I Called In Sick Today

[Sal Paradise 57]

Oh, so it's kind of like New Jersey. Gotcha. Thanks for the insight. I was sure hoping it was you posting from Strat's account.Mental note. Places to visit when Shake and I finally go to the UK:1. Essex

yeah pretty sure we're juts gonna camp out there for the whole trip. jersey whores with british accents? dream come true.that accounting question really makes me want to go back to school. anybody got an extra 150k I can get?

[beans-n-icewater 18]

So was the someone at beans' gate the police?

Nah, it was the kid thank godSo anyway, I pulled into the grocery store and parked right next to the front door so she could jump out and grab whatever. I suppose it was gravel and steel wool for a lasagna or something. I sat in the car listening to a Def Leppard cassette and watched people walk into the place, but never noticed anyone leaving.....hmmmTwenty minutes and about two gallons of high octane later, I shut the car off and went to investigate her disappearance. Upon entry I spotted her standing in about the middle of a line sixty yards long at the only open register in the building. She was livid"Hey.... whats the deal here?""I dont know!..... Go find someone in charge of this place and tear him a new one!""Really?..... Youll let.... I mean....I can make a scene????""You have my full permission TO MAKE A COMPLETE ASS OF YOURSELF!""Ill be right back"I jogged up around the store looking for a manager and ended up in the back of the store where the stock room is located. Nobody there but I found a "white phone" mounted on the wall next to a small desk that is usually connected to the PA system. (beeping sound followed by amplified noise)"ATTENTION HARPS SHOPPERS.... PLEASE NOTICE THAT WE ONLY HAVE ONE FUCKING CHECKER AVAILABLE TO SERVE YOU THIS EVENING.... WE FEEL THAT ANYONE FUCKING STUPID ENOUGH TO VISIT THIS PIECE OF SHIT LOCATION SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE SHIT AS WELL..... AS THE STORE MANAGER, ID LIKE TO PERSONALLY THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU BASTARDS STANDING IN LINE WITH MELTED ICE CREAM FOR PADDING OUR POCKETS WITH CASH FOR THE WORST FUCKING SERVICE IN NORTHWEST ARKANSAS"(giggles)"......FOR THE TROUBLE, IM ADDING (giggle) FIVE FUCK YOU BONUS POINTS (giggle) TO YOUR SHITTY GROCERY STORE ACCOUNT (laughing)"I hung up the phone and sprinted back thru the swinging doors and back up to the line where I found several abandoned carts and baskets littered around the much shorter line. The wife was standing in the same spot with a look of horror on her face"That was pretty good, Beans""You see a manager yet?""Some guy in a white shirt just dove in that office there"About that time he resurfaced running with a cash drawer toward another register. As he frantically pushed buttons and turned keys I took the opportunity to start an uprising with the remaining customers in line(turning towards some hippie stoner behind us)"This place sucks, huh?""That was you on the speaker?""Yeah....""Cool""I say we start breaking shit""Okay"I took the green basket from the wife and slung it down the isle end over end, where it landed in a spray of grape jelly and orange juice. The hippie followed suit and crashed his into a potato chip display, knocking it over and into a cooler filled with RedBull. Unfortunately, we were the only ones that did so. In hindsight, I should have campaigned the protest more, but keep in mind my blood/DosXX level at the time.It was an awkward exit since the wife high tailed it to the car as soon as I said "break" to the hippie....I never saw him outside, so I assume he continued the demonstration until captureThe wife was in a much better mood on the way home and I passed out shortly after the last breaking news report

[Sal Paradise 57]

that's our beans!

[rvrchsrhtr 0]

that is fkn awesome!!! bravo sir!!!!

[strategy 4]

people totally used to abuse the PA system at the walmart I used to work at. the employees are all pretty helpless when it could be one of 40 different phones.I don't know if anyone saw this on digg yesterday, but some teens thought it would be hilarious to beat their cat up and post a video of it on youtube. 4chan immediately identified him and apparently their methods work:http://www.kswo.com/Global/story.asp?S=9849597

[Piddle Duck 0]

I don't know if anyone saw this on digg yesterday, but some teens thought it would be hilarious to beat their cat up and post a video of it on youtube. 4chan immediately identified him and apparently their methods work:http://www.kswo.com/Global/story.asp?S=9849597

That really pisses me off

[LadyGrey 6]

So I was staying at strat's all weekend and I went to check my mail just now and had 2 pink slips with a tick in the 'flowers' box. I went to collect and the guy could only find one bunch of flowers for me. He said that the other ones probably died and they must have thrown them away. I asked if they had at least kept the card so I could know who they were from and he said he couldn't find anything but he would leave a note for the other desk people. The flowers I got are from my mum's boyfriend by the way, he always sends us all flowers on Valentines day and it is very sweet of him. I want to know who sent the others though! I have never received flowers from anyone except my mum's bf so I have no idea who would have sent me some. I can't believe they would just throw them away without me seeing them.

[Voldemort 0]

Nah, it was the kid thank godSo anyway, I pulled into the grocery store and parked right next to the front door so she could jump out and grab whatever. I suppose it was gravel and steel wool for a lasagna or something. I sat in the car listening to a Def Leppard cassette and watched people walk into the place, but never noticed anyone leaving.....hmmmTwenty minutes and about two gallons of high octane later, I shut the car off and went to investigate her disappearance. Upon entry I spotted her standing in about the middle of a line sixty yards long at the only open register in the building. She was livid"Hey.... whats the deal here?""I dont know!..... Go find someone in charge of this place and tear him a new one!""Really?..... Youll let.... I mean....I can make a scene????""You have my full permission TO MAKE A COMPLETE ASS OF YOURSELF!""Ill be right back"I jogged up around the store looking for a manager and ended up in the back of the store where the stock room is located. Nobody there but I found a "white phone" mounted on the wall next to a small desk that is usually connected to the PA system. (beeping sound followed by amplified noise)"ATTENTION HARPS SHOPPERS.... PLEASE NOTICE THAT WE ONLY HAVE ONE FUCKING CHECKER AVAILABLE TO SERVE YOU THIS EVENING.... WE FEEL THAT ANYONE FUCKING STUPID ENOUGH TO VISIT THIS PIECE OF SHIT LOCATION SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE SHIT AS WELL..... AS THE STORE MANAGER, ID LIKE TO PERSONALLY THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU BASTARDS STANDING IN LINE WITH MELTED ICE CREAM FOR PADDING OUR POCKETS WITH CASH FOR THE WORST FUCKING SERVICE IN NORTHWEST ARKANSAS"(giggles)"......FOR THE TROUBLE, IM ADDING (giggle) FIVE FUCK YOU BONUS POINTS (giggle) TO YOUR SHITTY GROCERY STORE ACCOUNT (laughing)"I hung up the phone and sprinted back thru the swinging doors and back up to the line where I found several abandoned carts and baskets littered around the much shorter line. The wife was standing in the same spot with a look of horror on her face"That was pretty good, Beans""You see a manager yet?""Some guy in a white shirt just dove in that office there"About that time he resurfaced running with a cash drawer toward another register. As he frantically pushed buttons and turned keys I took the opportunity to start an uprising with the remaining customers in line(turning towards some hippie stoner behind us)"This place sucks, huh?""That was you on the speaker?""Yeah....""Cool""I say we start breaking shit""Okay"I took the green basket from the wife and slung it down the isle end over end, where it landed in a spray of grape jelly and orange juice. The hippie followed suit and crashed his into a potato chip display, knocking it over and into a cooler filled with RedBull. Unfortunately, we were the only ones that did so. In hindsight, I should have campaigned the protest more, but keep in mind my blood/DosXX level at the time.It was an awkward exit since the wife high tailed it to the car as soon as I said "break" to the hippie....I never saw him outside, so I assume he continued the demonstration until captureThe wife was in a much better mood on the way home and I passed out shortly after the last breaking news report

HAHA! I love it!

[Voldemort 0]

So I was staying at strat's all weekend and I went to check my mail just now and had 2 pink slips with a tick in the 'flowers' box. I went to collect and the guy could only find one bunch of flowers for me. He said that the other ones probably died and they must have thrown them away. I asked if they had at least kept the card so I could know who they were from and he said he couldn't find anything but he would leave a note for the other desk people. The flowers I got are from my mum's boyfriend by the way, he always sends us all flowers on Valentines day and it is very sweet of him. I want to know who sent the others though! I have never received flowers from anyone except my mum's bf so I have no idea who would have sent me some. I can't believe they would just throw them away without me seeing them.

YOU'RE WELCOME!

[Theraflu 1,035]

I was over my friends house last night, playing some pong, drinking some beers and scotch, but had to work today so I left at like 8:30. The party, however, continued without me for quite some time it would seem:(3:44:26 AM): jimmy is sittin on the can throwing up his mind(3:44:31 AM): it does not smell good(4:19:04 AM): fan****ingtastic(4:19:13 AM): now he's shitting and throwing up on himself in teh shower(4:19:28 AM): but not before he used an entire roll of toilet paper and clogged the toilet(4:19:47 AM): and certainly not before over-flowing said toilet all over my floor(4:20:07 AM): I can't even get it unclogged now. I'm going to have to call a plumber(4:20:28 AM): there is shit ALL OVER my bathroom(4:20:33 AM): I don't even know how he did it(6:52:06 AM): I r not happy(9:37:32 AM): $169 for the plumber(9:37:43 AM): his boxers were down there for some reason

[mk 11]

MONDAY FUNDAYIT'S A CELEBRATION PINCHE VATOS

[mk 11]

grats to zim on vag score. was it a train wreck or did you feel like you had some control/enjoyment?grats to silky on mulligangrats to strat on comment about zim's barry white voice, i lold bc of truth

[dms26 3]

Say you had $90 in CA and 60 in CL. CR = 1.5 Say you use $10 to pay off a bill, now you have $80 in CA and $50 in CL. CR = 1.6 imo. Although this doesn't work if you have more CL than CA, but if that's the case, you have more to worry about than your current ratio AMIRITE?Answer A.

This was my answer too, for the same reason.

[strategy's_touch 0]

This was my answer too, for the same reason.

yep. as it turns out, some dbag was telling the answer to anyone who would listen before class, so maybe I didn't need to bother you guys.

[Piddle Duck 0]

Sal, you mentioned last week I believe about a workout you do at home? Can you tell me what you do. With my schedule these days I can't get to the gym but maybe once or twice if lucky but I wanted to do something at home everyday.

[Sal Paradise 57]

Sal, you mentioned last week I believe about a workout you do at home? Can you tell me what you do. With my schedule these days I can't get to the gym but maybe once or twice if lucky but I wanted to do something at home everyday.

well, I do a morning and evening workout every day. I can detail it, but what kind of equipment do you have? I might be able to work up a workout plan for you. it would make me feel less completely useless.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

To speedz, hobbes, and anyone else who thinks the simpsons are dead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZGz1Ajg7QU#?

[silkyjonson 1]

<-- From Essex county.Baldwin Wii skit was the only one I caught and it was good.

[Piddle Duck 0]

well, I do a morning and evening workout every day. I can detail it, but what kind of equipment do you have? I might be able to work up a workout plan for you. it would make me feel less completely useless.

I don't have much, I have some dumbbells, 8, 10, and 15 lbs. I have a 10 lb medicine ball, a house, some shoes, a bed, and a cat.

<-- From Essex county.Baldwin Wii skit was the only one I caught and it was good.

Just saw the thread in GenPo. Congrats man, nice run, sorry it wasn't first so I don't mean to be raining on your LFT parade.

[Sal Paradise 57]

I don't have much, I have some dumbbells, 8, 10, and 15 lbs. I have a 10 lb medicine ball, a house, some shoes, a bed, and a cat.

ok, this'll work. first, take your shoes off, take the laces out, and use them to tie all of the dumbells around your waist. next, kick the cat as hard as you can, and at the very same time call your wife a "disgusting whore". now, try to catch the cat and avoid your wife at the same time, all the while trying to make you way back to your bed as many times as possible. you'll lose weight in no time.

[Sal Paradise 57]

or you could try the alternative workout thing I've started doing recently.

[Piddle Duck 0]

ok, this'll work. first, take your shoes off, take the laces out, and use them to tie all of the dumbells around your waist. next, kick the cat as hard as you can, and at the very same time call your wife a "disgusting whore". now, try to catch the cat and avoid your wife at the same time, all the while trying to make you way back to your bed as many times as possible. you'll lose weight in no time.

What do I do with the medicine ball?

or you could try the alternative workout thing I've started doing recently.

Your use of the word fail in there, does that mean you do as many as you can till you can't and that determined the time you use?

[Sal Paradise 57]

What do I do with the medicine ball?

oh sorry, left that part out. you throw that at your wife to slow her progress, then try to recover it before you make it back to the bed.

Your use of the word fail in there, does that mean you do as many as you can till you can't and that determined the time you use?

yep.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,957]

fascinating

[LadyGrey 6]

I don't have much, I have some dumbbells, 8, 10, and 15 lbs. I have a 10 lb medicine ball, a house, some shoes, a bed, and a cat.