I Called In Sick Today

[LadyGrey 6]

I can't go as a cat, that's an official rule:"It is animal themed, and yes costume is compulsory, and no you cannot just come as a cat! There will be a prize for the best costume so do your best!!"I know 2 of my friends are going as a kangaroo and a tiger, respectively. Maybe I should wear all browny orange and backcomb my hair a ton, then claim to be a lion.

[loogie 115]

[CaneBrain 95]

Now I remember why I started smoking weed. It's cheaper than alcohol, and it doesn't make me desirous of an ass kicking.

This should be the tagline for the "Legalize It" people.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I can't go as a cat, that's an official rule:"It is animal themed, and yes costume is compulsory, and no you cannot just come as a cat! There will be a prize for the best costume so do your best!!"I know 2 of my friends are going as a kangaroo and a tiger, respectively. Maybe I should wear all browny orange and backcomb my hair a ton, then claim to be a lion.

You should just go as yourself and be really loud and gregarious and possibly drunk and then when somebody asks you why you're not dressed as an animal you can say, "I am an animal...a PARTY ANIMAL!"...

[JoeyJoJo 18]

This is probably the right answer.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Pretty sure you can just put in a simple request for information form at the red army information desk. Don't know why you expect brvhrt to do this when he has employees not showing up for work till late and hitting on his wife...

dude has spies

[Napa_Don 688]

dude has spies

Aaannnddd...never posting drunk again.And, for the record, I ended up only being an hour and half late.

[hank213 1,823]

Aaannnddd...never posting drunk again.And, for the record, I ended up only being an hour and half late.

If you're setting the line on drunk posts by you at zero, I'll take the over.

[SuitedAces21 2,722]

Boy, I really went all suitedaces last night, didn't I? Me bad.

you werent even close.

[loogie 115]

you werent even close.

Close enough to scare me sober stoned.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

If there is one person who never registers on my radar, it's Mercury. I mean, I can't tell you a single thing about him. I don't have an opinion one way or another. My default opinion of people is slightly negative, and I can't remember a single event that has changed my view of Mercury in the slightest from his generic start point.

Well, I think I've taken care of that.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

Well, I think I've taken care of that.

haha

[speedz99 145]

Winner by a large margin.

[Tactical Bear 3]

Well, I think I've taken care of that.

Indeed. Now, every time I see his avatar I want to murder him. That's a best-possible result; if there's one thing my life needs it's more hatred. So I went to see the Lady Friend at Macy's today, and when I walked up, she was doing the makeup of a girl I went out with once. It wasn't nearly as awkward as it should have been. "Hey, Angie, how are you? Yeah, Angie and I went out once, and then never spoke again. How's your day been, babe?"

[Quacktastic 106]

I was always a fozzy bear fan.../random

[speedz99 145]

I was always a fozzy bear fan.../random

Whenever I see that this account has posted, a large piece of me hopes that it simple reads, "That's quacktastic!" I bet I'm not the only one. But no offense intended, since I don't think that when I see your original account has posted.

[El Guapo 8]

Indeed. Now, every time I see his avatar I want to murder him. That's a best-possible result; if there's one thing my life needs it's more hatred. So I went to see the Lady Friend at Macy's today, and when I walked up, she was doing the makeup of a girl I went out with once. It wasn't nearly as awkward as it should have been. "Hey, Angie, how are you? Yeah, Angie and I went out once, and then never spoke again. How's your day been, babe?"

It's weird how much this place affects my thoughts it various areas of my real life. I was walking through nordstroms today to go into the mall. I walked right past the makeup counter and saw this smoking hot chick getting makeup from a black girl. For like half a second TB popped into my into my head.After that I returned a pair of shoes for my wife and went by Victoria Secret and bought her a bra and some panties. As I was checking out, it dawned on me that I am so emasculated now, that there was nothing weird or awkward about it all.Nothing.It wasn't even a fancy or sexy pair. They were functional.What the fuck is wrong with me.

[Theraflu 1,035]

I only go to two or three movies a year these days, so with District 9 and Inglorious Basterds due out with 8 days of each other, I was afraid I've have to make a choice. Luckily, I found a pretty sweet...version of District 9 on Demonoid, and I'm going to see Basterds tomorrow, so I'm pretty satisfied. Enjoyed the former quite a bit, but of the reviews I've read for Tarentino's latest I'm certainly looking forward to this tomorrow evening with a few cocktails. I'm a bit dismayed I won't get all of the references (New York Post had a good blurb about them), but then again I never do so it shouldn't hinder me too much. I'll be trying Steak-umms burgers tomorrow, because they were on sale, but my expectations aren't too high. I don't think that qualifies as interesting, but I don't have much else to say.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

a little something for everyone: http://giantbatfarts.com/comics/pets_war

[Sickinfo2 291]

Tonights weekly poker game had an interesting ending....First I guess I should give a brief description of the participants. Approximately fifty percent of the attendants are somewhat well off.... business men, inheritance recipients, married well, etc. Another thirty percent or so are average guys getting away from the wives, and the remaining chunk have a tough time wiping their own ass on a day to day basis. Large amounts of drinking takes place along with all they can eat of whatever I decide to prepare, which is usually something grilled like chicken or pork chops. Tonights buffet included mini ribs, baked beans, baked potatoes, and corn on the cob since the entree was the closest to expiration at the local Neighborhood Market. It was so close that I almost had to retrieve the ribs from the dumpster out back. Nothing but the best for my "friends"Since the beginning of the game Ive had to lower the buyin and blinds a few times to keep the peace. Im not sure if any of you have ever hosted a regular poker game or not, but as time passes the stakes seem to get bigger and bigger. My first downsizing attempt came right after the keys to a bass boat hit the pot and automobile titles were regularly changing hands. It was either change the rules or hire a part time notary public to stand by. Most of you probably think Im stretching the truth a little, but Im not even telling the whole story due to time restraints. Lets just say one personal check in particular had no less than nine different endorsements on the back one evening a year or so ago. I wound up with it and caused quite a scene at the local banking institutionAnyway, since Im the last guy to leave, not counting the black outs, most nights I most usually emerge ahead monetarily during these games due to my impressive card skills or the fact I can hold my liquor much better than most. Yeah, I know....Im a charter member and all but the booze thing is a big part of winning at my game. I pay attention to pot odds and the like for most decisions but I never discount any information that my "reads" give me. A good example is calling a substantial wager on the river when the bettor gives away a tell about the weakness of his hand. I most usually call when they fold immediately after betting, and always if they arent dealt into the hand. Like I said, the later it gets, the more I winTonight festivities ended about an hour ago, leaving five of us sitting at the table dividing up the take. While I was processing the checks and administering the funds, my fearful dog commenced raising hell outside in the beer garden, which is an area approximately fifty feet square that is roofed over with a chain link fence around the perimeter. It houses my grill, picnic table, a fridge, ice machine, and other necessary items for when the weather is good for outdoor events. It also serves as my dogs living quarters during the day, with a doggy door so she can enter the shop at will. The barking was an excited type that let me know that something unusual was going on, so due to lack of trust around the cash, I asked the remaining guests to accompany me out to investigate. The following conversation and actions took place....."Beans what the hell is that dog barking at?""Hell if I know.... did Greg drive in the pond again or something?""Doubt it.... didnt hear the splash this time""You see anything?""No...turn on the fuckin light out here""There.... whats that hissing sound?""I dunno....sounds like its coming from the grill over there""WHAT THE **** IS THAT?"When I peeked under the grill, my eyes met with a severely pissed off possum showing a mouth full of teeth that a shark wouldve been proud of. Swaney had it cornered under the charcoal appliance and was frantically digging at the sides to get to it. "Damn possum....which one of you guys left the gates open?"(silence)"Ok....lets get it outta here..... Hey Ben, take the dog back in the shop.... (thinks about the doggy door).....Uh, take her outside a minute"(Beans picks up a broom and pokes it under the grill)"Hey Marv.....stand on this side""What?""Stand over here.....it wont come out with you standing on the other side""Huh?""MOVE OVER HERE""Its right here....I can see it!""I know you can, dammit.....get the hell out of the way so it will run out the gates!""Wait a minute.... I can grab it from right here!""MARV YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO......"Too late...... Marv grabbed the possum by the end of the tail and tried to pull it from its Kingsford hideout. This maneuver triggered several consecutive incidents, the first resulting in a mouthful of disease infested teeth sinking into multiple areas in and around his right hand. As the match between wild animal and semi domesticated human progressed, the other hand fell victim to the same fate multiple times. The screams of pain was hard enough to deal with, but the agony inspired hollers from the top of the chain link fence impaling his under arm regions during the attempted escape from its wrath were almost intolerable. Once Marv and the others retired inside the building to patch up his wounds, I shooed the still hissing and growling critter out of the area and into the night with the broomA few minutes later as I was hosing Marvs blood trail off the cement and the last vehicle exited the lot, my giggles were interrupted by a horn blast from the motorhome parked under the rear area of the beer garden. As I drew closer to the machine the horn blast got closer and closer together, almost like a morse code or something. I also noted a frantic waving of the windshield shade from behind the steering wheel. Somewhat nervous, I opened the door to find Swaney standing on the captains chair, operating the horn button with her paws. Apparently Ben had placed here in there instead of outside the gates. She jumped down, and right before I closed the door a voice came from the rear of the coach...."Beenz itfis daylite yet?"Nope, no pond for Greg tonight....he crashed in a different place this time....Just another day at the Icewaters

[GrinderMJ 0]

Jeez, that's a hard poker story to follow so I'll keep it short. Zimmer and I FT'ed the Turningstone $750 today, he got 5th for 6832 I think and I got 3rd for 13451. Pretty fun to play with friends and he played goot.

[Quacktastic 106]

Whenever I see that this account has posted, a large piece of me hopes that it simple reads, "That's quacktastic!" I bet I'm not the only one. But no offense intended, since I don't think that when I see your original account has posted.

If you look at my first 25 posts, I'm guessing 10 of them were exactly that.No offense taken, I'm an 8th or 9th tier player these days. "That's quacktastic" could only help my cause.

[Sal Paradise 57]

If you look at my first 25 posts, I'm guessing 10 of them were exactly that.No offense taken, I'm an 8th or 9th tier player these days. "That's quacktastic" could only help my cause.

are you at work right now?

[loogie 115]

[Sal Paradise 57]

god hangovers are so stupid.loogie, those are awesome. plz post moar. (I am an lolcat when hungover apparently.)also, for waffles members: free leech all weekend apparently.apparently.