I Called In Sick Today

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

Copy the PM here so we can all have a good laugh.

nah, even I wouldn't be that bad a person. Although, in PM's, he doesn't spell a word wrong or use any incorrect punctuation. Weird.

Link to thread?That's one person who has the wierdest thoughts on music I've ever seen. MJK sucks at lyrics, but Biggie is amazing? Wierd IMO.

It's DirtyDutch's book thread.And yeah, but I think his thing is to tear something down that people like. Its cool to bash whats popular. MDG style, only more snobbishly, and with presumably more vag, although that ain't saying much. And probably not much more. Unless he's a looker.

Ha, about a month ago Debbi and I went to an Olive Garden and it was packed. After about 3 beers at the bar we got seated. The waitress was absolutely horrible, dropping food, getting the order wrong etc.. Debbi was in total fear of me going into a rage, but I held my temper, threw the $20 at her as I was leaving and loudly told her she f.cked up and that the $20 was for the worst service blah blah blah....Last Friday we went back. I know, I know, but I like Olive Garden. This time we got a waiter and I asked him kindly if I could explain how I would like the evening to go. I told him to first get 2 beers, I gave him our entire order, appetizers, salads, entree, etc. I also told him that I knew he was very busy but that, any time he thought that I might need a beer just to get it. He actually thanked me up front and we had the greatest service ever. Debbi was laughing because everytime he walked by he was glancing at my beer. I never had to order another, they just appeared. We were talking to him before we left, pretty funny guy and I thanked him with a very large tip. He said, "Dude, I was sooo happy I ended up getting you guys. You're like my hero. That Missy b.itch from a few weeks ago was horrible and we all thought she was on crack. They ended up firing her a few days later. We laughed around here all week at you throwing the twenty at her. "

If this is fiction, good story, I laughed. If this is true, good story, I laughed, but you're disturbed.

Tell him to shut up or you won't bind and gag him.It'll work. Trust me.

Thats one guy I won't be gay with.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I have that feeling every night.We should get trashed together and work on our scary faces for the boys.

Why mess with perfection?although, for Lori, I just thought of a joke for you but dont' have time to wait around and work it in.So here goes.Well, it looks as if you just nose fucked a powdered donut.Thank you and goodnight

[joball33 0]

The Biggie is amazing he really believes.The MJK bashing is usually to get me to scream at him. I don't think he truly believes it to the depths he claims he does.

I see.

How the hell did I forget it was Joe? Could it have been any easier?I dont care. Im calling you George, and I'll be your Weezie.Shit can the trailor, we're moving to a de-luxe apartment in the skyyyyyyyyyyy.

Awesome. Give me a few more years and I'll be bald just like George was (is).

[Ouch-8s 4]

Thats one guy I won't be gay with.

Thankfully for the rest of us, Ron never learned to count to two.....

[LadyGrey 6]

Why mess with perfection?although, for Lori, I just thought of a joke for you but dont' have time to wait around and work it in.So here goes.Well, it looks as if you just nose fucked a powdered donut.Thank you and goodnight

I remember when my friend told me she tried nose-fucking with her boyfriend. She also told me she knew someone whose boyfriend tried fucking her with his foot. Weird stuff.

[joball33 0]

So, I see John Grisham just released a new legal thriller. Anyone get their eyes on that baby yet?

Gold.

[Lolli 0]

Why mess with perfection?although, for Lori, I just thought of a joke for you but dont' have time to wait around and work it in.So here goes.Well, it looks as if you just nose fucked a powdered donut.Thank you and goodnight

Dont quit your day job, Mr. Mexico.

Thankfully for the rest of us, Ron never learned to count to two.....

I genuinely laughed out loud at this.

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

I remember when my friend told me she tried nose-fucking with her boyfriend.

Stop hanging out with the jews

[Lolli 0]

I remember when my friend told me she tried nose-fucking with her boyfriend. She also told me she knew someone whose boyfriend tried fucking her with his foot. Weird stuff.

That is truly strange.And I thought my friends were weird.

[silkyjonson 1]

I remember when my friend told me she tried nose-fucking with her boyfriend. She also told me she knew someone whose boyfriend tried fucking her with his foot. Weird stuff.

nose ****ing? Is that what the eskimos do after foreplay?

[renaedawn 1]

I have that feeling every night.We should get trashed together and work on our scary faces for the boys.

Sweet. I'm in!

[Ron_Mexico 4,219]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...=simmons/070323Simmons Mailbag for my forgetfull and lazy friends

[Lolli 0]

Sweet. I'm in!

Pick a time darlin, I'll be there with bells on.

[speedz99 145]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...=simmons/070323Simmons Mailbag for my forgetfull and lazy friends

Thank you, kind sir.

[Theraflu 1,035]

Off to see the Celtics-Mavericks tonight. The Celts are at least 0-6 (maybe 0-7) when I attend games, and watching them play the best team in the league shouldn't turn out any differently. Although they kept it close last week in Dallas, I fully expect them to lose by 23 tonight.LG, I laughed at the nose- and foot-fucking. And most of the follow-up posts.

[silkyjonson 1]

Off to see the Celtics-Mavericks tonight. The Celts are at least 0-6 (maybe 0-7) when I attend games, and watching them play the best team in the league shouldn't turn out any differently. Although they kept it close last week in Dallas, I fully expect them to lose by 23 tonight.LG, I laughed at the nose- and foot-fucking. And most of the follow-up posts.

Make sure to crack Hasselhoff jokes

[Bizzle 0]

man he's really gonna love that i signed up for an account. i can't wait for him to see this tomorrow.Strat hates most people, including girls. WoW only separates him further from society.

Please leave.

So, the white guy says,"Can I get a Coke then?"

Leave it to Renae to tell a joke from a guy who looks like Ron Jeremy.

[ShakeZuma 585]

so whats everybody doing tonight?!?! I'll be in bed by 9:30 to be up by 4:30 to be at work by 6 tomorrow, but I ain't complaining, cause they let me wear a polo shirt and relaxed chinos. Drink one for me guys!what if I started talking like that all the time from now on? I think I may try.Yay!!

[Whiskey16 1]

Stop hanging out with the jews

So this is why you ditched me the last time I was in Florida.

[speedz99 145]

I'll be in bed by 9:30 to be up by 4:30 to be at work by 6 tomorrow, but I ain't complaining, cause they let me wear a polo shirt and relaxed chinos.

Tell Zim to enter a tourney. As soon as he gets knocked out by a bad beat, the two of you can bitch to each other over IM for a few hours.

[joball33 0]

I hate not being able to play online. Stupid WA laws.

[gobears 0]

Subfusc.

Thanks but too late for me to win the prize. At least I learned a new word today.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story...=simmons/070323Simmons Mailbag for my forgetfull and lazy friends

Good read - but he's been harping on the Pac-10 all year. He grudgingly gave them some credit for getting three teams into the sweet sixteen but said that it really doesn't matter until the elite eight. If USC and Oregon take care of business tonight, I'll wait for his but Oregon beat a weak UNLV team...it doesn't really count until the final four.

Off to see the Celtics-Mavericks tonight. The Celts are at least 0-6 (maybe 0-7) when I attend games, and watching them play the best team in the league shouldn't turn out any differently. Although they kept it close last week in Dallas, I fully expect them to lose by 23 tonight.

Celtics are obviously gunning for Oden or Durant. I liked Simmons' jab at the five they put out at the end of the game (took out all the starters)

[Lolli 0]

Some childrens mother's. Seriously.My kids were at a friends house playing and I told them to be home by 5:30. So, 5:15 rolls around and they come in the door, soaking wet. Like, so wet, I had to have them undress in the bathroom, and I had to wring out their clothes. I get the story from my kids, and they tell me that Ashlyn, the sister, was dumping water on them as they were going down the slide. They told her to stop, but she kept doing it, so they came home. They were so cold, they were shivering.Now, this wouldnt be a big deal if it were 80 and sunny out, but its 60 degrees outside, and this upsets me. Normally, Im not the type of mom to make a scene about something but to me this was very out of line for Ashlyns mom to allow this. Also, the mom, Jenny, has found it necessary to call me every time she feels that my kids are some way out of line. So, I decide to call her and let her know Im very unpleased with the situation.I get her on the phone and tell her that Im quite upset about my kids coming home soaked, (I should add, her kids remained completely dry during all of this) to which she responds, "Well, its my understanding that they have voices, and if they didnt like it, they should have said something!" I then told her I didnt like her "tone" and that they did tell Ashlyn to stop, and when she wouldnt, they came home to tell me.She responds with "Well, I didnt see it, so Im not going to discipline my daughter for something I didnt see" At this point, I can see Im getting no where, so I end the conversation by hanging up. No point in having a conversation with someone as dense as she is.A few minutes later, Im doing the dishes, and I can see out my window that she is huffing and puffing her way to my house. Bring it on, bitch!I answer the door, and she right away starts shouting down my throat how she doesnt appresiate, this and that , and everything she could possibly grasp at. The best was "I dont appreciate your son using the word nuts. In my home, we refer to them as TESTICLES!"I had to hold back my laughter at that one.So, we're both going back and forth, screaming at eachother in my front yard, and really getting nowhere except for putting on a drama show for the neighbors. So, I finally just say, "Look, our kids just wont play together anymore." She looks at me, puts both thumbs up, (yes, she really did this) and says, "PERFECT!" and begins to walk away. As she is walking away, she stops, looks back at me over her shoulder, and says, "Kiss it!" as she slaps her ass. To which I respond, "Its not very fucking hard to miss."She then comes back up towards me, and starts SCREAMING, how she doesnt appreciate my foul language. "FUCK OFF BITCH!" was my next response.Now, at this point, she starts cursing at me (gotta love a hippocrite) that she's "going to call the fucking cops on me for my "abusive" language." (I should note, my kids were in the bath during all of this and did not hear or see any of this.)I looked at her, and screamed back, "Go ahead you stupid fucking CUNT!" and she just stood there like a deer in headlights. A few more pleasantries were exchanged, and I told her to get the hell out of my yard. As she was leaving, she tripped over my downspout and fell down on her knee. I dont think Ive ever laughed so hard in my entire life! That was absolutely priceless! I'm sure there will be a lawsuit filed soon./rant

[jeff_536 3]

Some childrens mother's. Seriously.My kids were at a friends house playing and I told them to be home by 5:30. So, 5:15 rolls around and they come in the door, soaking wet. Like, so wet, I had to have them undress in the bathroom, and I had to wring out their clothes. I get the story from my kids, and they tell me that Ashlyn, the sister, was dumping water on them as they were going down the slide. They told her to stop, but she kept doing it, so they came home. They were so cold, they were shivering.Now, this wouldnt be a big deal if it were 80 and sunny out, but its 60 degrees outside, and this upsets me. Normally, Im not the type of mom to make a scene about something but to me this was very out of line for Ashlyns mom to allow this. Also, the mom, Jenny, has found it necessary to call me every time she feels that my kids are some way out of line. So, I decide to call her and let her know Im very unpleased with the situation.I get her on the phone and tell her that Im quite upset about my kids coming home soaked, (I should add, her kids remained completely dry during all of this) to which she responds, "Well, its my understanding that they have voices, and if they didnt like it, they should have said something!" I then told her I didnt like her "tone" and that they did tell Ashlyn to stop, and when she wouldnt, they came home to tell me.She responds with "Well, I didnt see it, so Im not going to discipline my daughter for something I didnt see" At this point, I can see Im getting no where, so I end the conversation by hanging up. No point in having a conversation with someone as dense as she is.A few minutes later, Im doing the dishes, and I can see out my window that she is huffing and puffing her way to my house. Bring it on, bitch!I answer the door, and she right away starts shouting down my throat how she doesnt appresiate, this and that , and everything she could possibly grasp at. The best was "I dont appreciate your son using the word nuts. In my home, we refer to them as TESTICLES!"I had to hold back my laughter at that one.So, we're both going back and forth, screaming at eachother in my front yard, and really getting nowhere except for putting on a drama show for the neighbors. So, I finally just say, "Look, our kids just wont play together anymore." She looks at me, puts both thumbs up, (yes, she really did this) and says, "PERFECT!" and begins to walk away. As she is walking away, she stops, looks back at me over her shoulder, and says, "Kiss it!" as she slaps her ass. To which I respond, "Its not very fucking hard to miss."She then comes back up towards me, and starts SCREAMING, how she doesnt appreciate my foul language. "FUCK OFF BITCH!" was my next response.Now, at this point, she starts cursing at me (gotta love a hippocrite) that she's "going to call the fucking cops on me for my "abusive" language." (I should note, my kids were in the bath during all of this and did not hear or see any of this.)I looked at her, and screamed back, "Go ahead you stupid fucking CUNT!" and she just stood there like a deer in headlights. A few more pleasantries were exchanged, and I told her to get the hell out of my yard. As she was leaving, she tripped over my downspout and fell down on her knee. I dont think Ive ever laughed so hard in my entire life! That was absolutely priceless! I'm sure there will be a lawsuit filed soon./rant

this story got me harder than a priest giving first communion. I love a fiesty chick.

[IQCrash 1]

My kids were at a friends trailer playing...

FYP