Jump to content

I Called In Sick Today


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 268k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Ron_Mexico

    19414

  • speedz99

    16304

  • Napa Lite

    7767

  • ShakeZuma

    7517

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

Posted Images

To this day we still quote his mom: "Shane, are you smoking the pot?"Goodtimes.
Quick story along those lines from my friend Vishnu (obviously Indian).One of his best friends in high school, who is also Indian, smoked a ton of pot. He kept it all in a glass jar in his underwear jar. His name was Arrun (you roll the "rr").One day he came home from school and went straight to his room. He looked for his weed...and it was gone. All of a sudden his mother appears at the door. She had a HEAVY Indian accent, so you need to read her quote with the best accent you can muster (it's just funnier that way).Anyways, he realizes he's in deep shit. His mother yells that they need to talk and he braces himself for the worst..."ARRUN! Why do you have crumpled up money in a jar?"After about 5 seconds of shocked silence he comes up with an ingenius response..."Uh, sorry?""Ok then. You need to put it in the bank!"And she hands him the jar.
Link to post
Share on other sites
He kept it all in a glass jar in his underwear jar.
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KEEPS JARS INSIDE OF OTHER JARS, ONE OF WHICH HOLDING MY UNDERGARMENTS!DAMN YOU ARRUN!!!!!!!!
Link to post
Share on other sites
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KEEPS JARS INSIDE OF OTHER JARS, ONE OF WHICH HOLDING MY UNDERGARMENTS!DAMN YOU ARRUN!!!!!!!!
You might be the best looking person I've seen all day.
Link to post
Share on other sites
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KEEPS JARS INSIDE OF OTHER JARS, ONE OF WHICH HOLDING MY UNDERGARMENTS!DAMN YOU ARRUN!!!!!!!!
Damnit.Way to ruin my funny story with a funnier response.Dick.
Link to post
Share on other sites
haha - i actually just saw you typing for awhile, so i thought i'd be a clever calvin and say you were going to post before it happened, thereby looking like i could predict the future.
Hoisted by your own petard!
Link to post
Share on other sites
Dammit C-Dub, I noticed that as I read it, then scrolled down to see you have the same type of lightning-quick wit that I do.
that plus lightning quick posting abilities, and lightning quick sexual stamina
Link to post
Share on other sites
Uh oh, time for the sex talk. Wait you're 21 and she still hadn't had the sex talk? Uh mine either.
my sex talk consisted of going to second cup with my dad one day when i was about 14:*waitress takes our order, then turns around and leans over to clean table*dad: hey dan, do you think that waitress is pretty? (even though we can only see her butt)dan: umm, i guess (she was)dad: goodthen again, this was after i'd found his stash of very internet porn. and he has VERY unusual tastes.more problematically also, i was never taught to shave. i dunno, but in a lot of ways, learning about sex by yourself is a lot less problematic than learning how to shave by yourself.
The Dodgers are playing the Twins in a three-game series starting today. Lolli and I have an avatar/title/signature bet based on who wins the series (she wins if the Twins win, I win if the Dodgers win obviously). Who will you be rooting for?
Go Twins. I have a lot of confidence that a Twins win will result in either a very sexy picture or much hilarity.
Link to post
Share on other sites
*waitress takes our order, then turns around and leans over to clean table*dad: hey dan, do you think that waitress is pretty? (even though we can only see her butt)dan: umm, i guess (she was)dad: goodGo Twins. I have a lot of confidence that a Twins win will result in either a very sexy picture or much hilarity.
You have a good-looking dad.Much hilarity maybe, but I am instantly convinced a Twins win will not result in a very sexy picture.
Link to post
Share on other sites

so apparently, according to neteller, i'm attempting to steal my own identity. this convorsation happened a few minutes ago, after i set up an account, and recieved an email which said "there was a problem with your account, please call customer support""Hi, i got an email saying there was a problem with my account?""May i have your [various account info]""[account info response]""We were unable to verify your social security number, so your account has been closed.""What? I'm sorry I dont understand.. What is the number you have on my account?""[reads back my SSN]""Well, I dont know what to tell you, that's my number.""I'm sorry sir, but we're unable to verify it.""So you're telling me that the number is wrong basically.""Yes. It isn't verifying that it matches up with your name.""So I'm attempting to steal my own identity?""Sir this is just a safety measure.""So what exactly do i need to do to prove that it's my number?""You're going to have to send us a picture of your license or SS card. It can be in email.""I don't get what my license would prove, but ok.""After you send it, we will respond within 24 hours. Can I help you wi...":hangs up:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Go Dodgers!!!Eleven!!BBQ!!one!
Pitching match ups.Game 1:Dodgers - Chad Billingsley - 3.48 ERATwins - Carlos Silva - 6.78 ERAGame 2: Dodgers - Derek Lowe - 2.90 ERATwins - Francisco Liriano - 2.17 ERAGame 3:Dodgers - Brett Tomko - 5.12 ERATwins - Johan Santana - 2.75 ERAGame 1 looks good, games 2 and 3 do not.
Link to post
Share on other sites
You have a good-looking dad.Much hilarity maybe, but I am instantly convinced a Twins win will not result in a very sexy picture.
great stuff CW - laughing my noodle off.my dad's "favourite" adult star (judging by the number of pictures) is a woman named Minka. look her up. and remember that she represents the least weird of my dad's 3 main fantasy groups.i would think NSFW goes unsaid...but apparently not
Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, I guess I'm spending the night in tonight, so I'm playing a $75 MTT and $100 Sng on FT.
i'd love to say i'm going to spend the night in a similar, but less expensive fashion..however, i'm a self-identity thief. thus, i dont get a neteller account
Link to post
Share on other sites
i'd love to say i'm going to spend the night in a similar, but less expensive fashion..however, i'm a self-identity thief. thus, i dont get a neteller account
Serves you right for trying to be yourself. Didn't your parents teach you to copy other people like everyone else?
Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, I guess I'm spending the night in tonight, so I'm playing a $75 MTT and $100 Sng on FT.
it bodes well for you. i actually hit some cards today, so it can happen to anyone. then again, my donkey buddy won an SNG, so it might be Donkey Night.
Link to post
Share on other sites
"ARRUN! Why do you have crumpled up money in a jar?"After about 5 seconds of shocked silence he comes up with an ingenius response..."Uh, sorry?""Ok then. You need to put it in the bank!"
wow, I'm not sure what else to say.I was driving around a few friends from out of town one night in high school and we smoked up a little in my mom's car, not smart. She really was only mad that we were driving as we were doing it though, I have very cool parents.
my dad's "favourite" adult star (judging by the number of pictures) is a woman named Minka. look her up. and remember that she represents the least weird of my dad's 3 main fantasy groups.
those aren't small
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sloooow night tonight. At least there's a little company in here.Watching Treasure Hunters right now, hilarious exchange between 2 hicks.Hick A: I'm a college graduate, I've traveled all over the world.Hick B: Dude, Ben, you went to Europe for a week. And you spent that there week in Amsterdam getting wasted.5 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)4 Members: zimmer4141, turd ferguson, nell789, apple11YOU CAME BACK!!!! I KNEW YOU WOULD!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd stick it in that girl. I'd slap you in the face.sng update, not that anyone cares.shorthanded, I wonfull table- I played not well, or just lost, whateverfull table- finished third, coulda caught a friggin hand, but I didnt, grinded out 3rd. I'm ok with that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Holy hell, if you could see the string of beats I have been taking, you would cry. Riverd yet again on a huge pot.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements


×
×
  • Create New...