I Called In Sick Today

[ajs510 122]

I don't know what you're talking about, Rumplemintz is amazing. I used to have a pretty good pickup line that used Rumplemintz as a prop.

I really liked it up until that night, but if you drink a bottle of anything in the span of a couple hours you're going to lose your taste for it. Like I said, for years afterward I couldn't even smell the stuff without wanting to retch.

[Sal Paradise 57]

Sal, I wasn't impressed by your picture. Suck it.

oh yeah? well cindy and rhiney liked it and they are WAAAAYYY cooler than you buddy.

So everyone please drink one for Jack the Beagle tonight.

huh? a beagle was that aggressive? I don't think I've ever heard of an aggressive beagle.

Question: should I be needing condoms? I mean, she has a kid and all, so I can probably just assume they're unnecessary, right?

rookie mistake. you're MORE in need of a condom with girls with kids. they're obviously more fertile and therefore more susceptible to highly motivated sperm.

[renaedawn 1]

The gift I'm getting is approximately 65% silly and 35% sort of real. I'm basing these percentages on the idea that the gift might get some real life usage except in the presence of real life people.

So whoever you are and I are getting our Secret Santa partner the same gift. Great.

[leftygolfer 7]

And sex is overrated.

No swimsuits were photoshopped...honest injun:just Sals's head

[IQCrash 1]

There's someone in this world who thought that was a sexy look for a woman?

[leftygolfer 7]

There's someone in this world who thought that was a sexy look for a woman?

This better?:

[Sal Paradise 57]

There's someone in this world who thought that was a sexy look for a woman?

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1226569631/Freaky_Chick

[leftygolfer 7]

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1226569631/Freaky_Chick

Mrs. Speedz99?

[IQCrash 1]

This better?

Surprisingly, no.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1226569631/Freaky_Chick

Listen, you. Listen good. Don't kill the messenger because there are fetishes surfacing in you you never knew existed.You listening?Embrace it. Embrace the kink like a cock.

[Randy Reed 0]

I didnt....In other breaking news, the newspaper folks have refired the feud from a few months ago by throwing "free" papers at my driveway again. This afternoon the gate hung up on the pile forming and wouldnt open all the way, forcing me to stagger from the vehicle and kick them out of the wayI left another gentle reminder on their answering machine to please come by and remove the litter by noon tomorrow...Of course Im secretly hoping for them to ignore the final warning so Ill have something to pass the time this holiday season

Yeah, I didn't either of course.Long neighbor story....On my neighbor front there were a few mild skirmishes that I forgot to report though nothing big. I just continued to keep my yard clear of leaves while his piled up a few feet. Most of my neighbors are retired and apparently have nothing better to do than use a fine tooth comb to manicure the damn lawns so I always feel guilty. I have just managed to keep it decent in comparison. Now the neighbor has a really nice house but i'm told that the previous owner kept it in impeccable condition.Anyway he finally made an attempt to clean it up somewhat and dumped all his leaves in the street to be picked up. ( A service the city provides) Only problem is he missed that window and he now has a 5 foot pile of leaves on the street blowing in every direction that will likely be there thoughout the winter.He put them at the nearest end of the street by my house and they were blowing all over my yard so I went out and blew them back in his, naturally. :smirk:Again he came running out like an idiot and we were arguing when 2 of my neighbors across the street came out to interupt and defend me. I didn't even know their names but Deb does. The guy stormed back into his house and I left for work this morning.After he went in the neighbors started telling me a bunch of stuff about the guy I didn't know. Apparently he isn't married to the wench living there and she has a couple teenagers that are pretty wild. They said that over the last 6 months the police have been called there dozens of times for arguements, etc.(I've heard a few of the arguments with them screaming but no police) The neighbors are thinking there are drugs involved and who knows what. They hate the guy. So Deb just called me and after I left for work 3 police cruisers came to his house. He must have went back in and got into a big argument with the wife or something. When it was all said and done they were searching the house and his cars. They towed one of them off and arrested him, his wife and daughter leading them away in handcuffs. Deb is freaking out and I'm dying to know what the hell is going on. Drug dealer? Bank Robber? Just domestic violence?Did they find the stuff I planted? hahahaha

[ajs510 122]

Did they find the stuff I planted? hahahaha

My nigga.

[Bizzle 0]

A report from the meet you guys don't care about: swam well the first morning, didn't wear the LZR but still made the cut for the meet in March.

[Tactical Bear 3]

A report from the meet you guys don't care about: swam well the first morning, didn't wear the LZR but still made the cut for the meet in March.

Wait until I blow this away with a report from the SEX nobody cares about. I'm considering setting up a kind of score-sheet for her. 5 categories, rate my performance 1-10. Category ideas?

[Buckwheat 0]

My nigga.

racist

[CindyLou 11]

I'm considering setting up a kind of score-sheet for her. 5 categories, rate my performance 1-10. Category ideas?

Are you going to have multiple questions in each category?So categories could be setting the mood, foreplay, intercourse, post-coital, and the next morning, and then you would have specific questions for each category?

[Tactical Bear 3]

Are you going to have multiple questions in each category?So categories could be setting the mood, foreplay, intercourse, post-coital, and the next morning, and then you would have specific questions for each category?

I was thinking more along the lines of 5 categories, 5 answers total. Something like:ForeplayIntercourse (stamina)Intercourse (technique)Intercourse (general ability to please)Post coitalIf necessary, I could bump that up to 7 or 8 categories. Let's be honest, though: I don't think it'll make me feel any better if I score really well in mood, cuddling, morning-after cuddling, and cleanliness if I get hammered on the big ones.

[Napa_Don 688]

I am so glad Maggie wore a radiohead tshirt to the bar that night and Wang decided to ask her out instead of the blonde chick.

[Randy Reed 0]

A report from the meet you guys don't care about: swam well the first morning, didn't wear the LZR but still made the cut for the meet in March.

Everything's coming up Bizzle!

Are you going to have multiple questions in each category?So categories could be setting the mood, foreplay, intercourse, post-coital, and the next morning, and then you would have specific questions for each category?

This looks pretty good. Then again a story involving the above would be awesome as well.

[Piddle Duck 0]

WANGALICIOUS POST COITAL SURVEY OF 2008Please rate each subject on a 1-11 scale 1 being piss poor and 11 being...11.Section 1: The Wang Himself___ The cleanliness of his clothes___ The Hair___ The Shoes___ His facial hair___ The body odorPlease answer "Y" for Yes and "N" for No.___ Did he have a hard on at the start of the date?___ Was he looking at you before sex began like a piece of meat?___ Was he looking at you before sex began like a piece of pie?___ Was he slick?___ Was he clumsy?___ Did his penis smell like cashews?Section 2: The ForeplayPlease rate on the same 1-11 scale as in Section 1.___ Kisses___ His tongue___ His hands___ His expertise in cunnilingus___ His thumb___ His breath___ His expertise in rimmingPlease answer the following with a "Y" for yes and a "N" for No.___ Did he make the first move?___ If the above was answered "Y"... Was it slick?___ If the above was answered "N" .... Did it turn you on at all?___ Would you allow him to go down on you again in the future?___ More tongue?___ Less tongue?___ Any similarity to ML's foreplay?___ Was it still to big for oral?___ Did he submit an essay prior to the first kiss?Section 3: The SexingPlease rate on the 1-11 scale.___ The penis___ The eye contact (if there was face to face sexing)___ The rhythm___ The stamina___ Clitoral stimulation___ CHEST___ His "noises"Please answer "Y" for Yes and "N" for No.___ Was it good?___ Would you do it again?___ Did his penis make it to your cervix?___ Did his large penis make you feel full?___ Was there any anal play?___ If "Y" to the above, ATM?Section 4: Post-CoitalPlease answer "Y" for Yes and "N" for No.___ Did he hold you after? ____ please specify for how long?___ Did he make jokes after?___ If you answered Yes to the above, were they funny?___ Did he let you shower first?__________ If you answered NO to the above, please specify if he went or you went together___ Will you allow him to penetrate you in the future?___ Was there any bleeding?

[El Guapo 8]

While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the average human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with a 95% confidence interval of (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) (or, equivalently, 4.23 in, 7.53 in).[9][10][11] The typical girth or circumference is approximately 12.3 cm (4.85 in) when fully erect. The average penis size is slightly larger than the median size (or, put another way, most penises are below average in size).

So here is your point of reference, oh shimmering one.Also something to take into consideration, when comparing flaccid penis size.There are growers and showers.Growers could be 2-3 inches while flaccid, but 5-6 while erect, where as a show-er is 5-6 inches flaccid, they are the same size erect. I remember seeing somewhere that ~70% of me were growers.

[dms26 3]

BTW, the answer to the question earlier, .....the Snuggie, was obv speedz!Can't you just see him in one, using a laptop and sipping his Warm Cider and Capt. Morgan since the Sunggie has sleeves!

My guess was Sal since he has no heat and a hole in his roof. He might be protected from the black widows too.

[speedz99 145]

huh? a beagle was that aggressive? I don't think I've ever heard of an aggressive beagle.

Beagles can definitely get bitey...kind of like cocker spaniels and chihuahuas. But for one to be that aggressive is rare.Then again, it's rare for any dog (other than one specifically trained that way) to be that aggressive. It can really come from any breed if the owner is bad enough.

Nice.

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1226569631/Freaky_Chick

Those fangs turn me on.

I don't think it'll make me feel any better if I score really well in mood, cuddling, morning-after cuddling, and cleanliness if I get hammered on the big ones.

Or if she doesn't. HIYOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

WANGALICIOUS POST COITAL SURVEY OF 2008

That was quite an effort you put in there. Slow day at work?

[Poppy_Hillis 11]

Grower here.

[speedz99 145]

Okay troops, just got an email from son about his girlfriend whom I wrote about a while back.Man, I don't know how I feel about it, but Stacy has made her mind up. She is giving her kidney to someone she works with. She has been doing testing and everything for about 4 months and they called her today to tell her she is cleared for surgery. She barely knows the guy. He is some guy at work and he has to get dialysis almost everyday. He has been on the waiting list for some time. Thoughts?

How did we miss the opportunity to make this joke? Watch it through to the end if you don't know what I'm talking about.

[El Guapo 8]

OK I need some advice. I will try to make this as short as possible.One of my best friends is a very extreme person. Hot or cold, there is no middle ground. He is currently on his second marriage and just had his first kid and he is 37 I think. I am convinced he is severely depressed, as are some of his family and other friends, and I need to talk to him, but I am not sure how do to the nature of his personality. I can talk to him about anything, but its figuring out and approach that he just won't dismiss.I used to work with him at our family business, which he has since run into the ground since his divorce. His wife worked their with us and they spent 24/7 with each other until they started having problems (the problems were because the lived, worked and partied together). When she finally demanded space she cheated on him, with his Dad's friend, who was 27 years older than her, in the office, repeatedly. Fast forward through a long and painful divorce, he is now re-married to one of my wifes friends and they spend 24/7 together. Currently neither are working, although he still technically runs the business, he never goes to the office, and barely gets a paycheck. He owns 4 house, 3 are in foreclosure and he is filing BK. His only income is from renting his houses out and collecting the rent check while not paying the mortgage. He is an able bodied person that really could do anything he wanted to, he just has zero motivation (imo due to the depression). He is falling into the same traps with his current wife, as they smother each other. But to make it worse, there is now a kid and they don't work. With his experience and knowledge in his industry, he could get a job pretty much anywhere in that field. He just always has some half baked idea on how things should be, and most of them include schemes to make money with out actually working.So my dilemma is how do I approach him? He is very loud, obnoxious, egotistical and will dismiss you and talk over everything you say to him to get his point across. He also always right. What is hard is, he is very intelligent, so he is correct about a lot of things. He is the type of guy who could build or fix anything (in fact I have compared him to Beans before from a fix it/being handy standpoint). Everything he gets "in to" is the greatest thing in the world, until he becomes bored with it and moves on. I talked to a mutual friend today and we talked about taking him out for a beer and confronting him, but I am not positive if that is the best thing to do here.I know this is limited info, but what do you guys think? Ask questions that you think may be pertinent to an answer, I don't want to type 7 pages of text here.(Oh and he had said that he wished someone had pointed out to him the problems in his last marriage that he did not see)