage has been created by his mother who banged some dude that is not his dad for 4-5 months in the bedroom conjoining his while he was supposedly sleeping and who now only sees him from 8-5 while she is basically babysitting him while the dad is at work?alsoMy wife rented a scary movie for Sunday night, A Haunting in Connecticut, which was not scary. At all. How bad is it that this friend, when a scary part supposedly happened, jumped 3 feet in the air and screamed like a school girl at the top of his lungs, all the while watching the movie with a blanket tucked over his nose so he can hide his eyes whenever he gets too frightened? And, how much does that have to do with why the kid is messed up?

This is just too much of a mess to even try to figure out. Ouch. Poor little guy. I'm grooving on yoga. I know it probably sounds lame, but I love it so far. Plus it's free yoga, so that makes it even better. It's like getting a massage without paying the masseuse. There's no happy ending, though. Mainly, I started it with the hopes of being more bendy.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

This is just too much of a mess to even try to figure out. Ouch. Poor little guy.

Nope, wasn't him. Luckily.

[brvheart 1,752]

No offense Dawson, but if a gun was to my head and someone said your wife has to have sex with on of these two guys or I will kill you, let's just say you are getting the nod over IQ every single time.

Isn't "pull the f-ing trigger" an option?

[nutzbuster 7]

Grabbing some ass.

hai fivzz

[Bizzle 0]

Dark Helmet: what about the bleeps and the sweeps?

Probably one of my favorites ever, the above got me to actually laugh out loud. Well done.

[runthemover 39]

I'm really mad that I forgot to put in the part about yellow tipped socksalso, http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...howtopic=138327 . there's 3-5 spots left. team based fantasy thing for fun. draft on the forum via post. we don't have to start week 1 but if we fill up we can try

[brvheart 1,752]

I'm really mad that I forgot to put in the part about yellow tipped socksalso, http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...howtopic=138327 . there's 3-5 spots left. team based fantasy thing for fun. draft on the forum via post. we don't have to start week 1 but if we fill up we can try

Excellent salesmanship... I may have to retract my previous comment about your commishing abilities.

[Sickinfo2 291]

I am assuming you will be on the North Shore side because of the air show, but the area I was in, in South Shore, the river is very very low.The biggest fish I saw was maybe 4" long.

Yeah, I hang out on the Northern side.... I usually park under the I eighty bridge and walk several miles toward California. Its "trophy" area only or some crap where you arent supposed to use anything but artificial flies. Of course I stay legal for the first five minutes or so then break out the Berkley Trout Bait, real salmon eggs, dynamite, etc....I like the fact that I can fish for a few hours, drive up the hill for a few beers and twenty one at lunch....Boomtown is the casino, I think.... and either go back fishing or stay and gamble for the rest of the eveningThe Truckee always seems to be about the same in that area. I know that it flows into Pyramid Lake from Lake Tahoe and ends there. All the water that enters it evaporates out.....no other river exits the lake. Ive been up there once.....didnt impress me at all. Its an injun reservation that has the gall to expect folks to pay a fee for just stopping and looking around. Infodians I call emYou tell that monster that my hook has his name and address on it!

the top rated blah blah blah should be aired in canada.

Im not sure why she expects our television programs to air up there at all.... we dont get any of your programs down hereWell, I did see one program many years ago....two guys called the Mackenze brothers or something that drank a lot of beer and said "eh?" alotThey still on?

Note: I don't watch news or know how news ratings works or what the claim is re: liberal mainstream media.

Im in the same camp....pantyraid?....... Im still shocked that Mel Gibson is on the news

I am an expert at CoD4.

Hes the little short robot, right?I get him and the gold one that walks mixed up....

Went to see my son's kitten's yesterday.

I have never seen rubber toe-kicks on cabinets before....They would make a great hiding spot for cash, jewels, guns, etc

Do you fly out of the airport at Minden? I worked there for a summer and a friend of mine still owns a glider business there

Nah, I go straight into RNO....Im the guy who gets in the courtesy car and brings it back a week later smelling like Trout Bait and beer

Another gem from Beans. Love it.Mainly, I started it with the hopes of being more bendy.

Your kind words are always appreciated.... thank youIs it time for another army meet already?

[mk 11]

milla is umm....excuse me i'll be back in less than a minute

[Sal Paradise 57]

so anyways, I'm good friends with this girl who recently broke up with her older cop boyfriend and right after they broke up he sent me a friend request on facebook which I ignored. got sent another one today. sweet thing is he's threatened her a few times since they broke up. fun stuff.

[mk 11]

so anyways, I'm good friends with this girl who recently broke up with her older cop boyfriend and right after they broke up he sent me a friend request on facebook which I ignored. got sent another one today. sweet thing is he's threatened her a few times since they broke up. fun stuff.

sounds american

[SBriand 4]

And now the fun begins. Finished my resume last night and one of the local Circuit Court Judges, who is a friend of Liz's family, heard I just finished school and asked for my resume so he can send it to all his colleagues. It is who you know right? *fingers crossed*Liz got a job offer today as well. Things are looking better I hope.Edit: oh and the CIA is looking for legal assistants. Totally sending them my resume.